Thursday, December 30, 2004

My Fight Club

Okay, not really. There is no Fight Club.

But I was in a bad mood today... well, if you consider that 'today' started when I was rudely woken up Wednesday morning at 4am after going to bed at 3:30am and have been basically going ever since --yeah, I was in a mood today.

But I wasn't the one snapping. No, no. I left that to my wife. And my son.

See, my son's teething right now, so the cruel joke is that teeth hurt the most after 3 in the morning. He's usually good all day, but hates sleeping because that's when everything hurts.

And he wants his mommy.

It happened tonight at the dinnertable and I'll admit one of my biggest pet peeves is a loud 'suppertime.' It's one of those 'unwritten rules' that I've taken on from my own family. I have to ask my dad one day how he dealt with my sister and I as kids when we were at the dinner table.

My son didn't want to eat and kept motioning to be let down from his high chair. We did so and he immediately began screaming and crying for mommy.

VERY.

Annoying.

We've sunk into the habit of reading at the table and I was reading when the screaming began. I sighed and closed my book (who wants to lose their place?) and tried consoling my son while my wife finished her dinner. I wasn't even halfway through mine, but I'm the one who can't stand the noise.

No such luck. He insisted on mommy and nothing I did helped. I only seemed to make it worse.

Fine.

So, eventually he ended up where he seemed to want to be --in mommy's arms and she wasn't quite done with her dinner. Then he started crying even more and I opted to try my best to ignore the ear-shattering screams and go back to reading.

At which point my wife slammed down her fork and stormed off with my son. She yelled out to me, "Well, if you're going to get angry with everyone... I'll take him away!!"

I was reading.

I didn't grumble. I didn't sigh. I'd already proven that he didn't want me.

Where's the anger?

Oog. Our first fracas in months.

My Hero

I've had comments about my writing skills on this blog --and thank you very much for the compliments.

I do like writing and I'll admit to working on a story that right now is closing in on 20 years of ideas and planning. Fortunately, it's not for a single book otherwise I could go down in history as one of the slowest writers.

Ever.

No, I'm actually working (gawd, this sounds worse!!) on a character and plotting out how he works. How he is or isn't a hero. Because that's important to me. That he's a hero.

The Canadian in me gets quite annoyed with the 'Americanism" of the word "hero." It seems just about everyone who's ever made the news in a good (or at least not 'bad') way is at some point termed a 'hero.' I think every astronaut in existence has been termed a 'hero' at one point or another. Some, I agree, a historical figures like Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. But heroes?

Are they labelled heroes because they bravely made their way to space? Who wouldn't give their left nut (women can think of their own item... ;-) ) to go into space? Bravery is one thing, but is it the be-all and end-all of being a hero?

Bill Murray recently said that he doesn't think of his latest character in "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" as a hero. Murray sees a hero as someone who does something they don't want to do and his character is doing exactly what he wants to do. That contradicts with astronauts being termed heroes. They trained specifically for going into space. Again, something they wanted to do.

9-11 could be a huge source of controversy. the police, firemen and rescuers of all types are definitely heroes. Those that rushed the cockpit to save lives? Heroes.

I think George W. Bush actually referred to Tom Ridge as a hero. Why? How does coming up with a 5-color scale of terrorist threats make him a hero? It was, sadly, his job to come up with something (I guess) like that.

So what makes a hero to me?

A hero is someone who risks their own life to save another's, regardless of whether or not they've planned on saving a life. A hero is someone who takes the lead and show by example the importance of life and the sanctity in which it must be held. A hero will sacrifice. For anyone.

So my hero may be reluctant to put his life on the line but he learns the importance of doing so. But my hero also sacrifices. He is placed face-to-face with death in order to save others. And, when he is called upon, he leads others.

And he'll learn that even when he thinks he's sacrificed all he can he's nowhere near done.

My Party

We decided a few weeks back to invite friends over after Christmas just for an opportunity to visit and a chance for me to speak to the friends I'd left behind when I escaped from work.

We had a few people show, but there was also quite a number who had other plans and sadly couldn't be there.

But those who were there got to hear directly from me just what the Hell happened back in October. How we'd come to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave as I'd had enough and felt it necessary to abandon the Co-workers From Hell to their own fiendish absurdities.

And that it took me all of 2 hours to come to terms with "semi-retirement" and know that I'd made the right step. And how relieved I was when I faced a future that didn't include walking into that building ever again.

I also apologized for not speaking to them sooner as I know they've all been quite upset with my departure. Some of them talked about "the usual Hell" occurring in the office and at the same time admitted that I'm not the only person who used the term "relief" to describe my departure from work.

Which I honestly think pissed off my friends that are getting close (but not quite close enough) to retirement.

I'm 31 years old with an entire lifetime ahead of me. If I retire in my 60s that's still 30 years away. So I'm getting a later start on my career. It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

My Legacy

I'd emailed a bunch friends at my old office before the holidays just to send well-wishes and all that. To date, I've heard back from 4 of them.

That's out of a few dozen people.

Initially was thinking that maybe everyone else had decided to stop tlaking to me --for whatever reasons. I know some are upset that I'm gone and haven't been able to cope with my flippant attitude about it. I know others may be listening to rumours as to why I am gone. I'd hoped they'd be able to look the other way when hearing the stories. I've heard them. They're not true.

