Thursday, December 30, 2004

My Fight Club

Okay, not really. There is no Fight Club.

But I was in a bad mood today... well, if you consider that 'today' started when I was rudely woken up Wednesday morning at 4am after going to bed at 3:30am and have been basically going ever since --yeah, I was in a mood today.

But I wasn't the one snapping. No, no. I left that to my wife. And my son.

See, my son's teething right now, so the cruel joke is that teeth hurt the most after 3 in the morning. He's usually good all day, but hates sleeping because that's when everything hurts.

And he wants his mommy.

It happened tonight at the dinnertable and I'll admit one of my biggest pet peeves is a loud 'suppertime.' It's one of those 'unwritten rules' that I've taken on from my own family. I have to ask my dad one day how he dealt with my sister and I as kids when we were at the dinner table.

My son didn't want to eat and kept motioning to be let down from his high chair. We did so and he immediately began screaming and crying for mommy.

VERY.

Annoying.

We've sunk into the habit of reading at the table and I was reading when the screaming began. I sighed and closed my book (who wants to lose their place?) and tried consoling my son while my wife finished her dinner. I wasn't even halfway through mine, but I'm the one who can't stand the noise.

No such luck. He insisted on mommy and nothing I did helped. I only seemed to make it worse.

Fine.

So, eventually he ended up where he seemed to want to be --in mommy's arms and she wasn't quite done with her dinner. Then he started crying even more and I opted to try my best to ignore the ear-shattering screams and go back to reading.

At which point my wife slammed down her fork and stormed off with my son. She yelled out to me, "Well, if you're going to get angry with everyone... I'll take him away!!"

I was reading.

I didn't grumble. I didn't sigh. I'd already proven that he didn't want me.

Where's the anger?

Oog. Our first fracas in months.

My Hero

I've had comments about my writing skills on this blog --and thank you very much for the compliments.

I do like writing and I'll admit to working on a story that right now is closing in on 20 years of ideas and planning. Fortunately, it's not for a single book otherwise I could go down in history as one of the slowest writers.

Ever.

No, I'm actually working (gawd, this sounds worse!!) on a character and plotting out how he works. How he is or isn't a hero. Because that's important to me. That he's a hero.

The Canadian in me gets quite annoyed with the 'Americanism" of the word "hero." It seems just about everyone who's ever made the news in a good (or at least not 'bad') way is at some point termed a 'hero.' I think every astronaut in existence has been termed a 'hero' at one point or another. Some, I agree, a historical figures like Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. But heroes?

Are they labelled heroes because they bravely made their way to space? Who wouldn't give their left nut (women can think of their own item... ;-) ) to go into space? Bravery is one thing, but is it the be-all and end-all of being a hero?

Bill Murray recently said that he doesn't think of his latest character in "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" as a hero. Murray sees a hero as someone who does something they don't want to do and his character is doing exactly what he wants to do. That contradicts with astronauts being termed heroes. They trained specifically for going into space. Again, something they wanted to do.

9-11 could be a huge source of controversy. the police, firemen and rescuers of all types are definitely heroes. Those that rushed the cockpit to save lives? Heroes.

I think George W. Bush actually referred to Tom Ridge as a hero. Why? How does coming up with a 5-color scale of terrorist threats make him a hero? It was, sadly, his job to come up with something (I guess) like that.

So what makes a hero to me?

A hero is someone who risks their own life to save another's, regardless of whether or not they've planned on saving a life. A hero is someone who takes the lead and show by example the importance of life and the sanctity in which it must be held. A hero will sacrifice. For anyone.

So my hero may be reluctant to put his life on the line but he learns the importance of doing so. But my hero also sacrifices. He is placed face-to-face with death in order to save others. And, when he is called upon, he leads others.

And he'll learn that even when he thinks he's sacrificed all he can he's nowhere near done.

My Party

We decided a few weeks back to invite friends over after Christmas just for an opportunity to visit and a chance for me to speak to the friends I'd left behind when I escaped from work.

We had a few people show, but there was also quite a number who had other plans and sadly couldn't be there.

But those who were there got to hear directly from me just what the Hell happened back in October. How we'd come to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave as I'd had enough and felt it necessary to abandon the Co-workers From Hell to their own fiendish absurdities.

And that it took me all of 2 hours to come to terms with "semi-retirement" and know that I'd made the right step. And how relieved I was when I faced a future that didn't include walking into that building ever again.

I also apologized for not speaking to them sooner as I know they've all been quite upset with my departure. Some of them talked about "the usual Hell" occurring in the office and at the same time admitted that I'm not the only person who used the term "relief" to describe my departure from work.

Which I honestly think pissed off my friends that are getting close (but not quite close enough) to retirement.

I'm 31 years old with an entire lifetime ahead of me. If I retire in my 60s that's still 30 years away. So I'm getting a later start on my career. It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

My Legacy

I'd emailed a bunch friends at my old office before the holidays just to send well-wishes and all that. To date, I've heard back from 4 of them.

That's out of a few dozen people.

Initially was thinking that maybe everyone else had decided to stop tlaking to me --for whatever reasons. I know some are upset that I'm gone and haven't been able to cope with my flippant attitude about it. I know others may be listening to rumours as to why I am gone. I'd hoped they'd be able to look the other way when hearing the stories. I've heard them. They're not true.

But then I heard about one friend who became quite vocal after I'd left. She was one who both recognized and valued the effort I put in at work. And she was one who was most upset and couldn't understand why I wsn't coming in anymore. Why put in the effort? Why put in extra hours? Why be dedicated to the job when all the "higher-ups" do is whatever suits them?

People's attitudes have changed since I left. It used to be that you could email virtually anyone and get a response during any waking hour. They'd check their email constantly during working hours (I had mine running all day) and even once or twice every evening. I knew a few (and I did it myself) who would check their emails before heading in to work every morning just to get a head's up about tasks for the day.

And now those same people haven't responded to a message sent over a week ago.

I heard from one friend today and he backed that up. He's one of these "uber-worker"-types and he's backed out of an "extra effort" work and is strictly sticking to his job description. He's even started looking for work elsewhere and if they pay him enough he's gone. I could see him gone (he's that good) within days. Another one did leave for another job already and a few more are hinting at following suit.

There's no more effort.

There's no more loyalty.

I once said that when I left I wouldn't be going alone. I wonder if they thought it would be immediate, eventual, or not at all. My legacy seems to be changing the environment for everyone.

Monday, December 27, 2004

My Best Friend

So I'm walking into the bread store today when suddenly from the back of the bread delivery truck I hear...

You sonnuvabitch!!

Shocked, I turn to see what's going on and there's my best friend from years past --also known as "the butt of My Practical Joke."

Yep, he clued in after the 7th or so postcard arrived, but --as planned-- he couldn't figure out how I was sending him all these cards.

And that was bugging the Hell out of him.

He proceeded to drag me into the bread store and introduce me to the staff there because they'd all heard about his postcard problem. What made it even better, though, was that one of the cashiers used to work where I was a few months ago. Small world, eh?

So he knows who had the postcards sent, but still doesn't understand how I'm able to do it.

And there's more on the way too. Should be one from Abaco arriving any day now...

Saturday, December 25, 2004

My Days of Christmas

So, here we go. A Stay-At-Home Father's 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my family gave to me... cats meowing on a CD.
On the second day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the third day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats mewowing on a CD.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 6 toys need assembly. 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 11 hours of cartoons, 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my family gave to me... 12 hockey games, 11 hours of cartoons, 10 burnt out lights, 9 Mr. Scrooges, 8 shopping lines, 7 boxes of turkey stuffing, 6 toys need assembly, 5 triple-As!!! 4 Phillips heads, 3 cut fingers, 2 vomit stains, and cats meowing on a CD.

Good night and merry Christmas!!

Friday, December 24, 2004

My Green Christmas

I think the last thing anyone who may read this from the East Coast wants to hear is a big *sigh* and whine from me because of our weather expectations for Christmas 2004.

It's gonna be a green Christmas. Again.

It's kind of funny that I recall so many snowy Christmas Days from my childhood because the weatherman says that one out of every 11 years we see a white Christmas. Being --31-- that should mean I've seen 2, maybe 3 if I'm lucky.

