My Vote

One of the arguments always made in favour of voting in an election is: "One person can make a difference."  To which most people respond: "Oh please."

If Americans didn't learn this valuable lesson in their last election, hopefully Canadians will today during their election.  Choosing which 'devil' to go with.

But one person CAN make a difference.  and here's my story:

Many years ago, I was working in a department where through the most unusual circumstances, everyone got along.  they got along so well, that they'd get together for lunch and watch movies, or go outside and play volleyball.  The boss recognized this camaraderie and encouraged it through special events, birthday lunches (there were a lot of staff members with birthdays in November, so we'd have a big pizza lunch and watch a movie and the boss would have a gift for everyone in the department).  We'd go on retreats and spend a weekend together.  We'd watch sports games together in a back room.

And then everything changed.

Mary, Mary (quite contrary) joined the department under unusual
circumstances.  She'd actually told her boss off (f--- off to be exact) and when the head of human resources was told about the event, he came down right away and said:  "We'll find somewhere else for you to work.  Where would you prefer to work instead?"

What?  Whatever happened to "You're fired!"?????  Did you hear what she said to her boss, fer cryin' out loud!?!!?!?

So, sure enough Mary, Mary has heard great things about our department and wants to join the party and immediately takes over another person's job.  They're out.  Gone.  Finito.  And that's without telling their boss where to go.  How's that for being unfair?

Mary, Mary arrives and starts arguing with people left, right, and center.  People start fighting back.  She cries and suddenly, she calls in sick.  Someone else says something to her and gets her upset.  Suddenly, she calls in sick.  Again.  and people clue in.  They start making a list of what makes her cry and use them once a week, just to make her call in sick.  It becomes the new joke:

Person #1 - "Good night, everyone!"
Remaining 10 in the office - "See ya!  G'night!"
Person #2 - "See you in the morning!"
Remaining 9 in the office - "Yeah!  Have a good one!"
Person #3 & 4 - "We're outta here!"
Remaining 7 in the office - "Yep!  See you guys!"
Mary, Mary - "I'm going now...  I'll lock the door behind me, okay?  Okaaayy?"
Remaining 6 in the office - "Go already!"
And the next day she calls in sick.  Gotta love it.

The joke continues for months, then years.  One day, after I've moved out of the department, a couple of the gang come by and invite me for birthday cake.  It's the third birthday of the month and we had my goodbye lunch that same month.  Somebody else makes a joke that we're like that Seinfeld episode where we have a cake for every occasion.  I smile and say, "We should have cake whenever Mary, Mary's sick."  Both friends laugh, "We could have cake everyday! quot;  She'd missed nearly a month of work (1 or 2 days at a time) already that year.

The department was miserable.  The lunchtime movies stopped because she complained about the noise level.  She refused to give her birthday (not birthDATE, just the day) to everyone because she witnessed the party held for 3 people hitting 50 (she's 48 --I know how old she is).  Then, THEN she started hiding people's mail if they'd insulted her.  One person's credit card bill disappeared every month for a year before the mailroom set her up with a personal mail slot.  Finally, she requested an extended leave when her bird (her freakin' BIRD!) died.  It was denied, but that didn't help giggles around the office.

This year, finally, she'd requested a leave of absence (granted with a capital GR!).  there's been 2 extensions on that LoA, but no one's actually complaining.  Every once in a while, I carpool with my old boss from that department.  We were talking about people on leave (there were a couple parental leaves in the department as well) and when they were coming back.  There's one very talented guy who returned last week and the boss couldn't be more excited.  At that, I didn't have the heart to ask him when Mary, Mary was expected back.  She's destroyed everything that was great about that
department.

That's one person, who ruined work for 32 others.  Why? Because one person can make a difference.

And that's why I vote.

My Hulk Persona

HOSER SMASH!!!!!

RRAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

Nope, not a good weekend.  As I write this, I'm using my old Celeron 300 computer instead of my Athlon XP super-system.  Why?  I said my system wen 'plooey' in my last post and now it's officially toast --losing 67GB of information in the process.  Could've been worse.  I had less than 500mb of space left on it at one point.

