Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Snowed

Dreama arrived with her kitty on Tuesday. The kitty stayed, but Dreama traveled on to pick up her daughter and make a break for a border or two.

And it's freakishly cold here. I put all the blame on you-know-who, freshly arrived from the Arctic!! She can deny it all she wants, but it's been a nasty "start" to winter. She arrives in Vancouver to the heaviest snowfall in the past decade. She arrives in Victoria, where snow in December usually amounts to 6 inches, but this year (so far) is over 2 and a half feet! Seattle? Snowed in. She's heading to Las Vegas... they got snow too! This woman's gonna make history by the time she reaches Mexico!

We're getting more snow before Christmas. The forecast is for close to 6 inches by Christmas Eve. This will be our first "White Christmas" in 10 years.

and it's all Dreama's fault. ;)

Monday, December 01, 2008

Packing

We're moving in the spring and my in-laws have volunteered themselves to pack up our house.

Sadly, they seem to think having us pack up to move into our new home (under construction....soon... and should be ready in April) before Christmas.

Our dining room is boxed up and stored in the back of our garage. Most of my office went there too, but I defended my computer while armed with a hockey stick.

Then they tackled the kitchen. Apparently, we don't need to eat anywhere.

My brother-in-law has been helping us "de-clutter" for staging the house for the real estate market. We thought de-cluttering meant getting rid of some stuff.

Not everything.

It's gonna be a bare Christmas with everything packed away.

Noobs

Work's been a big distraction of late. Hell, work's been a big distraction since early 2007. The little promotion-with-no-pay has eaten up time, that's for sure.

I forgot to mention that the team I'm on grew from the original 5 guys to 11 in total. Sadly, each addition has, in my opinion brought the quality of the team down just a little bit more.

The first "noob" to join the team has proven himself quite lazy and doesn't like working through things. When I ask him questions, I usually get stared at, so when it's a yes or no question, I go with the safe "no" from his stare. Not only lazy, but fat as sin! I know I'm not a bodybuilder/hunk-of-a-man, but when we'd run up to the top floor of the building to grab breakfast (5th floor to the 8th floor), we could run. He meets us there once the elevator arrives. That, and his desk chair's taken such a beating, it now moos whenever he leans back in it. The poor thing. It needs to be put out of its misery.

The second "noob" is someone I worked with before and he's fine. He's funnier than I recall, but I was on a team of 50 then, not 11. He gets into his work and stays there for the majority of the day.

The third and fourth "noobs" arrived on the same day, with ZERO experience. One is better than the other and can sit down and focus on work for hours at a time. Sadly, he really enjoys the company of Noob #1, so he can stray into the laziness from time-to-time. The other "noob" was someone I never paid much attention to before a few weeks back, but usually every day since, I find myself snapping at him. Usually, I snap after the 4th time I've repeated myself. There's been 2 occasions I've asked him a question and he's responded with a question of his own and I've said "Are you seriously asking me that?" I get the feeling he doesn't understand that I have years of experience over his weeks and sometimes it's best just to answer questions when asked.

The fifth and sixth "noobs" arrived while I was on vacation. I didn't know one of them was on our team for a week as he never spoke to me. It took a while, but I discovered he doesn't speak to anyone unless spoken to first, so he totally doesn't fit with the rest of the team. The final "noob" seems friendly enough and has some previous experience, which helps, but he's not an efficient worker. Sadly, I can see his monitor most of the day and he's usually got some casual game running for "distraction." Not good. We don't have time for distractions.

And I don't have time for noobs.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Guy

With time to spare on my visit to the dentist, I made my way across the street to a shop I'd wanted to check out for some time. I entered the store and saw a familiar face inside.

No, it's not someone I actually know --or even met, before really. He's one of the coffee bar guys on my morning train. A little odd to suddenly run into him. He recognized me too. He's seen me on the train and he's also seen who I usually sit with. In fact, they've talked quite a few times in the station. I often wondered how they could know each other, before the obvious answer came to me: She gets a coffee every morning. At least once a week he serves it to her. They have a chance to talk. Simple.

He came over to talk to me and commented on recognizing me from the train. I told him the same. We talked about a few things and I mentioned (not sure why) that I've seen him talk to the hottie I usually sit with. And he says, "Oh. Oh, you must be that guy!"

And my response was a simple: "What guy?" And then his cell phone rang. He took the call and excused himself. I walked around the shop for a bit and when I turned next, he was waving goodbye as he walked out the door.

Wait. I'm that guy! WHAT guy?!? Am I that guy, who creeps her out? That guy, who longs to talk to her every morning? That guy, who bases the quality of his entire day based on whether or not he see her smile? That guy, who would give anything to learn more about her? That guy, who's been too afraid to ask her name because he doesn't want to come across as creepy? What guy?

What guy!?!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Mouthed

The last thing I needed during a couple stress weeks at work was something else going wrong... like, say, a filling coming out. That happened a week ago, Thursday.

What's worse is I couldn't for the life of me figure out where the filling came out. No matter where I rolled my tongue around, everything felt the same. That was bothersome. I assumed it was a very back molar, because I wouldn't regularly put my tongue on those anyway. When it came to dinner that night, I was very careful with my food. Except for one piece of cold broccoli --which the hit the bad spot. There's where the filling popped out. Owie.

So, somehow with everything else going on, I needed to find time to see my dentist. My dentist made it easy on me, though. They could book me for mid-November to "take a look", but then it would be some time after that before they could do anything for me.

So, more than a little frustrated, I sent out a message on my company messageboard to see if anyone could recommend a good dentist for an emergency. One of my bosses recommended a place. I wasn't sure why he'd CC'd a couple other guys on the email, but a reply from one of them explained it all. "It's supposed to be a secret" (including a link to the dentist's website), he said. I clicked on the link...

Have you ever thought to yourself, while watching those medical shows on TV: "Why is it that every doctor and every nurse is so good looking on these shows, but in reality, there's no one like that!"

I found the dental equivalent.

This office is filled with smokin' hot women. No wonder it's supposed to be a secret!

I went in on Monday this week and have to say, it was easy keeping my mouth open. Getting my jaw off the floor after was a bit more difficult, but I eventually managed to do it. The dental assistant (wow!) sat and talked to me while we waited for the dentist and talked about commuting on the train (she takes the train too, so I made her an honorary Train Hottie). Then the dentist walked in. Ho-lee cow! She probably could've convinced me of anything, I was so distracted the entire time she was there! But then, when it came time to actually check my tooth, she leaned over me, put a couple fingers in my mouth and her other hand on my shoulder and said: "This'll hurt a little."

To which the only response my now-idiot male brain could come up with was "muh-ha."

After my appointment, I made another one (don't judge) to get the filling (and a couple others) re-done in a week.

Afterward, I noticed a shop across the street I'd always wanted to check out. Since I still had time before I said I'd be back at work, I decided to go across and check it out.

When I walked in, I met someone I wasn't really expecting to....

But that's a story for another day.

Dumped

Upon my return from California, I discovered I'd been promoted (is that the trick? Go on vacation?). No, no raise, but it makes me look good later on.

With the promotion came a couple dump trucks filled with work and responsibility. Topping it off was the expectation that work I'd done previously could also be done at the same time. Add to that mix that an extra "fun" thing I got to do in Springtime had quintuplied in size and they wanted me all over it and suddenly I found myself with 14+ weeks of work to between October 15 and 31!

How I got through it all, I just don't know.

It was a lot of work dumped on me (with more to come!), but I'm hoping it reflects in the end in March when careers are finally decided.

Canned

No, not fired.

There's a lot I could say about the week I went to California and a lot more I anticipated I could talk about. Sadly, the truth is the day after we arrived in Orange County, I'd nearly drowned myself drinking water as the heat really got to me.

And with drinking water came Montezuma's Revenge... California-style.

So, 3 days in Disneyland also meant two days where I visited every men's room in the park. And I have to say, I was impressed with how tidy they were (especially compared to the half-dozen or so I visited in Legoland). Yep, lots of days on the can. That's how I was "canned."

I know Disneyland's supposed to be the Happiest Place on Earth((tm)?), but the fact that every bathroom had someone singing in it was a little annoying. "A Whole New World"? Annoying. "Hakuna Matata"? Annoying. "Whistle While You Work"? VERY annoying! "Some Day My Prince Will Come"? More frightening than annoying.

I'm recovered now, but it's been over 2 weeks since I got home. Eesh.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Decaf

I closed out August with a week of overtime. I ended up with 65+ hours worked that one week. This past week, I closed out September in a similar fashion: A 60+ hour work week.

I'm very tired.

One of the things that happens when a bunch of us work late, is we swap stories and 2 of us were talking about big mistakes in our past. My big mistake was, naturally, Sex Caffeine.

I had a... "moment" earlier this year where it looked like my wife and SC would be working in the same department at my old office, but that never came to be, fortunately. But the thought of that made me recall that that department usually publishes an annual report with photos. I haven't seen her in years and I was curious to see how she looked.

So, off on an internet search I went and, bingo! I found the latest report.

And there she was.

And there she was not looking so good.

She looked great with short hair, but she's grown it longer, maybe just past the shoulders, but it looks feathered. Her face, though, is showing some signs of aging too. I couldn't put my finger on what had changed, though. She's had some work done, that's all I know. My eyes are too tired to figure it out.