But I remember more than that. It's usually then I have to remind myself that I moved a lot when I was a kid and although a majority of my life was in this area, I spent my childhood in 2 other climates that had much harsher winters.

So, really, I think I've had 6 white Christmases out of this region and maybe maybe 2 here.

Still, that's only 8 times in my life that there's been snow on Christmas Day.

I had to write it as I just read someone's whine about 25 inches of snow today....

Thursday, December 23, 2004

My Game

Sportsnet is showing 'classic' hockey games now since it's so starved for anything to schedule. It's a great game with Detroit in Vancouver from last February. A guy not normally known for his scoring prowess manages 4 goals to beat the Red Wings 4-2.

I've watched most of the game.

I really miss hockey.

My Loss

Well, got an email today saying that I didn't get the job. All they'd asked for was a personal and 2 professional references and one of the pro referees is a dear friend of mine as well.

So.... unless I have a problem with my personal reference, then the 'favor' from the HR head isn't much of a 'favor' anymore.

And here I thought everything was running smoothly.

Time to refocus and kick things into gear again. Christmastime or not!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My Postal Rant

CanadaPost has got to be the worst postal system the world has ever known.

I mean, seriously. Is it really going to take 19 days to get a package to Quebec? If so, then why did package I sent to France and the Netherlands on Friday arrive already? And yet a package sent to England 5 weeks ago arrived today?

I'm happy to hear the postman survived the walk, mind you, I'm not completely annoyed at this.

But then again, my parents --for convenience's sake, paid 10x the regular rate to ensure that the gift cards for my kids would arrive before Christmas. They're less than 300 miles away and it's taken 4 days so far and nothing.

The tracking number says they're in town as of this morning, but our mailman Cliff (seriously!) ran right by our house today...

It's not that CanadaPost is inefficient, I wouldn't say that. Painfully inefficient is a much better

My Friend's Good Advice

My wife was complaining just over a week ago at her family get-together that I'm horribly unpredictable when it comes to coffee.

I'm not. I want my coffee, dammit!

What started it was that I was recruited to make coffee for the 60+ people attending and I started philosophizing with some people about the importance of making good coffee:

"You can make strong coffee weak, but weak coffee will always be weak."

Anyway, my wife's complaint was that some days she'll make a pot of coffee first thing in the morning and there won't be a drop in the pot when she comes home from work. Other days, there's 3 or 4 cups left in the pot.

My explanation: Some days I can't get through my first cup of the day without numerous interruptions. Therefore, my coffee's always cold and although I am able to drink cold coffee I'd rather just switch to the caffeine in Coke if I want something served cold. Today could've been one of those cold coffee days, but someone else had a good idea at the family thing.

Just use the good ol' travel mug.

So, although it's likewarm right now, the remnants of today's pot of coffee sit beside me on the desk.

I loves me coffee!!

My Interruptions

Apparently, since I got 2 comments between posts, I don't type fast enough (or plain "enough") sometimes.

Well, there's a reason. My kids lllloooooooovvvvvveeeeeee to interrupt me at any and all times. My son, who my wife insists only needs an afternoon nap from 1-3:30 now, sleeps very well from 1:30 - 2:00.

In fact, I've gotten up from the chair 4 times since I started this post and stopped typing another 2 times becaue of my son. Fortunately, for the moment, my daughter's preoccupied with "George Shrinks" and is oblivious to the world around her.

She spent my son's entire naptime freaking out because she found a seed in her Mandarin orange. Once she finds something 'foreign' in her food, she loses all normal body functions like spitting and placing finger in mouth to remove the foreign object, relying instead on 'Daddy' to do it. It's a freaking orange seed.

I even get interrupted when I'm on the toilet. My son screams at the door and I have a low threshold for his screaming and will open the door. Today, he just wanted to play in the sink, but kept insisting I help him down off the stepstool at whim. He's 17 months old, remember.

And there goes another 5 minutes.

My son's also started begging for snacks and has a few favorites he points to on the pantry shelf. But somedays he can't make up his mind and in order to save time, I've started lining up the crackers, raisins, etc. so he can just bring me the package to dole out the servings.

Then my daughter wants me to find "something" for her to do. Playing with her brother is an option I like as it keeps him distracted for a little while too, but she thinks he plays rough. Tell that to the guy who had to rub all the green marker ink off his face this morning...

Such is the life of....

Sorry, got interrupted again... of a househusband.

My Favorites - Continued

I realized the other day that when I listed my favorite TV shows, I'd forgotten to mention the all-important Reality Shows!!

Crap!

Well, there's only 2 that I really watch as I don't consider 'Last Comic Standing' to be a reality show. 'Last Comic' is too 'entertaining' to be of the reality genre, but as a variety show it works. Unless they decide on another "Best of the Best" series. Actually, I don't think that'll happen since they didn't bother showing the final episode. Too bad too because the first 2 series were fairly good. The Best of the Best should've placed everyone back in houses again, maybe mixing the groups up a bit or something, but not a stanu standoff every week. That was just plain stupid.

But I'm talking about my favorite reality show here. Or, maybe I'll start with what should be the obvious choice (but isn't)...

I never miss Survivor, or at least I try not to miss an episode. Granted, during the All-Star series I felt okay missing an episode or two along the way. I mean, it's not like all the winners of the series were even there, so how they consider it "All-Star" is beyond me. "Media Whores Who Know How to Say 'Yes'" is more to the fact. And it's not like everyone on there was a "favorite." Who'd ask to see Boston Rob in a second Survivor??

Another thing, all but one Survivor series has taken place on a beach. I've heard people argue that, technically, 2 have not --Australia and Africa-- but Australia had beaches, crocs and the whole bit so there were definitely beaches. Just like Amazon. It's a river --but there's the beach too.

So, with Survivor come this:
  1. There's going to be fishing and someone'll lose lures or the complete fishing rod.
  2. If there's a boat available to a camp. Someone will learn the hard way what tides do to things left on the beach.
  3. If you don't know how to swim, you're not going to do well in the Challenges. Period.
  4. It's going to rain.
  5. And while it's raining, every dumbass is going to sit there getting wet and bitch about not having enough water to drink (seriously, where do they find these people?).
  6. Someone with a boob-job is going to fall out of their bikini.
Oh, and there's always going to be someone speaking with such a strong accent that you literally need a translator... they're speaking frickin' English, people!!

The only reason this last Survivor got interesting was that a guy doomed from the merger somehow continued to strive every episode afterward. Once he was voted out, I was planning on stopping watching. No reason as none of the female players really grabbed my attention.

So, what's the best? Amazing Race.

Amazing Race gives you deeper 'character' dynamics in the participants and allows for varied challenges that actually change from series-to-series. Survivor re-hashes old challenges and even revamps them again in the same series. In Amazing Race, you may see someone bungee jump in every series, but one time it'll be off a bridge in Sydney Australia and the next time it's shooting skyward in Berlin. There'll be climbing sheer cliffs but once it'll be in Dover and the next time you tune in they'll be doing it on a glacier in Iceland.

And you never know when there'll be a car accident or someone hauled into a police station. And who didn't laugh when the taxi driver refused to take Jon and his wife any further in Hungary because Jon kept shouting "hurry hurry hurry!!"?

Amazing Race offers something different in each episode and you can always find someone to cheer for, with or against. There's always conflict, always suspense, and always an asshole. And very rarely does the asshole win in the end. (I'll leave it up to you as to who that winner was...).

My Cat's Seven Years of Bad Luck

My wife decided in November that the downstairs hallway needed a new paint job. I agree. It was a drab blue and is now a neutral biege/brown. She also brought out of storage a mirror my uncle had put together for us as a wedding gift. It's an old farmhouse or barn window frame with mirrors put in each slot. They're quite beautifully done and he made a great hobby out making them before his illness took its toll. Regardless, she brought it out early before we knew where exactly to hang it and I told her it was a bad idea to leave it out.

