My Friggin' Long Quiz .:General Info:.
Name::	Hairyhoser --my real name ain't allowed on my blog
Age::	29 for 3 years now --I act 40 in the morning, 18 by lunch and usually hit the bed going 70
Gender::	Male (who else acts 18 by lunch?)
Height::	Tall Scot = 5' 7"
Birthday::	July (I'm a Leo)
Hair Color::	Brown, blonde -a few grays coming through 'til I beat 'em into submission again
Describe yourself in one word::	F*cked
Describe your personality in one word::	Charming --hehe
.:School Life:.
What grade are you in::	At my age, grades don't count anymore --a.k.a. Grade 25 (XXV)
What school do you go to::	Waterloo!
And where is that::	WATERLOO!!!!
Do you get good grades::	When I focus on my work --oh yeah. Got a B- for a class I did in a week and failed a class I struggled with all semester
Favorite Subject::	British history
.:Love Life:.
Sexual Preference::	I'm a heterosexual man
Do you have a bf/gf::	No, I don't like bf/gf's. I'm a hetero... and married
If so,what is their name::	If I could make my own bf/gf... forget it. I'll stick with my wife
How long have you been dating::	Dating my wife? Only a year. But we've been married for 8 years.. (no more dates...)
Do you consider yourself in love with them::	Yup! Just don't like her all that much right now
If so,why::	She's my dream girl. I'm convinced I dreamt about her when I was 15. A brunette wearing glasses, sitting with me all day reading books. I adjusted her glasses & kissed her
Have you had your first kiss::	Why, yes I have (and 2 babies resulted ;o) )
If so,when::	First girlfriend kiss? When I was 12.
Do you have a crush::	Sort of. Trying not to acknowlege it these days (failing tho)
If so,what is their name::	'Sex Caffeine'
Why do you like them::	We'v both been trying to figure that out for 18 months now
Do they know you::	Yes.
Do they know that you like them::	The feeling's mutual.
How long have you known them::	2 years as of July.
.:Friends:.
Best Friend(s)::	My best friend is EZ, but I haven't spoken to him in a year
How long have you been friends::	18 years
Do you consider yourself a good friend::	As good as he gets (hehe)
How many friends do you think you have::	I'm all about the love.... 2.3 million
Most popular::	Alberta --nearly every guy has a crush on her
Most conceited::	I'm not friends with conceited people.
Friendliest::	Sunney
Meanest::	Me.
Prettiest::	Alberta. Definitely.
Craziest::	Fluffy --he's a crazy homosexual!! ;o)
Oldest::	Uhhhh... Boop admits to 54 I think
Youngest::	A few of My Kids are in their late teens still. 'Minty' turned 19 in July
Most recent::	When you hit your 30s friends don't come quickly. The Boy & I get along pretty good though
Smartest::	Me. I scored over 140 on my IQ test.
.:Favorites:.
Food::	Lasagna --my wife's is the best, followed by Mom's
Person::	No favorites
Number::	13
Show::	Regular: Cold Case or Nip/Tuck; Reality: Amazing Race
Letter::	F. For Friday, Free Willy and Filadelphia (old joke, sorry)
Song::	This week? 'More Than This' by Peter Gabriel
Band/Singer::	Band: Pink Floyd / Singer: Peter Gabriel
Place in the world::	London
Season::	Summer
.:Your-:.
Dream Vacation::	Someplace where I can tan and not always burn.
Dream House::	Somewhere big --and with a view
Dream Room::	Home theatre
Location::	BC, most likely
.:Last Time You:.:	I what?
Watched T.V.::	Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics
Went to the bathroom::	It's 12:21 am now --1 hour ago
Ate::	Had dinner about 5 hours ago
Slept::	18 hours ago
Listened to music::	Listening to the radio right now
Used the phone::	7:30 tonight
IMed someone/Got an IM::	2 days ago
Went to school::	Last time I was in a classroom to learn was in January. For my degree --1997.
Played a game::	6 weeks? Haven't put City of Heroes on here yet
Took a shower::	11 this morning
Hugged someone::	:oD Hugged Sex Caffeine about 2:30 this afternoon
Went on a date::	Last Thursday --my wife & I took a day into Vancouver
Wrote a letter::	WROTE, wrote? Years. Email? Maybe 25 hours.
Cried::	Felt a little choked watching the opening ceremonies (great to see so many people getting along)
.:Last Person You:.
Hugged::	Sex Caffeine
Kissed::	My Wife --an hour ago
Laughed at::	Princess --for thinking Sex Caffeine & I were doing The Nasty today
Cried over::	My wife again
IMed/Got an IM from::	Dreama. Hey girl, you made the list!!
Hurt::	Probably my wife --if not, then Sex Caffeine
Talked to::	My wife
Spoke to on the phone::	My wife
Ate with::	Some friends at work. Shared a Diet Coke or two with Sex Caffeine too
Spent time with::	Sex Caffeine (& NOT doing The Nasty!!)
Saw::	My wife
Missed::	No one.
Heard::	Uhhh...
Played with::	My son. "Wonder Twin powers!!" -he's good at it too
.:Have You Ever:.
Been out of the country::	Yes, but not in a week
Been out of state/province::	Yes, but not in a week
Done drugs::	No, but I have inhaled
Done anything illegal::	Speeding counts, so 4 hours ago
Slapped someone::	I slapped my son's hand today when he scratched my daughter
Cut yourself::	Enough to leave a scar? 7 years ago. Minor cut? This morning
Played an instrument::	Played bongo drums 'til my hands were numb at the basketball championship games in March
Hurt someone for no reason::	Yes, emotionally. Never physically.
Hurt someone::	Never physically, so no. or at least not since elementary school
Killed an insect/bug::	Killed a spider in the hallway at work yesterday. No one would go by it.
Gotten stung by a bee::	12 years ago. I'm allergic --I found out. I stepped on it in a field.
Lied to your parents::	Yep, 3 weeks ago.
Stole Something::	Yes, but not for years.
Kissed Someone::	Yes, numerous.
.:This Or That:.
Rock or Rap::	Rock
Singing or Songwriting::	Songwriting (even got to go to L.A. because of it!)
Tennis Shoes or Sandals::	Sandals when it's this hot --no reason for socks!!!
Phone or Computer::	Computer
Biking or Skating::	Biking
Analog or Digital::	Digital --good Lord
Coke or Pepsi::	Coke
Sprite or Sierra Mist::	Sprite
MTV or VH1::	I watched MTV when it first came on the air, junior!
R&B or Country::	R&B --unless it's Faith Hill, then I'll sit there and drool
Cingular or T-Mobile::	T-Mobile, I guess
Cats or Dogs::	Leaing towards dogs these days, but it has to be a Husky
AIM or Yahoo::	Neither, please
Bzoink or Quizilla::	Bzoink
.:Word Association:.
Birthday::	Cake
Peanut::	Brittle (don't even like it)
Good Charlotte::	Queen Charlotte
Ravioli::	Meat
President Bush::	Idiot
T.V.::	Sex
Rock::	Drums
Rap::	Guns
Chef::	Julia Childs
Boys::	Basketball
Girls::	satin
Calendar::	work
Fan::	screaming
Evil::	co-workers from Hell
.:Right Now:
Eating::	Nothing
Drinking::	Ginger Ale, water...
Watching::	Nothing
What is on your mousepad::	No mousepad, but usually a picture of something from home
What are you doing::	taking a really long quiz to waste time
What song are you listening to::	One Thing by Finger Eleven
What's in your CD player::	Peter Gabriel
Wearing::	Shorts, no socks, no shirt
Time::	12:39 am
Month::	August
Day of the Month::	14th now...
Year::	2004
Day of the week::	Saturday
What website are you on::	www.bzoink.com
.:Random Things:.
What color is your mousepad::	Usually navy blue
What color is your keyboard::	cream & navy blue
What is the phrase you use the most online::	I'm all about the love
Did you like this survey::	not anymore, no
Are you sad that it's over::	not really
What are you gonna do after this survey is over::	stretch --geez
Do you like pop-up ads::	No --and one just popped up!
How long have you been online::	Today? 7 hours

You Know It's All About You (Over 100 Questions) brought to you by BZOINK!
EmotionDump - 100% Anonymous Emotions and Confessions

My Strongest Weakness

Unbeknownst to me, 'Princess' had returned from holidays and dropped by his office today. I was in the office next to his when I worked in that department over a year ago now and I forgot about how well sound travels through the walls.

See, 'Sex Caffeine' and I were in that office earlier this afternoon. And I should have thought of the sound thingy --had I known he was even around.

Gratuitous sex sounds travel well.

Going back 18 months, I remember sitting in Princess' office discussing various matters of the day. I shared my office with 'Fluffy' at the time and 'Fluffy' was havig a discussion with the Queen MOB, my old boss. As Princess & I were talking we could hear voices raise in my office, followed by an 'AAHHHH!!' and a sudden big thud against the wall. I went racing over (Princess walked in later --he and the Queen don't always get along) and here the Queen had tried to sit on one of the chairs and it had rolled away from under her, hence the thud against the wall. Fortunately, we all had a good laugh over it. But I should have remembered about the sound travelling.

When rumours of an affair between SC and I first started just before Christmas 2002, it was because we'd been holed up in my office all day. We both disappeared behind the closed door and only came out for bathroom breaks the rest of the day. Otherwise, you could pretty much just hear laughing and giggling whenever you walked by. Had someone been in the other office, they would've heard the movie we were watching on the DVD player in my computer.