Whatever the case, seeing was believing and I'm quite happy that "seeing" her again did nothing for me.

I'm caffeine free, decaf, for sure.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Creation

I have, so far, 3 books filled with ideas and purposely bought a new cell phone with a QWERTY keyboard just so I had somewhere to jot down ideas as they came to me.

Brilliant, yes?

Well, no, actually. My ideas seem to come to me just as I'm about to fall asleep or as I'm in the shower. Can't write or type in the shower... *grumble*

The other morning, I came up with a great idea for a comic book and of course I was in the shower. Fortunately, as soon as I dried off, I didn't bother changing out of my towel until I'd finished writing everything down. About 3,000 words written down and I was quite dry after the shower by that point!

I've got a friend and former-classmate from school who's interested in drawing it, so now I'm re-writing everything to give her more to work with. I've got the script, I've got the story and characters, and I've got an artist. Let's see how this one fares, yeah?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dreams

Last week, I had a horrible time sleeping. Going to bed wasn't an issue. Neither was falling asleep. I was pretty damned tired after a busy week of work the week prior.

The problem was, my dreams kept waking me up. In fact, over three nights I had the same *sort* of dream repeatedly:
I'd be doing... something, and suddenly someone would be standing beside me and telling me to stop what I was doing. As soon as I stopped, like a magician with a heavy cloak, the strange person would pull out 3 objects and tell me to interpret them.
I only remember one dream vividly enough. Same thing again and when I was handed the objects, there was a container of kitty litter, a shovel, and a flute. "Interpret."

And then I'm awake. Again.

For 3 nights this went on. And it wasn't just once a night, it was more like 5 or 6 times every night. Finally, exactly one week ago tonight, the dreams stopped.

To be replaced by this one:
The woman on the train who constantly... daily... drives me crazy with the way she looks (and reads... it's so cute), and acts, is alone with me in a train station. She's looking at me and I'm looking at her. And she's biting her lip just like she does when she's reading the morning paper. And I finally, finally have enough nerve to talk to her. Months of sitting not 2 feet from her's done nothing, but now I'm suddenly compelled to talk. The time is right and we're all alone.

I walk over and she looks up at me (she's shorter than me). She says nothing but brushes her blonde hair away from her glasses (she doesn't wear them all the time, but she is today). I open my mouth and everything falls out at once. I tell her that I've got a big-time crush on her. I tell her I love watching the crinkle in her lips when she reads and the looks she gives annoying people on the train when they get in her way. And I tell her every time she smiles at me it's like the rain's have stopped falling and there's only a warm sunrise left to enjoy. I tell her I'd give anything to get to know her. Her dreams, her aspirations, the things she's alwyas wanted in life. And I tell her that if there's any justice in the world, there's someone loving her and telling her just how beautiful she is. And I tell her that, if there's nothing else important in the world, the most important thing for me to know, right now, is her name. If the looks, the smiles, the laughs she's done in front of me mean anything, the least I could get from her now is her name.

And then she crinkles her nose. She leans over to me and get close to my face. Her icy blue eyes look me over and I can smell the citrusy-smell of her perfume. She's as close as she can be without touching me and opens her mouth to speak. And she says to me "That's the lamest thing I've ever heard. This isn't Hollywood. There's no happy ending." And off she walks as the train arrives.
And then I wake up.... the very next day, I heard this song and it brought the whole dream back to me. And as miserable as it made me when I woke up at 3 in the morning, I still have a skip in my step when I walk to work every morning. Especially those mornings with the sunshiney smile....
Misery loves the cruel way that you speak to yourself
And I love the cool way you look at me
And we've got a lot of time to get this right
At least that's how I hope it's gonna be

When you go looking for a little light real late at night
And you don't like the things you see
I'll be right here waiting in the dark for your knock
Oh, I want you here with me
I want you here with me

I hold you close and whisper in your ear
"There's nothing to fear"
I know the things you want to be
I don't know if they will ever come for anyone
Oh, I want you here with me
I want you here with me

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Human

During my morning commute a few weeks back, I'd noticed a girl giving me a funny look. I gave one back to her as she looked like one of My Kids.

She was one of My Kids.

It turns out she's working less than 2 blocks away from my office downtown, so I've earned myself a new coffee buddy.

There are two stories in one here and I'm telling the funny one first. 'P' is one of My Kids I've rarely discussed before. She came in and did her job and we'd talk about college and studying and life/sport in general, but that was about it. She did a fine job and I liked her, even though she was mistakenly "hired" to work for me.

When we were organizing our new hire orientation, DQ (remember Drama Queen? I wish I could forget her!) spotted 'P' and thought she was one of the other girls. 'P' was rushed over to the orientation room, given her info pack and started to learn of her job responsibilities and such. I was running late (most likely putting out fires) and was scheduled to talk about 45 minutes into the orientation. When I came in to speak, needless to say I was curious who this girl was, since I'd interviewed all the others and had never seen this one before. I got the story later from DQ, proving once again just how incompetent she was. I decided since 'P' went through the orientation, if she was willing we'd keep her on and see how she did. And she did fine.

It's hard to believe now that the case of mistaken identity occurred nearly 5 years ago. But it did.

Cut back to 2008 and the funny story... The guys I work with decide it's time for a Starbucks break. There's 2 within walking distance of our office (isn't there everywhere?) and I convince them to go right instead of left --since the one to the right has better service. Right we go and we're sitting and enjoying our drinks when my supervisor points out this brunette looking over at our table. I, somewhat casually, look over and she smiles. I've told the guys about my past and my reputation, but it's time to put it into action. "Guys," I said, " She's giving me the look. I'm gonna go talk to her." "Oh right," says my supervisor, "Good luck with that!" as he laughs. I get up and say to him "I bet you in less than 5 minutes, I can get both a kiss from her and her phone number." He laughs some more and I turn and walk to this girl. As I'm walking, one of the guys chuckles "It's his wife." But one of the other guys has met my wife and clears that up. "Nah, it's gotta be his wife." But the one guy is insistent "That's not his wife."

I'm now talking to the girl. I laugh, she laughs. Then she gives me her phone number which I put in my cell along with a picture of her. As I turn to walk away, I stop with an "Oh wait, I forgot something" look and turn and give her a kiss on the cheek --which she then returns.

:)

My supervisor and co-workers are shocked into silence. I'm the man.

Actually, I'm the jerk who set them all up because 'P' is one hilarious girl. She also took their picture with her cell because she loved the look on their faces!

OK, that was the funny, here's the other part of the story.

'P' and I did go out for coffee a couple times since. She's filled me in on her life and what's she's been up to work-wise and love-wise. She's doing really well and I'm happy to hear it all. I like hearing that My Kids are doing well in the big world. She also tells me how she hated working for me. She hated my boss (From Hell!) and she hated DQ with a passion. She didn't like my immediate co-workers either. "But if you hated everything about it, why are you sitting here, willing to talk to me?" I ask. "Because you were different," she replies, "You weren't them. You treated us differently." "How did I treat you differently?" I was curious. "You treated us like we were human beings," she says.

In my 7 years working there, with the 900+ people I interacted with over those 7 years. With all the hard work and effort I put in and never felt got paid out, 'P' summed up in one sentence everything I needed to hear. She justified the 7 years in less than 30 seconds. Thanks, P!

Slipped

I used to be organized. I had to re-write that last sentence. It originally said I was "quite" organized, but I don't think that's exactly true. Growing up, my room was always messy --not that I liked that. I don't like messes, but they sure like me. And once a mess gets too big, I never know where to start to clean it up.

Even now in my little office, I have boxes stacked on boxes, games stacked on games, books & comics stacked on comics & books... and trading cards, and DVDs and rolled posters in the corner, a messy pile of clothes in the corner and an impressive array of empty cans close to my feet (and what could possibly go wrong there?).

I've always wanted to take a picture of my office for a professional website and have little links explaining different things on the walls and shelves:
  • The comic picture on the wall which is the cover to a magazine that had my first published work.
  • The enlarged picture from my trip to Scotland where it looks like we're all walking off the end of the world.
  • The video game poster for the very first game I (proudly) worked on.
  • My Cthulu action figure.
  • The autographed hockey cards (designed by yours truly).
  • My Weighted Companion Cube. And if you don't know what that is...
  • The... boy, I hope that's an empty energy drink can.
I don't take that picture, though, because to see all these things, you have to push through the piles of my life. Things that get in the way, things that stop me from working on projects, things that once were projects and have been abandoned for one reason or another.

Mostly things that slipped by without noticing until it was too late.

This problem has been getting exponentially worse over the past little while. I can look back over the past 8 weeks and see things where I told myself "You have time, it's still weeks away" to "It's a week away" to "It's tomorrow" to "Aw, crap."

In early July, I'd booked some tables to sell off some of my stuff that just won't make it to eBay because of the logistics of it all. There's value there, but the time to get it on eBay, sell it, pack it, and ship it is too much. But to put them in a box and say "this is the price" and hopefully sell a majority of it would be a boost. Early July I booked the tables for this weekend. And only yesterday did I realize I never sent the money to pay for it. I emailed the organizer and wasn't at all surprised to receive a message back saying "I gave away your tables." Understandable, and I only have myself to blame.