One of our cats, they're both 10 years old now, has always been a destructive cat. At one point early on in his life, we actually referred to him as the "Destructo-Kitty" for his seemingly mechanical destruction of items in our house. You could put a box of anything in a room and within minutes something inside had been broken.

So, the mirror is leaning against the wall in the hallway when one afternoon I heard a strange "Clunk!" from the basement. My immediate thought was something had fallen over and then I realized the mirror was still in the hall. Sure enough, the mirror had been pushed straight up against the wall and fell forward to hit the opposit wall. Now being in a wood frame saved some of the pieces. The bottom piece, however, shattered. The only way it could shatter is from impact. And that impact was this cat's head.

Idiot.

My cat's in for 7 years of bad luck now. That'll take him to age 17 --if he lives that long. And at the rate he's going, he won't make it to 17.

My Second Interview

A few weeks back, I'd had a job interview with the nearby major university. Basically, the initial interview was to see whether I was the "right type" of person they wanted to work there and looked on my previous accomplishments at work, at home, and at school. After 7+ years of various interviews at my old job, I'd grown accustomed to the standard questions asked in interviews. There, at the old place, were 5 basic scenarios you had to respond to as well as numerous other questions asked by the hiring committee (usually 3-5 people, sometimes up to a dozen). I'd gotten so good at those questions that I had an immediate answer and hit on every point requested and was the best possible outcome to the scenario. One time, the chair of the hiring committee asked me if I was so quick in giving answers because I could "talk-the-talk" but not "walk-the-walk" Just as quickly, I responded the key to any job skill is to walk and talk at the same time. I held back on the "especially if it means working with an asshole like you" bit...

That's me. Professional interviewer.

Anyhoo, this new interview was the toughest interview I'd ever had. Some of the questions were extremely deep that I was convinced I'd blown it and would never hear back from them.

And then they called me in for interview #2 last week.

The first interview was conducted by the head of human resources, the second was with my immediate supervisors. There was supposed to be a third with their supervisor, but he'd decided to conduct #2 in his office and therefore save some time.

And interview #2 had to be one of the easiest interviews I've had. The questions, essentially, were: "What do you bring to the table compared to what we expect?" "What is your greatest strength?" "In which situations do youfind your work thrives?" "To you, what makes a good leader/boss?"

It was a short interview too and I felt really good afterward.

On the way home, I received a phone call saying that they were having problems checking one of my references (couldn't reach him), so I gave them an alternate phone number.

That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything since....

Oog.

My Lucky Streak

It's weird but ever since I left work in October good things have been happening to me. No long lines at the post office. Newly found money enters the bank account. Friends call up wanting to do things.

I win prizes.

I got a call last week while tending to my sick son saying that I'd won a hockey jersey from the local junior team. Just days earlier, I'd been admiring their jerseys and suddenly I'm a proud owner. Sweet!

I'd been at a charity hockey game that virtually every Canadian had heard about as numerous NHL players were taking part and in a (professional) hockey-starved country, any hockey is good hockey. And that's just it. It was good hockey! Even better were our seats, 5th row in the corner where all the banging and crashing happens. I got a couple of good pictures on the digital camera of Olaf Kolzig, Todd Bertuzzi, Ed Jovanovski and Markus Naslund. One thing that did make me laugh was the spelling mistakes on jersey namebars and on the big screen. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear Drama Queen had found a new job...

Also of interest was that it was the first time in nearly 10 year I'd sat in Pacific Coliseum, the traditional home of the NHL Vancouver Canucks. As with many hockey traditionalists, the opportunity to sit in the old Coliseum was something to look forward to....

Until we all jammed in our seats and realized how damned uncomfortable it was. I like GM Place's seats much better. :-)

My Mini-Mentions

I've just realized there's a ton of things that have happened in the past few weeks that I haven't written about yet. I'll try and deal with a few of those now...

Monday, December 20, 2004

My Reading Race

Usually when you request a book through the library it doesn't take long for an answer. In our library system, which is centralized in a nearby town and serves close to 750,000 people, it takes about 3-5 days to get your requested book in or at least a confirmation that the book is available. I got a book last week that I'd requested in May.

So, out of all the libraries in the region, there's only one copy of this book?

It seems hard to believe, but since it took over 6 months to come in I'd believe. I believe!

Also, man!, it's got requests on it so I can't sit back and relax to read it. No-no! I have to have this book read by this Wednesday, December 22, when it's gotta go back for the next person.

If not, then I may have to wait until June or so to get a hold of it again. I almost had a heart attack when I looked on Amazon and they had "used" copies for $26. What?!!?!? Then I realized it only gave me hardcover copies. Don't want that!

My Geek Test Results

Okay, I don't tihnk I've ever been called 'nifty' before, but chalk it up to a GEEK test to use that word. Nifty.

This thing needed some comic questions, then I'd be racking up the points. There were a few music questions, but I have extremely eclectic tastes and I'm pretty sure that didn't help.

Meanwhile embrace my geek-muscles, baby!


You are 24% geek
OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Saturday, December 18, 2004

My Blech

[sorry --this one's graphic!]

About 10 years ago, just before my wife & I were engaged, I spent a rather nasty weekend in her basement suite. It all started on the Friday night when her roommate came home from work with his girlfriend. She kind of waved hello and made her way immediately into the bathroom where she proceeded to get sick.

Very sick.

The roomie followed suit the next morning and was nice enough to enliven us with tales of indecision as to whether or not to sit on the toilet or stick his head in it. All day Saturday, he sat on the couch or slept in his room, with periodic "runs" to the bathroom.

My soon-to-be bride followed on Sunday and by Sunday night we could hear the landlady upstairs yakking into her toilet. It was airborne and somehow I'd escaped it all! I stayed the extra night, after taking care of the roomies and making sure they always had cold water, crushed ice, and soda crackers to munch on after "exits" to make sure that my woman was properly taken care of as well.

And lo and behold, Monday morning, it was my turn.

And then they kicked me out of the suite and sent me home.

Honestly, I barely made it home. I was sick twice in the 30 minute drive home and only once did I pull over in time. I was covered in vomit by the time I got home and had to get help cleaning the car. The once time I did pull over, I honestly though about just collapsing in the ditch and staying there. I still couldn't believe after all I'd done I'd be treated like that.

Although I never figured out the reasons the roomies acted the way they did (except of course, no one wanted to get sick again), my soon-to-be wife was another matter. It was probably only a few months ago that I truly understood her actions. And it was a cousin of hers who described it to me. It seems her mother's family always viewed illness as something that was "shut away." If you were sick, then you went to your room and stayed there 'til you were better. It didn't matter where you were. You get into your own bed. He explained this to me because his wife felt hurt the first time she was sick after they were married and he just left her alone to stay in bed. That was the way it was in his family, just like my wife's.

In my family, however, it wasn't quite like that. The sick person usually ended up on the couch in front of the TV, so that the family could drop by and visit and check up on you. While not exactly catered-to, you were at least given something to drink and peace and quiet to sleep if needed. And for some strange reason, it was always my parents' favorite time to order in Chinese...

Well, the virus struck again this past week with my son getting it first. His favorite nap spot became my chest and sure enough I was violently ill by Wednesday night. He was completely better, so I retreated to the TV room and vegged all night and well into the morning. I was awoken by the sound of retching --my wife-- and later by the sound of crying --my daughter who had vomited in her sleep. By Friday, my son was running laps around all of us as we turned our house into a minor infirmary.

I had some toast today. My first "meal" since Wednesday afternoon.

And no bad feelings about no one there to take care of me.

Monday, December 13, 2004

My Prodigal Friends

Some may remember My Practical Joke, which is still ongoing with my best friend. I still have postcards coming from all over the world and he still has no idea what's going on. And some may think that I'm becoming my own theory with what I'm about to describe --but I'm not and I'll explain later.

A Prodigal Friend is the friend you never hear from then suddenly you run into them one day (say, at Starbucks) and it's time to play catch-up on what may be motnhs or years of silence. All's good and you're always happy to see them until the next week when things start arriving in the mail or even via email. Invitations to Avon or Tupperware parties. The latest one I got was to go to a conference for an Amway-type company.