One of the things I've tried desperately to do over the past few months is find things SC & I don't have in common so we'll run out of things to talk about. Sadly, I've failed miserably and have only found more and more things we have in common. Favorite reality show? We both like Amazing Race and talk about it the next day. We both like working out around 4:00. We both clued in to the twist in 'The Village' at the same time. We're both addicted to Diet Coke with Lime. We both like Jerry Bruckheimer shows. She hadn't watched 'Nip/Tuck' yet, so I brought in the pilot episode.

And we watched it in her office (my old office, my old computer).

About 10 minutes in, there's a very gratuitous (for TV anyway) sex scene. We had the volume a little too high. It was very warm in the office and I was getting sweaty. When I left about 55 minutes later, I was looking quite unkempt and got called into Princess' office right away. I didn't know he was there, and looking the way I did (and his tone of voice), I knew right away he had the wrong idea, but "It's not what you think" just ain't the right response at the moment. Neither, apparently, is 15 minutes of trying to explain what was happening (and laughing about it at the same time).

He doesn't know what to believe right now.

My Dramatis Personae

I realized that my posts lately have included the numerous people around me and some may be confused as to whom I'm speaking of. So, here for your enjoyment is a list of those I talk most frequently of, and why they earned the name they have....

Hairyhoser - Me. This blog is all about me, My Year and how I'm all about the love. It's also about the stupid things I do, the opportunities I lose out on and how I maintain to be the glue that holds things together at work. My life may be falling apart around me, but I'm blindly hanging on to something.

My Wife - Well, that's pretty much it. She's my wife and things are falling apart right now. And, as I've said to her, I love her incredibly but right now I don't like her very much.

My Son & Daughter - My children. Some days the cause of all my stress and other days the only good thing in life.

My Kids - My staff at work. All but one are younger (much *sniff!* younger) than me and have their whole lives ahead of them. Sweet, somewhat innocent, and some stand out enough to be mentioned below. There are 9 of them in total. 8 are female (7 of which are under age 22) and 1 man-child.

Sex Caffeine - The other woman. The centre of all the rumoured affairs I've had recently (yes, recently) --say, the past year-and-a-half or so. Also the recipient of some 545 emails from me despite only knowing her for 2 years now. While things are mostly innocent, we've both had our share of laughs and tears over the situation. We got close to a relationship but it never actually happened. It blew up at one point when a friend told her that I was using coffee as a means to have sex, hence the Sex Caffeine nickname --shortened to 'SC.' A few people know the truth about our relationship, but the one person who thinks we're spending too much time together is...

Drama Queen - Formerly the Co-Worker From Hell known as 'F-Bomb.' My boss started calling her Drama Queen (DQ for short) because she over-reacts to every little thing and gets herself worked up over minor details when we're working on assignments. Getting worked up about the little things 99% guarantees she'll miss something major and come off like a fool --to the entertainment and detriment of everyone else in the office. DQ thinks she knows the truth about SC & I, but it's almost the exact opposite. SC & I milk it now, though, and have started making excuses to make it look like we have a heavy relationship going. DQ is supposedly leaving for good by the end of September, but it may be sooner than that --gee, I wonder what I'd prefer....

Fluffy - My former office mate from 2002 and 2003. He's a beautiful gay man (told you I was all about the love) and knows it quite well. Fun guy to be around even though we (obviously) don't see eye-to-eye on a number of things. Only the 4th openly gay man I've known well. Fluffy is his nickname, although he thought we were calling him 'Fluffer,' which apparently is just as appropriate. If you don't know what a fluffer is, try your hand at some internet research.

Princess - The 3rd openly gay man I've ever known and a trusted confidante. He's been a source of wisdom over the issue with Sex Caffeine and remains true to this day, despite seeing the mistakes I made. Princess also knows way too much about male/female relationships for his sexual orientation.

Queen Mob - My Old Boss (MOB). Rightfully called the Queen because she acts like one and a lot of people thinks she's one (although not the good queen kind of way --more like the queen from Alice in Wonderland). She & I got along for the most part until the whole Sex Caffeine thing started and I was (for different reasons) already on my way out of the department.

The Curse - My very first Co-Worker From Hell (a.k.a. CFH). It wasn't until I started working in my current job that I ended up with so many CFH's. Fortunately, they come and go.

Whiner - The 3rd CFH. I honestly can't remember the nickname I gave to #2, but she wasn't around much anyway --just a few weeks. Whiner lived up to her name as she got confused about basically everything and then whined until she could understand what everyone was explaining to her. Repetitive tasks were never done the same way when she was around, so it was always eventful.

The Boy - Despite replacing Whiner, The Boy hasn't become the 4th CFH. He's fun and we joke around often. Took him almost 3 weeks before he wanted to throw DQ out the window. He's not fond of the 'DQ' nickname, so he just refers to her as 'Bitch.' He's in his 40s, but most days acts like a horny teenager, so he's become 'The Boy.'

Frodo - One of My Kids. He looks like a Hobbit, hence the nickname --thanks to The Boy. Frodo & DQ are best buds all of a sudden, so we watch what we say and do when Frodo's nearby.

Alberta - My favourite out of all My Kids. She's 21 and extremely sexy, but has been good at policing me with the diet and exercise. She's also responsible for 'Naughty Thursdays' when we cheat on our diets and eat something inappropriate (like cream-filled chocolate chip sandwich cookies). We've gone to a couple of concerts together and some former co-workers know they don't need to ask me if I'm enjoying myself over here when they see me with her. It's true.

Sunnie - She used to be my favourite, but she changed a lot over the past few months before she left. She always had a positive outlook and earned her nickname (as in a sunny disposition) because of it. I think she decided before she left that all the guys in the office were ganging up on DQ (the only woman left) and therefore, we were too mean to be nice to anymore.

Latina Lady - The only one of My Kids older than me. She's gone now too. LL exudes sexuality and was sometimes quite 'hands on.' A favourite among other people in the office area. I did her a big favour one day (had to do with her family coming from Mexico) and she was so excited that she wanted to thank me the best way she knew how. I'm nervous about it, but I'm hopeful she's talking about food.

So, that's pretty much it. The players you see before you in my ongoing life. Now you can keep up to date... I hope.

MY SHEER BOREDOM Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::	Genesis
Are you female or male::	Man on the Corner
Describe yourself::	I Can't Dance
How do some people feel about you::	Fly On A Windshield
How do you feel about yourself::	Happy the Man
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::	Anything She Does
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::	Duchess
Describe where you want to be::	Home By The Sea
Describe what you want to be::	Driving the Last Spike
Describe how you live::	Living Forever
Describe how you love::	Afterglow
Share a few words of wisdom::	Jesus He Knows Me

Bands // Song Titles brought to you by BZOINK!
EmotionDump - 100% Anonymous Emotions and Confessions

My Achin' Muscles

Yeah... yeah... take a few weeks off and pretty much laze around by the pool. 2 days of working out (only about 2 and a half hours though) and I'm really feeling it.

But it's a good feeling. There's nothing like combing your hair, looking in the mirror and realizing there's shape (good shape) in places where it was just round before. Things are working. Things are... looking good.

But I ache.

My Tuxedo

I don’t know if I’ve even mentioned that my brother-in-law is getting married in a few weeks. I’m in the wedding party (and most likely the only short one in the party –I know 2 others are basketball players and I’m sure I’ll get placed right next to them. What can I say? People a foot taller than me are a pet peeve.

Regardless, it was a hassle-and-a-half to get measured for my tux. First, the girl was gone for lunch when I got there. Now, I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve a lunch, but maybe she shouldn’t take it the same time everyone else is (and obviously, the other 6 guys there were thinking exactly what I thought: “I’ll go on my lunch break to get fitted”). So, I opt to come back in 30 minutes when she’s supposed to be back, but she doesn’t show up. No, no: She’s 15 minutes late and I now have 5 minutes left on my lunch break.

Actually, that’s not true. I never have time to take my coffee breaks, so I usually end up taking a 90-minute break. My boss can’t complain ‘cuz we’d just start taking our regular coffee breaks and he’d be desperately searching for us to help out with things (ah, traditions). So, I actually have 35 minutes left, but I haven’t eaten yet today and a hungry Hoser becomes a grumpy Hoser. Give me food.

Nope, I wait for the girl to show up and take my measurements. She finally gets to me (after a lecture from nearly everyone in front of me – she’s in a great mood by the time it’s my turn). Arm: fine. Legs: (whoo-hoo! Hello?) Fine. Waist: 37. What? 37? Hey, I know I’ve been on holidays, but I don’t think I ballooned 5 pant sizes in 3 weeks!! But no, she insists I’m a 37 and my disagreeing isn’t helping her mood. Like telling me I’m a 37 is helping the situation. I ask her to take it again (can she spare 3 seconds????) and I notice this time that the tape is around my waist on the left and is hanging below my pocket line on the right. No kidding it’s a 37 –I more the tape to my waist. She sighs and still says ’37.’

Fine. Didn’t want to eat again anyway.

Oh! Yeah, back at work and the idiots have been running loose. Living up to Co-Worker From Hell designation, Drama Queen sent out an email message to 900+ people about a new “work oppurtunity” in our office area. Yeah, she spells opportunity with a ‘U’. I should ask her to remind me what she majored in for her bachulur’s dugree.