But then I heard about one friend who became quite vocal after I'd left. She was one who both recognized and valued the effort I put in at work. And she was one who was most upset and couldn't understand why I wsn't coming in anymore. Why put in the effort? Why put in extra hours? Why be dedicated to the job when all the "higher-ups" do is whatever suits them?

People's attitudes have changed since I left. It used to be that you could email virtually anyone and get a response during any waking hour. They'd check their email constantly during working hours (I had mine running all day) and even once or twice every evening. I knew a few (and I did it myself) who would check their emails before heading in to work every morning just to get a head's up about tasks for the day.

And now those same people haven't responded to a message sent over a week ago.

I heard from one friend today and he backed that up. He's one of these "uber-worker"-types and he's backed out of an "extra effort" work and is strictly sticking to his job description. He's even started looking for work elsewhere and if they pay him enough he's gone. I could see him gone (he's that good) within days. Another one did leave for another job already and a few more are hinting at following suit.

There's no more effort.

There's no more loyalty.

I once said that when I left I wouldn't be going alone. I wonder if they thought it would be immediate, eventual, or not at all. My legacy seems to be changing the environment for everyone.

Monday, December 27, 2004

My Best Friend

So I'm walking into the bread store today when suddenly from the back of the bread delivery truck I hear...

You sonnuvabitch!!

Shocked, I turn to see what's going on and there's my best friend from years past --also known as "the butt of My Practical Joke."

Yep, he clued in after the 7th or so postcard arrived, but --as planned-- he couldn't figure out how I was sending him all these cards.

And that was bugging the Hell out of him.

He proceeded to drag me into the bread store and introduce me to the staff there because they'd all heard about his postcard problem. What made it even better, though, was that one of the cashiers used to work where I was a few months ago. Small world, eh?

So he knows who had the postcards sent, but still doesn't understand how I'm able to do it.

And there's more on the way too. Should be one from Abaco arriving any day now...

Saturday, December 25, 2004

My Days of Christmas

So, here we go. A Stay-At-Home Father's 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my family gave to me... cats meowing on a CD.
On the second day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the third day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats mewowing on a CD.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 6 toys need assembly. 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 11 hours of cartoons, 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 12 hockey games, 11 hours of cartoons, 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.

Good night and merry Christmas!!

Friday, December 24, 2004

My Green Christmas

I think the last thing anyone who may read this from the East Coast wants to hear is a big *sigh* and whine from me because of our weather expectations for Christmas 2004.

It's gonna be a green Christmas. Again.

It's kind of funny that I recall so many snowy Christmas Days from my childhood because the weatherman says that one out of every 11 years we see a white Christmas. Being --31-- that should mean I've seen 2, maybe 3 if I'm lucky.

But I remember more than that. It's usually then I have to remind myself that I moved a lot when I was a kid and although a majority of my life was in this area, I spent my childhood in 2 other climates that had much harsher winters.

So, really, I think I've had 6 white Christmases out of this region and maybe maybe 2 here.

Still, that's only 8 times in my life that there's been snow on Christmas Day.

I had to write it as I just read someone's whine about 25 inches of snow today....

Thursday, December 23, 2004

My Game

Sportsnet is showing 'classic' hockey games now since it's so starved for anything to schedule. It's a great game with Detroit in Vancouver from last February. A guy not normally known for his scoring prowess manages 4 goals to beat the Red Wings 4-2.

I've watched most of the game.

I really miss hockey.

My Loss

Well, got an email today saying that I didn't get the job. All they'd asked for was a personal and 2 professional references and one of the pro referees is a dear friend of mine as well.

So.... unless I have a problem with my personal reference, then the 'favor' from the HR head isn't much of a 'favor' anymore.

And here I thought everything was running smoothly.

Time to refocus and kick things into gear again. Christmastime or not!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My Postal Rant

CanadaPost has got to be the worst postal system the world has ever known.

I mean, seriously. Is it really going to take 19 days to get a package to Quebec? If so, then why did package I sent to France and the Netherlands on Friday arrive already? And yet a package sent to England 5 weeks ago arrived today?

I'm happy to hear the postman survived the walk, mind you, I'm not completely annoyed at this.

But then again, my parents --for convenience's sake, paid 10x the regular rate to ensure that the gift cards for my kids would arrive before Christmas. They're less than 300 miles away and it's taken 4 days so far and nothing.

The tracking number says they're in town as of this morning, but our mailman Cliff (seriously!) ran right by our house today...

It's not that CanadaPost is inefficient, I wouldn't say that. Painfully inefficient is a much better

My Friend's Good Advice

My wife was complaining just over a week ago at her family get-together that I'm horribly unpredictable when it comes to coffee.

I'm not. I want my coffee, dammit!

What started it was that I was recruited to make coffee for the 60+ people attending and I started philosophizing with some people about the importance of making good coffee:

"You can make strong coffee weak, but weak coffee will always be weak."

Anyway, my wife's complaint was that some days she'll make a pot of coffee first thing in the morning and there won't be a drop in the pot when she comes home from work. Other days, there's 3 or 4 cups left in the pot.

My explanation: Some days I can't get through my first cup of the day without numerous interruptions. Therefore, my coffee's always cold and although I am able to drink cold coffee I'd rather just switch to the caffeine in Coke if I want something served cold. Today could've been one of those cold coffee days, but someone else had a good idea at the family thing.