What really made me mad, though, was that I was getting "the pressure" again about selling things on eBay.  I've sold one thing in the past 3 weeks (and it sold for $42 so I'm feeling pretty good about it) and my goal was to have in excess of thirty (yep, 30) items for sale by 6pm on Sunday.  Now, I could cheat a little, since I have 20 or so items left over from my last big batch to relist, but I'd been doing research on Friday to find things that actually sold.  No more selling things cheap on the relist to dump the seller fees, I'd like to sell something for REAL money.

Saturday was set-up day and I spent a good portion of the morning writing out the descriptions for each item and doing some last minute research when I'd see something for sale that I own as well.  I also spent a good 4 hours doing virus sweeps and removal procedures but to no avail.  Whatever I got wasn't coming up with NAV, but the re-install of WinXP seemed to fix a number of things.  I then added a firewall program and it stopped the pop-up windows cold.  I thought it best to start backing up my files, though.  I don't trust the machine.

I'd planned for nearly a month now that I would not be going to church this Sunday.  I'm still feeling burnt out and need a break and having a number of things I still wanted to finish up, I thought the timing was good. I'm still of the opinion that I'll go to church because I want to go, not because I have to go --or expected to go.

But then there's the wife.  And my unacceptable decision.  While she continuously complains that we don't have enough money coming in and I need to do more about it, she won't give me space to actually get all the work done.  Hence, I can start preparing, but I can never finish.  So, when I'm almost ready to list a good number of items, she insists that if I'm staying home, then so is my son.  

Fine, then I won't get anything done today --he's too much to handle if I'm trying to work too.

Not an hour later, I'm holding my son and look over to the computer.  It's frozen, so I simply hit the 'reset' button.

And nothing happens.

It's fried.  The hard-drive won't read anymore.  I have to wait another 90 minutes before my wife gets home and I can start setting up my old system downstairs to try and salvage anything for listing.  I'd planned on 30-plus items by 6pm.  By 4pm, I'd finally installed security updates galore for the old Win98SE system and was "ready" to try and get something going.  My eBay listing program won't work on the old computer, so it was going to be done manually instead. 

At 4:30, my wife decided we needed to go early to meet my parents for dinner and try and get the boy to finally have a nap --he'd been awake all day and usually sleeps for a good 90 minutes or so each day.  Nothing today.

My goal: 30+ items on eBay.

My actual result: 1 item on eBay.

My frustration level:  Through the roof and beyond the stars, baby.

The computer goes in for servicing today.  Even the keyboard on this one sucks...

My Computer Goes "Plooey"

I'm assuming that despite constant updates of my NAV (Norton Anti-Virus, but you knew that, yes?) I'm assuming that I've been attacked something fierce by the KORGO worm --in one of its numerous incarnations.  My NAV for whatever reason won't do live-updates as it says it can't find an internet connection, even when I'm in the midst of downloading something or checking my email.  It has no idea what to do and subsequent reinstalls have done nothing to help.  I know I got the Startpage.E trojan earlier in the spring (actually probably 6 weeks or so than the first reported instance on Symantec's site) which screwed up 2 browsers: Avant and IE.  Can't use either anymore and the NAV virus removal tool didn't help get rid of everything.  Ugh.

Have to try again and now I've printed everything out at work. More work for the Hoser tonight.

At least I have an excuse why there's no new eBay auctions today..  1 thing currently selling and I was hoping to get $40US for it.  It's at $42 right now with 58 hours to go.  Sweet.  It is all about the resarch.  Why spend an hour getting stuff to sell for a buck when you can spend an hour finding stuff to sell for over $40?

My Revenge

My boss sent an email this morning asking if we can make it work to keep the office open longer hours over the summer.  Not exactly what I'd hoped to see, but he also asked me if I'd be willing to take a few days off in lieu of all my overtime hours.  It turns out payroll corrected my OT claims for my holiday phone calls from DQ.  I thought it was a straight 4 hour OT claim for every phone call for a day off and that's only true for the first day off.  The other calls double after the first day off in a series of vacation days.  In other words, instead of 16 hours that I claimed, it's actually 32 hours --or almost another entire week. But how are we supposed to manage the office if there's so few of us around and more hours than originally planned?

DQ will be working those extra hours.

So, I'm off for almost the entire summer now. I'll be working July 8,9,12,13, & 14 and August 23rd on.

DQ will be working the night shift. Revenge is sweet.