As if, suddenly after all these months, my friendship has so much meaning that they feel it necessary to involve me in their schemes. Well, why? What now makes me so important to your lives?

Nothing but selfish crap. And then when I don't respond, am I surprised that the Christmas card has THAT LABEL on it? No way, that means too much effort into any type of friendship.

Yes, granted, we've both been busy over the past year or so, but my initial reaction after seeing you again wasn't to drag you to some stupid conference (which by the way costs $35!!!)!! Ever hear of "going for coffee?" "Meeting with family?" "Picking up the FRIGGIN' PHONE???"

Nope! Amway, Partylite Candles. Tupperware. Spare me. I don't need friends like that. Although I'm sure I'll hear from you again sometime.

My Christmas Cards

It's nearly the middle of December and we've gotten 6 Christmas cards in the mail. Six.

We've mailed out about 90 cards to friends and family this year and yet again this year I regret not sending a "newsletter" detailing what the family's doing with life.

And boy what a year it's been.

There's something else I've noticed with the cards that have arrived. A few have come with labels on the envelope stating "this is the last year we're sending cards." If it weren't for the plural on 'cards' I'd think we were being cut-off of their Christmas card send list. Geez, just put
"Hey man, I don't really like you all that much anymore that the thought of having to send you a card saying 'Merry Christmas' and spending 12-cents on the card and 50-cents on postage is a complete total hassle. Oh, and Happy New Year, dickhead."
At least that has feeling.

So where is this going? Are we just going to end up with an email inbox flooding with "Yahoo!" and "Hallmark" eCards? Can we get more impersonal? I'll put in a patent on the Generic Greeting Card. It's a plain white card that reads:

Generic Greeting Card Message:__________
From: People who put more effort in to sending a card than you did this year and/or:____________
(Generic Greeting Card - Patent pending)

Lazy bastards.

Granted, there is a good excuse for not sending Christmas cards. The lady whose 90th birthday party I attended last February (My Amazing Grace) said she wasn't sending cards anymore since her husband had passed on. She's older and lonely and doesn't feel up to writing God know how many people to tell them. That's a legit excuse from a 90 year old person, but what's the deal with the 42 year old living 6 blocks away? Well, Grace is getting a card and a photo of the kids this year. I could care less about the Prodigal Friend.

My Curse

Well, I'm hoping I don't get blamed for this, but I have to admit that it's a funny coincidence that 2 "hangouts" for people from 'my old job' burned down over the weekend.

Friday night saw the "Saturday night" bar burn down to nothing but the frame. And Saturday night, the building where most of the office 'events' were held was completely obliterated.

I'm glad I have alibi's as I can guess that one person (DQ) would think I may have had something to do with it.

Oh wait, that would mean DQ had actually had a thought and that just doesn't happen...

Saturday, December 11, 2004

My Daughter as Mary

My daughter's pre-school Christmas 'pageant' occurred this week. Something about a bunch of 3-5 year old kids putting on a performance just doesn't lend itself to the definition of 'pageant.'

Short Attention-Span Theatre is more like it.

They did a couple of songs about Christmas, then a short play about an old man making candy canes in which the teacher recited all the lines for all the kids save one --a little girl who had memorized hers with the help of her parents. I sat beside them as they both mouthed the words together, so it was fairly obvious how their daughter knew. Still, it was impressive and in a class of 25 boys and 3 girls, the boys were put to shame (if they knew what shame was...). My daughter played Mary and di a fairly good job of explaining who Mary was and, of course, why we celebrate Christmas. By the time her part came around, though, most of the kids had taken to running back and forth on stage as they were getting extremely bored.

I sometimes think I'm too hard on my kids and keen to discipline them when they need it. But events like this make me see that I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. I was one of 2 adults aside from the teacher and her assistant to get up on stage to corral children after the play was over. I grabbed my daughter (who had fallen into the natural mindset that it must be okay to run around since everyone else was doing it) and the father of one of the boys grabbed his son too. It was a little too late, though, as one brat knocked over a 10-foot tall Christmas tree. How can a 5 year old kid knock over a tree 5 times taller than he is? And how did it not hit anyone else? It was only after the teacher scolded him and insisted that he get of the stage immediately that one of his parents came over to see "what's up."

Sure enough, my daughter's been invited to a birthday party next week and naturally it's this little punk. He's the type that gives you that BAD FEELING that you're going to hear his name many times over the next few decades... Yes, my daughter's 4 and I'm already dreading her teenage years.

Friday, December 10, 2004

My Latest Find

Yet another quote... just something else for a laugh.

I think the people that live above me are having sex. Either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
Beauty.

My Test - Your Test

I'm not one of the bunch this semester, but this goes out all my peeps writing exams over the next few weeks...

Take Your Test

by

Jason Knight

to the tune of "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast
Music by Alan Menken, original lyrics by Howard Ashman

Professors:

Ma chere tuition-payers, it is with deepest sadism and greatest power that we welcome you this morning. And now, we require you to get tense, let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents - your final!

Professors:

Take your test
Take your test
Are you nervous? Are you stressed?
Summer's just around the corner now
We love this time the best
Physics laws
English lit.
Why, you'll never want to quit
What's the formula for vinyl?
Don't you love to take a final!
Classic film
Modern dance
All the kings and queens of France
You'll be writing with such energy and zest
Go on and take some blue books
You'll at least need two books
Take your test
Fake your test
Take your test

World War I
World War II
You'll be chugging Mountain Dew
As you scram back home to cram
And stay awake the whole night through
If you're here
And you're scared
Then you're prob'ly unprepared
Don't tell me about your party
You should study, Mr. Smarty
Distant stars
Shakespeare's plays
Let us run you through our maze

Student 1:

Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed?

Professors:

Don't question our regime
How could you dare blaspheme?
Now take your test
(You've B.S.ed,
But you'd rather say you've "guessed")
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test

Life's all smiles and smirking
For a student who's not working
It's a gas without a class to load him down
Ah, those good old days way back in grade school
Suddenly he wants his cap and gown
While he's been busy learning
Curiosity's been burning
What's it like to have a minute to himself?
He won't know 'til after graduation
They came here so lazy
Now we're driving them all crazy!

Student 1:

It's a test!

Student 2:

It's a test

Student 3:

This can't be! I still need rest!

Professors:

You want sleep, you little creep?
That's very good. That's quite a jest
Ancient worlds
Complex math
And we won't withhold our wrath
Yes, we'll give you quite a beating
If we catch you while you're cheating
Chinese art
Civil E.
Anesthesiology

Student 3:

Help me please! I'm having cardiac arrest!

Student 1:

Somebody check his heart!

Professors:

Then label every part!
It's on your test

Students (together):

That's our test?

Professors:

That's your test

Students (together):

What a pest!

Teaching assistant:

Here's a test
There's a test
I'm so very much depressed
Have to grade each one of these in just a day
And I'm hard-pressed!
Biochem
Japanese
Why our "quarters" come in threes
While the deadline still is looming
I'll keep grading
I'll keep fuming

Professors:

Course by course
One by one
'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!"
Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed
We've done our best to pester
See you next semester!
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test
Now, take your test

© 1996 by Jason Knight. This work may be freely distributed in its unmodified form.

My Favorites - Part 1

Since December --and therefore 2004-- is coming to a close, I thought I'd join the bandwagon and start making some lists of my favorites. So, the first list is my favorite TV shows. Why? 'Cuz during my multi-tasking on the computer I have 1/4 of the screen playing a TV show or movie, 1/4 of the screen open to a file window, and the other half is usually dedicated to FrontPage and Mozilla Firefox.

Oh yeah --not really a Top 10 list... And these have to be current shows (or MASH would probably still be listed!)

Best Comedy: Scrubs. Boy, with Frasier and Friends over there really is a comedic void right now. Curb Your Enthusiasm would be second, but I don't get to watch it regularly (note to self: start downloading them already!!). At least with Scrubs, I'm pretty much guaranteed an enjoyable 30 minutes each episode.

Best New Comedy: Is there another new comedy besides Joey? I'm not too fond of Joey, but I tried to give it a chance...