Just use the good ol' travel mug.

So, although it's likewarm right now, the remnants of today's pot of coffee sit beside me on the desk.

I loves me coffee!!

My Interruptions

Apparently, since I got 2 comments between posts, I don't type fast enough (or plain "enough") sometimes.

Well, there's a reason. My kids lllloooooooovvvvvveeeeeee to interrupt me at any and all times. My son, who my wife insists only needs an afternoon nap from 1-3:30 now, sleeps very well from 1:30 - 2:00.

In fact, I've gotten up from the chair 4 times since I started this post and stopped typing another 2 times becaue of my son. Fortunately, for the moment, my daughter's preoccupied with "George Shrinks" and is oblivious to the world around her.

She spent my son's entire naptime freaking out because she found a seed in her Mandarin orange. Once she finds something 'foreign' in her food, she loses all normal body functions like spitting and placing finger in mouth to remove the foreign object, relying instead on 'Daddy' to do it. It's a freaking orange seed.

I even get interrupted when I'm on the toilet. My son screams at the door and I have a low threshold for his screaming and will open the door. Today, he just wanted to play in the sink, but kept insisting I help him down off the stepstool at whim. He's 17 months old, remember.

And there goes another 5 minutes.

My son's also started begging for snacks and has a few favorites he points to on the pantry shelf. But somedays he can't make up his mind and in order to save time, I've started lining up the crackers, raisins, etc. so he can just bring me the package to dole out the servings.

Then my daughter wants me to find "something" for her to do. Playing with her brother is an option I like as it keeps him distracted for a little while too, but she thinks he plays rough. Tell that to the guy who had to rub all the green marker ink off his face this morning...

Such is the life of....

Sorry, got interrupted again... of a househusband.

My Favorites - Continued

I realized the other day that when I listed my favorite TV shows, I'd forgotten to mention the all-important Reality Shows!!

Crap!

Well, there's only 2 that I really watch as I don't consider 'Last Comic Standing' to be a reality show. 'Last Comic' is too 'entertaining' to be of the reality genre, but as a variety show it works. Unless they decide on another "Best of the Best" series. Actually, I don't think that'll happen since they didn't bother showing the final episode. Too bad too because the first 2 series were fairly good. The Best of the Best should've placed everyone back in houses again, maybe mixing the groups up a bit or something, but not a stanu standoff every week. That was just plain stupid.

But I'm talking about my favorite reality show here. Or, maybe I'll start with what should be the obvious choice (but isn't)...

I never miss Survivor, or at least I try not to miss an episode. Granted, during the All-Star series I felt okay missing an episode or two along the way. I mean, it's not like all the winners of the series were even there, so how they consider it "All-Star" is beyond me. "Media Whores Who Know How to Say 'Yes'" is more to the fact. And it's not like everyone on there was a "favorite." Who'd ask to see Boston Rob in a second Survivor??

Another thing, all but one Survivor series has taken place on a beach. I've heard people argue that, technically, 2 have not --Australia and Africa-- but Australia had beaches, crocs and the whole bit so there were definitely beaches. Just like Amazon. It's a river --but there's the beach too.

So, with Survivor come this:
  1. There's going to be fishing and someone'll lose lures or the complete fishing rod.
  2. If there's a boat available to a camp. Someone will learn the hard way what tides do to things left on the beach.
  3. If you don't know how to swim, you're not going to do well in the Challenges. Period.
  4. It's going to rain.
  5. And while it's raining, every dumbass is going to sit there getting wet and bitch about not having enough water to drink (seriously, where do they find these people?).
  6. Someone with a boob-job is going to fall out of their bikini.
Oh, and there's always going to be someone speaking with such a strong accent that you literally need a translator... they're speaking frickin' English, people!!

The only reason this last Survivor got interesting was that a guy doomed from the merger somehow continued to strive every episode afterward. Once he was voted out, I was planning on stopping watching. No reason as none of the female players really grabbed my attention.

So, what's the best? Amazing Race.

Amazing Race gives you deeper 'character' dynamics in the participants and allows for varied challenges that actually change from series-to-series. Survivor re-hashes old challenges and even revamps them again in the same series. In Amazing Race, you may see someone bungee jump in every series, but one time it'll be off a bridge in Sydney Australia and the next time it's shooting skyward in Berlin. There'll be climbing sheer cliffs but once it'll be in Dover and the next time you tune in they'll be doing it on a glacier in Iceland.

And you never know when there'll be a car accident or someone hauled into a police station. And who didn't laugh when the taxi driver refused to take Jon and his wife any further in Hungary because Jon kept shouting "hurry hurry hurry!!"?

Amazing Race offers something different in each episode and you can always find someone to cheer for, with or against. There's always conflict, always suspense, and always an asshole. And very rarely does the asshole win in the end. (I'll leave it up to you as to who that winner was...).

My Cat's Seven Years of Bad Luck

My wife decided in November that the downstairs hallway needed a new paint job. I agree. It was a drab blue and is now a neutral biege/brown. She also brought out of storage a mirror my uncle had put together for us as a wedding gift. It's an old farmhouse or barn window frame with mirrors put in each slot. They're quite beautifully done and he made a great hobby out making them before his illness took its toll. Regardless, she brought it out early before we knew where exactly to hang it and I told her it was a bad idea to leave it out.