My Target

It's been a frustrating week with the co-worker from Hell.  I pretty much lost it yesterday --to the shock of other people, 'cuz I've been a fairly level-headed guy while working here.  But not yesterday.

Drama Queen had her 3 strikes by 11 yesterday morning, so when a 4th "swing and a miss" came in before lunch I seriously started looking for a baseball bat.

She'd had 3 strikes on Friday, which I wrote about in the last post and topped it off yesterday with 3 more.  I got an early start in order to alleviate the pressure on me later in the day.  The boss had a new assignment for me and wanted it to be the top priority for the day.  I finish up a bunch of
little things first and prep for the boss' arrival.  Minutes after he comes to the office, one of the ladies I'll be working with at one of the major events in mid-July drops by the office --for our meeting.  See, the meeting was actually scheduled for July 5, but she'd called last week to rearrange the meeting to an earlier time.  She spoke to Drama Queen and DQ gave her my schedule for this week, saying I was available all morning on Tuesday.

If only DQ had written it in my calendar, yes?  In her defence, she DID tell "The Boy" about my changed schedule --like that helps (although she thinks it does --it's obviously his fault for not passing the information on, right?)

So, after the quick lecture to DQ about the importance of letting me handle my own meetings and the importance of taking messages instead of finalizing things for me, I head off for the meeting --which I cut very short since I had absolutely no prep time for everything we needed to talk about.  When I return, my boss isn't impressed but an explanation after the meeting clears
things up --a bit.  But before I sit down to start working on my "top priority for the day," in walks someone from the accounting office with a stack of paperwork that DQ has told them I'll be happy to handle.  I reply, I won't be happy to handle it and escort them down the hall to DQ's desk and plop it down there.  DQ will be working on the paperwork since she was happy enough to volunteer me.

Strike 3 happens not 10 minutes later when the people going to the follow-up meeting --from the Saturday thingy mentioned in the last post-- seems to have lost their way to the meeting room.  DQ had special signs posted for the meeting, but forgot to put a date on it and the custodians took them down over the weekend.  Idiot.

DQ starts panicking and puts a nasty call through to the custodial department (like they care that she's stupid enough to forget to put the dates on the notices).  She then leaves the office to try and find people presumably wandering around lost.  I take the saner approach and put a call through to
our switchboard letting them know where the meeting is (in case anyone phones in and asks) and then I call the front information reception area and let them know.  While I'm talking to her, she's interrupted by a panicky woman (obviously ignorant of the phone at the receptionist's ear) who says that she's looking for a bunch of people who don't know where their meeting is taking
place.  The receptionist asks if it's the meeting I'm talking about and sure enough DQ says it is... but she's confused as to how the receptionist knew about the meeting.  "Well, maybe he knows what he's doing and you
obviously don't." [sound of chuckling from the other end of the phone]

When the meeting's about to start (only an hour late), we discover that the meeting materials have completely vanished.  DQ "thinking ahead" stored them in the room over the weekend.  and, naturally, the custodians
threw out the box at some point in the previous 96 hours.  It's unclaimed paperwork inside a box with no discernable information on it.

And then I explode.

The boss and I go for a walk later on in the afternoon.  I explain to him the importance of her leaving, but he apparently has another trick up his sleeve and I'm more than vocal that if he plans on having her stick around in some other capacity he's going to lose the rest of his staff sooner than he thinks.  You don't go through 6 people in a year for no reason.  I'm
going to be thinking up some nasty work for her over the remaining few weeks.  She's my target now.

My Final Firefighting Technique

I let my boss know that Friday night was the last time I was putting out any fires started by Drama Queen.  He'd mistakenly asked her if she'd "gone over" the checklist he'd given her (yep, he's had to start using micromanagement techniques on her to ensure the works gets done) for a big thing
happening on Saturday.  "Yes, I went over the checklist," she says as she leaves the office early on Friday...

She did go over the checklist --but she didn't actually check off everything on the list.  Which my boss discovered 2 minutes before most departments close on a Friday.

So there I am, running in 4 directions at once trying to cover up all the mistakes that have been made.  Oh, she got the booklets photocopied all right, but she didn't fill out the forms properly, so they were transferred to the shipping department and they assumed the most logical spot for them to go --6 blocks away.  Fortunately, I've known the head of shipping for a good 5 years now and he drove over and picked up the booklets. 