In early August, I had an opportunity to get some hockey cards signed by one of my all-time favorite players. A forum I'm a member of had a notice that he'd be in the region at a hockey camp in mid-August and that one member would be present to collect stuff and get them signed. I'd already designed some cards with his image on them and my thought was: "Great. A little touch-up here and there and I can get these printed and mailed off." I needed to do about an hour's worth of work on them, save them on a portable flash drive (seriously, how convenient are these babies?) and get them printed at a local drugstore. Total time: 2 hours, max. Total cost: $3, including the envelope and stamp. The camp was mid-August and the day after it was over I realized the work I'd done never even made it to the flash drive. I'd missed out completely.

Around the same time, I'd received an email about a contest designing a goalie mask for the local NHL team. Sweet! A big chance to promote myself and my apparent-artistic abilities. I spent hours culling images and symbols for the mask to make it truly inspired and creative: suiting the personality of the goalie who would eventually wear it. The contest closed August 25th and I realized on September 2nd that I'd neither finished it nor, obviously, submitted it.

Another date missed. And another. And then another.

I'm mad at myself. I'm just behind in everything I'm doing and for everything I'm working on, there's never a completion. It just keeps going because I keep slipping. I need to change this NOW.

But I don't know how.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Listen

I had a mini-"discussion" with my sister over Facebook the other day. She's totally hooked on the new Kid Rock song which just made me shake my head again and again. Kid Rock? Gah.

It's hard to believe we're related, my sister & I. We had a musical mini-meme (and I had to explain what a meme was...) and our tastes in music couldn't be more different.
  • Where I'm listening to the Creaky Boards, she's listening to Kid Rock.
  • Where I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens, she's listening to Def Leppard.
  • Where I'm listening to Mock Orange, she's listening to Black Sabbath.
  • Where I'm listening to the Stars, she's listening to Poison.
While I, at some point in my life, have listened to all those she listening to (save Kid Rock --ew!), it's like she hasn't evolved her tastes at all. My music selection is constantly changing. Thanks to sites like NPR.org, I'm discovering groups and musicians I've never heard before. I love it!

Now to convince my sister to give it a try...

Buddies

Dreama, for one, gets on my case about my love of women. I can't help it, I'm addicted.

:)

But, I will say, some situations I do not enter into on my own and this latest adventure can solely be blamed on my wife for both encouraging it and praising me for it! Praising!?! Yeah, I know!!

It all started when my father-in-law's stepsister and her family came to visit from the East Coast. I'd met the family once about 10 or so years earlier. Needless to say, there's not too much I remember about the family, except that the couple have 3 kids: twin boys and an older sister. I should have remembered that a lot can change in 10 years...

It was a hectic day at work and I was relieved to know that I could come home to a hot meal and visit with family. It's true, I like my wife's family better than my own, so what could be better than adding more family into the mix? I got to the house and walked through into the kitchen. I shook the uncle's hand "Hey, Uncle *** nice to see you again." I hugged his wife "Aunt ***, you look great!" A good wave to the boys: "Hey boys! Wow! You've grown!" And then I turned as the 18 year old daughter bounced into the room.

While my mouth said "hello" my brain had other words in mind. "Holy shit!" was pretty much the only words revolving up there. Beautiful, bouncy 18 year old blonde girl. My brain died in that instant.

To make matters worse, she gave me a huge hug. She was very excited to meet me because current job involves one of her favorite activities and my last job entailed her ultimate favorite activity. So, she was really wanting to meet me! And, needless to say, we had plenty to talk about. Dinner that Thursday night came and went. We continued talking about various things until I said I really had to get home (it was, at this point, close 1 in the morning and I leave for work at 6:30). So, another hug and off I went for home to sneak into bed and try my best not to feel like like some old pervert. My wife rolled over as I got into bed. All she said was "I"m so glad you two are getting along so well! Keep it up."

I think all I managed to say was "Yuh-huh."

Friday was a difficult day at work: I was tired. And I also had to tell my friends about the hot blonde I was encouraged to spend time with the night before. I love being a "hero."

When I got home that night, it was back to the in-laws' for dinner again. The dinner conversation all seemed to revolve around this poor girl's inability to keep her bathing suit top on whenever she goes swimming. I heard stories of her brothers loosening her top on her and stories of her diving prowess and to come up out of the water sans top. It was almost too much for my imagination to take. And the the uncle asked the big question: "What are our plans for tomorrow?" Without a moment's hesitation, the wrong brain of mine spoke:

"We could go to the beach."

Silence. No one spoke for a few moments. And then, the uncle nodded his head "The beach sounds great."

What?! No one should be listening to me at this stage, especially the father of the 18 year old hottie who can't keep her bathing suit on. Why are they listening to me!?!

Aside from spending a Saturday at the beach, we also went shopping in various locations around Vancouver and had a great dinner at the only restaurant close to work that I had yet to try. And no, fortunately for my mental condition, the girl did not lose her top at the beach (but was still quite the sight to see.

We stayed up late Friday night talking, until around 2am. After a busy Saturday, I'd planned on getting to bed early, but my wife convinced me to entertain the girl when she came over that night to play Guitar Hero. We played games and talked until 4. Sunday was more of the same and I was definitely feeling the effects of being... 29 (dammit!) to her 18. I was a slug getting to work on Monday. I had a couple pictures on my phone which I shared with the guys. Most saw me as a super hero by that point. That's me: Pervo, the Sleepless Man!

The family left early Tuesday morning. As sad as I am to think my new buddy is en route for home, I'm also really really happy I can finally calm down and get some sleep. I"m not built for 18 year olds. It was a great lesson my buddy taught me.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Bat

I learned a valuable lesson this week while taking the morning train to work. When I see something that may, in any situation, freak people out... it's best not to act casual about it.

See, on Monday I was sitting and vegging, listening to music on my phone when the Train Hottie next to me started leaning in closer. A little odd, to be sure, but I was fine with it. Until I realized she was almost sitting on my arm.

And getting closer.

OK, music is off. Earphones are down. "What's up?" I ask. The Train Hottie looks at me --still getting closer, says "I think there's a bird down the stairs." So, I lean out and over as the Train Hottie is now just about completely in my seat. Yes, indeed, there's something flying around down there.

Wait. No feathers, lightly flapping leathery wings. "That's not a bird," I say, "That's a bat." And I lean back in my seat.

OK, big lessons learned:
  1. Don't point out the obvious when people freak out about bats.
  2. Don't point out a freaky bat and then casually plan to go back to listening to music on your phone.
  3. Don't say "That's a bat" as the freakin' thing flies up the stairs. People will scream.
Naturally, there was many things that could've gone better. But, the point of the story is not to act so casual. I've never seen a train empty so quickly when we finally got to the station.

I stayed behind for a bit because I didn't want to head down the stairs to early and have people think I was a pussy or something. I'm sure they think I'm a jerk, but not a pussy!

[follow-up: the bat was caught with an empty coffee cup when it came to rest on one of the lights. The conductor took the cup and brought to a local animal rescue office where the bat was eventually freed. Since I'm a jerk, I thought it would be funny to place the coffee cup on someone's desk and walk away.]

Painless

It's only a mile, but when you fall out of shape, a mile suddenly becomes much much longer than you last recall. It's even longer when your trainer says "run."

Jerk.

Not really. He set up a new "circuit" for me that includes a 1-mile run. Fortunately, as exhausting as a 1-mile run can be, it was broken down into 1/10th of a mile for each run --and it was followed by some other routine. So, I'd start running and go full-speed for 1/10th mile, then when I hit that mark, I'd get off the treadmill and do something like 20 push-ups or 20 pull-ups. As my trainer started me and I was huffing and puffing after the first tenth, he had me do 20 squats while holding 20 pound weights. It was a full day before I realized he'd doubled the weight from my last circuit.

It was a challenge to get through the mile and there were times I wanted to just collapse, other times I wanted to throw up, and even one time I was ready to give in because of the stitch in my side. But, my trainer kept me focused and I pushed through. I finished the mile and I finished my circuit. And thank God, he didn't say "OK, let's go again."

I expected after such an intensive workout that I'd be both asleep and in pain by the time the train pulled into my home station. As I showered after the circuit, I contemplated rolling down the stairs of the train car and out to the station because there was no way these legs would be functioning.

Nothing happened.

So, I was sure since nothing hurt after getting home, that by the time I woke up early the next morning I'd be feeling the burn with every step. But nothing happened.

During work, I was sure after sitting at my desk for hours at a time, something would be burning. But again, nothing.

No pain. I had a day off from the gym and headed back yesterday and never had any pain. And after yesterday's repeat: no pain again.

This is a big hurdle to get over. I'm glad I'm over it. Again.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Survive

After the odd "job recommendation" I got a few weeks back, I was quite concerned about the future of my job. I knew there were "big changes coming" at work and my fear was that those changes wouldn't include me. Even after my boss told me my contract renewal was 99.9% ensured, I had a feeling that 0.1% had compounding interest.