Best Crime Drama: CSI. No, not 'CSI:Miami' or 'CSI:NY.' The original is still the best and although I was a late starter watching any of the CSI shows, I've now seen almost every episode of all the series. Second to CSI is Cold Case, followed closely by Without A Trace. And, yes, anyone who noticed that Jerry Bruckheimer is the Executive Producer behind all these shows.

Best New Crime Drama: CSI:NY. Like I said, it seems to be a Bruckheimer thing for crime dramas and there aren't any others I watch.

Best Drama: Huff. The only other dramas I watch right now is 'House' and 'Nip/Tuck.' While Huff has continued to impress 5 episodes in, I was ready to give up on House by the 3rd episode. I love Hugh Laurie's acting and always have, but the first couple of episodes all dealt with a mutated virus infecting the brain and causing the 'mystery illness of the week.' Fortunately, the latest episode went in a different direction. Huff, meanwhile, was not what I expected at all. I thought with Hank Azaria starring that it was going to be a comedy and it seemed to be going that direction until about 10 minutes in. Then it --for lack of a better term-- totally blew me away. Oh, and Paget Brewster plays Huff's wife and she's even hotter now than she was in Andy Richter Controls the Universe. I'd put her in my top 10 hot babes now... Nip/Tuck is already done for the season (although it's probably back in early 2005) but even my wife starting watching it. It's graphic, it's gory and it's totally disgusting, but the characterization went up a notch from the first seaosn and I ddin't think that was possible.

Best Science Fiction: Battlestar Galactica. I'd had a friend tape the mini-series, but the tape was bad and the screen kept flipping after 15 minutes. So much for the 4 hours. I've actually been able to download all the episodes (I don't get a channel that shows the series) and it's another one that gets better with every episode. If you know the original series and haven't watched the new one, the best way to describe it is that the Cylons are either complete robots or evolved humans. The human Cylons are copies of one another and some of them don't even know they're Cylon agents. There are, I think, about 6 different human Cylons and some have been discovered on ships in the fleet. They act like terrorists and may do acts of sabotage or just become a suicide bomber. In recent episodes, it seems that the Cylons are also religious zealots and one really acted out when it discovered that one of the humans was basically an atheist. Mary McDonnell (from 'Dances With Wolves' fame) plays the president, Edward James Olmos is Adama and Tricia Helfer plays Number 6, one of the Cylons and good Lord, is she on my top 10 list now!!

Best Action: Lost. Yet again, another series getting better by the episode. It's confusing as Hell if you haven't seen every episode, but it's also done in a way that you can pick it up quite quickly. When you put a bunch of people on a desert island, you're in a tough situation to build any type of characterization. This series, however, has made great use of flashbacks to help the viewer understand each character's methods and decisions. Questions abound on this series. What grabbed the pilot out of the cockpit in the jungle? Where did the polar come from and how did it get there? What experiment was the Frenchwoman's team working on when she killed them all? Who is Ethan and where did he come from? What did the psychic know about Claire's baby that convinced she should be on the plane? How did Locke get the use of his legs back? More questions than answers and there's at least one more asked every episode.

Geez, I watch too much TV.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

My Days

I haven't had much time to add entries this week. Not that I'm busy with work, but busy in My Role Reversal. My wife is the one working lots right now, but her wages are half what mine were, so I have to try and fit the eBay stuff in around her schedule --and the kids.

The problem is that the kids are incredibly demanding, especially on time. It's virtually impossible to get anything done with one child --or two-- constantly needing attention, help, or both at the same time. My son has refused to have his "regularly scheduled" nap time in the morning and now crashes over lunch. It used to be that I could put him down for his nap and let my daughter play a computer game or watch a DVD while I went downstairs to work. She knows to stomp when I need to come up and usually does 3 or 4 times in the 90 minute break I have to get my work done. But with the boy now sleeping over lunch, I'm preparing food for the kids and feeding my daughter who usually has issues over eating which means I have to 'supervise' meals. She'll 'gab' throughout the meal so I'm waiting for her to choke. She'll dawdle and as soon as I focus on something else, she needs 'help.' At some point, she gets loud enough to wake my son and the attention thing starts all over again. Today, I tried getting stuff together to mail out (that all-important step in the eBay process) and she started whining about a hair in her mouth. Instead of trying to pull it out, she just started scremaing about it. And then my son wakes up from his 15 minute nap...

I almost got one thing ready to mail out.

This afternoon won't be much better. When 'nap time' hits again, he'll want to play with his sister, freshly returned from pre-school. Imay be able to get some work done then as they're distracted for a few minutes, but he'll be tired and start hitting her. So, I might get 4 or 5 packages ready this afternoon. I have about 35 or so to get out today and tomorrow.

And then there's the 90+ auction items I wanted to start on Sunday...

I haven't had enough time to sit down and get through all the details. My wife suggested I just put the image of what I'm selling with my payment & shipping description. I could, but then each thing would only sell for 99-cents. As it is, I'm selling items for $25 because someone recognized a name they didn't know was associated with the item beforehand. So, the extra 5 minutes' work seems worthwhile, yes? But 90+ items will take about 7-8 hours to get it all done and I don't know what a stint like that looks like anymore.

So, I'm back to doing my work late at night when the kids are asleep. With about a 10-minute break around 11pm, I can basically work from 10:30pm - 2:30am. 4 hours!! So, no problems getting the work done over a few days, right?

Wrong.

Now my wife's mad at me because I'm not coming to bed at a decent time. No, it's not decent, but I can't work with a deadline and work with my family at the same time. But I'm also tossing and turning at night fretting about the work not getting done. I'll fall asleep --finally-- around 3 or 3:30 and I'm up to take care of the kids by 8. No, Virginia, that's not enough sleep for the Big Hoser.

My original goal with the eBay stuff was to have it all on and sold by this past weekend. I'm finally over the halfway mark... My next goal was to have any videos and CDs up and running by this comng weekend to get everything possible out and to people by Christmas. We haven't even sorted the videos or CDs yet.

So, not only much time to add entries to this blog, but not enough time to do what's needed for the eBay thing to work. Ugh.

And one more post for the day ought to cover it.

My Latest Quote

Okay, can't remember the exact quote, or even where I heard, read, or (what other sense could pick it up?) "got" it, but here goes:

If God didn't make people's eyes all red when they smoke weed, there would really be no way to tell if someone was high or just incredibly passionate about minutiae.

Amen.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

My First Year of the Blog Central Station

Well, crap.

It's 11:50pm and I just noticed that it was a year ago today I started posting on this blog.

I'll have to do soom reading and see where I've been for the past year...

Friday, December 03, 2004

My Heroes?

This may sound weird, but maybe if I explain it clearly I won't seem as weird. Well, it's worth a shot....

People, in their various social circles, hobbies, interests, etc. have 'heroes.' Heroes are people they look up to or admire, they're people who set the record straight or maintain the trend. Heroes are the 'known' people in your area of interest. Some people say 'idols' and others say 'heroes.' Some Christians will insist that you can't have 'idols' because that means you're worshipping a false idol. Anyone else remember that woman on Survivor: Amazon who refused to have the Immunity Idol in the camp because it was a sin? I'm getting on a tangent here, but it's not a sin to be in the same "area" as an idol --it's a sin to WORSHIP that idol.

And besides, I like the term 'hero' better anyway.

So, why talk about this right now? In the past 2 weeks I've had 2 of my heroes win items on my eBay auctions which wasn't something I ever expected. In fact, the second hero really surprised me and I basically turned into a 12-year old kid all over again! I even wrote a fan letter to send in with the item. I just feel honored to have a hero want something of mine.

I can't wait to see who's next...

My Confusing Sales

So, I'm looking around eBay one day and notice that people are selling gmail account invitations. A while back, anyone working on their Blogs got an invite to set up a Google gmail account and after a period of activity, that gmail account received a message to invite 6 more people to try out their system. Pretty cool eh?

I saw that people were selling 5 invites for about $4 and thought 'hmmmm, if nothing else I could build up some feedback ratings by selling something basically immediately. And then I noticed people were selling single invites for about 50 cents.