While he did that, I borrowed his office and contacted catering services to make arrangements for food and refreshments 16 hours in advance of the big thing starting.  Thank God I'd complimented his department at a meeting on Monday...

As I ran over to sign off on the catering, I also contacted the security department via cell phone for the passes DQ had called about.  she'd made the arrangements, but said nothing about anyone having to pick them up.  That, and to ensure that security would be on-hand for the early arrivals.  4 years ago, I was at a workshop with the head of security and we discovered we had some hobbies in common.  It's helped out numerous times (also explains why my parking permit serial number is 00001 too).

Okay, so it took 5 minutes to get everything done, but I busted my ass in those 5 minutes to make sure everything went off without a hitch.  I was actually huffing and puffing by the time I got back to the office (allergies and all).  My boss knows who he can count on in a crunch.  Let's just make sure he doesn't forget over the summer.  Again.

Not going to miss her when she's gone.  At least I got a good laugh out of it when I read this Dilbert on Sunday:

My Monkey-Boy

Dedicated to "The Boy," the nickname for my new co-worker.  Who coincidentally
insists he saw a monkey around here this week.

He's kinda weird that way.

My Pod Buddy

My new co-worker may or may not be from Hell.  Every once in a while he'll do something that I look at and think (what the???), but then he'll do something that is, well, just like me.

Spooky.

Monday was "thong alert" day (apparently --although I started it...) as I pointed out the girl wearing baby blue pants and a navy blue thong that stuck out the back of her pants.  she was with a group of other girls (most of whom were wearing hip hugger jeans) and when I pointed out the group (and the thong) he asked me, "how many thongs did you see? quot;  I lost count at one.

Tuesday was "piss on Drama Queen" day.  He'd worked with my wife a few years back (small world after all) and commented that his old department would be looking for help within the year (communication is bliss, ain't it?) and that the boss there really likes her.  Fine.  I'll pass it along.  With the "bad news" DQ got last week, she's now looking for work elsewhere.  She asked outright, "does he like me?"

No.

Of course, he probably doesn't even know who she is --but that doesn't matter.  We've both made sure she isn't liked by anyone we like.

Wednesday was a continuation of the theme.  As DQ was working on some budgetary items (which she'll screw up) and adding up numbers (see?), she started getting distracted by some noise down the hallway.  Hammering.  It was bugging her endlessly and she walked down the hallway to find the maintenance guys hammering out a pole that had bent a bit in the middle (we have no idea why it bent or why it needed to be straight --but then again, who really cares either way!).  She snapped at them and told them to stop (which they did after a boisterous 30 minute hammering job) and stormed back into her office.  So guess who had the idea to start hammering on the wall just outside her office?

He headed into the hallway and started hammering on the wall.  He'd hammer until he heard her chair shift and then he'd run and hide around the corner.  Once he heard her go back to the office, the hammering would start over.  Brilliant.

Seriously, we're becoming like 2 peas in a pod.  How's she going to survive the summer?

My Minor Moments

Today was a strange day.  I started work later than usual, so I was going to be home later in the day than -obviously- I normally would.  Ended up leaving at the same time, though.  I couldn't stand to be there any longer.

I woke up to screaming at 8 this morning, which doesn't necessarily sound "early," but I'd been working on projects 'til 3.  As if the screaming wasn't enough, my morning constitutional (which I refer to as the "three sh's: shit, shower, and shave") was constantly interrupted.  Then, as I went to make some toast for breakfast, the interrogation began.

I'd spent some money the previous day, foolishly spending 1% (one freakin' percent) of my paycheck on clothes.  Big whoop.  Apparently so and I was grilled about it.  I also picked up a few things for work and that was wrong too --even thought the expense-claim goes in immediately and the money
(all $19.00's worth) will be back in the bank account by next Friday.

Then, as I ate my cold toast and drank my cold coffee, I was asked when I was planning on mowing the lawn.  Wasting the day, after all --here it is 9:30 already.  A quick toss of the cold coffee into the sink (I was a few feet away at the time, but it was for dramatic purposes and the toss was sans mug) and I was heading outside to starts mowing the lawn.  Preferrably I would have liked to have renewed my allergy prescription first, but that would apparently be out of line this "late" in the day.