So, as the end of July loomed, I was pretty much convinced it was time to pack up my belongings and say goodbye to my new friends. Upon hearing that we could be losing a good percentage of the people at work as part of the "big change," I did start bringing stuff home. There were plenty of goodbye messages from other people in my inbox, people who were about to leave on holidays who felt they weren't coming back and were leaving contact information. I got the same email ready to send out as well.

Just before hitting 'send' at the end of July, my boss called me into her office. "here it is," I thought, "the end is here." Instead, she had my contract extension sitting in front of me.

I'm safe and I've survived. I worry, however, about the friends I've made. Will they last too?

Despite my survival, I did apply for the recommended job. If it happens (and I don't think it will), there'll be more "big changes" coming.... especially in my life.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Blush

This one's going back to an event that happened a few months ago, but as this is a longer post, maybe I'll be forgiven for finally mentioning it here.

I've mentioned (ad nauseum to some, I'm sure) my fixation with the Train Hotties (a.k.a. 'TH') before. There was one morning... one fine sunny morning... that I followed Train Hottie #2 (my favorite 'TH') up the stairs. Now, at first I was polite and kept my vision toward our feet... because otherwise my eyes are level with her.... anyway, at first my eyes were looking down, but eventually, as we slowed down in our hike up the steps, I looked up. It was quite the view. Thongs are good. Especially when viewed whilst walking up 72 steps at the train station.

As transfixed as I was, though, I should've been more aware of my surroundings. Like, the fact that a guy I work with was going up the escalator next to me. He was kind enough as we all reached the top step to shout out and ask me if I enjoyed the view.

Very. Embarrassed.

But she turned and smiled. That smile!!

It didn't matter if I was busted. That smile made everything better (except I'm still a total perv, but it was almost like being forgiven for my pervi-ness!). Bah.

Flash forward a few months to today and I have yet another opportunity to make an ass of myself. See, TH#2 regularly sits on the lower section of the train these days (started before my embarrassment, thanks). I still sit in the upper section with 3 other Train Hotties (majority rules, after all). As I got out of my seat to head down the stairs, who do I see?

TH#2. In a stunning black skirt.... and legs.... oh my the le--

I was walking down the stairs, remember? Probably would've been a good idea to pay attention to the stairs instead of the glimmering tanned legs in front of me.

Fortunately I only missed one step. But, it was enough to make me look the fool in front of her.

Again.

Bah.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Muh!?!

I had my semi-regular job review this week. I still love the job, despite some days when it's more stressful than I'd like. Those are the days when my lunchtime walks are a little slower... so I can take in some fresh air and not have to deal with work for an hour. But I love the job. I don't want it to end anytime soon!

My contract, sadly, expires in early August.

2 months ago, I could've written that I was 100% confident on a contract renewal. And even now, I'm still 90% confident about it. But my job review ended on a strange note.

I got a lot of stellar comments. I was told I'm great to work with, that I'm someone they can always count on. I'm dedicated. I'm a go-to guy. They love me so much, they wish they could get 5 more people just like me. They've recommended me for a new job.

At a different company.


So, while I'm getting all the compliments and responding to them all with "Oh, thank you", "Thanks", and "Wow, that's quite the compliment", I ended with "Thank y-- wait, what?!"

Yep, as assured as they can make me that I'm up for renewal in August, recommending me to another company is not exactly what I had mind.

This is turning into a very interesting year...

750

This is the 750th post in this blog. Some people post that much in a year, some in a month. Me, it's taken 5 years.

Well, it's been interesting. In some ways, I never know if I should continue with it or just give it up completely. But for some reason, every once in a while (especially these days), it's good to vent semi-anonymously and get some things out of my system.

So, there will be future posts... just don't expect post #1000 in 2008.

2009? Maaaybbbbeee!

Hired

My wife got a new job at my old office. Yes, it's one of the jobs I used to do there many many moons ago and she's quite happy to have it as it works better with her "schedule."

So, I'm happy for her.

I'm also curious to see what the future holds... I'm being a little selfish, but I'm hoping I've lost alot of weight and put myself in a new shape to really show off around Christmas. In my 8 years in the office, I only went to 2 of the mega Christmas parties and one of those times I went alone. I know my wife wants to go and if I can be there for her to "show off", I'm all for it! I want them all to see what they've been missing over the past 4 years.

I'm such a bastard.

Push

As I mentioned in 'Bruised,' I was put through some fitness tests and flexibility tests by the new personal trainer. It's been 6 weeks since I started and I'm still at it. The trainer's great, he pushes me, but because we only meet once a week and he leaves it to my motivation for the other 6 days, my climb to better shape and fitness/well-being is a gradual one that isn't killing me.

My asymmetry was... "heavier" on my right side. My flexibility exercises dealt with getting my left to match. After 6 weeks, I'm there. So, instead of taking it easy, the exercises pick up now. Where before I was doing slight motion and flex exercises, now I'm doing medium motion and weighted flex exercises. And the weighted exercises went up by 10 pounds in one week.

The big challenge right now is the fact that I have a big payment coming up at the end of July. And a big payment at this time of year isn't wanted. So, as much as I'd like to avoid it when I'm so busy at work... eBay is once again rearing it's ugly head!

I feel like I'm getting pushed in too many directions!

As a slight additional.... no, I haven't checked my weight in the past 6 weeks. I'm almost afraid to check! While I've gotten compliments from people about how I'm standing (seriously, people say I'm taller than they're used to seeing!), and about how I'm looking, a quick glance at my profile in a window today brought my confidence crashing down to Earth. For the most part, I'm feeling better, but I'm not too sure on the LOOKING better!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Ditched

Today, July 1st, is a holiday here in Canada and it kind of sucks to have a holiday on a Tuesday. I decided a while back that I'd take the Monday off work. I'd have a nice 4-day weekend and hopefully get to relax.

It wasn't soon afterward that Dreama announced she'd be making her way through my territory at the end of June. It became a question of when exactly she'd be around... would I be in town myself for a visit?

Well, the answer was 'no' as her schedule showed her in town the same days I'd be off. So, chances are, Dreama and I would not be meeting up at the end of June.

But then some strange events fell into place. An ex-girlfriend (& Facebook friend) asked if I was in town on the 30th and maybe we could meet for breakfast. She & I work about 4 blocks from each other, so pretty much any other day would work but June 30th. But then another friend had the 30th off and wanted to catch up over coffee --in town. Seeing as how it was a Monday and I usually meet with my trainer on Mondays, I thought "y'know... I'll take the day off and just be a social butterfly, meeting up with friends for breakfast, coffee, lunch with Dreama and then a good workout in the afternoon to burn off the excess calories.

Everything came together nicely.

And then breakfast was cancelled... and the coffee friend made plans to go away for the long weekend... and Dreama decided to stay away for a couple extra days and skip town altogether.

I was totally ditched. And Dreama's a brat, for sure.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Inspired

As much of a FAIL as blogging from the train has been (seriously, for every post published, there's 3 or 4 that vanish completely!), my phone has at least given me the opportunity to quickly jot down notes when some idea gets stuck in my head.

In fact, I just looked into printing everything out to try and physically organize my thoughts and to print it out would be 30 pages of notes at a 10-point font.

Crazy.

So crazy that some people give me odd looks when I'll suddenly stop whatever I'm doing and quickly jot down a note or two on something that's struck me as interesting. I don't want to lose the thought, but keep it in the moment. I like inspiration like that.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Twelve

Twelve weeks. I have twelve weeks where there's no need for me to drive to work. There's no deadlines, no overtime, and nothing stopping me from using the train.

Thank God.

The weeks leading up to our deadline were obviously getting longer and longer. I was putting in 12-15 hour days and then finding every day longer at the office also had a longer commute to the office. By deadline day, my normally 75-minute commute was over 2 hours. I was only spending 6 hours at home. Oh, the stress...

But now, it's a simple train ride to work and a train ride back. I'm leaving the office earlier as well which means I get to see my kids for hours instead of an hour.

Sadly, those twelve weeks will go by fast.

Bruised

No, this one isn't a follow-up to the last one. I've gotten myself motivated to get back into the gym and have hired a personal trainer to get me up to speed.

I started with a metabolic typing test, which told me which foods will help with getting me back into shape.

Shapes.

Shapes. I'll be getting more physically fit and be trimming off the fat as well. Ironically, by eating more fatty foods. Good fatty foods, though.

After the test, came the measurements, form testing (there is such a thing), and then an actual fitness test. The form testing was to check on my body's flexibility (which was laughable) and he tested my body symmetry as well. Not surprised to find out I'm asymmetrical, but he showed me some minor tweaking which improved some of the physical tests immediately.

The measurements actually did a number on me. When he started measuring the body fat --in all sorts of places I normally wouldn't someone venture!-- he'd pinch some skin and measure away. I have bruises on my right arm and right leg from the measurements. Crazy, eh?

And, ah, the fitness test. I haven't had a fitness test since high school and knew some the results would be laughable. At least in this case, I wasn't being told I was failing if I couldn't do something. It's the whole point of the testing: find out where I'm at and then how to improve. So what if I could only do 19 sit-ups and a single push-up (eep), the point was I did them and now I can work on improving the results and myself at the same time.