One of our cats, they're both 10 years old now, has always been a destructive cat. At one point early on in his life, we actually referred to him as the "Destructo-Kitty" for his seemingly mechanical destruction of items in our house. You could put a box of anything in a room and within minutes something inside had been broken.

So, the mirror is leaning against the wall in the hallway when one afternoon I heard a strange "Clunk!" from the basement. My immediate thought was something had fallen over and then I realized the mirror was still in the hall. Sure enough, the mirror had been pushed straight up against the wall and fell forward to hit the opposit wall. Now being in a wood frame saved some of the pieces. The bottom piece, however, shattered. The only way it could shatter is from impact. And that impact was this cat's head.

Idiot.

My cat's in for 7 years of bad luck now. That'll take him to age 17 --if he lives that long. And at the rate he's going, he won't make it to 17.

My Second Interview

A few weeks back, I'd had a job interview with the nearby major university. Basically, the initial interview was to see whether I was the "right type" of person they wanted to work there and looked on my previous accomplishments at work, at home, and at school. After 7+ years of various interviews at my old job, I'd grown accustomed to the standard questions asked in interviews. There, at the old place, were 5 basic scenarios you had to respond to as well as numerous other questions asked by the hiring committee (usually 3-5 people, sometimes up to a dozen). I'd gotten so good at those questions that I had an immediate answer and hit on every point requested and was the best possible outcome to the scenario. One time, the chair of the hiring committee asked me if I was so quick in giving answers because I could "talk-the-talk" but not "walk-the-walk" Just as quickly, I responded the key to any job skill is to walk and talk at the same time. I held back on the "especially if it means working with an asshole like you" bit...

That's me. Professional interviewer.

Anyhoo, this new interview was the toughest interview I'd ever had. Some of the questions were extremely deep that I was convinced I'd blown it and would never hear back from them.

And then they called me in for interview #2 last week.

The first interview was conducted by the head of human resources, the second was with my immediate supervisors. There was supposed to be a third with their supervisor, but he'd decided to conduct #2 in his office and therefore save some time.

And interview #2 had to be one of the easiest interviews I've had. The questions, essentially, were: "What do you bring to the table compared to what we expect?" "What is your greatest strength?" "In which situations do youfind your work thrives?" "To you, what makes a good leader/boss?"

It was a short interview too and I felt really good afterward.

On the way home, I received a phone call saying that they were having problems checking one of my references (couldn't reach him), so I gave them an alternate phone number.

That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything since....

Oog.

My Lucky Streak

It's weird but ever since I left work in October good things have been happening to me. No long lines at the post office. Newly found money enters the bank account. Friends call up wanting to do things.

I win prizes.

I got a call last week while tending to my sick son saying that I'd won a hockey jersey from the local junior team. Just days earlier, I'd been admiring their jerseys and suddenly I'm a proud owner. Sweet!

I'd been at a charity hockey game that virtually every Canadian had heard about as numerous NHL players were taking part and in a (professional) hockey-starved country, any hockey is good hockey. And that's just it. It was good hockey! Even better were our seats, 5th row in the corner where all the banging and crashing happens. I got a couple of good pictures on the digital camera of Olaf Kolzig, Todd Bertuzzi, Ed Jovanovski and Markus Naslund. One thing that did make me laugh was the spelling mistakes on jersey namebars and on the big screen. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear Drama Queen had found a new job...

Also of interest was that it was the first time in nearly 10 year I'd sat in Pacific Coliseum, the traditional home of the NHL Vancouver Canucks. As with many hockey traditionalists, the opportunity to sit in the old Coliseum was something to look forward to....

Until we all jammed in our seats and realized how damned uncomfortable it was. I like GM Place's seats much better. :-)

My Mini-Mentions

I've just realized there's a ton of things that have happened in the past few weeks that I haven't written about yet. I'll try and deal with a few of those now...

Monday, December 20, 2004

My Reading Race

Usually when you request a book through the library it doesn't take long for an answer. In our library system, which is centralized in a nearby town and serves close to 750,000 people, it takes about 3-5 days to get your requested book in or at least a confirmation that the book is available. I got a book last week that I'd requested in May.

So, out of all the libraries in the region, there's only one copy of this book?

It seems hard to believe, but since it took over 6 months to come in I'd believe. I believe!

Also, man!, it's got requests on it so I can't sit back and relax to read it. No-no! I have to have this book read by this Wednesday, December 22, when it's gotta go back for the next person.

If not, then I may have to wait until June or so to get a hold of it again. I almost had a heart attack when I looked on Amazon and they had "used" copies for $26. What?!!?!? Then I realized it only gave me hardcover copies. Don't want that!

My Geek Test Results

Okay, I don't tihnk I've ever been called 'nifty' before, but chalk it up to a GEEK test to use that word. Nifty.

This thing needed some comic questions, then I'd be racking up the points. There were a few music questions, but I have extremely eclectic tastes and I'm pretty sure that didn't help.

Meanwhile embrace my geek-muscles, baby!


You are 24% geek
OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Saturday, December 18, 2004

My Blech

[sorry --this one's graphic!]

About 10 years ago, just before my wife & I were engaged, I spent a rather nasty weekend in her basement suite. It all started on the Friday night when her roommate came home from work with his girlfriend. She kind of waved hello and made her way immediately into the bathroom where she proceeded to get sick.