So, with lawn mowed, it was time for shower #2 and hopefully enough nasal power to blow out the crusties (told you: allergies and grass is the major one).  By the time shower #2 was over, I started to get lecture #2 for the day, this time about my lack of eBay sales recently (although, last week I had 45+ items
up for sale).  My argument is always the same:  Everytime I sit down at the computer, the first interruption is always: "Are you going to be on there all day?"  (which is why I'm up until 3 trying to work on things)

By 11, I'd had enough and was ready to go to work and head to the drug store for my prescription.  I had a feeling this one wasn't covered by my plan, but I assured my wife I'd call her "just in case" I had to spend money.  She said it wasn't necessary, but seeing as how I'd been grilled earlier for every cent, I thought it best to act whipped and said so. 
Didn't go over well, but I was already heading out the door.

I had hours to kill by the time I got to the office and instead of sitting in front of the computer, I headed outdoors and read a book instead.  Before heading out, though, I took a quick walk through the building and ran into the mail carrier.  She told me there was mail back in her office (I don't have mine delivered anymore since I caught Drama Queen snooping one day), so I headed over there to pick it up.  Inside the first envelope was a postcard....  It made my day.

I headed outside and laid down on the grass.  I eventually fell asleep (no surprise there), but was smart enough to set the alarm on my cell phone and placed it on my chest (it's a vibrating alarm).

It felt so good to relax.

Next up was a visit to my old department, since a dear friend was returning to move into her new office (coincidentally, Sex Caffeine's old office which also used to be my old office --Sex Caffeine has now moved across the hallway into... my old office from 4 years ago --phew!!).  So, spent a bit of time talking
to her & Princess (he's a friend of hers too).  SC walked past, I said hello and she smiled and waved, but walked into her office and closed the door.  I haven't seen her act like that since "the big breakup" a year ago this past April.  Princess, in on the whole story, saw my reaction and he assured me "she's been aloof all day."

Aloof?

I know what aloof means: emotionally and physically withdrawn, but for some strange reason 'aloof' took on a whole new meaning coming from this magnificent gay man.  And I told him so.

Who knew the working day would be better than the time off?

My Change of Plans

What's that saying?  "All Good Things..."?

Well after I've been struggling with Drama Queen for months on end, she was given some bad news by the boss last week.  DQ will be gone by September --replaced either by me or someone who can actually do the job.  I know of 3 candidates already lined up for the job and I'm excited about all three. 
The boss, apparently, pulled DQ aside on Wednesday and told her that she obviously didn't have the necessary skills to do the job --something I've been trying to relay since, oh, she started.  Of course hearing the news from my boss about her lacking the job skills meant I had to use tact in my "shocked" response.

Hence:



No, really.  I mean, what gave it away?  The fact that whenever something went wrong it was never her fault?  Was it her special ability to misspell words like SPORT and POLICY?  Or was it the attitude she displayed to anyone coming into the office, that they obviously needed a quick lesson in how to actually do their own damn job? Was it her computer skills?  The inability to understand the benefits of COPY/PASTE?  Maybe it was the way she'd panic if a blade of grass was out of place, or a cloud was in the sky (I actually used these terms to describe her to another department and all they did was AGREE). Could it be the way any important information she had would be communicated to one person in the office instead of ALL OF US and how somehow it was never the same person receiving the information? Was it her ability to read everyone's emails and peek through envelopes? Was it the way she had an answer (usually the wrong answer too) for any question directed to anyone but her?  Maybe the manner in which she'd divulge any confidential material for anyone who'd listen.  Or the way she'd deflect answers to obvious questions and questions directed to her. 
Or was it her amazing approach to call anyone away from the office (usually on vacation) to ask, as I lovingly put it, 'stupid shit' questions that wouldn't be followed up until we'd come back to the office after our holiday (I claimed over 40 hours of overtime because of this)? Or maybe it was the way she'd get "all the facts" by hearing one thing and "somehow" blowing it way out of proportion?

My God, have I really put up with this person since last Summer?

I never thought I'd be able to count the weeks, but it looks like it's actually happening.  I'll be damned, the sun is shining again.

My Anniversary

Today is a special day for me.  It's not your typical 'anniversary' to your spouse, or how many years you've been at your current job (I've been working for close to 7 years and that anniversary is in August --and to celebrate it, I won't be here).