I had big, big fears about my weight. My motivation and lack of self-esteem after school really did a number on me. I was depressed for a long time and felt that almost everything I did had been a waste. So, I wasted away. When I left the job from Hell, I weighed about 185 pounds. In school, I weighed in just shy of 220 pounds. After school... I was too scared to check. Checking my weight isn't a motivator to lose it. It just adds to the depression. My fear was that I was headed north of 250 pounds and that was very frightening. 250 pounds is morbidly obese, even more than where I was after leaving work. I'm 229 pounds now. I'm 21 pounds less than my fears, but it's still a 70-pound track I need to run.

So, from here on out, it's a series of goals. I have milestones to hit and I have motivation. It's a long and winding road and the bruises will heal along the way.

Unloved

Gah, 2 weeks go by again without a post.

Yeah, I was brooding in my last post and it has led to several questions. Honestly, I'm at a loss as to why the sudden blow up from my wife. She definitely has trust issues with me these days and who knows... it could be a myriad of things causing it. I won't go into details, but I can only assume she's been compounding issues and laid it all out on the table that day.

Or at least I hope she's laid it all out on the table!!

It's been frustrating, to be sure. There's been a roller coaster of emotions over the past 2 weeks and I much prefer the highs over the lows. The one thing that continues to nag at me, though, is the permeating thought that my wife no longer loves me and doesn't want to admit it.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Brooding

People at work today could definitely tell I was having an "off day" today. While I tried my best not to be surly, the mood would get a little gloomier as the day went on. And to think this morning I was completely fine.

See, yesterday I made a mistake. I've always been a bit of an impulse buyer as it helps my mood. For the most part this week, it hasn't been bright and cheery. It's been quite the stress test and I've used every lunch hour to escape. And yesterday I spent $20 on some CDs. When I got home last night, my wife informed that she was having car troubles. Then she announced she'd decided to go ahead with some dental that isn't covered by my work plan. It's going to cost about $400 and who knows how much the car repairs will be. Needless to say, thinking about those high cost items, I forgot about the CDs in my bag.

This morning, my wife sent me a nasty email. She found the CDs in my bag and is mad at me for not telling her about them. She went on to say she has trust issues with me now and can' comprehend how I could spend money so carelessly. She wanted me to think about what I'd done and stew about it all day.

I relied immediately to her email, apologizing for not telling her about them. I was not defensive, even though... in my defense... I didn't think it was that big a deal.

I never got a reply. All day.

So, I was left to brood and, yes, stew for the entire day. The question is: What now? I've apologized and it was an impulsive thing. I seriously think, though, that I'm missing something if she has "trust issues" with me. And that's not a good thing to have me brooding about for a day.

It's not going to be a good night.

(from the train)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ex

In Match, my solitary post was about an ex-girlfriend who suddenly reappeared in my life and announced she was a former prostitute-slash-heroin addict.

Crazy.

I have several ex-girlfriends listed as 'friends' on Facebook and on occasion, I find myself immersed in conversation with them. And, yeah, that's even crazier.

Last June, I met up with one whom I hadn't seen since we were teenagers. Her Mom never believed I'd turn up, so there were pictures taken... proof. I found out at the party that this girl had broken up with her steady boyfriend to go out with me. We went out once and it wasn't much fun....

Another ex in my friends list has married and divorced numerous times and started up a conversation we pretty much started at our high school reunion back in 2001. She's moved halfway across the country and back since then, and dumped 2 husbands along the way. And suddenly she's talking to me again and asking for relationship advice. And, as quickly as the conversation started, it ended. I have no idea what happened, but if she switches on and off as easily as this, I'm not surprised she's gone through so many marriages.

That was mean.

But as crazy as those two are, I have one ex-girlfriend on my friends list who really tops them all. She & I knew each other for years before we started a relationship. It was my first year of college and our first night together started out as a friendly game of Super Mario Brothers on my Super Nintendo.

A first night of passion by the light of King Koopa's castle.

She's now a madam at a bordello house and has some pictures online that have turned many a head when my friends have seen them. They're also more than a little jealous when I say "been there!"

There are numerous other exes on my friends list, but these are the ones that really stand out. All this tells me is that the women in my life.... throughout my life... have a certain twist to them that just makes life more interesting.

And always leaves me guessing.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Women

Between Facebook, the commuter train, and home, women are truly a focal point in my life. I'd originally written "women are truly becoming a focal point", but I know that's not true: They ARE a focal point.

Work doesn't count. I'm in a department of 80 people and there's 2 women. Of course, maybe that's why I'm going crazy right now. Girl crazy.

I mentioned in a previous post that there's a woman on the train who drives me nuts. I've called her 'Train Hottie' in earlier posts, but there's much much more to the story.*

At least 7 months ago, I was warned a high school field trip was getting on the train and sitting in the usual car where I would sit for the beginning of my annoying morning commute. I moved to the next car and it took a few seconds before I realized there was quite the attractive blond sitting in the next seating section. Over the months I've learned a few things about her. She sits with her Mom and some friends. She's married with 2 kids. Her name (but no mention of it here). Oh, and that she has back problems. I helped her up the stairs on the train one day as she'd just had surgery the day before... Always a gentleman... :) There was also a span of about 2 weeks where I was driving in more than I was taking the train, plus I was sick for a couple days and therefore not on the train for close to 15 days. When I walked up the stairs the next morning for the pleasurable commute, she was sitting in her usual spot, said good morning to me and followed it with "You're here again. All's right with the world." Very sweet. I paid her back this week when I commented on her haircut (it was a couple inches shorter, but still fairly long). None of her friends had noticed yet. Oh yeah, good job by me.

As the first to really catch my eye, she's now known as Train Hottie... #1.

Yeah, you can see where this is going (prepare for a long, long, LONG post!).

Train Hottie #2 has been mentioned in previous posts. She falls under the 'My God Hot' category. She's stunningly beautiful, always reading (occasionally wearing glasses, other times not), and has a smile that brightens up the day. I've seen the smile on rare occasions, which kind of makes them a special treat. I have one of those smiles to talk about, but that's for another time (but worth it --I suffer for it). I've been trying to figure out who she looks like and the closest I've seen is the actress Elizabeth Mitchell. Sadly, since I started the easier commute, #2 has only sat with me a few times, although twice in the last week. Yes, you can say I have a mad-on crush on her. One day I was very excited to see her on one of my downtown lunchtime excursions. One of my co-workers was with me and confirmed to the other guys in my office that I have good taste. Of course I do!

Train Hottie #3 totally reminds me of Kari Matchett (she's a TV actress who's been in several series over the past few years: 24, Heartland, Studio 60, ER). #3 usually sits beside me on both the commute in and on the way back. She's one of three I see on both trips. We barely ever talk, but when we do, she's very amiable. A great set of legs too. :)

Train Hottie #4 totally distracted me a few weeks before Christmas last year. She sits with a group of people a few sections down, but on busier days, they've squeezed in with me. She totally reminds me of my first girlfriend and when I discovered she shared the same name, I truly wondered if it could be her. (She isn't, though). The day I first saw her, she was showing off her new blouse to her friends. Now, most people would start out by saying they bought a new blouse and then ask if anyone wanted to see it (obviously, close to Christmas, it was cold and she was wearing a winter jacket). Nope, she whipped open her jacket and said "Whaddaya think of this?" And THEN followed up by saying she bought a new blouse... She wasn't asking me what I thought, obviously, but she did turn to me when she realized I was there and smiled, "Oh, your opinion counts too," she says. My only response (besides "uh-bahh?") was "that was distracting." She's not as attractive as the other hotties, but she makes up for it with her amazing sense of humor. Yes, she makes the trip go by faster.

All 4 Train Hotties above have similar characteristics. Blond hair, blue eyes. And while Train Hottie #5 also has the blond hair, she has extremely deep brown eyes that truly drive me crazy. I first saw her earlier this year and was completely stunned with her looks. I know next to nothing about her, as I've sat with her twice. Two other times, I've given up my seat for her with good reason. She's pregnant, and as I found out this week, she's about 6 months along. And to be honest, I think she's even better looking now than she was before. Oh yes, one of my coworkers congratulated me when I commented that TH#5 was pregnant. He told me he didn't realize women could have a baby simply by having a guy ogle them.

Jerk.

This post is longer than I thought and I haven't even hit (ahem, LOL) on the other women in my life right now. So, there's a sequel and I have a name for that post already. Stay tuned tomorrow!

*I was also mistaken when I said she was the 3rd woman who'd caught my eye. If that's true, I honestly can't remember who #2 is!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Vanishing

Apparently my idea to post on here via my new "smart" phone isn't very successful.

I had a great post I wrote today in about 45 minutes.

Nope, nowhere to be seen, I'm afraid. Despite Blogger's "ability" to save drafts automatically, there's no draft saved. No is there a post published after I clicked on 'Publish Post.'

Twice.

I'll try and write something more... soon.

(not from the train *sigh*).

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Balance

When I started the new job, I knew the biggest risk was the temporary status in the contract. Essentially, I was guaranteed work for 6 months, with a good chance of the contract being extended. It was extended on day 1, actually. It turned out they needed me for 7 months.

My contract expires the end of August and in some ways, I was looking forward to the end. Oh, it's a great job, but I am tired... a lot.