Idiots: 2

Meanwhile, 180 degrees elsewhere… I’m stopped at a red light today (red lights are my friend) and look into the vehicle next to me. And there’s an office-buddy-slash-confidante-slash-friend of mine from back in ’98. I honk and get her to pull over so we can chat for the first time in close to a year (I think). I seem to have done that with a number of people, but she’s one I regret not talking to in a while. At least the guilt-factor was mutual…

Okay, I checked. Apparently the last email was in April, but a physical discussion has been years in the making. 3 years maybe? Still feeling guilty, but it was great to talk to her again.

My Old Contrary Mary

In June I mentioned Mary Mary and how she's caused all sorts of problems in my old department. [see My Vote - June 28, 2004] I heard today that Mary Mary has decided not to return to work from her leave of absence and my old department is free of her evil ways. Free to get on with life as they did before. I'm sure there were tears with the news --but tears of joy. It turns out 2 of my phone calls while on vacation were about her departure. Awww, ain't that sweet?

But this is the thing. There's a new job being created in my current department. It's a job that pays nearly double what I make right now and I have all the qualifications. Will I get it? Who knows? I'd love to get it and Drama Queen thinks she could do it too (despite the Boss telling her she has no skills whatsoever). DQ leaves us September 30th, by the way. Shed another tear, yes?

Hang on. I just realize that two pieces of deadwood have/will be giving farewells officially in the past few weeks.... could this be a trend at the office? My God, it's long overdue!!

Okay, back to me. The Boy emailed and asked if I was planning on applying for this new job --DQ is dying to know. No, I replied, I am not planning on applying for this new job. Why? Because I have already applied for this new job. Planned. Past tense is beautiful.

But now there's potential of this other job looming in the near future. It's another job I could do and have the qualifications for. In fact, part of the job is 'support' for one of my old positions in that old department. No problems there!! And, I still hang out with a number of people from that department, so they may be receptive to me coming back. Oh, sweet.

So, my decision is this: Apply for both. Interview for both. Hope to God one works out in my favour. I'm already dreading heading back to the office on Monday. My holidays can't be over that quick, can they?

My Inappropriate Conversation

She started it, okay? While waiting for my computer to be fixed, I stopped by to say 'hi' to Sex Caffeine. Yep, it's been a few weeks since we last talked (vacations have a tendency to do that) and I wanted to hear about her vacation as I'm hoping to do the same thing before the end of October:

ME: "So, how was your trip?"
SC: "Fine."
ME: "Did you get to the museum to see the exhibit?"
SC: "... No..."
ME: "No? I thought that was supposed to be the highlight?"
SC: "Well, we got sidetracked. A lot. Get it?"
ME: "I want details."
SC: "Well, that's inappropriate!"
ME: "Screw that. You started it! Details! I promise I'll be nice!"
SC: "Yeah, right!"
ME: "Ssssooooo.... how were you?"
SC: "G-- hey!!"

I'm such a bastard.

My Prodigal Computer

*sniff!* It's back!! After 6 weeks of withdrawal, I finally have my computer back. Things work (except the sound, but I'll wait on that for now) and I can actually do things properly again.

It's a special, special time.

My Second Century - My Voice From Afar

 

My Withdrawal

It's been, what? Six weeks since my computer crashed?

My new motherboard (*sigh*) finally arrived while we were away. Fortunately, the friend house-sitting intercepted the courier and signed for it. Otherwise, it may have been sent back to the company. Ugh.

Got home late on Friday and my friend won't be able to fix it (again) until Tuesday. So, I'll be taking it there first thing Tuesday morning.
The wait has been killing me. And, yes Dreama, that's why there hasn't been anything on eBay in a while.

That, and I had trouble getting into my account from the old computer. I put a few things up with another account. Sold one thing for almost 2 dollars (hold me back!) and have 2 more on right now just shy of $20 each. Much better. One was a 'find' during my cleanup of the basement before My Vacation. The other I knew would sell once I had it up there.

My parents have finally succumbed and allowed me to dig into their record collection that has been gathering dust for decades. They have 300+ LPs from the 50s and 60s gathering dust on shelves in their basement. There's Peter, Paul and Mary albums still sealed in plastic wrap. This could be fun.

My Latest Vacation

We left for the Okanagan on July 26th, although I'd told all my co-workers that we were gone as of July 19th. It worked that first week, but they must've assumed I'd be back by the 26th as there were 9 messages from work this past week. Nine messages at double-overtime works out to be.... 72 hours, or another 2 weeks off.

They're just not getting it.

In fact, we have a newbie working there for the summer and my boss told him the importance of contacting anyone BUT me during July. So, he called me to ask why. As tempting as it was --I let that one be a freebie.

I knew this was going to be a difficult vacation. The last time I went up it was a solo trip and this one was with 2 small kids and a wife who barely wants anything to do with me. Fun. We weren't even 50km into our 450+ km trip when the first 'are we there yet?' erupted from the back seat. With just over 150km to go in the drive up, my son started screaming because he was sick of sitting and his ears were popping. Couldn't get there fast enough at that point, so you know what's going to happen to me.

As we headed into town with the boy screaming, I looked at the 'Welcome to' sign and the population of 1,256 people. I live in a small town. We have 35,000 people. We live next to a large town with 110,000 people. I refuse to call it a city because it hasn't grown up properly yet. 1,256 people. 1 traffic signal. And a fucking traffic jam over 2km long.

In desperation, I turn down the closest side street to avoid this traffic jam (one light, I mean come on already!!) and wouldn't you know it, I found the dead end street. The boy is still screaming and I whip the car around and head out in the opposite direction. My daughter asks what I'm doing and my wife responds, "Daddy's trying to find as many 4-way stops as possible." Now's not the time I tell her, but she's gotta be correct. Just gotta. I hang a right at the next intersection and head back in the right direction and manage to pull a left on the one street I need.

Unfortunately, a pick-up truck overloaded with hay cuts me off and I'm now stuck behind a hay truck doing 45 in an 80 zone and it's a double-solid line. the boy is still screaming. There's hay flying off the back of the truck and I'm wondering how much hay it'll take for my allergies to kick in and my eyes to seal shut. The last thing I want to do is crash with my wife in the car. She'll be saying "I told you so" all the way up the stairway to Heaven. Screw it. I pass and accelerate to 110 in the 80 zone. The boy is still screaming.

We get to my parents' place and I take the boy (still screaming, but quieter now) out of the car. We walk toward the house and I look longingly at the pool. It's then that I realize my bathing suit is sitting at home.

Shit.

We spend the week up there and pretty much laze around the house. It's too hot to do much of anything, but I do visit with my police office friend. I get to go on a different ride along this time as he's on patrol in the boat. The town's population where he's stationed sees it's population quintuple over the summer and there's plenty of drunks out in boats. We're out on the water and he gets a call that some drunk dove off his boat --into 3 feet of water. We're off to retrieve the body. I'm playing CSI all of a sudden. and, yes, I can tell you how disgusting a human body looks after it's been floating in the water for 12 hours.

And that actually was the highlight of the week.

Oh wait, there's more. Wednesday was my birthday, but I'm acknowledging that I'm 31. 30 was difficult enough, but now I'm 30-plus-one and that's way too much to handle. What the hell happened to 23 and 24? I got a chocolate cake and barely convinced my wife that we should go see a movie. I suggested 6 movies before we finally agreed on Spider-Man 2.

The city of Vernon in the Okanagan is one of the worst cities in British Columbia. It's right in there behind Surrey and Abbotsford. I consider Abbotsford "Surrey, Jr." and Vernon has become to me the "Abbotsford of the Okanagan." Abbotsford sucks and Vernon doesn't like competition...

I've posted before about seeing movies in Abbotsford and how there's always a rather large contingent of losers in the theatre. When watching 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,' a few people left because the movie was too quiet. You could barely hear them speaking Cantonese, fer cryin' out loud. Of course, the subtitles were still readable. Others complained that the movie was 'too fake.' Really? What gave it away? The people flying everywhere? During 'Spider-Man,' the lady sitting next to us gave a play-by-play of the punches thrown: "Oh, good one!" "Ew, yeah!" "Nice punch!" "Way to get him!" You get the picture.

So, we're sitting in the theatre in Vernon and although it was a little confusing getting to our seats (they had two small walls with a space in the middle which we eventually figured out to be wheelchair seating). We sat in the back row with the wheelchair space behind us. Why? No one can kick our seats.

About 15 minutes into the movie, I was conscious that someone was looking over my shoulder. There was a guy, at least 6'4" and 400 pounds standing behind us. I guess waiting for a time to sit down. Naturally, in our row. He doesn't fit into the seat, so the entire rows of seats heaves as he sits.

And then it begins.

This guy had throat problems that saw him hacking and coughing for the next 2 hours. The row of seats shook whenever he pounded his big meaty fist in the popcorn bag to grab another handful. and then he started shaking his drink to get the ice. No, no. He's not eating the ice. He sucks a couple cubes in his mouth, sloshes them around for a few minutes, then spits them back into the cup. PTOO! PTOO! PTOO! PTOO! Who knew ice cubes would last for over 45 minutes? At least he entertained everyone in the rows around him. No one had the guts to see when he'd be done. As it was, the movie finished before he did.

The drive home became a whole new nightmare. My daughter threw up her breakfast and morning snack just before lunch. there's no worse smell than vomit mixed with apple juice. I just about lost it myself. While I'm cleaning out the car and paying for the vacuuming, I'm griping about bashing my head on the door. My daughter asks what I'm upset about and my wife says, "you ruined his day."