Nope, this anniversary is for the loss of The Curse --my first Co-Worker From Hell (shortened, of course, to 'CFH' to save my typing skills)

In my close-to 7 years here, I've never had so many run-ins with co-workers until I moved to this department just over a year ago.  Now, in the space of that year, I've gone through 5 of them.  4 are CFH, one is not --well, the jury's still out, but it's looking good.  But The Curse was something special to be sure.

We started here the same day and as I was taking "the tour" of the facility, she was in the boss' office (not my current boss --hence, I've been here the longest out of the entire department) complaining about the work we were required to do and just what all she would not do as long as she was working here.  I knew immediately it was going to be a tough time.  Fortunately, we were only going to be working together for 30 minutes each day, but the email messages took a nasty tone very early on.

My favorite story leading to the demise of The Curse was her last full day in the office.  It was a really busy week (much like this week this year has been) and she had been trying to get me away from the office for a good 20 minutes.  I was getting ready for lunch and she kept coming to the office door saying things like, "It's a beautiful day.  Go eat lunch outside." And things like hat.  It was too weird, so I refused.  In fact, I brought my lunch into the office (which
I very rarely do) and ate there.  I also emailed my boss to see if there was anything special happening that day that I may not be aware of.  Indeed, there was. My new boss was arriving and taking a tour of the place before officially starting in July.  So, The Curse wanted me out of the office when he arrived. 

No way was I going anywhere.

I'd forgotten a drink however and went to another department where they have a really good "pop fund" and grabbed myself a drink.  On my walk back, I run into my new boss on his tour.  The lady showing him around takes one look at me and says, "He knows this place better than I do and he's going to be answering to you anyway --he can show you around the rest!"  And thus, the three of us walk back to the office... and The Curse's smile turns into a frown as we come around the corner.

It turns out about a week after we'd started, The Curse had met the new guy when he'd arrived for his interview.  He thought he'd get a "head's up" on various parts of our department before his interview, but unbeknownst to him, the staff was completely new and were just learning where and what things were.  No help.  When he was formally introduced to us, he commented that the Curse "didn't know anything."  Open posture suddenly whips into a closed posture and The Curse is pissed royally.

The next day, The Curse leaves early with a strange back ailment.  Her claim:  "The computer's at a funny angle" and she's thrown her back out trying to use it.  My claim: Whiplash. From receiving the comment from the new boss...

The next day, she stays until I arrive and takes off.  It wasn't until this year that I re-read her final message to my boss & I that she'd like to cut back her hours and only work until 11:30 "when the pain starts." Yep, took me a year
to realize I started at 11:30.  D'aaawwww. I was the pain.  The next day, she doesn't show up at all and there are several people panicking and trying to figure out what's happened to her --including the new boss who has dropped by the office for some paperwork.  The only person who has an answer for him is a friend from my last department who says that The Curse hasn't come in, but good ol' me has been called in early and I'll be there any minute to help out. She adds that everyone counts on me for things anyway --especially if they want things done.  Such a sweety.

The Curse never set foot in the office again and I was told the following week she'd been granted an "early retirement package."  I had 2 former bosses call and congratulate me for the work I'd done to get rid of her --something they'd been trying for years to no avail.

I wasn't trying, but I soon earned the nickname 'Killer.'

Ah, memories.

My Struggle

With all my devious planning in place, I'm trying my best not to complain about Drama Queen and her antics (getting in the way, budding in on conversations, sticking her nose in other people's business, etc, etc.), but to hold off for just a few more weeks when she expects an interview for her job.  I just can't let that happen, hence, the devious plans.

God, I hope it works.

Let's just say this has been a much more stressful week because of the way she acts and I hope there's a change soon.  Can't complain to my boss or he'll suspect something when it comes to the actual hiring committee.

It's so hard to keep this crap bottled up!!!

My Burn

I mentioned SC and I sipping Diet Coke and enjoying a great Friday afternoon in the grass.  Well, seems we both got our share of sunburn too.  Yowch.

Have a big 2-day event here at work this week and it really takes over every aspect of the job for the entire week (and a bit into next week too).  One guy was responsible for "The Plan" and instead of having it ready when everyone else is ready to start on Monday morning, we sit (literally) for 2 hours while he finalizes the plan --and then still expects us to be here for an extra 2 hours because he's put us behind schedule.  I'm there.  My Kids (those that are still around anyway) are there.  And we're all pissed.  I'm even more so, 'cuz I have to buy lunch to keep them all happy.  Nice.  Actually, it worked out pretty well because I fed pizza to 10 people for just over $40.  And they all still like me best.