And now my contract is getting another extension, 99.9% guaranteed. There's a slight chance it'll end early, but if it doesn't end early, then I'm most likely on for the long haul. Or Spring of 2009, whatever. I already have a contingency plan in place, in case the job ends unexpectedly, but it'd be nice to keep it as a contingency only.

At the same time, my wife has been offered a job that really answers a lot of the gaping holes in our life right now. The timing was perfect. So, naturally, she turned it down.

Muh?

My wife has decided she doesn't want to work much anymore and after years of scraping by, we're going to continue down that road for a while longer. I am not, however, upset about it. She's worked hard for a number of years, doing more than her share of the financial contributions. So, it's my turn for a while... or forever. Unless there's lottery winnings in my future.

So, the balance remains. We'll be no further ahead, financially, but maybe our relationship will improve... that's a good balance.

(from the train.)

Friday, May 02, 2008

Point

My faith in humanity is dwindling to nothing very, very quickly.

I have to drive into work twice a week at the moment and the commute is, once again, really getting to me.

In MY opinion, I'm an above-average driver. I'm not a great driver, by any means. I'm also not a horrible driver. I speed, yes, but you're not about to see me run red lights or stop signs and speeding in playgrounds and school zones will never NEVER happen. But comparing me to other drivers out there these days.... my God...

To my American readers, these numbers are kilometers, so please don't think it's miles. Do the math if you really want to know, but understand some of these speeds are f-a-s-t fast!

I have 2 bridges to cross on my commute in. It's usually the faster route and even in Springtime, the slower route can get a little frosty in the heavily wooded, turns and add in some fog and they're not the type of road I want to be driving on before sunrise with people doing 40-50 over the speed limit of 80.

So, the freeway is my way right now.

Leading up to the first bridge is a tight, round onramp with a maximum speed of 60. The bridge itself is 80. Most people on the bridge these days travel around 110 or 120, some go even faster. On the onramp, the fastest I've seen people go on the max. 60 onramp is about 120. Until this morning, that is. This morning, I was keeping up with traffic (doing 90) when a girl passed me. I figure by the speed she passed me, she was doing 140 to 150. So, close to 3 times the legal speed limit.

Once I got on the highway (max. 100), I kept up with the morning traffic as we sped along at 110. As we approached one hill, a semi was in the fast lane and they slow down big-time when they hit this particular hill. So, we were fortunate that he pulled into the outside lane as we started up the hill. Too bad for Dude in the SUV, who thought he could pass everyone in that lane. Even worse for Dude was the fact that his lane was slowing down and the fast lane was now speeding up again and he'd have to wait for a chance to get back in.

He decided not to wait, though.

Within a couple seconds, I nearly had a hood full of black SUV as he forced me off the road. If it wasn't for the wide shoulder in that particular spot, I would've gone into the grass and down an embankment, most likely rolling my car. This particular area shows numerous "scars" along the edge of the road where cars, trucks, and semis have been pushed off by aggressive drivers. And here I was, a couple feet from the same fate. Fortunately, I hit the brakes and stayed on the pavement. As I looked up, leaning on the horn (usually a universal sign of "pay attention to me!"), I saw another universal sign: his middle finger waving at me.

Within moments I was doing 140 to catch up to him and get the licence plate number to contact the police. And, as I dialed 911, he slammed on the brakes and I nearly slammed into him before I once again saw his middle finger and he sped off.

But I had his plate number, and we were headed straight into the jurisdiction of one of my friends in the RCMP. A quick call to the RCMP had a cruiser waiting about 10 minutes' drive further down. If they didn't get him for reckless driving, he did them one better by blasting by the cruiser doing over 150 (which is the speed I was at trying to catch up to him). I'm sure he was angry because he would've lost at least 10 seconds by having to wait to get into the fast lane legally...

But these 2 crazy drivers was not the end of the day's driving adventures. In the last block before my office building, as I walked down from my parking spot, a van pulled into the intersection a stopped. He was dropping his 20-something daughter off, I'm assuming to go to the ESL school in the neighboring building. As he she got out of the van, she walked across the street towards the school...

Right into heavy traffic. How this girl did not die and how no one smacked their car in the sudden screeching of brakes and turning of wheels is unbelievable. And she never looked up to even acknowledge that she might've done something wrong. She just continued across the busy street.

So, my faith in humanity is dropping quickly. In 34 years, it's gone from the 100% everyone starts with, down to a point or two.... like 0.2%

Not more than that.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Found

I found one of the missing posts. I guess it stayed as a draft after I hit publish... The other, however, is long gone.

I'll have to figure out what went wrong.

~from the train.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Jake

"But this could be a bad year for the family. And that's where the coping really hits home. See, her oldest 2 daughters, both in their 80s, are watching their husbands' declining health. It's likely both husbands will not see 2009. One for sure, the other it's hard to say."
~From 'Passed' - February 23, 2008.
Last Wednesday morning, I was thinking back over the latest "weekend that wasn't" and was thankful that for a couple hours on Sunday afternoon I'd gotten a chance to honestly kick my feet up, lay back on the couch and RELAX. It had been a while and I figured it would be a while longer before I could do it again. It was while I was riding the train to work that I realized I should've done one thing that Sunday afternoon: Visit Uncle Jake in the hospital.

Uncle Jake's been sick for a few years, had a lung removed because of cancer, had a brain tumor removed, and gotten over various illnesses in between. He'd always been strong, but the cancer was back for round 3 and not many people make it through 3 rounds of cancer. For the second time in 2 years, the family was called to his bedside, and this time people knew he wasn't going to make the recovery he did the first time around.

I visited with him the first time and he was so thankful that people were visiting. It kept his spirits up, even when things looked awful for him. He held my hand tight the entire 90 minutes I visited with him. I even sorted out the problems he had with the portable DVD player his grandsons had brought in so he could watch videos of his favorite hymns.

So, there I was on the train thinking to myself: "I should've gone in." I decided there and then that going in at 8 at night was acceptable. I could go in after work. Of course, being Wednesday I knew it would be next to impossible, so I might cut work early to get in an see him. It was decided.

When I got to work and opened my email, the message at the top was from my wife, titled "Uncle Jake."

Uncle Jake passed away last Tuesday night after drifting into a coma earlier in the day. His breathing had slowed to a halt and within moments he was gone. He leaves behind 4 children, 13 grandchildren and a handful of great grandchildren. His funeral was today.

I never got to see him again after the funeral in early March. I'll miss him.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Rest

Wow! I had a single post for the entire month of March. Come to think of it, that's one more post than I read on anyone's else's blog.

Wow.

And to think it just got busier at work. Well, the plan behind the cell phone with the keyboard was to do the writing thing. It's not working out, seeing as how this should be my 4th post for April, but it's somehow my 2nd. Yep, there's 2 mystery posts... somewhere. I'll get back to them another time, I guess.

Work is busy. I'm at work between 55 and 60 hours a week and then you can tack on 2-3 hours of commuting every day, so I'm basically gone from home for 13-15 hours a day (or 70 hours a week on average). And now it's busier.

Sadly, coming home does not mean resting. This is a quick update just to say "still alive and still trying!" but my schedule's packed and my official weekend off and time for "rest" should start sometime late Sunday night.

No wonder people get burnt out. And that's without having a family to deal with!!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Eep

My wife had a job interview with one of my old departments yesterday. I knew about the interview and I knew about the department.

I didn't know who all was in the department now.

I knew Cee was there and my wife would be working right next to her. The head of the department loves me (I was one of her favorites when I was there (gah!) 8 years ago). My wife told me last night that the department head's assistant is Sex Caffeine.

Yep.

SO NOT what I was expecting to hear.

It led to a sleepless night. See, Cee (ha!) was one of my confidantes at work and my official sounding board for the trials and tribulations I was going through with Sex Caffeine back then.

And now they work together. And my wife be joining them.

What was it George Costanza said? "Worlds are colliding."

This can't end well.

(from the train).

Cell

The first post in quite some time, I know. I'll make it special.

Short but special.

I finally got a new cell phone, an HTC 640, which has a QWERTY keyboard. So, this blog entry comes both from my phone AND while I'm onboard the train. Ha!

Fear not. This post may be short, but I'm saving up a bunch of stories... including the return of Sex Caffeine.

Yeah... I said it.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Red

There's some debate over when we originally met and things got... interesting. I say it was 1992 or 1993, but there are hints that it was 1990 or 1991. SHE seems to think it was 90/91 and she's most likely right on this. Sad, really, as all things considered I should have the better memory of it...

I think.

Whatever the case, sometime between 1990 and 1993 (yeesh), I met a girl named 'Red.' Obviously not her real name, but you get used to that, yes? Red was cute, totally cute. And yeah, now that I think on it more, 1993 doesn't work because I was in a heavy relationship then. So, sometime in the early 90s, Red and I met at a function for the youth group we were involved with back then. As I refer to it "in another life."

I was one of the leaders, more like a student council leader than say an adult supervision-type role, so this isn't getting creepy or anything. I'm not that effing old, after all. The early 90s were still "part" of my teen years....

Gah, so far not really staying on topic.