Not true. My daughter didn't ruin the day. My soon-to-be ex-wife ruined the day. Again.

My Problem Solved

How many variations did we actually try to fix my computer? 20? 30?

Whatever. The problem looks like it's finally solved and I need a new motherboard. A techie at the company where I originally bought the computer emailed me to ask if my 'processors were burnt out. Now, before sending an email telling him that I was completely burnt out, I checked the processors on my motherboard (they look like batteries standing on end) and lo and behold --5 of them were completely thrashed. My super-genius friend then said over the phone, "I never would have thought to look at those. I've never seen that happen."

That's me. I make the impossible happen.

I've now ordered my new motherboard and I should be computer-savvy again within the week. I hope.

My New Nightmare

I shoulda just bought a new computer.  We're coming up on a month now since my hard-drive packed it in and I decided to go all-out on the new HD, monitor, printer, and DVD-burner.  This is the longest my computer's been running in 3 weeks.  And we're coming up on 9 minutes.
I've had a very, very (VERY) good friend trying to fix this nightmare machine and he originally surmised the video card had failed.  So, out to the store and $130 later I have a new video card.  I installed it, but all I got was 'no signal' from my monitor so out it came again until my friend can look it over.  The next thing to go was the RAM. 512MB gone in an instant, so back out to the store and $160 later, I have new memory.
and computer is running --sort of.
My friend installed WinXP and OfficeXP for me, then he let it run for the afternoon with no problems.  I installed Mozilla Firefox, Norton Antivirus, and Novell Groupwise email server (work email) and...
KABLOOEY!  The computer would restart whenever I double-clicked on anything.  So, I've uninstalled Firefox, uninstalled Novell and we're at 12 minutes without a restart.
Yay.
For those keeping score, this has cost me nearly $1200.00 now.
I shoulda just bought a new computer.

My Dread

So, today's the beginning of The Big Project, which I figured would totally burn me out just before my vacation which officially starts on Monday.

But lo and behold, while I was expecting to be putting in 30+ hours over the next 4 days, my participation level is more along the lines of 18 hours. I can handle that. It's more like my vacation beings today.

And that's exactly what my children have figured out. As if a 'sign' from the two, both have decided to turn into monsters just in time for me to be home for the next 3 weeks. My daughter (who talks constantly already) has brought the whining up a notch or two. My son, sadly, has discovered a new horrible trait just shy of his first birthday:
The hissy-fit.

He literally sprawls out on the floor and screams and kicks and pounds his fists and he's discovered it a year early. This is going to be a long 3 weeks.

My Ringtone

The Boy & I were discussing ringtones today.  We've both set ringtones for the work number, so we know when we're getting 'the call.'  But I had to laugh at his choice of ringtones.  He's got the 'Mission Impossible' theme ringing whenever the office calls.  Why?  To him, it means that he's got an impossible task ahead of him (talking to Drama Queen is definitely a task these days).  To me, it sounds like it's super-urgent that he pick up the phone before it self-destructs.  Then he asked me what my ringtone for work is....

"Turkey in the Straw."  Fitting, yes?

My Own Hero

I complained about traffic yesterday and I could literally write for hours about how bad drivers are in this town.  Then again, even thinking about it is enough to set me off and was a major reason why we moved out of here 6 years ago.

The highway I drive everyday to and from work is finally being widened after 25+ years of complaining and 'government planning' (oh, and 300 or so deaths... hello?).  It's an annoying highway in that it starts at one end with an ultra-modern bridge 4-lanes wide that then merges almost immediately after a traffic signal.  That means that half the drivers figure they can drive on the shoulder of the road in order to get ahead of you --even though you're being an asshole like everyone and are now doing 30+ km/h over the speed limit to stop the assholes from getting ahead of you.  Why?  Because we all do the same thing for the 10 km of one lane driving:  Do less than the speed limit.

But that's not even what I'm writing about.  Neither is this, but I'm getting there...

So, they're widening the roadway and it took them 6 months to pile dirt beside the highway in order to ensure whenever there was another accident, the vehicles had nowhere to go except into oncoming vehicles.  So, since the dirt's been piled there's only been an accident every other week.  

The dirt's lower, but that means paving is coming soon and with paving come delays.  So, people start to take side roads and lo and behold the city has decided it's the best time of year to clean out the ditches.  And the cable company has opted for this month to be the month they redo the cables along the side roads.  The telephone company opts to work on their lines... as does the hydro company.  Yep, every 20 feet there's another vehicle pulled to the side of the road making this conspiracy add 30-40 minutes to the already-bothersome commute.

So, I decided to start going further west to get to my job on the east side of town.  Good plan, yes?

Oh, great plan.  Yeah, give me 15 extra minutes because of lights and problems, right?  Wrong.  The 2nd light I get to, idiot boy with the mullet is carrying a camper on his truck.  Spins out leaving the intersection (very slippery roads as there was a quick storm blow through this morning and although he makes it through the intersection, the camper stays in
the middle of the intersection, blocking 1 northbound lane, 1 southbound lane and one westbound lane.  Way to go, loser.  I'm giving my statement to the police and mullet-boy is yelling at me saying he wasn't spinning "nothing".  Ugh.  I yell at him to shut up and get off the roadway.  I hand my business card to the officer and he chuckles.  He asks me if I yell a lot at work... Why yes, officer.  I do.

I leave the accident and head to work, now less than 40 minutes to go (I had planned on working out beforehand, but alas...).  I skip 2 blocks east in anticipation of getting around the mall just before the lunch crowds converge.  I'm sitting at the intersection when... a lady making a left in front of me runs over a pedestrian.

So, I'm out dialling 911 while using my first aid skills (oh yeah, I'm certified, baby!) on this 70-year old man who is going into shock.  I let the dispatcher know what's happening and where we are.  Meanwhile, the lady who was driving the car is yelling at me to let the man get up because "he's fine."  o I start yelling at her to sit in her car and wait for the police to arrive.  Fortunately, she does, but when the police officer (one from the previous accident no less) arrives, I'm yelling at her again because she's still insisting that this man is fine.  The ambulance arrives and they take over first aid on the poor guy and I'm still yelling at the woman.  I give my statement to the police officer (who called me by name when he was ready --kind of embarrassing in a way) and the only real questions he has for me are:
1 - Am I going straight to work?
2 - When am I off (so he hopefully doesn't have to deal with me later today)?

Fortunately, the rest of the drive is uneventful, but my 'detour' to save time took me an extra 95 minutes today.

I hate this town.

My F#^!-Up

Note to self: Next time you start installing software on the new hard-drive on the computer, don't install the ethernet card until you have the f$%%#$%#ing FIREWALL running!

Dammit.  My friend's fixing it as we speak.  New hard-drive lasted almost 5 minutes before it got hit with a bad virus.

My Ultimate Nightmare

Well, okay, I'll start with a 'positive...'

Went to visit some friends of ours this weekend to: a - see their new place (they sold their home for something like $320K and bought a new place further away for $170K --nice profit, eh?).  their place is beautiful and has a spectacular view of the valley. Tempting just because of the view.  Making it even more tempting was realizing we could still hear ourselves talk even with the kids going wild.  Why?  No traffic.  None.  I think 2 cars went by the entire time we were there --about 6 hours.  Beautiful.  At my house, 2 cars go by every second --and they're getting louder every year.  So much so that our dining room light now tinkles and vibrates when they drive by.  And we're over 30 feet back from the roadway.  Our street is so busy and it started when they widened a parallel street just west of our place a few years back.  They widened that one to 4-lanes because of the new housing development going in with 1,000+ homes.  So, with a choice of a 4-lane roadway or a 2-lane road --take the 2-lane road, ya morons!  And, yes, it's a lot steeper than the 4-lane road too, so everyone has to 'gun it' to get up the hill.  Take the other road and it doesn't burn out your car as much and if someone is having trouble getting up
the hill, then you can legally pass them in the inside lane.  Our street, nuh-uh.  You can't pass at all --legally.  some idiot tried every day though and every once in a while there is a patrol car there to hand over the ticket.  

So, yeah it's busy.  And here' this beautiful house worth about $50K less than ours with a spectacular view and no traffic.  Very, very tempting.

And then Drama Queen drops her news today.  She and her fiancée have bought a place not 5 blocks from my house.  Know what 5 blocks means?  It means she's in my backyard.  It means she can drop by unexpectedly because she's "in the neighbourhood."  It means she'll call me at home for even more inane reasons.  It means...

It means I need to move.

Soon.  And far away.

My Bitz

My new computer parts should be arriving today.  Got an email confirmation late last night that everything had shipped.  The only thing I'm miffed about is that I had everything shipped out here because a friend of mine in an old department is a computer-wiz and said he'd install the hard-drive and DVD-burner for me.  So, the stuff arrives today and I said I'd bring my computer in tomorrow (didn't know the items had shipped until early this morning!!) , he replied saying he wouldn't be in the office again until next week. 

But I'm not here next week!!  GAH!

So, now I have to drive everything to his place (and he just moved another 35km further away) in order to finally have a real computer to use at home while I'm on vacation.  Yeah, I said home.  I'm telling everyone around the office that I'm out of town the day I leave, but I'm actually not going anywhere until the 26th or so.  My boss mentioned I should block the work number on my cell phone as he's getting antsy with my accumulation of overtime hours (on the first day of vacation a phone call equals 4 hours of work and from the second day of vacation on, it equals 8 hours).  And my last day off, I had 4 phone calls (16 hours for a day off!!).  So, I took 2 days off to get rid of some of my overtime and ended up adding another 2+ days...  Whatever.  I can't be without the computer for my entire holidays.  Come Hell or high water, I WILL have stuff on eBay before the end of the month!!