One of the background guys is leaving next week too and he's going to be missed.  He's sacrificed a lot of his time over the past few years and an opportunity landed in his lap to work at a superb private school and he jumped at the chance.  they're very lucky and they'll know it before July rolls around.

I should've left work around Noon yesterday because I'm owed so much extra time for breaks, but it didn't happen.  I'd planned on skipping out about an hour early today too, but my co-worker has called in sick, so I'm here to the bitter end.  Again. 

Urgh.  Me burn.

My Heart Exploding Words

"Our love surpassed
Our love so fast
Our love's all wrong
Our love goes on and on
Our love became
Our love by name
When I wrote it to you in a song
Our love goes on and on."  --Rhett Miller, "Our Love"

The first step is accepting you have an addiction.  I'm sure I've
started a post like this before --admitting to an addiction.  Well, today I'm admitting to two.

Firstly, I've fallen for Diet Coke with Lime.  It's the next best thing to a rum & Coke (with, well, lime!).  I like it so much I've even given up regular Coke so that I have more money to spend on the lime.  Oh, and I bought some limes from the grocery store to add to the glass too.  Hell, this has almost replaced coffee.  Except on cooler, wet days like today.

My second addiction has been the subject of probably 75% of the posts on this Blog and I'll also admit that I don't see Sex Caffeine leaving the picture anytime soon.  Yes, I mentioned last week that there's a new man in her life, but we're still getting together for coffee breaks every few days and Friday turned into a pleasant afternoon break out in the sunshine, sipping Diet Coke with Lime (I'm mixing my addictions) whilst sitting in the grass outside the office.

We had a good talk and only once was I concerned that I may have said something hurtful.. Fortunately, I realized the look on her face was due to the lime she'd just stuck in her mouth.  Phew!

For over a year it's been a bizarre love triangle we've had going and suddenly, with the new guy it's become... a "love square" I guess.  But then I think about meeting up with Brenda again and discovering over the weekend that my wife has been talking more and more with 2 of her ex-boyfriends and
things just get more confusing.

Is there such thing as a "love polyhedron"?

My Blankety-Blank

I feel compelled to write, but have nothing (NO-thing!) to write about.

I guess I could mention the usual office crap this week.  Drama Queen (DQ) pissed off my new co-worker and I this week.  I've been asked by the senior admin people to re-do my job description.  The job's now 3 years old and has never been finalized or (really) approved.  So, it's high time it was taken care of.

The process works like this.  Since I'm the person in the job, I sit down and write out what I think the major points of this job are.  I don't say things like "At 9 am, I do this and at 10 am I do this."  Nope.  I put down things like handling departmental information via noticeboards, telephone messaging and the internet.  Simple.  What it
could mean (I figure about a 5% chance) is that I could get a raise in pay in the very near future and I'm not talking the usual 2% raise I get every 3 years, no-no.  This could be more in the line of 25-35% more starting in September.  I can handle that, I really could.

But then DQ sticks her nose into it and asks the VP's assistant if it's "right" for me to re-write my job description without consulting my boss.  No, but the process has my boss go over my job description before senior admin goes over the review and evaluation.  But by telling the assistant the way she did, the VP is now telling my boss to write it instead of
me.

'cuz who really knows my job better?  Me, or the guy I've seen for 2 hours since the middle of May?

DQ go a long, long earful from me for blabbing like that and she's going to quickly learn the repercussions of talking too much.  Especially when you're contract's up for renewal.

The Hoser's volunteered to be on the committee to review her job and decide whether or not it's a necessary position.

don't get me wrong.  It's a vital position and there's quite the proven need.  Unfortunately, the wrong person's in the job at the moment.  And now I've made it my responsibility to see that the job is filled with the right person.

It's not my responsibility alone, though.  No-no.  My boss, who for some strange reason really likes DQ, is on the committee as is the VP's assistant.  And there are a few others expressing interest as well.