Very sick.

The roomie followed suit the next morning and was nice enough to enliven us with tales of indecision as to whether or not to sit on the toilet or stick his head in it. All day Saturday, he sat on the couch or slept in his room, with periodic "runs" to the bathroom.

My soon-to-be bride followed on Sunday and by Sunday night we could hear the landlady upstairs yakking into her toilet. It was airborne and somehow I'd escaped it all! I stayed the extra night, after taking care of the roomies and making sure they always had cold water, crushed ice, and soda crackers to munch on after "exits" to make sure that my woman was properly taken care of as well.

And lo and behold, Monday morning, it was my turn.

And then they kicked me out of the suite and sent me home.

Honestly, I barely made it home. I was sick twice in the 30 minute drive home and only once did I pull over in time. I was covered in vomit by the time I got home and had to get help cleaning the car. The once time I did pull over, I honestly though about just collapsing in the ditch and staying there. I still couldn't believe after all I'd done I'd be treated like that.

Although I never figured out the reasons the roomies acted the way they did (except of course, no one wanted to get sick again), my soon-to-be wife was another matter. It was probably only a few months ago that I truly understood her actions. And it was a cousin of hers who described it to me. It seems her mother's family always viewed illness as something that was "shut away." If you were sick, then you went to your room and stayed there 'til you were better. It didn't matter where you were. You get into your own bed. He explained this to me because his wife felt hurt the first time she was sick after they were married and he just left her alone to stay in bed. That was the way it was in his family, just like my wife's.

In my family, however, it wasn't quite like that. The sick person usually ended up on the couch in front of the TV, so that the family could drop by and visit and check up on you. While not exactly catered-to, you were at least given something to drink and peace and quiet to sleep if needed. And for some strange reason, it was always my parents' favorite time to order in Chinese...

Well, the virus struck again this past week with my son getting it first. His favorite nap spot became my chest and sure enough I was violently ill by Wednesday night. He was completely better, so I retreated to the TV room and vegged all night and well into the morning. I was awoken by the sound of retching --my wife-- and later by the sound of crying --my daughter who had vomited in her sleep. By Friday, my son was running laps around all of us as we turned our house into a minor infirmary.

I had some toast today. My first "meal" since Wednesday afternoon.

And no bad feelings about no one there to take care of me.

Monday, December 13, 2004

My Prodigal Friends

Some may remember My Practical Joke, which is still ongoing with my best friend. I still have postcards coming from all over the world and he still has no idea what's going on. And some may think that I'm becoming my own theory with what I'm about to describe --but I'm not and I'll explain later.

A Prodigal Friend is the friend you never hear from then suddenly you run into them one day (say, at Starbucks) and it's time to play catch-up on what may be motnhs or years of silence. All's good and you're always happy to see them until the next week when things start arriving in the mail or even via email. Invitations to Avon or Tupperware parties. The latest one I got was to go to a conference for an Amway-type company.

As if, suddenly after all these months, my friendship has so much meaning that they feel it necessary to involve me in their schemes. Well, why? What now makes me so important to your lives?

Nothing but selfish crap. And then when I don't respond, am I surprised that the Christmas card has THAT LABEL on it? No way, that means too much effort into any type of friendship.

Yes, granted, we've both been busy over the past year or so, but my initial reaction after seeing you again wasn't to drag you to some stupid conference (which by the way costs $35!!!)!! Ever hear of "going for coffee?" "Meeting with family?" "Picking up the FRIGGIN' PHONE???"

Nope! Amway, Partylite Candles. Tupperware. Spare me. I don't need friends like that. Although I'm sure I'll hear from you again sometime.

My Christmas Cards

It's nearly the middle of December and we've gotten 6 Christmas cards in the mail. Six.

We've mailed out about 90 cards to friends and family this year and yet again this year I regret not sending a "newsletter" detailing what the family's doing with life.

And boy what a year it's been.

There's something else I've noticed with the cards that have arrived. A few have come with labels on the envelope stating "this is the last year we're sending cards." If it weren't for the plural on 'cards' I'd think we were being cut-off of their Christmas card send list. Geez, just put
"Hey man, I don't really like you all that much anymore that the thought of having to send you a card saying 'Merry Christmas' and spending 12-cents on the card and 50-cents on postage is a complete total hassle. Oh, and Happy New Year, dickhead."
At least that has feeling.

So where is this going? Are we just going to end up with an email inbox flooding with "Yahoo!" and "Hallmark" eCards? Can we get more impersonal? I'll put in a patent on the Generic Greeting Card. It's a plain white card that reads:

Generic Greeting Card Message:__________
From: People who put more effort in to sending a card than you did this year and/or:____________
(Generic Greeting Card - Patent pending)

Lazy bastards.

Granted, there is a good excuse for not sending Christmas cards. The lady whose 90th birthday party I attended last February (My Amazing Grace) said she wasn't sending cards anymore since her husband had passed on. She's older and lonely and doesn't feel up to writing God know how many people to tell them. That's a legit excuse from a 90 year old person, but what's the deal with the 42 year old living 6 blocks away? Well, Grace is getting a card and a photo of the kids this year. I could care less about the Prodigal Friend.

My Curse

Well, I'm hoping I don't get blamed for this, but I have to admit that it's a funny coincidence that 2 "hangouts" for people from 'my old job' burned down over the weekend.