All other plans are pretty much moot right now.  Anything I want to work on is idling because it all revolves around the computer and the Celeron 300 just ain't cutting it.  I had it running for 24 hours and it lost over 3 hours on the clock.  Norton SystemWorks shows it's running at 99% with no programs open (it used to be at 30% if you moved the mouse across the screen), so it's losing memory somewhere.  Unless the firewall eats up a lot of memory, there's something wrong with it too.  Regardless, when newer computer's fixed, then I add in Norton Anti-Virus and do a major-major-major update followed by an installation of the firewall.  Then I can start moving goodies over from the old pig and start anew.

I feel like I'm dying right now...

My Saturn Night Fever

The Cassini images from Saturn's moon Titan are coming in loud and clear.  Well, loud anyway.

This, according to rocket scientists, is a fuzzy picture.  But it's caused by the atmosphere --not a cheap-ass camera, in case you didn't know the difference.

Also of interest is the big 'H' appearing on the moon's surface:

Apparently the result of tectonic origins, the moon is officially branded.  That means there are two working theories:
1 - Titan is officially saying 'Hi' but it hasn't had the time to tectonically form the 'i' yet.  Hence, the message may not be meant for us here on Earth.
2 - Titan is the property of someone named Harry and they've put their brand on the moon and it is officially copyrighted.

Who says I'm bored?

My Wedded Bliss

8 years ago July 6, I got married.  Feels more like 30 or so years ago, but then... I'm only 30 now.  Laughed at my horoscope today.  It said that life would be changing, starting now.

So I've sat back to wait for it to hit me.

Nothing yet.  Although I am on the verge of making a decision regarding school.  I'm debating whether or not to pack up and head to Waterloo and try and finish up everything I can in a semester or two on campus.  It's been 8 years since I've taken courses on a campus and everything since has been by distance.  And I'm not motivated anymore.  That, and it's difficult to study when there's a kid on either side of you screaming for something --anything.  In fact, my motivation was at it's highest 5 years ago when I visited Jude on campus.  Not to say that Jude had anything to do with it (yeah, like I'd give her credit -- ;o) ), but for the first time in years I was feeling motivated for school.  then I had a couple bad semesters in a row and there goes the motivation.  Add 2 kids to the mix and 3 job changes and school drifts further and further away.  And so, accordingly, do the job prospects --but that doesn't seem to be a big enough motivator, even though reminders are thrown in my face every few months for the past 4 years.

And now my major has been dumped at Waterloo for distance students.  Great.  I'm looking elsewhere too.  That's what I'm left with and so far I've narrowed it down to 2 American schools, which sucks in a new variety of ways.  What will transfer over?  How far away am I now?  And can I get the degree I'm looking for there?

Regardless, it's a time to acknowledge and celebrate the decisions I made in life 8 years ago.  Focus on that for a while instead of the future.

My Finicky Computer

So, the new hardware for my computer has been ordered through a purchase plan here at work.  I can't afford (especially 3 days after paying property taxes) paying for the stuff any other way. By the end of the week, I'll have my new 200GB hard drive (yep, more room and more stuff to lose in the next crash!!), a new 19" flatscreen monitor (my monitor went in April and I've been using my 10-year old 14" for far too long), a new DVD-RW/DVD+RW (don't ask me the difference), so I can burn more and store it.  Each DVD is the equivalent of 5 CD-Rs, so my research can be condensed onto less material space now.  A new printer (mine's 6+ years old now) and a new scanner (6 year old scanner would randomly shut down my 1 year old computer) are also en route.

There's nothing worse than sitting at my desk with the old Celeron 300 and whining about how long it takes to load... anything.  I hate my finicky
computer.

My Vote

One of the arguments always made in favour of voting in an election is: "One person can make a difference."  To which most people respond: "Oh please."

If Americans didn't learn this valuable lesson in their last election, hopefully Canadians will today during their election.  Choosing which 'devil' to go with.

But one person CAN make a difference.  and here's my story:

Many years ago, I was working in a department where through the most unusual circumstances, everyone got along.  they got along so well, that they'd get together for lunch and watch movies, or go outside and play volleyball.  The boss recognized this camaraderie and encouraged it through special events, birthday lunches (there were a lot of staff members with birthdays in November, so we'd have a big pizza lunch and watch a movie and the boss would have a gift for everyone in the department).  We'd go on retreats and spend a weekend together.  We'd watch sports games together in a back room.

And then everything changed.

Mary, Mary (quite contrary) joined the department under unusual
circumstances.  She'd actually told her boss off (f--- off to be exact) and when the head of human resources was told about the event, he came down right away and said:  "We'll find somewhere else for you to work.  Where would you prefer to work instead?"

What?  Whatever happened to "You're fired!"?????  Did you hear what she said to her boss, fer cryin' out loud!?!!?!?

So, sure enough Mary, Mary has heard great things about our department and wants to join the party and immediately takes over another person's job.  They're out.  Gone.  Finito.  And that's without telling their boss where to go.  How's that for being unfair?

Mary, Mary arrives and starts arguing with people left, right, and center.  People start fighting back.  She cries and suddenly, she calls in sick.  Someone else says something to her and gets her upset.  Suddenly, she calls in sick.  Again.  and people clue in.  They start making a list of what makes her cry and use them once a week, just to make her call in sick.  It becomes the new joke:

Person #1 - "Good night, everyone!"
Remaining 10 in the office - "See ya!  G'night!"
Person #2 - "See you in the morning!"
Remaining 9 in the office - "Yeah!  Have a good one!"
Person #3 & 4 - "We're outta here!"
Remaining 7 in the office - "Yep!  See you guys!"
Mary, Mary - "I'm going now...  I'll lock the door behind me, okay?  Okaaayy?"
Remaining 6 in the office - "Go already!"
And the next day she calls in sick.  Gotta love it.

The joke continues for months, then years.  One day, after I've moved out of the department, a couple of the gang come by and invite me for birthday cake.  It's the third birthday of the month and we had my goodbye lunch that same month.  Somebody else makes a joke that we're like that Seinfeld episode where we have a cake for every occasion.  I smile and say, "We should have cake whenever Mary, Mary's sick."  Both friends laugh, "We could have cake everyday! quot;  She'd missed nearly a month of work (1 or 2 days at a time) already that year.

The department was miserable.  The lunchtime movies stopped because she complained about the noise level.  She refused to give her birthday (not birthDATE, just the day) to everyone because she witnessed the party held for 3 people hitting 50 (she's 48 --I know how old she is).  Then, THEN she started hiding people's mail if they'd insulted her.  One person's credit card bill disappeared every month for a year before the mailroom set her up with a personal mail slot.  Finally, she requested an extended leave when her bird (her freakin' BIRD!) died.  It was denied, but that didn't help giggles around the office.

This year, finally, she'd requested a leave of absence (granted with a capital GR!).  there's been 2 extensions on that LoA, but no one's actually complaining.  Every once in a while, I carpool with my old boss from that department.  We were talking about people on leave (there were a couple parental leaves in the department as well) and when they were coming back.  There's one very talented guy who returned last week and the boss couldn't be more excited.  At that, I didn't have the heart to ask him when Mary, Mary was expected back.  She's destroyed everything that was great about that
department.

That's one person, who ruined work for 32 others.  Why? Because one person can make a difference.

And that's why I vote.

My Hulk Persona

HOSER SMASH!!!!!

RRAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

Nope, not a good weekend.  As I write this, I'm using my old Celeron 300 computer instead of my Athlon XP super-system.  Why?  I said my system wen 'plooey' in my last post and now it's officially toast --losing 67GB of information in the process.  Could've been worse.  I had less than 500mb of space left on it at one point.

What really made me mad, though, was that I was getting "the pressure" again about selling things on eBay.  I've sold one thing in the past 3 weeks (and it sold for $42 so I'm feeling pretty good about it) and my goal was to have in excess of thirty (yep, 30) items for sale by 6pm on Sunday.  Now, I could cheat a little, since I have 20 or so items left over from my last big batch to relist, but I'd been doing research on Friday to find things that actually sold.  No more selling things cheap on the relist to dump the seller fees, I'd like to sell something for REAL money.

Saturday was set-up day and I spent a good portion of the morning writing out the descriptions for each item and doing some last minute research when I'd see something for sale that I own as well.  I also spent a good 4 hours doing virus sweeps and removal procedures but to no avail.  Whatever I got wasn't coming up with NAV, but the re-install of WinXP seemed to fix a number of things.  I then added a firewall program and it stopped the pop-up windows cold.  I thought it best to start backing up my files, though.  I don't trust the machine.

I'd planned for nearly a month now that I would not be going to church this Sunday.  I'm still feeling burnt out and need a break and having a number of things I still wanted to finish up, I thought the timing was good. I'm still of the opinion that I'll go to church because I want to go, not because I have to go --or expected to go.

But then there's the wife.  And my unacceptable decision.  While she continuously complains that we don't have enough money coming in and I need to do more about it, she won't give me space to actually get all the work done.  Hence, I can start preparing, but I can never finish.  So, when I'm almost ready to list a good number of items, she insists that if I'm staying home, then so is my son.  