Sex Caffeine is one.  And the lady I mentioned in the original 'Sex Caffeine' entry (the one who referred to convertibles as 'topless') has expressed interest as well.  Why?  Because DQ started blabbing about how rude she was regarding a project that wasn't interesting or relevant to anyone BUT DQ.  It wasn't rude.  It was honest.  DQ spent days afterward complaining to anyone who would listen about how rudely she was treated and how ignorant this woman was.  She's not ignorant and she's
really looking forward to assisting in the review committee (at my insistence of course).

Ah, the evil that Hosers do, eh?

My Very Special Episode

My Sit-com continued with an unexpected phone call from an unexpected source.My First Love called on Monday, asking me out for coffee to give us a better chance to reminisce.

And that's when things got a little scary.

I hadn't really thought about it before, but the last time Brenda & I had dated, she hated my newly-grown facial hair (not that I couldn't grow it before... the Hairyhoser was shaving in elementary school, after all).  I'd shaved it off for our last night together, but we'd both decided it was truly over.  For good.  Forever.  Full stop.  Before I went on my little vacation, I shaved off my facial hair for the first time in about 2 years.  and the last time it only lasted about 24 hours before I decided to re-grow my "chin-cover."  I shaved on April 26th and I'm still
clean-shaven today.  That's something I haven't done long-term in, coincidentally, about 12 years.

Coincidentally, it was 12 years ago that I was going out with this really cute blonde for the last time after a somewhat tumultuous 5-year relationship.  When I ran into her again in February (My Amazing Grace), she'd let her natural hair colour come back again and it was a dirty blonde instead of the stunning blonde I'd seen throughout my teenage years.

So....

We decided to get together for coffee.  She happened to be coming to a nearby town for a meeting and called me up to meet beforehand to grab some java and talk.  And there she was.  Blonde and stunning, just like she'd been 12 years ago.  And there I was clean-shaven just as she liked all
those years we were together. 

And it hadn't occurred to me until that exact moment that we were both regressing to a happier time in our lives and maybe hoping that our present and future could possibly have some of that same happiness. 

No more looking back on fond memories. Look forward to new ones instead.

My Sit-Com
Remember those sit-coms that 'jumped the shark' around the 5th or 6th season when, for one inane reason or another, some kid (a friend, an orphan of a relative, a punk off the street) would move into the house? I remember joking about that back in the early 90s when it actually happened to my family. My sister had moved out of the house (but was soon to come back) and suddenly in moves this other girl. She was kind of a punk, but a friend of my sister's and in need of a place to stay.

My family jumped the shark.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, that Christmas we had our own 'family holiday special' where every friend dropped the house on Christmas Day to enjoy the holiday with us and have dinner. Seriously, like 20 freakin' people. I was actually living in a sit-com.

And I thought those sit-com days were over. I was wrong.
It seems the sit-com I'm in these days is the classic "Will they or won't they?" storyline. Remember Sam & Diane? Niles & Daphne? Ross and Rachel? How 'bout Hairyhoser and Sex Caffeine? Here I am, pretty much with divorce papers in hand and ready to move on to a new stage of my life. Ready to tell the world about just how crappy my life has gotten over the past few months. Ready to look Sex Caffeine in the face and say, "Let's do this. I should have been here all along." Ready for, well, anything.

And today I meet SC's new boyfriend. At least I can always count on life being complicated. 'Cuz wait'll I write out the next episode in my sit-com.

My Inner-Jerk

So, I've already said I didn't get the other job --and of course, after talking to other people and how they fared during the interview I actually started thinking I may have it.

I had heard earlier who all was being interviewed and one person in particular stood out from the crowd, but not because of the job qualifications or experience.  Not to sound like a jerk #1:  She has some experience in similar office work, but not the type I
thought they were looking for.

What made her stand out from the crowd was a recent tragic event in her life.  Despite being on a few dates with a guy well-known around these offices, she suddenly, apparently, started seeing an ex-boyfriend of hers just in time for him to... (not to sound like a jerk #2:) die in a motorcycle accident.

And that's when my inner-jerk came to life.  Again.

"Oh" I thought to myself, "How convenient when this job opens up.  She's going to get it."  I'm fighting every urge my body, heart, and mind are screaming that this place would actually give someone a job out of sympathy but it's also so blatantly ridiculous (& this hoser's been around the block enough times) that it could very well be true.

She got the job.

And now I'm struggling with my inner-jerk to make sure he stays there.  No good can come from the 'outer-jerk.'