Red & I met at a function. I know I was outside the building with friends, talking about... whatever. There's a good chance we were joking about something and it was definitely at night and cold. Red came up to talk to me and introduced herself in what could only be referred to as a "totally awesome" introduction for any (horny) teenage boy. See, it was a cold night and she grabbed my hand, placed it on her breast to feel the 'THO' (more commonly known as 'SNE' = Sudden Nipple Erection), which ultimately (and quickly, I might add) led to a similar occurrence on my behalf. My friend standing with me, asked for proof of just how cold it was, but he was shunned.

It was 1990. I stopped talking to that guy in my senior year of high school. She was right.

For a couple of... sporadic nights over the following months, she & I had a thing going. It didn't last for whatever reason (probably because I got back together with 'My First Love' once again). We drifted apart and never saw one another again after I split from the youth group in 1994.

I don't usually talk about this, but we actually had a scare back then that, had it come true, would mean I'd have a child just about ready to graduate from high school. That's a BIG scare...

Still, we drifted.

After '94, I found myself looking for more in my life and ended up at church. Years pas, marriage happens, so do kids finally (and on purpose!) and I find myself still struggling with past issues and "hang-ups" but also taking on a role of responsibility at the church. I think most people forget I started going to the church in my early 20s and spent no time there with their youth program. Thus, there's always levels of confusion when people do hear stories from my past. I wasn't an innocent church-going, God-fearing young boy. Nosiree.

As time passes, we come to last weekend and I'm walking my kids into the church. I see a display stand for a program run in the nearby community and there's a redhead standing by the display, talking to people. I look twice, but think "Nah.... there's no way." And I move on.

I tell my wife about the redhead and comment that if her name is... "Red" then "We have a past." (polite way of putting it, hm?)

My wife goes downstairs during the service to help take care of the kids and I make my way to the office to help with my... responsibilities. There's 4 of us in the office and I comment: "If that redhead in the front row is named "Red", we have a past." Not even a minute ticks by and a lady in the church is talking about the community program. She introduces one of the leaders of the program and calls her up to speak.

It's Red. We have a past.

Red introduces herself and begins to speak of her troubled past.

It's Red. We have a past.

She describes her years of homelessness, living on the streets in one of the worst neighborhoods in Canada.

It's Red. We have a past.

She goes into vivid detail about her addictions to IV drugs. "Mainly heroin," she admits.

It's Red. We have a past.

She talks of her move into prostitution and into abusive relationships.

It's Red. We have a past.

The other people in the office take all this in and look back to me. "That's some past."

It's Red. We have a past. But not that past.

Red's been clean for 2 years now and heavily involved in helping other women clean up and get out of bad relationships. She's working closely with a lady from our church. A lady just coming back from countless years working in Africa. Red will return to Africa with her for a brief stint to help her shut down her work there.

It's Red. She's speaking about Africa. We have a past.

Red & I have since caught up have reminisced upon our past together, which she agrees is definitely another life. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if our little scare turned out to be true. It's hard to think on that and know the pain she's obviously been through. But she's back in my life and we're talking again. And we're talking about Africa.

I haven't finished writing about Africa because I don't know how to end it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just thinking about something that won't happen or if my timing's just "off." But Africa keeps finding its way back into my life, which means I have to finish writing about it soon.

And I may yet have another chapter about it too.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Postcards

Having a random thought day and not really motivated to do anything else... So, just quick little blog entries for now :)

The Postcard thing is still happening and driving my best friend crazy. The 4 latest countries to send a postcard to him: Kuwait, Peru, Argentina, and Burkina Faso.

Awesome.

In my original post about the postcard joke some 4 years ago, I mentioned a song I was listening to at the time. Here's a version of it:


And yes, he is indeed singing the song in his bathroom. They were practicing some of their songs for a new album and they videotaped all the bathroom sessions and included some of their other songs from previous albums. :)

Impressed

3 weeks are done at work and they've me they're impressed. I came onboard during a major deadline crunch and got to work right away --screw training and orientation. I learned on the fly.

3 weeks, 150+ hours of work, later and they're impressed. Good! I'm tired, but I still have a bounce in my step as I head to the office.

Train Hottie's around, but she's returned to sitting in another area where she originally sat when I started sitting in that car. Train Hottie was actually the 3rd woman I'd noticed on that specific car (nice car!), but took top status because she's, well, the hottest. :)

I need a life.

But even her reign may be over as there's yet another hottie frequenting the train. Nope, never sat close to her, but she's walked past a couple times and I've sat with her on the rapid transit afterward, but.... wow.

Hehe. On a side note --of sorts-- my nickname at my job previous to this one was "Ol P.", which stands for "Old Perv" because I'd notice the girls before anyone else. :)

Passed

My wife's grandmother died this past week. She was just shy of her 102nd birthday, so I don't think it came as too much a of surprise that she passed away. It wasn't like she was sick and suffering for very long. Her health was in decline over the past year or so and her mind was slipping as well. But no one can deny she had a long and good life.

She had 4 daughters and 3 sons, one of which died in infancy. Each of the surviving 6 children are still with us and have gone on to have large families of their own. It isn't until you get to our generation that the number of children declines from 3-4 to 1 or 2. For the most part, anyway. Some have had 3 or 4, but others are more urban in their thinking and don't have space for large families. Needless to say, the last family gathering at Christmas had 70+ people there and that was just the offspring of her children. 5 generations in total, celebrating Christmas. That's a good life.

There are some taking the news of the matriarch's passing pretty hard. At first I had difficulty understanding clearly why they weren't more prepared for this. To me, I saw it as an inevitability.
A woman over a century old should be expected to pass away and the blessing of having her in fairly good health for so many years beyond expectation should just lead to a time of "this is it." Her latest great-grandchild was born at the beginning of February. Everyone expected it, why can't they cope with the passing of a family member?

Seems harsh, I know. And I'm not trying to detract from her passing in any way. She'll be missed and missed greatly by a huge number of people. She had a huge, loving family that extended throughout the church family as well. A church she helped establish. She has a huge legacy she's passed to her family and that family is now spread across the globe, working in basically every continent doing missionary work.

A huge family. With no death.

And that's when I clued in. The family's taking it hard because the last death in the family was in the late 1980s, early 1990s. Her husband died of a heart attack while gardening and the family took it hard. Death is not a common factor in the family, despite it's size. To think some of her grandchildren are away at university without knowing a death in the family shows that.

But this could be a bad year for the family. And that's where the coping really hits home. See, her oldest 2 daughters, both in their 80s, are watching their husbands' declining health. It's likely both husbands will not see 2009. One for sure, the other it's hard to say.

She had a good life and we get to celebrate that on Tuesday. I'm not sure where we're going to put everyone though. She's touched a lot of lives.

Cars

I gave my parents my car. That's the easy way of putting it. Their car has a wonky transmission, their truck is a gas guzzler, and my car is barely being used with me switching to mass transit for my work commute.

So, the car stays under my name, but my parents can drive it for the next 6 months. And pay the insurance too. :)

I have my parents' vehicles too, now. The truck is in the driveway and the car in the garage. Everyone hates driving the truck and I'm annoyed my Dad turned down a $5000 offer for it because he wanted $5500. Now he'll be lucky if he can get $4000 for the stupid thing.

Somedays we have to juggle things around here if I'm forced to drive to work. The truck would cost me about $70 in gas to get it there and back and that's not worth it for anyone.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Pressure

I do like this job, don't get me wrong. I just had bad timing for my arrival. I started during a 2-week deadline crunch, which meant instead of 2 full days of training, I got 5 days of spotty, a-minute-here and a-minute-there 'orientation' to my new job. It's similar enough to my last job that it's fairly easy to pick up, but the pressure's on for deadlines, one of which was supposed to be yesterday.

Add to this problem that I'm taking the train almost everyday, except days when I can use my wife's car (more about that later in another post!) and come in for overtime. And, due to some funky labour laws for the entertainment industry, overtime does not mean I get paid extra... In fact, I don't get paid at all as we're all on salary.

Part of our job performance, I've been warned, is based on how much overtime you put in. And therein lies the problem. I can't put much 'OT' in as the train has a very specific schedule and if I stay too late, it definitely becomes TOO LATE. Fortunately for me, coming in early is actually a benefit to the team as I can prep 70+ people on their tasks before anyone else arrives.

So, today I'm waiting by the phone for them to ask me to come in. The only big issue is that they'll expect me there quickly, but driving a car takes 90 minutes.

Lots of pressure.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shock

I started the new job this past week and I'm in total shock after 5 days of work. My commute is beyond stress-free and has become a breeze. I still leave home at the same time, but I'm at work in no time and never find myself running to catch the various modes of transit I need to get me places.

My big concern was having such a set transit schedule might be seen as 'risky' to the company, as I wouldn't be available for much overtime --and this industry loves overtime! I'm making the arrangements to crash either at my sister's place, or at a friend's place in-town, if need be. I am willing to go the extra mile for this company because they're treating me so well.