Fine, then I won't get anything done today --he's too much to handle if I'm trying to work too.

Not an hour later, I'm holding my son and look over to the computer.  It's frozen, so I simply hit the 'reset' button.

And nothing happens.

It's fried.  The hard-drive won't read anymore.  I have to wait another 90 minutes before my wife gets home and I can start setting up my old system downstairs to try and salvage anything for listing.  I'd planned on 30-plus items by 6pm.  By 4pm, I'd finally installed security updates galore for the old Win98SE system and was "ready" to try and get something going.  My eBay listing program won't work on the old computer, so it was going to be done manually instead. 

At 4:30, my wife decided we needed to go early to meet my parents for dinner and try and get the boy to finally have a nap --he'd been awake all day and usually sleeps for a good 90 minutes or so each day.  Nothing today.

My goal: 30+ items on eBay.

My actual result: 1 item on eBay.

My frustration level:  Through the roof and beyond the stars, baby.

The computer goes in for servicing today.  Even the keyboard on this one sucks...

My Computer Goes "Plooey"

I'm assuming that despite constant updates of my NAV (Norton Anti-Virus, but you knew that, yes?) I'm assuming that I've been attacked something fierce by the KORGO worm --in one of its numerous incarnations.  My NAV for whatever reason won't do live-updates as it says it can't find an internet connection, even when I'm in the midst of downloading something or checking my email.  It has no idea what to do and subsequent reinstalls have done nothing to help.  I know I got the Startpage.E trojan earlier in the spring (actually probably 6 weeks or so than the first reported instance on Symantec's site) which screwed up 2 browsers: Avant and IE.  Can't use either anymore and the NAV virus removal tool didn't help get rid of everything.  Ugh.

Have to try again and now I've printed everything out at work. More work for the Hoser tonight.

At least I have an excuse why there's no new eBay auctions today..  1 thing currently selling and I was hoping to get $40US for it.  It's at $42 right now with 58 hours to go.  Sweet.  It is all about the resarch.  Why spend an hour getting stuff to sell for a buck when you can spend an hour finding stuff to sell for over $40?

My Revenge

My boss sent an email this morning asking if we can make it work to keep the office open longer hours over the summer.  Not exactly what I'd hoped to see, but he also asked me if I'd be willing to take a few days off in lieu of all my overtime hours.  It turns out payroll corrected my OT claims for my holiday phone calls from DQ.  I thought it was a straight 4 hour OT claim for every phone call for a day off and that's only true for the first day off.  The other calls double after the first day off in a series of vacation days.  In other words, instead of 16 hours that I claimed, it's actually 32 hours --or almost another entire week. But how are we supposed to manage the office if there's so few of us around and more hours than originally planned?

DQ will be working those extra hours.

So, I'm off for almost the entire summer now. I'll be working July 8,9,12,13, & 14 and August 23rd on.

DQ will be working the night shift. Revenge is sweet.

My Target

It's been a frustrating week with the co-worker from Hell.  I pretty much lost it yesterday --to the shock of other people, 'cuz I've been a fairly level-headed guy while working here.  But not yesterday.

Drama Queen had her 3 strikes by 11 yesterday morning, so when a 4th "swing and a miss" came in before lunch I seriously started looking for a baseball bat.

She'd had 3 strikes on Friday, which I wrote about in the last post and topped it off yesterday with 3 more.  I got an early start in order to alleviate the pressure on me later in the day.  The boss had a new assignment for me and wanted it to be the top priority for the day.  I finish up a bunch of
little things first and prep for the boss' arrival.  Minutes after he comes to the office, one of the ladies I'll be working with at one of the major events in mid-July drops by the office --for our meeting.  See, the meeting was actually scheduled for July 5, but she'd called last week to rearrange the meeting to an earlier time.  She spoke to Drama Queen and DQ gave her my schedule for this week, saying I was available all morning on Tuesday.

If only DQ had written it in my calendar, yes?  In her defence, she DID tell "The Boy" about my changed schedule --like that helps (although she thinks it does --it's obviously his fault for not passing the information on, right?)

So, after the quick lecture to DQ about the importance of letting me handle my own meetings and the importance of taking messages instead of finalizing things for me, I head off for the meeting --which I cut very short since I had absolutely no prep time for everything we needed to talk about.  When I return, my boss isn't impressed but an explanation after the meeting clears
things up --a bit.  But before I sit down to start working on my "top priority for the day," in walks someone from the accounting office with a stack of paperwork that DQ has told them I'll be happy to handle.  I reply, I won't be happy to handle it and escort them down the hall to DQ's desk and plop it down there.  DQ will be working on the paperwork since she was happy enough to volunteer me.

Strike 3 happens not 10 minutes later when the people going to the follow-up meeting --from the Saturday thingy mentioned in the last post-- seems to have lost their way to the meeting room.  DQ had special signs posted for the meeting, but forgot to put a date on it and the custodians took them down over the weekend.  Idiot.

DQ starts panicking and puts a nasty call through to the custodial department (like they care that she's stupid enough to forget to put the dates on the notices).  She then leaves the office to try and find people presumably wandering around lost.  I take the saner approach and put a call through to
our switchboard letting them know where the meeting is (in case anyone phones in and asks) and then I call the front information reception area and let them know.  While I'm talking to her, she's interrupted by a panicky woman (obviously ignorant of the phone at the receptionist's ear) who says that she's looking for a bunch of people who don't know where their meeting is taking
place.  The receptionist asks if it's the meeting I'm talking about and sure enough DQ says it is... but she's confused as to how the receptionist knew about the meeting.  "Well, maybe he knows what he's doing and you
obviously don't." [sound of chuckling from the other end of the phone]

When the meeting's about to start (only an hour late), we discover that the meeting materials have completely vanished.  DQ "thinking ahead" stored them in the room over the weekend.  and, naturally, the custodians
threw out the box at some point in the previous 96 hours.  It's unclaimed paperwork inside a box with no discernable information on it.

And then I explode.

The boss and I go for a walk later on in the afternoon.  I explain to him the importance of her leaving, but he apparently has another trick up his sleeve and I'm more than vocal that if he plans on having her stick around in some other capacity he's going to lose the rest of his staff sooner than he thinks.  You don't go through 6 people in a year for no reason.  I'm
going to be thinking up some nasty work for her over the remaining few weeks.  She's my target now.

My Final Firefighting Technique

I let my boss know that Friday night was the last time I was putting out any fires started by Drama Queen.  He'd mistakenly asked her if she'd "gone over" the checklist he'd given her (yep, he's had to start using micromanagement techniques on her to ensure the works gets done) for a big thing
happening on Saturday.  "Yes, I went over the checklist," she says as she leaves the office early on Friday...

She did go over the checklist --but she didn't actually check off everything on the list.  Which my boss discovered 2 minutes before most departments close on a Friday.

So there I am, running in 4 directions at once trying to cover up all the mistakes that have been made.  Oh, she got the booklets photocopied all right, but she didn't fill out the forms properly, so they were transferred to the shipping department and they assumed the most logical spot for them to go --6 blocks away.  Fortunately, I've known the head of shipping for a good 5 years now and he drove over and picked up the booklets. 

While he did that, I borrowed his office and contacted catering services to make arrangements for food and refreshments 16 hours in advance of the big thing starting.  Thank God I'd complimented his department at a meeting on Monday...

As I ran over to sign off on the catering, I also contacted the security department via cell phone for the passes DQ had called about.  she'd made the arrangements, but said nothing about anyone having to pick them up.  That, and to ensure that security would be on-hand for the early arrivals.  4 years ago, I was at a workshop with the head of security and we discovered we had some hobbies in common.  It's helped out numerous times (also explains why my parking permit serial number is 00001 too).

Okay, so it took 5 minutes to get everything done, but I busted my ass in those 5 minutes to make sure everything went off without a hitch.  I was actually huffing and puffing by the time I got back to the office (allergies and all).  My boss knows who he can count on in a crunch.  Let's just make sure he doesn't forget over the summer.  Again.

Not going to miss her when she's gone.  At least I got a good laugh out of it when I read this Dilbert on Sunday:

My Monkey-Boy

Dedicated to "The Boy," the nickname for my new co-worker.  Who coincidentally
insists he saw a monkey around here this week.

He's kinda weird that way.

My Pod Buddy

My new co-worker may or may not be from Hell.  Every once in a while he'll do something that I look at and think (what the???), but then he'll do something that is, well, just like me.

Spooky.

Monday was "thong alert" day (apparently --although I started it...) as I pointed out the girl wearing baby blue pants and a navy blue thong that stuck out the back of her pants.  she was with a group of other girls (most of whom were wearing hip hugger jeans) and when I pointed out the group (and the thong) he asked me, "how many thongs did you see? quot;  I lost count at one.

Tuesday was "piss on Drama Queen" day.  He'd worked with my wife a few years back (small world after all) and commented that his old department would be looking for help within the year (communication is bliss, ain't it?) and that the boss there really likes her.  Fine.  I'll pass it along.  With the "bad news" DQ got last week, she's now looking for work elsewhere.  She asked outright, "does he like me?"

No.

Of course, he probably doesn't even know who she is --but that doesn't matter.  We've both made sure she isn't liked by anyone we like.