Well, that's good too, but 50 cents costs the SELLER money. eBay charges 30 cents for the listing and to do it "immediately" means that Paypal payments cost an additional 30 cents. I'd be out 10 cents.

I'm still unemployed, so every cent counts these days...

So, I'd set up a personal gmail account and a second gmail account for eBay sales. Just seemed easier to me. I got the 6 invites through the personal account a few months back and just recently got another 6 through the Ebay account. So, it was time to start selling them off.

I sold my first one for 60 cents, so I lost 2 cents after all the fees. I decided to increase the price a bit and see if I could make a few pennies. And, of course, the feedback is always helpful too.

So, what happens? I sell one for $3.25.... That shouldn't happen. People are still getting $4 for 5 invites, so why should I get $3 for a single account? Well, it turns out that the bidder accidentally bid $99 instead of 99 cents. It can happen. A friend of mine once bid $1001 instead of $10.01... eep.

So, there's the anomaly right? Wrong. The next one sold for $9.75.

$9.75!!! And HE'S PAID ALREADY.

This could be interesting...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

My 9 Hours

9 hours from now I have my first major interview since I left work. It was this past weekend that I came to the realization that it's been a month since I left my job. I said at the time, in My 101 Things, that I couldn't understand why I wasn't upset and/or crying.

It's because everything in life is ahead of me and there's no looking back.

I've applied for about 80 different jobs now and this is interview #1. It's also the very first job I applied for. Impatient waiting a month? No. In my line of work, WAITING has always been part of the process.

And I'm not even nervous about going for the interview. Another first for me.

I know there's something out there for me and although I have no idea what it is I still have faith that it will happen when it happens. I do believe in God and I do believe God has a plan for me. And as great as sharing that plan would be, I'm one who likes surprises.

We'll see what the morning brings, yes?

My Clock's Off

I'm writing entries an hour into the future.... I've just updated my profile to have the right time.

Whoops.

Also, in need of assistance --somehow I got hooked on watching 'Ghostbusters 2' tonight. Why would I torture myself like that?

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

My Brat

I feel for my friend 'Brat' who's feeling the stress these days.

My stress levels were getting pretty high when I finally got to leave the Job From Hell and instead of just moving on into a better job, I ended up leaving altogether.

My choice? Not entirely, but I'm sure glad I did leave. See, all the stress I had to deal with exploded into nothingness in a moment.

And people are shocked to talk to me now, because the stress is gone and the relaxation is there --for the most. Kids'll drag ya down. Trust me.

Brat needs some "me time" (not me me, but her me... I mean, oh forget it). She sees the need to try something else (and timing isn't everything --there's always a reason the timing stinks, but you never can tell when the right time, right?) and I'd encourage her to try the writing thing.

Next question for Brat: Can you draw? Stay tuned for My 24 Hours....

Monday, November 29, 2004

My Scholastic Theory of Life

I was reading a story last night and one of the characters referred to his "French Dictation Theory of Life."

Essentially, there are 2 kinds of people: the first are history essay people, who start life with a blank sheet, no score and accumulate points with every success they achieve. Next is the French dictation people who start out with 100% and end up with a deduction from their perfect score for every mistake they make. In essence, some people are built to achieve through success and others are dragged down from every mistake.

Interesting theory, and it led me to look at other subjects I took in high school and view them as part of this theory --the Scholastic Theory of Life.

Math: Essentially, you start out with nothing and instead of being rewarded just for the successes, you can be rewarded just by showing the formula you used along the way. It may not be perfect and you may not be successful, but you've built something to help move yourself forward.

Computer Science: (This may work me only as I wasn't particularly good with programming aspect) Like Math, you start out with nothing and can achieve some success by following the formula. Although what really builds you is a successful execution of your work. Enthusiasm (in my case) can count for a lot, but it's the final outcome which builds your score.

English: You start out with a perfect score and can only maintain it as you begin to understand everything and everyone around you and see the themese they've set up for themselves in life. Misinterpretations or the inability to clarify your argument will start your decline. Mistakes can be made, but if you can turn them in your favor they won't affect you as badly.

Art: You start out with nothing, but you can build, create and score success for originality. It's not a talent everyone has but if you can envision your success and recreate it in the physical world, you're going to be successful.

Physical Education: Everyone starts out with a perfect score, but each mistake can be costly both physically and mentally. Although a lot is said about enthusiasm and sportsmanship, it pales in comparison with actual ability when it comes to success. Making friends is not nearly as important as winning the game. [Reminds me of the Nike 1996 Olympic slogan: "you don't win silver, you lose gold."]

Science: Even your mistakes can count for something for the person who starts out with nothing. Just make sure you've written down your expectations, your plan,and your conclusions --good or bad.

So, there you have it. My [expanded] theory of life. Which one am I? Well, judging from the first two, I'd say I'm more of the French dictation type. Mistakes drag me down. But from my expanded list, I think I relate most to Physical Education. Case in point: My last job. After 7 years I can say that I have a good deal of friends there, but where are they now? And how many have tried to contact me since I left?

My Wife's LAST EVER Trip to Wal-Mart

It's been nearly a year --I think-- since I wrote about my own struggles with the monster chain and finally my wife agrees with me.

A very rare day indeed.

She'd wanted to get the kids' Christmas pictures done there (they are the cheapest in town after all) and after 4 aborted phone calls, she finally went in to book an appointment. When the day came, I was able to go with her, albeit reluctantly.

We had a 12:30 appointment and got there around 12:10 or so just to have the kids get acclimated to the studio. The last thing anyone wants is a crying child in the Christmas pictures! The 12:15 appointment was an old friend of mine and she had her 3-week old baby with her. Totally adorable. And I knew that when they went in right at 12:15 that everything was going to work out fine.

At 12:25 another 2 families came in. One had an appointment right after us and the other was complaining about some problem with their appointment time for the previous Saturday. The girl behind the counter was apologetic and booked them in right away.

Right away. Five minutes before our appointment.

In the meantime, the other family had a small terrorist in their midst. She kicked, she screamed, she ran after other kids and knocked over equipment. For anyone with small children, 5 minutes can feel like an hour, especially when there's a problem child.

12:45 rolls around and we're finally called in for our photo time. We set the kids down on the mat and the photographer asks a couple of times which backgrounds we want. We only give her one because we were told we could only choose one when we made our appointment. She huffed and said we'd have a blank background as well as the Christmas one we'd picked. It took about another 15 seconds before our son burst into tears. While my wife was on one side of the mat, I was on the other and we're both trying to get him to stop crying and to stop reaching for Mommy. That, and convince our daughter that no matter what was happening to KEEP STARING AT THE CAMERA! If not, then when our son would finally look at the camera, we knew she'd be looking at him instead. After a few minutes of my son crying, the photographer had the nerve to say 2 things which, had I strangled her right then and there, no jury would've convicted me:
  1. "This is taking way too long. We're getting backed up."
  2. [after taking a picture with our son still crying and leaning toward Mommy] "See? If he keeps that up, we'll never get him in focus."
I could've lunged right then and there, but it was comment #3 that made me drop my guise as Mr. Semi-Impatient Dad and don the garb Mr. Shouty:
"It's families like this that always get us backed up on our appointments."
So, then the shouting started. We came in 15 minutes late because they took in another family. To which the photographer defended that they had a scheduled appointment just before ours. She then said that they have appointments every 10 minutes --much lik our 12:30 appointment and my friend's 12:15 appointment. Yep, that's already every 10 minutes....

So, on our way out the door, she asked us when we'd like to make our next appointment. I turned back and shouted for all to hear that we'd be getting them done somewhere else, where the 3 minutes in the studio wasn't a "burden" on everyone else there and where WE wouldn't be blamed for holdinh up other families' appointments when we didn't get in until 15 minutes after our time.

It was also right then that I noticed the sign hangin above her head with the phone numbers for the regional and district managers. And then I called, so I could explain to the regional manager what we'd just been through with their "customer service associates."

So, what was the girl's name? No idea. She didn't have a nametag on and wouldn't tell me while I was on the phone with her regional manager. So, off to the next counter I go and lo and behold "Sarita" probably had a very bad day.