And, thus I'm shocked. Here's a list of things in my first week:
  1. 15 minutes after getting my photo taken for the internal website, I'm greeted and taken on a tour of the company. During the tour, I meet the CEO who remembers me from a presentation back when I was in school in 2006.
  2. I run into a few other people I"d worked with in the past and they all tell me how great it is here.
  3. Despite 2 days of catered lunches, and free food everyday, the team still takes me out for an official "welcome" lunch on the Friday.
  4. They're excited that I come in 90 minutes earlier than everyone else (part of that transit schedule again) because I can get the entire team up to speed the moment they arrive to the office.
  5. Being so early, the CEO has walked by my desk everyday (he's working on a completely different floor, but tours the entire facility before getting to business) and said good morning.
  6. I met my division boss, who then introduced me to all 50 people on the team. I never met the divisional boss at my last job. No idea who that even was.
  7. I'm allowed to check email and Facebook at work.
  8. I have medical and dental.
  9. I get to talk to people on my team as equals instead of part of a hierarchy where everything I said had to be diplomatic.
So, yeah. I'm in shock. I'm being treated well and with respect and it's been a long, long time since I had that.

Monday, January 28, 2008

What!?!?!

[one word, still works!]

I always think that the moment I have good news, everyone rooting for me will be happy.

Not true.

In fact, my wife was really upset that day and it continued for a week. See, the day I got the new job offer, her job (one of my old jobs at the office From Hell!) was cut by 80%. They did it "to be fair" to the on-call workers who were barely getting any shifts because of the quality of work she was doing.

Yep, read that again. She was doing such a great job, they cut her hours so the people who aren't good at it can have a chance to work. It still boggles the mind to think this place is considered one of the "top employers" in Canada... I'll never figure out who filled out that survey.

What doesn't help is me being sympathetic/empathetic about her situation. Despite the fact that I'd "been there" (literally.. I got booted from that job once to be replaced by a woman who had told her boss to 'f--- off' and the HR department asked her which job she'd rather do and gave her mine!) didn't go over well with my wife. No matter how often over the years she's seen me in a similar situation, it still hurt her and confused her. There's no reward for good work. There's nothing rewarding about working there at all. I've told her in the past to quit and my new job coinciding with this latest insult should be the perfect sign to walk away. But she didn't see it that way and we argued into the night.

I had nothing left to say and when she wanted to talk about it the next day, she took my saying "I've said everything I have to say. All I can do is listen." to mean: "I'm not talking about it."

We're still not talking about it.

Farewells

I left work for good on Friday. It was great to go.

I also realized earlier in the week that the last time I quit a job was just after high school. In 17 years, I've quit 2 jobs. I've been laid off, had contracts expire, and businesses close down around me. But I've only quit twice.

It's funny, but I've always been depressed starting a new job because I've either had to settle or I'm expecting the worst to happen. This new opportunity is the first in a long time where I'm excited to go and eager to start. I'll keep the week off, though.

It was odd to have people sad to see me go, as I don't usually get that from a majority of people (hehe). But in this case, I had a marathon of handshakes, and well-wishes and the big boss for our division told me if things don't work out to give him a call. I'm welcome back anytime? Me? Weird.

The saddest goodbye (for him, anyway) was my "partner" who has been driving me insane for the entire month of January. After I finished shaking hands, I turned around and he was standing there with a major pout, giving me a salute. He kind of reminded me of Radar saying goodbye to Colonel Blake in that really sad episode of MASH.

Meh.

I'm out of there and happy to flee! :)

Home

I'm home for a week before heading off to the new job. I'm supposed to be working on a new website design for a company, but the guy who's supposed to get me all the resources I need is off for the week because his wife had a baby over the weekend.

I could work on my own, but I haven't nailed down a design for mine yet... geez.

My first bit of housekeeping was to go through my MSN contacts and block most of my now-former coworkers. Aren't I nice? I don't want them "feeling free" to get in touch with me this week.... or for a while into the future either.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Status

If Facebook is good for nothing else (and with the number of times I've had to repeatedly login and tell it to "remember me" this week, it pretty much is good for nothing else), it's reading what people... friends... are up to.

Maybe this will become a quasi-theme this year. Checking over friends' status and jotting down the more interesting ones...
  • Michelle is excited about skating on the longest outdoor rink in the world.
  • Diana ate the other M.
  • Jessica has her soya sauce and destiny is fulfilled.
  • Kylie is related to someone from Star Trek. Good enough reason to dabble in the Chardonnays. [I agree]
  • Pat is a supercop with a jetpack and a devil-may-care attitude.
Geez, out of 188 friends that wasn't much. Oh well.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The results from the job interview came in quite quickly from the interview on Tuesday. I was told it would be a week. And having dealt with the old office (From Hell!) when it came to job postings, a "week" to an job candidate can actually be up to 3 weeks (or not informed at all).

This took less than 24 hours.

No.

No more.

No more annoying commute, switching modes of mass transportation every 30 minutes.
No more being left in the dark about my job responsibilities.
No more annoying work partner.
No more missing trains because of slow traffic and a slower crossing light.
No more extremely low pay.

No more.

Effective February 4, I start a much better job (with the company at #1 on my list when I was in school) and I'm already bouncing off the walls.

I have one week left at work. One week and I never have to go there again.

Thank God.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Reunion

I was invited out to some basketball games last weekend. My favorite coaches from the old office (From Hell!) were both coaching. The men's coach is with a different university now and the women's coach is still with my old department. But I was excited to see them and the remaining players still eligible to play.

See, my old boss (From Hell! --I'll stop that now, for this post anyway) had fired the one coach at the beginning of the season before taking off himself "for greener pastures". The coach eventually got a job at another university with an open position and fortunately a long-time rivalry with the old team.

When his first home game came up, I got a call to come out and see the game.

I jumped at the chance, knowing he'd be there, his son would be there, and I still knew a couple player's on the men's team. The women were playing too, and there were a couple I knew there too, as well as a number of former players filling the stands.

When I first arrived, I walked in right behind the president from my old office. He kept looking at me in the ticket line, obviously trying to place me. He wasn't doing so well since it's been 4 years since he last stole my fries at an after-game dinner. But look he did, and I could tell he was frustrated. The man's a huge basketball fan and that would help him figure it out later.

Once I got to my seat, I saw the pres sit 2 rows in front of me. And yes, he kept looking back throughout the first game.... still not placing me. As the former players started coming in, he figured it out. Here's national championship players walking right by their "biggest fan" and giving me hugs and handshakes. Their "biggest fan" lost their support when he allowed their favorite coach to be fired. They all made sure he heard them say that too. National champions, national athletes of the year, even national team members were coming over to talk and reacquaint, all in sight of this poor man who was finally cluing in. It was great.

See, the thing he never realized and obviously my boss could never grasp while I was there was that I loved the kids. I was there to make sure they were successful on the court and off of it. I was there to make sure they didn't have needless distractions. I was there to ensure they got an education and not just play a sport for a year. I was there for them and for their future.

So was their coach. And he was fired for it.

The kids knew who was there for them and on this night they showed it and didn't care if someone else's ego was crushed. He did some crushing of his own before.

Train

I totally blew it. I never should've admitted to the 'Train Hottie."

Since I brought her up on this blog, I've seen her maybe 5 times. 2 times she sat with me. The other 3 times, I've seen her departing at night or in a different car. The train's had more people, that is true, but I haven't seen her sitting in Car 4 since December. It's sad, really.

Versus

Here's some things looking at my current job compared to the potential job:

Current: Low pay for a lot of work
Potential: Higher pay for less of the same work.

Current: Tough commute that sees me in the office after 2 hours on mass transit.
Potential: Easier commute that sees me in the office after 90 minutes on mass transit.

Current: Supervisory role with no promised pay increase for... 2 years!!
Potential: Non-supervisory role with no promised pay increase (because I don't have the job yet).

Current: Multinational company that usually takes 1-5 days to get a response to a question.
Potential: Local company that usually takes 10-15 minutes to get a response to a question.

Current: A couple of friends there who hate their jobs and want out ASAP.
Potential: A couple of friends there who love their jobs and can't believe why people work where I do.

I'm sure there's bad things too, but right now I don't really care. The bad show up eventually. It's all just a matter of balance in the versus war....

Money

I hope I don't use up a lot of good words today....

I forgot to mention the money. There's lots of "money" things right now.

To start, my pay finally got sorted out. It appears the payroll office took an entire week to enter our bank information, so we didn't get paid. I say "we," because it happened to 7 of us. 2 people did get paid and we found out later it was because their forms were put on top of the Inbox. I hate people to who start with the work on the bottom of the pile....

I've been paid again and the 20% raise comes in handy. Is it enough? No. I still have $200 a month for my commute, which is essentially eating up the entire raise. Sad.

The job I interview for today is another 25-35% increase over what I'm currently making. Um, yeah, that's good incentive.

Interview

Today is my second interview with the new company, hence my trip downtown on a workday. I'm hoping for something good out of this as my stress level is almost through the roof at work. My "partner" is beyond childish, which makes an interesting (and loud --from me) dichotomy when he's only a year younger than me. He usually acts about 30 years younger than me, though.

The first interview was postponed even after I took a day off work for it. It was a phone interview, so I ended up taking the call at work and hiding in a corner to try and avoid as many people as possible. Surprisingly, it worked. The interview also worked out and that's why I'm downtown today!

It's at 12:30 about 5 blocks from here. I have time. Time to pray and time to worry and time to focus. And time to go to the washroom, which I've done 5 times already this morning!!