Wednesday was a continuation of the theme.  As DQ was working on some budgetary items (which she'll screw up) and adding up numbers (see?), she started getting distracted by some noise down the hallway.  Hammering.  It was bugging her endlessly and she walked down the hallway to find the maintenance guys hammering out a pole that had bent a bit in the middle (we have no idea why it bent or why it needed to be straight --but then again, who really cares either way!).  She snapped at them and told them to stop (which they did after a boisterous 30 minute hammering job) and stormed back into her office.  So guess who had the idea to start hammering on the wall just outside her office?

He headed into the hallway and started hammering on the wall.  He'd hammer until he heard her chair shift and then he'd run and hide around the corner.  Once he heard her go back to the office, the hammering would start over.  Brilliant.

Seriously, we're becoming like 2 peas in a pod.  How's she going to survive the summer?

My Minor Moments

Today was a strange day.  I started work later than usual, so I was going to be home later in the day than -obviously- I normally would.  Ended up leaving at the same time, though.  I couldn't stand to be there any longer.

I woke up to screaming at 8 this morning, which doesn't necessarily sound "early," but I'd been working on projects 'til 3.  As if the screaming wasn't enough, my morning constitutional (which I refer to as the "three sh's: shit, shower, and shave") was constantly interrupted.  Then, as I went to make some toast for breakfast, the interrogation began.

I'd spent some money the previous day, foolishly spending 1% (one freakin' percent) of my paycheck on clothes.  Big whoop.  Apparently so and I was grilled about it.  I also picked up a few things for work and that was wrong too --even thought the expense-claim goes in immediately and the money
(all $19.00's worth) will be back in the bank account by next Friday.

Then, as I ate my cold toast and drank my cold coffee, I was asked when I was planning on mowing the lawn.  Wasting the day, after all --here it is 9:30 already.  A quick toss of the cold coffee into the sink (I was a few feet away at the time, but it was for dramatic purposes and the toss was sans mug) and I was heading outside to starts mowing the lawn.  Preferrably I would have liked to have renewed my allergy prescription first, but that would apparently be out of line this "late" in the day.

So, with lawn mowed, it was time for shower #2 and hopefully enough nasal power to blow out the crusties (told you: allergies and grass is the major one).  By the time shower #2 was over, I started to get lecture #2 for the day, this time about my lack of eBay sales recently (although, last week I had 45+ items
up for sale).  My argument is always the same:  Everytime I sit down at the computer, the first interruption is always: "Are you going to be on there all day?"  (which is why I'm up until 3 trying to work on things)

By 11, I'd had enough and was ready to go to work and head to the drug store for my prescription.  I had a feeling this one wasn't covered by my plan, but I assured my wife I'd call her "just in case" I had to spend money.  She said it wasn't necessary, but seeing as how I'd been grilled earlier for every cent, I thought it best to act whipped and said so. 
Didn't go over well, but I was already heading out the door.

I had hours to kill by the time I got to the office and instead of sitting in front of the computer, I headed outdoors and read a book instead.  Before heading out, though, I took a quick walk through the building and ran into the mail carrier.  She told me there was mail back in her office (I don't have mine delivered anymore since I caught Drama Queen snooping one day), so I headed over there to pick it up.  Inside the first envelope was a postcard....  It made my day.

I headed outside and laid down on the grass.  I eventually fell asleep (no surprise there), but was smart enough to set the alarm on my cell phone and placed it on my chest (it's a vibrating alarm).

It felt so good to relax.

Next up was a visit to my old department, since a dear friend was returning to move into her new office (coincidentally, Sex Caffeine's old office which also used to be my old office --Sex Caffeine has now moved across the hallway into... my old office from 4 years ago --phew!!).  So, spent a bit of time talking
to her & Princess (he's a friend of hers too).  SC walked past, I said hello and she smiled and waved, but walked into her office and closed the door.  I haven't seen her act like that since "the big breakup" a year ago this past April.  Princess, in on the whole story, saw my reaction and he assured me "she's been aloof all day."

Aloof?

I know what aloof means: emotionally and physically withdrawn, but for some strange reason 'aloof' took on a whole new meaning coming from this magnificent gay man.  And I told him so.

Who knew the working day would be better than the time off?

My Change of Plans

What's that saying?  "All Good Things..."?

Well after I've been struggling with Drama Queen for months on end, she was given some bad news by the boss last week.  DQ will be gone by September --replaced either by me or someone who can actually do the job.  I know of 3 candidates already lined up for the job and I'm excited about all three. 
The boss, apparently, pulled DQ aside on Wednesday and told her that she obviously didn't have the necessary skills to do the job --something I've been trying to relay since, oh, she started.  Of course hearing the news from my boss about her lacking the job skills meant I had to use tact in my "shocked" response.

Hence:



No, really.  I mean, what gave it away?  The fact that whenever something went wrong it was never her fault?  Was it her special ability to misspell words like SPORT and POLICY?  Or was it the attitude she displayed to anyone coming into the office, that they obviously needed a quick lesson in how to actually do their own damn job? Was it her computer skills?  The inability to understand the benefits of COPY/PASTE?  Maybe it was the way she'd panic if a blade of grass was out of place, or a cloud was in the sky (I actually used these terms to describe her to another department and all they did was AGREE). Could it be the way any important information she had would be communicated to one person in the office instead of ALL OF US and how somehow it was never the same person receiving the information? Was it her ability to read everyone's emails and peek through envelopes? Was it the way she had an answer (usually the wrong answer too) for any question directed to anyone but her?  Maybe the manner in which she'd divulge any confidential material for anyone who'd listen.  Or the way she'd deflect answers to obvious questions and questions directed to her. 
Or was it her amazing approach to call anyone away from the office (usually on vacation) to ask, as I lovingly put it, 'stupid shit' questions that wouldn't be followed up until we'd come back to the office after our holiday (I claimed over 40 hours of overtime because of this)? Or maybe it was the way she'd get "all the facts" by hearing one thing and "somehow" blowing it way out of proportion?

My God, have I really put up with this person since last Summer?

I never thought I'd be able to count the weeks, but it looks like it's actually happening.  I'll be damned, the sun is shining again.

My Anniversary

Today is a special day for me.  It's not your typical 'anniversary' to your spouse, or how many years you've been at your current job (I've been working for close to 7 years and that anniversary is in August --and to celebrate it, I won't be here).

Nope, this anniversary is for the loss of The Curse --my first Co-Worker From Hell (shortened, of course, to 'CFH' to save my typing skills)

In my close-to 7 years here, I've never had so many run-ins with co-workers until I moved to this department just over a year ago.  Now, in the space of that year, I've gone through 5 of them.  4 are CFH, one is not --well, the jury's still out, but it's looking good.  But The Curse was something special to be sure.

We started here the same day and as I was taking "the tour" of the facility, she was in the boss' office (not my current boss --hence, I've been here the longest out of the entire department) complaining about the work we were required to do and just what all she would not do as long as she was working here.  I knew immediately it was going to be a tough time.  Fortunately, we were only going to be working together for 30 minutes each day, but the email messages took a nasty tone very early on.

My favorite story leading to the demise of The Curse was her last full day in the office.  It was a really busy week (much like this week this year has been) and she had been trying to get me away from the office for a good 20 minutes.  I was getting ready for lunch and she kept coming to the office door saying things like, "It's a beautiful day.  Go eat lunch outside." And things like hat.  It was too weird, so I refused.  In fact, I brought my lunch into the office (which
I very rarely do) and ate there.  I also emailed my boss to see if there was anything special happening that day that I may not be aware of.  Indeed, there was. My new boss was arriving and taking a tour of the place before officially starting in July.  So, The Curse wanted me out of the office when he arrived. 

No way was I going anywhere.

I'd forgotten a drink however and went to another department where they have a really good "pop fund" and grabbed myself a drink.  On my walk back, I run into my new boss on his tour.  The lady showing him around takes one look at me and says, "He knows this place better than I do and he's going to be answering to you anyway --he can show you around the rest!"  And thus, the three of us walk back to the office... and The Curse's smile turns into a frown as we come around the corner.

It turns out about a week after we'd started, The Curse had met the new guy when he'd arrived for his interview.  He thought he'd get a "head's up" on various parts of our department before his interview, but unbeknownst to him, the staff was completely new and were just learning where and what things were.  No help.  When he was formally introduced to us, he commented that the Curse "didn't know anything."  Open posture suddenly whips into a closed posture and The Curse is pissed royally.

The next day, The Curse leaves early with a strange back ailment.  Her claim:  "The computer's at a funny angle" and she's thrown her back out trying to use it.  My claim: Whiplash. From receiving the comment from the new boss...

The next day, she stays until I arrive and takes off.  It wasn't until this year that I re-read her final message to my boss & I that she'd like to cut back her hours and only work until 11:30 "when the pain starts." Yep, took me a year
to realize I started at 11:30.  D'aaawwww. I was the pain.  The next day, she doesn't show up at all and there are several people panicking and trying to figure out what's happened to her --including the new boss who has dropped by the office for some paperwork.  The only person who has an answer for him is a friend from my last department who says that The Curse hasn't come in, but good ol' me has been called in early and I'll be there any minute to help out. She adds that everyone counts on me for things anyway --especially if they want things done.  Such a sweety.

The Curse never set foot in the office again and I was told the following week she'd been granted an "early retirement package."  I had 2 former bosses call and congratulate me for the work I'd done to get rid of her --something they'd been trying for years to no avail.

I wasn't trying, but I soon earned the nickname 'Killer.'

Ah, memories.