Much like last Christmas, we'll be making our own cards & pictures. Coincidentally, we ordered digital picture cards from Wal-Mart in November 2003 and they arrived just after New Years.

But finally, my wife is convinced that Wal-Mart is indeed an evil place.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

My Answers for the Saturday Six

Technically, I'm Canadian and it's been like 6 weeks since we celebrated Thanksgiving, but that just means I'm adding to the '6' theme.... OK, I'm stretching there. This comes from Patrick's Place: (He asks for a link back to him, so all can play. :)

1. How long do your Thanksgiving leftovers usually last, and at what's the first non-Thanksgiving item you begin to crave when you tire of turkey?
2. Of the following, which would you most prefer to be located:
a) Interstate highway traffic jam
b) Slow-moving checkout line
c) Dentist's chair
3. What is at the top of your personal Christmas gift wish list this year?
4. What improvement would you most like to see added to AOL's Journal software?
5. What seasonal movies do you most look forward to this time of year?
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #33 from Tara: What is your favorite classic 80's video game?

Allow me....
  1. We never have Thanksgiving at our house, so the leftovers are meager and usually only last a day or two. I like dark-meat, so it's usually gone that night by midnight :-) Stuffing is the ultimate craving, though...
  2. Slow-moving checkout line. I know one of the cashier's at our regular grocery store. I can handle staring at her for a while.
  3. Money. So I know I'll make it to 2005.
  4. Glitz and glamour. I don't use it so I don't know how else to answer.
  5. Any Scrooge movie will do. Well, maybe not the George C. Scott one. He'll always be Patton to me...
  6. Arcade game or computer game? Arcade would be 'Stocker' which was kind of like the Cannonball Run movies. Computer would be 'Starflight.'

My Profile

Geez, I think I stated in 'My Marathon' (November 5) that I had 249 posts already under my belt and that I'd be adding at least 100 by the end of 2004. This is post #20 since then, but my Blogger profile still states I have 249 posts... what gives?

So, this is post #269... I think. Who know how many have been missed in the count?

My Creative Juices

I've been up and about for about 20 or so hours a day for the past 2 weeks. I'm starting to feel it, but I can't seem to stop.

My mind's running a creative marathon right now and it's difficult to keep pace sometimes. My multitasking is going to a new level as I'm documenting items in Adobe Acrobat, writing HTML in FrontPage for eBay stuff (will hit 300 auctions by Sunday if everything goes right), scanning and uploading images for the eBay stuff, coming up with terrific story ideas that are being quickly jotted down in Notepad --all the while I have a movie or TV show running on half or a quarter of the monitor.

And the ideas for work keep popping up too!

Thursday, November 25, 2004

My Level of Hell...

Well, I'll be damned... Actually, I guess I won't. Thanks to Mad for getting this on her blog earlier this evening and giving me an
excuse to continue frittering away my "busy time" and take more personality
tests....

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test



My Order of Disorder

So, this is my personality disorder, eh?

I admit to laughing a bit too long and too loud for this question:

Are you often critical of weakness in others, particularly classmates or coworkers? Honestly? Only if they're FROM HELL!!

DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:High
Dependent:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

So, what does all this mean exactly?

Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.


Yeah, I'd agree somewhat with that. I have been known to carry grudges for quite a while. At work, I always felt that certain people were talking about me and "making plans" for me. It may have been coincidence, but the guy who sat me down to say "that's it, you're through here" rubbed me the wrong way for a few years. I was always uncomfortable around him and my old boss (From Hell!) also fell into that category. I even said in one post that I felt I was being set up for something bad....

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behaviour, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often aggressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.


Hmmm.... Well, I think this one is more a reflection of how I used to be when I was a teenager. Definitely had antisocial behaviour at times in high school. I lied and stole all the time when I was 12-14.

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recognize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.


Again, I agree and disagree with this one. I like getting attention and appreciate praise --when it's due. I admit to getting a little miffed when, say, 5 of us are working our butts off and 4 get a big thank you. Hello? Sure, in some instances that makes me self-centered, but as the great philosopher Don Cherry once said, "God bless me." I am choosy about my friends and I'd like to say that friends stay friends for life --but that just doesn't happen. Actually, I had a plan at one point to try and get people to vote for me as the 'Greatest Canadian.' But I obviously didn't follow through on it.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarrassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.


I wonder if 'create fantasy worlds' lends itself to mega-daydreaming. In college, I once wrote a play about a guy unknowingly in a coma who dreamt up a world with fantastic looking people who would sit on the grassy hills and share stories with him. I got an 'A+' for that (and I'm not
exaggerating!). I hate it when I do something stupid in front of others.

Even tonight I said something that people took offence to. We were discussing a church campground and the 'fond' memories everyone has of it. I said I didn't have any fond memories since something bad happened every time I've went there. The first year I got my first ever speeding ticket on the way there. The second year, some people joined us in our cabin at about 3 in the morning and their son used a collapsible water container as his pillow. He couldn't get to sleep and kept moving around causing the water to 'slosh' which made me have to go to the bathroom... and then never back to sleep. The third year, my daughter barfed all over me and the only 'spare shirt' I had in the car was a Chinese beer shirt that was one size too small. So, I
don't miss going there.

So there you have it. My personality disorders for all to see. Time for sleep.


Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My Front 9

Another thing borrowed from a few blogs I've come across....

9 Layers

Layer 1:

Name: Big Hoser --obviously not my real name, but I still prefer keeping that private.
Birth date: July 1973
Birthplace: British Columbia, Canada
Current location: British Columbia, Canada
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brownish with blonde.
Height: 5'7"
Righty or lefty: Lefty
Zodiac sign: Leo

Layer 2:

Your heritage: 8th generation Canadian, eh. Before that a mix of Irish, Scot & Welsh.
The shoes you wore today: My favorite semi-casual black ones
Your weakness: Addictive things
Your fears: Heights, snakes (thanks to a former friend in high school), not big on crowds either.
Your perfect pizza: Meat --and lots of it. Extra cheese is also good. Used to make my own at my old old old old old old old job in high school.
Goal you'd like to achieve: An actual career and not just a dream.

Layer 3:

Your most overused phrase on AIM: Is that the same as IM? 'Yo.'
Your first waking thoughts: Please let me sleep...
Your best physical feature: I think it's my eyes or my smile, but I've been told I have a nice butt too.
Your most missed memory: Probably some of the things I did in my teen years...

Layer 4:

Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Classic or Diet with Lime. I'm just polishing off the remnants of a 1 liter bottle I bought in Washington State over the weekend.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's and not too often at that. Maybe a cheeseburger a month or so...
Single or group dates: Date?
Adidas or Nike:
I was about to say I haven't had a big name pair of shoes in many moons, but my running shoes (and I mean RUNNING) are actually $150 Adidas trainers that I got from one of My Kids for $60.
Lipton ice tea or Nestea:
Neither. I don't really like iced tea. Give me some lemonade instead, thanks.
Chocolate or vanilla: Doesn't matter.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

Layer 5:

Smoke: When I was a teenager I gave it a try, but my best friend resorted to peer pressure to get me to smoke. Then he goes and falls in love with this girl who can't stand smokers and he always tried to hide it from her. He always looked like such a faker that I just couldn't be bothered to try it ever again.
Cuss: When frustrated --so 75% of the time.
Sing: In the car mainly --or at church. And I only sound good on about 'Day 5' of a cold.
Take a shower everyday: Yep. Used to be first thing in the morning,
but has been getting later and later as the days go by.
Do you think you've been in love: Um, Yes. Do 12 year olds write these things or what?
Want to go to college: Okay, maybe they're 13.
Liked high school:
Yes I did. Except for a few teachers and couple of 'friends' it was a memorable time.
Want to get married: Not again, so I'll stick with the first one, kid.
Believe in yourself: Somewhat, but have faith in God too and that's a big help.
Get motion sickness: Only in Imax theatres
Think you're attractive: Somewhat --but the ugly bug hits every once in a while too.
Think you're a health freak: Uh, no. Although my cholesterol is great, My triglycerides are right where they should be and I have less than a 1% chance of a heart attack in the next decade.
Get along with your parent(s): Yes, although they're a little offended that I don't follow their advice.
Like thunderstorms: Yes
Play an instrument: I've tried and can "kinda" play piano, guitar, drums, and Irish flute.