Friday night saw the "Saturday night" bar burn down to nothing but the frame. And Saturday night, the building where most of the office 'events' were held was completely obliterated.

I'm glad I have alibi's as I can guess that one person (DQ) would think I may have had something to do with it.

Oh wait, that would mean DQ had actually had a thought and that just doesn't happen...

Saturday, December 11, 2004

My Daughter as Mary

My daughter's pre-school Christmas 'pageant' occurred this week. Something about a bunch of 3-5 year old kids putting on a performance just doesn't lend itself to the definition of 'pageant.'

Short Attention-Span Theatre is more like it.

They did a couple of songs about Christmas, then a short play about an old man making candy canes in which the teacher recited all the lines for all the kids save one --a little girl who had memorized hers with the help of her parents. I sat beside them as they both mouthed the words together, so it was fairly obvious how their daughter knew. Still, it was impressive and in a class of 25 boys and 3 girls, the boys were put to shame (if they knew what shame was...). My daughter played Mary and di a fairly good job of explaining who Mary was and, of course, why we celebrate Christmas. By the time her part came around, though, most of the kids had taken to running back and forth on stage as they were getting extremely bored.

I sometimes think I'm too hard on my kids and keen to discipline them when they need it. But events like this make me see that I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. I was one of 2 adults aside from the teacher and her assistant to get up on stage to corral children after the play was over. I grabbed my daughter (who had fallen into the natural mindset that it must be okay to run around since everyone else was doing it) and the father of one of the boys grabbed his son too. It was a little too late, though, as one brat knocked over a 10-foot tall Christmas tree. How can a 5 year old kid knock over a tree 5 times taller than he is? And how did it not hit anyone else? It was only after the teacher scolded him and insisted that he get of the stage immediately that one of his parents came over to see "what's up."

Sure enough, my daughter's been invited to a birthday party next week and naturally it's this little punk. He's the type that gives you that BAD FEELING that you're going to hear his name many times over the next few decades... Yes, my daughter's 4 and I'm already dreading her teenage years.

Friday, December 10, 2004

My Latest Find

Yet another quote... just something else for a laugh.

I think the people that live above me are having sex. Either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
Beauty.

My Test - Your Test

I'm not one of the bunch this semester, but this goes out all my peeps writing exams over the next few weeks...

Take Your Test

by

Jason Knight

to the tune of "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast
Music by Alan Menken, original lyrics by Howard Ashman

Professors:

Ma chere tuition-payers, it is with deepest sadism and greatest power that we welcome you this morning. And now, we require you to get tense, let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents - your final!

Professors:

Take your test
Take your test
Are you nervous? Are you stressed?
Summer's just around the corner now
We love this time the best
Physics laws
English lit.
Why, you'll never want to quit
What's the formula for vinyl?
Don't you love to take a final!
Classic film
Modern dance
All the kings and queens of France
You'll be writing with such energy and zest
Go on and take some blue books
You'll at least need two books
Take your test
Fake your test
Take your test

World War I
World War II
You'll be chugging Mountain Dew
As you scram back home to cram
And stay awake the whole night through
If you're here
And you're scared
Then you're prob'ly unprepared
Don't tell me about your party
You should study, Mr. Smarty
Distant stars
Shakespeare's plays
Let us run you through our maze

Student 1:

Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed?

Professors:

Don't question our regime
How could you dare blaspheme?
Now take your test
(You've B.S.ed,
But you'd rather say you've "guessed")
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test

Life's all smiles and smirking
For a student who's not working
It's a gas without a class to load him down
Ah, those good old days way back in grade school
Suddenly he wants his cap and gown
While he's been busy learning
Curiosity's been burning
What's it like to have a minute to himself?
He won't know 'til after graduation
They came here so lazy
Now we're driving them all crazy!

Student 1:

It's a test!

Student 2:

It's a test

Student 3:

This can't be! I still need rest!

Professors:

You want sleep, you little creep?
That's very good. That's quite a jest
Ancient worlds
Complex math
And we won't withhold our wrath
Yes, we'll give you quite a beating
If we catch you while you're cheating
Chinese art
Civil E.
Anesthesiology

Student 3:

Help me please! I'm having cardiac arrest!

Student 1:

Somebody check his heart!

Professors:

Then label every part!
It's on your test

Students (together):

That's our test?

Professors:

That's your test

Students (together):

What a pest!

Teaching assistant:

Here's a test
There's a test
I'm so very much depressed
Have to grade each one of these in just a day
And I'm hard-pressed!
Biochem
Japanese
Why our "quarters" come in threes
While the deadline still is looming
I'll keep grading
I'll keep fuming

Professors:

Course by course
One by one
'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!"
Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed
We've done our best to pester
See you next semester!
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test
Now, take your test

© 1996 by Jason Knight. This work may be freely distributed in its unmodified form.

My Favorites - Part 1

Since December --and therefore 2004-- is coming to a close, I thought I'd join the bandwagon and start making some lists of my favorites. So, the first list is my favorite TV shows. Why? 'Cuz during my multi-tasking on the computer I have 1/4 of the screen playing a TV show or movie, 1/4 of the screen open to a file window, and the other half is usually dedicated to FrontPage and Mozilla Firefox.

Oh yeah --not really a Top 10 list... And these have to be current shows (or MASH would probably still be listed!)