My Struggle

With all my devious planning in place, I'm trying my best not to complain about Drama Queen and her antics (getting in the way, budding in on conversations, sticking her nose in other people's business, etc, etc.), but to hold off for just a few more weeks when she expects an interview for her job.  I just can't let that happen, hence, the devious plans.

God, I hope it works.

Let's just say this has been a much more stressful week because of the way she acts and I hope there's a change soon.  Can't complain to my boss or he'll suspect something when it comes to the actual hiring committee.

It's so hard to keep this crap bottled up!!!

My Burn

I mentioned SC and I sipping Diet Coke and enjoying a great Friday afternoon in the grass.  Well, seems we both got our share of sunburn too.  Yowch.

Have a big 2-day event here at work this week and it really takes over every aspect of the job for the entire week (and a bit into next week too).  One guy was responsible for "The Plan" and instead of having it ready when everyone else is ready to start on Monday morning, we sit (literally) for 2 hours while he finalizes the plan --and then still expects us to be here for an extra 2 hours because he's put us behind schedule.  I'm there.  My Kids (those that are still around anyway) are there.  And we're all pissed.  I'm even more so, 'cuz I have to buy lunch to keep them all happy.  Nice.  Actually, it worked out pretty well because I fed pizza to 10 people for just over $40.  And they all still like me best.

One of the background guys is leaving next week too and he's going to be missed.  He's sacrificed a lot of his time over the past few years and an opportunity landed in his lap to work at a superb private school and he jumped at the chance.  they're very lucky and they'll know it before July rolls around.

I should've left work around Noon yesterday because I'm owed so much extra time for breaks, but it didn't happen.  I'd planned on skipping out about an hour early today too, but my co-worker has called in sick, so I'm here to the bitter end.  Again. 

Urgh.  Me burn.

My Heart Exploding Words

"Our love surpassed
Our love so fast
Our love's all wrong
Our love goes on and on
Our love became
Our love by name
When I wrote it to you in a song
Our love goes on and on."  --Rhett Miller, "Our Love"

The first step is accepting you have an addiction.  I'm sure I've
started a post like this before --admitting to an addiction.  Well, today I'm admitting to two.

Firstly, I've fallen for Diet Coke with Lime.  It's the next best thing to a rum & Coke (with, well, lime!).  I like it so much I've even given up regular Coke so that I have more money to spend on the lime.  Oh, and I bought some limes from the grocery store to add to the glass too.  Hell, this has almost replaced coffee.  Except on cooler, wet days like today.

My second addiction has been the subject of probably 75% of the posts on this Blog and I'll also admit that I don't see Sex Caffeine leaving the picture anytime soon.  Yes, I mentioned last week that there's a new man in her life, but we're still getting together for coffee breaks every few days and Friday turned into a pleasant afternoon break out in the sunshine, sipping Diet Coke with Lime (I'm mixing my addictions) whilst sitting in the grass outside the office.

We had a good talk and only once was I concerned that I may have said something hurtful.. Fortunately, I realized the look on her face was due to the lime she'd just stuck in her mouth.  Phew!

For over a year it's been a bizarre love triangle we've had going and suddenly, with the new guy it's become... a "love square" I guess.  But then I think about meeting up with Brenda again and discovering over the weekend that my wife has been talking more and more with 2 of her ex-boyfriends and
things just get more confusing.

Is there such thing as a "love polyhedron"?

My Blankety-Blank

I feel compelled to write, but have nothing (NO-thing!) to write about.

I guess I could mention the usual office crap this week.  Drama Queen (DQ) pissed off my new co-worker and I this week.  I've been asked by the senior admin people to re-do my job description.  The job's now 3 years old and has never been finalized or (really) approved.  So, it's high time it was taken care of.

The process works like this.  Since I'm the person in the job, I sit down and write out what I think the major points of this job are.  I don't say things like "At 9 am, I do this and at 10 am I do this."  Nope.  I put down things like handling departmental information via noticeboards, telephone messaging and the internet.  Simple.  What it
could mean (I figure about a 5% chance) is that I could get a raise in pay in the very near future and I'm not talking the usual 2% raise I get every 3 years, no-no.  This could be more in the line of 25-35% more starting in September.  I can handle that, I really could.

But then DQ sticks her nose into it and asks the VP's assistant if it's "right" for me to re-write my job description without consulting my boss.  No, but the process has my boss go over my job description before senior admin goes over the review and evaluation.  But by telling the assistant the way she did, the VP is now telling my boss to write it instead of
me.

'cuz who really knows my job better?  Me, or the guy I've seen for 2 hours since the middle of May?

DQ go a long, long earful from me for blabbing like that and she's going to quickly learn the repercussions of talking too much.  Especially when you're contract's up for renewal.

The Hoser's volunteered to be on the committee to review her job and decide whether or not it's a necessary position.

don't get me wrong.  It's a vital position and there's quite the proven need.  Unfortunately, the wrong person's in the job at the moment.  And now I've made it my responsibility to see that the job is filled with the right person.

It's not my responsibility alone, though.  No-no.  My boss, who for some strange reason really likes DQ, is on the committee as is the VP's assistant.  And there are a few others expressing interest as well.

Sex Caffeine is one.  And the lady I mentioned in the original 'Sex Caffeine' entry (the one who referred to convertibles as 'topless') has expressed interest as well.  Why?  Because DQ started blabbing about how rude she was regarding a project that wasn't interesting or relevant to anyone BUT DQ.  It wasn't rude.  It was honest.  DQ spent days afterward complaining to anyone who would listen about how rudely she was treated and how ignorant this woman was.  She's not ignorant and she's
really looking forward to assisting in the review committee (at my insistence of course).

Ah, the evil that Hosers do, eh?

My Very Special Episode

My Sit-com continued with an unexpected phone call from an unexpected source.My First Love called on Monday, asking me out for coffee to give us a better chance to reminisce.

And that's when things got a little scary.

I hadn't really thought about it before, but the last time Brenda & I had dated, she hated my newly-grown facial hair (not that I couldn't grow it before... the Hairyhoser was shaving in elementary school, after all).  I'd shaved it off for our last night together, but we'd both decided it was truly over.  For good.  Forever.  Full stop.  Before I went on my little vacation, I shaved off my facial hair for the first time in about 2 years.  and the last time it only lasted about 24 hours before I decided to re-grow my "chin-cover."  I shaved on April 26th and I'm still
clean-shaven today.  That's something I haven't done long-term in, coincidentally, about 12 years.

Coincidentally, it was 12 years ago that I was going out with this really cute blonde for the last time after a somewhat tumultuous 5-year relationship.  When I ran into her again in February (My Amazing Grace), she'd let her natural hair colour come back again and it was a dirty blonde instead of the stunning blonde I'd seen throughout my teenage years.

So....

We decided to get together for coffee.  She happened to be coming to a nearby town for a meeting and called me up to meet beforehand to grab some java and talk.  And there she was.  Blonde and stunning, just like she'd been 12 years ago.  And there I was clean-shaven just as she liked all
those years we were together. 

And it hadn't occurred to me until that exact moment that we were both regressing to a happier time in our lives and maybe hoping that our present and future could possibly have some of that same happiness. 

No more looking back on fond memories. Look forward to new ones instead.

My Sit-Com
Remember those sit-coms that 'jumped the shark' around the 5th or 6th season when, for one inane reason or another, some kid (a friend, an orphan of a relative, a punk off the street) would move into the house? I remember joking about that back in the early 90s when it actually happened to my family. My sister had moved out of the house (but was soon to come back) and suddenly in moves this other girl. She was kind of a punk, but a friend of my sister's and in need of a place to stay.

My family jumped the shark.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, that Christmas we had our own 'family holiday special' where every friend dropped the house on Christmas Day to enjoy the holiday with us and have dinner. Seriously, like 20 freakin' people. I was actually living in a sit-com.

And I thought those sit-com days were over. I was wrong.
It seems the sit-com I'm in these days is the classic "Will they or won't they?" storyline. Remember Sam & Diane? Niles & Daphne? Ross and Rachel? How 'bout Hairyhoser and Sex Caffeine? Here I am, pretty much with divorce papers in hand and ready to move on to a new stage of my life. Ready to tell the world about just how crappy my life has gotten over the past few months. Ready to look Sex Caffeine in the face and say, "Let's do this. I should have been here all along." Ready for, well, anything.

And today I meet SC's new boyfriend. At least I can always count on life being complicated. 'Cuz wait'll I write out the next episode in my sit-com.

My Inner-Jerk

So, I've already said I didn't get the other job --and of course, after talking to other people and how they fared during the interview I actually started thinking I may have it.

I had heard earlier who all was being interviewed and one person in particular stood out from the crowd, but not because of the job qualifications or experience.  Not to sound like a jerk #1:  She has some experience in similar office work, but not the type I
thought they were looking for.

What made her stand out from the crowd was a recent tragic event in her life.  Despite being on a few dates with a guy well-known around these offices, she suddenly, apparently, started seeing an ex-boyfriend of hers just in time for him to... (not to sound like a jerk #2:) die in a motorcycle accident.

And that's when my inner-jerk came to life.  Again.

"Oh" I thought to myself, "How convenient when this job opens up.  She's going to get it."  I'm fighting every urge my body, heart, and mind are screaming that this place would actually give someone a job out of sympathy but it's also so blatantly ridiculous (& this hoser's been around the block enough times) that it could very well be true.

She got the job.

And now I'm struggling with my inner-jerk to make sure he stays there.  No good can come from the 'outer-jerk.'