Layer 6:

In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Month? Try yesterday. A pint of beer while watching my football team lose the Grey Cup. Next year at home boys!!!
Smoked: No. Fumed? A little.
Done a drug: Does medicine count?
Made out: Yep. With my wife, but it still counts!!
Gone on a date: No
Gone to the mall?: Yes.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?:
don't like Oreos so, no.
Eaten sushi: Not in about 4 months
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: No...but now I wanna
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen anything: No, but I sure was accused of it!!

Layer 7:

ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
If so, was it mixed company: Yes --and, eww for even thinking of not being in mixed company!!
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes. Once really badly in England and then several times over the past year (that job -From Hell!- was really destructive)
Been caught "doing something": If that means sex, then yes. If it means stealing something, then no.
Been called a tease: Yes.
Gotten beaten up: Not since Grade 5.
Shoplifted: Yes, about 20 years ago. And I never got caught.
Changed who you were to fit in: No. My latest change was to make myself look and feel younger.

Layer 8:

Age you hope to be married: I had hoped to be married by 25 and was by 23.
Numbers and names of children: 2 kids, aged 16 months-and-4-and-a-half years --and I'm not revealing their names either.
Describe your dream wedding:
Well, it would be like the one we had 8 years ago...
How do you want to die: Either during sex or with a number of other people --so either with a smile or kickin' ass and taking names....
Where you want to go to college: Kid, you're getting to me. I wanted to go to USC (that's Southern California, not South Carolina).
What do you want to be when you grow up: Still denying I am grown-up, so I don't know yet --although some type of writing is starting to look good!
What country would you most like to visit: Greece.

Layer 9:

Number of drugs taken illegally: Zero. I've only inhaled.
Number of people I could trust with my life: 6.
Number of CDs that I own: 200+. But hoping to knock it down to 50 or less before Christmas.
Number of piercings: None. Ever.
Number of tattoos: None, but thought of getting one at one point.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Several. Maybe 3 dozen times?
Number of scars on my body: Five that I can easily recall. 2 on my right hand --one of those from a 'sissy test' and the other from a slip of the knife that nearly took the tip of my index finger right off (remind me later to write about "My Handyman Work"). One on my forehead from the nurse who recommended picking off the chickenpox scabs (what?!?) one on my right kneecap from kneeling on a loose carpet tack, and a 5-inch gash on my abdomen.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Only the occasional time it would've benefited me greatly to shut the Hell up. Like with my old boss (from Hell!) who took offense when I commented in an email "any idiot could find the file when it's the first one in the folder!" and I defended my comment by saying that he wouldn't've taken offense if he truly didn't feel like an idiot for not seeing the file. See? I could've shut up twice 3 days before I left work, eh?

My Musical Meme

I'm in a 'borrowing' mood right now as a site I'm (hey!) borrowing information from is having a server error at the moment. All good things to those who wait...

I got this from another Canadian blog, Queerly Canadian:

  1. Open up the music player on your computer.
  2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
  3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
  4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your blog or journal and then post a link in the comments.
  5. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurrences. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you'd like.
Here are the songs that my media player tossed out for me:
  1. Somebody Waits - Blue Rodeo
  2. I Can See Clearly Now - Screeching Weasel
  3. Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World
  4. Gullinkambi - Dawn of Ragnarok
  5. Trouble - Coldplay
  6. Radio Waves - Roger Waters
  7. Pop Goes the World - Men Without Hats
  8. They Call Me Bruce - Rick Springfield (ah, there's the embarrassing one...)
  9. The Tracker - Peter Gabriel
  10. Slide - Dido

My Value

Saw 'Dreama' had this on her site and wasn't expecting an outcome like this. Everyone: "Ooh, 'spensive!"

I'm worth $2,480,871.19! How much are you worth?



Monday, November 22, 2004

My Hike

So, Saturday afternoon we had a break in our 'couples' sessions. (did I ever explain that in the last post?) A bunch of us decided to go on one of the hiking trails up the mountain. We decided to go on the second-most steepest trail to a lookout point where you can see almost all the way to Seattle and about 60 miles north into the Coast Mountains. There were 6 of us and one of the couple is one who has annoyed since I got married. They 'forgot' to come to the wedding, then asked us 2 months later when we were getitng married and about a month after that the lady introcuded herself to me... idiot.

While we're going up the trail she was blabbing on and on about bears and turned and asked me what they ate beore hibernating. "Chatty women," I replied. That kept her quiet for a few minutes.

I learned that the other 2 guys on the hike had no idea how to read a map and made a mental note that neither one would remain a candidate for My Amazing Race Plan. We continued hiking and when we hit the steepest portion half the group got further ahead of us and around a bend we couldn't see. I saw jackets further ahead and started towards them and suddenly realized they were carrying rifles.

I found hunters less than 10 minutes from our room.

When we made it to the top of the lookout, we hung around for a while and talked about our favorite reality shows (mine are Amazing Race and Survivor) and what made them so good.

And then the gunfire started.

We made our way down the mountainside and I commented that my sweater looked a little too "bear like" with gunfire in the area. One of the ladies regretted wearing her brown leather jacket and I just encouraged her not to pretend she had antlers...

The gunshots continued and seemed to be close as we got down the mountain. We reached a fork in the trail and one of the guys seemed to think that going to the right would lead to some railway tressles. So, off we veered to the right just as the gunfire sounded from just over the crest. We're walking right into it.

The cynical Canadian in me came out and I shouted "Use your remote to change the channel!!!" And off we walked --quickly-- amidst the gunfire.

And thus another item is wiped off My Life List....

My Away Time

My wife and I went away to a retreat for the weekend with 11 other couples from our church. Now, I know this sounds like the Hoser's playing Opposite Day or something when you look at the past year's worth of blog entries.

Why on Earth would I got to something like this?

Well, the truth is that I've had a lot of time lately to reflect on things and I admit that my family is important to me. And the stability of my family is even moreso. As I stated in My 101, I said that I was entering into a stage of life completely on faith. And I have done that.

I have no idea where life is taking me right now.

So, the time came to refresh and renew my relationship with my wife. It gave us an opportunity to understand where each person was coming from --and of course the recognition that I am not the same person I was 6 weeks ago.

So the relationship's on the mend. We are happy. We're a little pensive but still hopeful that something happens. And who knows, eh?

We were actually down in Washington state for the weekend and had a good hike on Saturday afternoon and even managed to cross something off My Life List.

More on that in another post. Or two.

But back to the faith thing. I've been home now for almost a month and nothing's happened for me work-wise yet. The eBay thing, as I've already said, is doing well and I initially thought it might be $1200 or so by Thanksgiving weekend (or a few days afterward). I was initially seeing the majority of my currently-ended (or ending) auctions coming to an amount of $600. I have 47 auctions ending in the next couple of days and the total so far is $571. I also have one other item which is just over $180 and ends Thanksgiving weekend.

Okay, I guess I better explain to 'Dreama' and any other Canadians reading this. Because I live so close to the U.S. border, we're inundated daily with American holidays and traditions. At the time, my father-in-law is American and we've always 'celebrated' American Thanksgiving as well as the Canadian one. While I should say that I don't get the day off or anything this year I do!!!!! ;-p

So, back to my story...

The auction at $180 I'm expecting to end around $300 (or 25% of the total for the eBay sales). I have a few more items to put on this week which will bring the total even higher. And maybe I won't stop until the first week of December.

So what else is happening? My wife has gotten extra shifts as an auxiliary worker in my old department. Both shift people are gone on medical leave until after Christmas and since I've been friends with the auxiliary supervisor for about 5 years --it was pretty easy to get those shifts for her. Of course, the difficult thing is that she has to walk by my office every shift.

So, not only that... she's been hired to do some retail work leading up to Christmas. And then, THEN, she gets a call from the place where she used to teach --for $30 an hour-- and she'll know by Friday just how much work she can expect from there.

So, Hairyhoser's an online 'entrepreneur' and now a househusband too.

Interesting.