Best Comedy: Scrubs. Boy, with Frasier and Friends over there really is a comedic void right now. Curb Your Enthusiasm would be second, but I don't get to watch it regularly (note to self: start downloading them already!!). At least with Scrubs, I'm pretty much guaranteed an enjoyable 30 minutes each episode.

Best New Comedy: Is there another new comedy besides Joey? I'm not too fond of Joey, but I tried to give it a chance...

Best Crime Drama: CSI. No, not 'CSI:Miami' or 'CSI:NY.' The original is still the best and although I was a late starter watching any of the CSI shows, I've now seen almost every episode of all the series. Second to CSI is Cold Case, followed closely by Without A Trace. And, yes, anyone who noticed that Jerry Bruckheimer is the Executive Producer behind all these shows.

Best New Crime Drama: CSI:NY. Like I said, it seems to be a Bruckheimer thing for crime dramas and there aren't any others I watch.

Best Drama: Huff. The only other dramas I watch right now is 'House' and 'Nip/Tuck.' While Huff has continued to impress 5 episodes in, I was ready to give up on House by the 3rd episode. I love Hugh Laurie's acting and always have, but the first couple of episodes all dealt with a mutated virus infecting the brain and causing the 'mystery illness of the week.' Fortunately, the latest episode went in a different direction. Huff, meanwhile, was not what I expected at all. I thought with Hank Azaria starring that it was going to be a comedy and it seemed to be going that direction until about 10 minutes in. Then it --for lack of a better term-- totally blew me away. Oh, and Paget Brewster plays Huff's wife and she's even hotter now than she was in Andy Richter Controls the Universe. I'd put her in my top 10 hot babes now... Nip/Tuck is already done for the season (although it's probably back in early 2005) but even my wife starting watching it. It's graphic, it's gory and it's totally disgusting, but the characterization went up a notch from the first seaosn and I ddin't think that was possible.

Best Science Fiction: Battlestar Galactica. I'd had a friend tape the mini-series, but the tape was bad and the screen kept flipping after 15 minutes. So much for the 4 hours. I've actually been able to download all the episodes (I don't get a channel that shows the series) and it's another one that gets better with every episode. If you know the original series and haven't watched the new one, the best way to describe it is that the Cylons are either complete robots or evolved humans. The human Cylons are copies of one another and some of them don't even know they're Cylon agents. There are, I think, about 6 different human Cylons and some have been discovered on ships in the fleet. They act like terrorists and may do acts of sabotage or just become a suicide bomber. In recent episodes, it seems that the Cylons are also religious zealots and one really acted out when it discovered that one of the humans was basically an atheist. Mary McDonnell (from 'Dances With Wolves' fame) plays the president, Edward James Olmos is Adama and Tricia Helfer plays Number 6, one of the Cylons and good Lord, is she on my top 10 list now!!

Best Action: Lost. Yet again, another series getting better by the episode. It's confusing as Hell if you haven't seen every episode, but it's also done in a way that you can pick it up quite quickly. When you put a bunch of people on a desert island, you're in a tough situation to build any type of characterization. This series, however, has made great use of flashbacks to help the viewer understand each character's methods and decisions. Questions abound on this series. What grabbed the pilot out of the cockpit in the jungle? Where did the polar come from and how did it get there? What experiment was the Frenchwoman's team working on when she killed them all? Who is Ethan and where did he come from? What did the psychic know about Claire's baby that convinced she should be on the plane? How did Locke get the use of his legs back? More questions than answers and there's at least one more asked every episode.

Geez, I watch too much TV.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

My Days

I haven't had much time to add entries this week. Not that I'm busy with work, but busy in My Role Reversal. My wife is the one working lots right now, but her wages are half what mine were, so I have to try and fit the eBay stuff in around her schedule --and the kids.

The problem is that the kids are incredibly demanding, especially on time. It's virtually impossible to get anything done with one child --or two-- constantly needing attention, help, or both at the same time. My son has refused to have his "regularly scheduled" nap time in the morning and now crashes over lunch. It used to be that I could put him down for his nap and let my daughter play a computer game or watch a DVD while I went downstairs to work. She knows to stomp when I need to come up and usually does 3 or 4 times in the 90 minute break I have to get my work done. But with the boy now sleeping over lunch, I'm preparing food for the kids and feeding my daughter who usually has issues over eating which means I have to 'supervise' meals. She'll 'gab' throughout the meal so I'm waiting for her to choke. She'll dawdle and as soon as I focus on something else, she needs 'help.' At some point, she gets loud enough to wake my son and the attention thing starts all over again. Today, I tried getting stuff together to mail out (that all-important step in the eBay process) and she started whining about a hair in her mouth. Instead of trying to pull it out, she just started scremaing about it. And then my son wakes up from his 15 minute nap...

I almost got one thing ready to mail out.

This afternoon won't be much better. When 'nap time' hits again, he'll want to play with his sister, freshly returned from pre-school. Imay be able to get some work done then as they're distracted for a few minutes, but he'll be tired and start hitting her. So, I might get 4 or 5 packages ready this afternoon. I have about 35 or so to get out today and tomorrow.

And then there's the 90+ auction items I wanted to start on Sunday...

I haven't had enough time to sit down and get through all the details. My wife suggested I just put the image of what I'm selling with my payment & shipping description. I could, but then each thing would only sell for 99-cents. As it is, I'm selling items for $25 because someone recognized a name they didn't know was associated with the item beforehand. So, the extra 5 minutes' work seems worthwhile, yes? But 90+ items will take about 7-8 hours to get it all done and I don't know what a stint like that looks like anymore.

So, I'm back to doing my work late at night when the kids are asleep. With about a 10-minute break around 11pm, I can basically work from 10:30pm - 2:30am. 4 hours!! So, no problems getting the work done over a few days, right?

Wrong.

Now my wife's mad at me because I'm not coming to bed at a decent time. No, it's not decent, but I can't work with a deadline and work with my family at the same time. But I'm also tossing and turning at night fretting about the work not getting done. I'll fall asleep --finally-- around 3 or 3:30 and I'm up to take care of the kids by 8. No, Virginia, that's not enough sleep for the Big Hoser.

My original goal with the eBay stuff was to have it all on and sold by this past weekend. I'm finally over the halfway mark... My next goal was to have any videos and CDs up and running by this comng weekend to get everything possible out and to people by Christmas. We haven't even sorted the videos or CDs yet.

So, not only much time to add entries to this blog, but not enough time to do what's needed for the eBay thing to work. Ugh.

And one more post for the day ought to cover it.

My Latest Quote

Okay, can't remember the exact quote, or even where I heard, read, or (what other sense could pick it up?) "got" it, but here goes:

If God didn't make people's eyes all red when they smoke weed, there would really be no way to tell if someone was high or just incredibly passionate about minutiae.

Amen.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

My First Year of the Blog Central Station

Well, crap.

It's 11:50pm and I just noticed that it was a year ago today I started posting on this blog.

I'll have to do soom reading and see where I've been for the past year...

Friday, December 03, 2004

My Heroes?

This may sound weird, but maybe if I explain it clearly I won't seem as weird. Well, it's worth a shot....

People, in their various social circles, hobbies, interests, etc. have 'heroes.' Heroes are people they look up to or admire, they're people who set the record straight or maintain the trend. Heroes are the 'known' people in your area of interest. Some people say 'idols' and others say 'heroes.' Some Christians will insist that you can't have 'idols' because that means you're worshipping a false idol. Anyone else remember that woman on Survivor: Amazon who refused to have the Immunity Idol in the camp because it was a sin? I'm getting on a tangent here, but it's not a sin to be in the same "area" as an idol --it's a sin to WORSHIP that idol.

And besides, I like the term 'hero' better anyway.

So, why talk about this right now? In the past 2 weeks I've had 2 of my heroes win items on my eBay auctions which wasn't something I ever expected. In fact, the second hero really surprised me and I basically turned into a 12-year old kid all over again! I even wrote a fan letter to send in with the item. I just feel honored to have a hero want something of mine.

I can't wait to see who's next...

My Confusing Sales

So, I'm looking around eBay one day and notice that people are selling gmail account invitations. A while back, anyone working on their Blogs got an invite to set up a Google gmail account and after a period of activity, that gmail account received a message to invite 6 more people to try out their system. Pretty cool eh?

I saw that people were selling 5 invites for about $4 and thought 'hmmmm, if nothing else I could build up some feedback ratings by selling something basically immediately. And then I noticed people were selling single invites for about 50 cents.

Well, that's good too, but 50 cents costs the SELLER money. eBay charges 30 cents for the listing and to do it "immediately" means that Paypal payments cost an additional 30 cents. I'd be out 10 cents.

I'm still unemployed, so every cent counts these days...

So, I'd set up a personal gmail account and a second gmail account for eBay sales. Just seemed easier to me. I got the 6 invites through the personal account a few months back and just recently got another 6 through the Ebay account. So, it was time to start selling them off.

I sold my first one for 60 cents, so I lost 2 cents after all the fees. I decided to increase the price a bit and see if I could make a few pennies. And, of course, the feedback is always helpful too.

So, what happens? I sell one for $3.25.... That shouldn't happen. People are still getting $4 for 5 invites, so why should I get $3 for a single account? Well, it turns out that the bidder accidentally bid $99 instead of 99 cents. It can happen. A friend of mine once bid $1001 instead of $10.01... eep.

So, there's the anomaly right? Wrong. The next one sold for $9.75.

$9.75!!! And HE'S PAID ALREADY.

This could be interesting...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

My 9 Hours

9 hours from now I have my first major interview since I left work. It was this past weekend that I came to the realization that it's been a month since I left my job. I said at the time, in My 101 Things, that I couldn't understand why I wasn't upset and/or crying.

It's because everything in life is ahead of me and there's no looking back.

I've applied for about 80 different jobs now and this is interview #1. It's also the very first job I applied for. Impatient waiting a month? No. In my line of work, WAITING has always been part of the process.

And I'm not even nervous about going for the interview. Another first for me.

I know there's something out there for me and although I have no idea what it is I still have faith that it will happen when it happens. I do believe in God and I do believe God has a plan for me. And as great as sharing that plan would be, I'm one who likes surprises.

We'll see what the morning brings, yes?

My Clock's Off

I'm writing entries an hour into the future.... I've just updated my profile to have the right time.

Whoops.

Also, in need of assistance --somehow I got hooked on watching 'Ghostbusters 2' tonight. Why would I torture myself like that?