My Amazing Grace

The 90th birthday party was this afternoon and I knew it was going to be a
different day.  After my workout this morning, I raced home to wash my car
before turning around, getting back in the car and driving into Vancouver for
the afternoon.  My father had given me directions to the location of the
party since he'd been then numerous times and I had never set foot in the door
before.  I wanted extra time as my father had me counting lights to find
the right street.  Seeing as how he hasn't lived in this area for a good 6
years, I'm thinking things may have changed.

And they have.

Regardless, as I was driving in and listening to the
radio, AC-DC's 'Shook Me All Night
Long' started to play and I started reminiscing about Brenda, mentioned here in
a an earlier

post - My First Love.  That song was one of the ones we'd always
dance to and I always find a smile creeping across my face when I recall that
night and the pink dress she wore... that was our first 'big' night together.

And that got me to thinking.  Who else could I see at this party? 
It's been years since I've seen most people and I'm honestly surprised when they
come up to me and say hello and I have no idea who they are.  At some point
in my life I've made such an impression on these people that no matter how many
years have passed, they still recognize me.  Even more interesting is to
think that when they knew well I was a short, fat guy with a thick beard and
long, long hair (at least half-way down my back).  Now, I'm older, fitter (yay!!)
shorn hair (with colourful hints) and standing taller because I fell I'm better
than most of these people (aren't I nice?).  I remember, years ago, my
parents convinced me to come out to one thing in Richmond and there were a few
familiar faces. Faces I could recognize, but their names had long since escaped. 
One woman came rushing over to me and I seriously had no idea who she was. 
She was very attractive and had a sparkling smile as she made her way across the
room to me.  I knew who she was the minute she spoke and I hadn't seen her
(at that point) in about 6 years and when I'd last seen her she'd been dressing
like a tom-boy.  This was a new experience for me.  At a couple of
other 'things' over the past couple of years, she's rushed over to see me again
and asked about my wife and kids and it's always felt good to talk to her. 
Despite her being there when everything went to pieces back in 1994, this was a
fresh take on someone who knew well --and knew me when.

I wondered if she'd be there too.

I thought about a few of the friends that just disappeared just before
everything fell apart 10 years ago and became a little nervous about seeing some
of them again after so many years.  What would they look like?  It was
like a high school reunion all over again, only instead of being the
valedictorian, I was the class president who stood in front of them all, gave
them the finger and walked offstage....

I arrived early, thanks in no part to my father's directions (he was off by a
few lights so I just looked for an older looking intersection--lo and behold)
and entered the building.  I walked slowly towards the front doors, feeling
a little uneasy about it, but knowing I was this close and I'd better go in. 
No other family members were going to be there for the party, so it was up to me
to represent the family. 

Great. I'm one of the only people there so far.

They've put out seating for about 300 people and there's 4 or 5 people sitting
and another dozen or so running around getting food on tables and coffee
brewing.  So much for blending into the crowd there's nobody frigging
here!! And I'm the youngest by about 25 years.  I sit fairly close (but 2
rows back) form the majority of the people already sitting and hope I start a
trend and people start sitting around me.  It doesn't happen.  By the
time the party starts and she's being escorted in (I've never seen a 90-year old
woman move like that, she was so excited!) there's 2 other people sitting in my
row and about 10 in front of me.  Most people are sitting in the back or on
the other side of the building and I'm feeling really out of place.  Yes,
there's some familiar faces, including one guy I never thought I'd see again
--it'd been 12 years since he wanted to punch me out, but he took the better
road and quit instead.  I silently got my revenge while noticing my nice
suit and tie compared to his t-shirt and jeans and obvious weight gain giving
him a kind of beanbag chair shape.  When he turned towards me I felt for
him when I saw that there's more hair on my chin than he has on his entire head. 
Gotta hate it when that happens.

Soon, another guy I knew about 14 or 15 years ago walks in.  We used to
ridicule him about his over-friendly demeanor (especially when he wasn't well
liked in the first place) and made sure that whenever he came over to my friends
and I and said his traditional "Hey fellas!" greeting (think about it --who said
that in the 80s????) and then shook our hand by cupping his other hand over ours
that we'd then greet each other in the same manner.  Then I realize he's
wearing leather pants and a leather vest and I start to wonder if he just got
off work with some Village People wannabe group.  Good Lord.

He sees me and recognizes me and makes his way over.  I smile and stand and
he extends his hand.  I shake it and quickly take my hand back as he bring
his other hand forward to cup our hands together.  Nope, not gonna happen
Sport.  None of the other guys are around so I can't openly ridicule you
again, sorry.

The birthday party starts with a group of Shriner highlanders playing a few
songs for the birthday girl --including Amazing Grace, quite appropriate since
her name is Grace.  We're asked to stand in order of the groups we belonged
to in order to recognize her willingness to volunteer for all sorts of
organizations (there's RCMP, Shriners, hospital people...) and when my groups is
announced about 5 of us stand and I'm the only one on my side of the building. I
hear one semi-muted "Oh my God" from my left and realize someone's recognized a
ghost of events past.  That's followed by a fairly quick biography of
Grace's life and an announcement from the MC: "I'm sure we all have stories we
could share this afternoon, but we don't want anyone to play favorites. 
Just get in line and greet Grace and wish her a happy birthday.  Mingle,
people!"

That's exactly what I would've done.  A 15-minute birthday celebration and
a line to give our regards to the birthday girl.

I get in line early to try and avoid contact with the few people I recognize
(that would be recognizing them both by face and name).  I go through the
line and give my birthday wishes and pass on messages from the family (is this
sounding Mafia-esque??). It's straight from that line to the coffee line and
from there I'll probably head home.

Suddenly, my name is called from behind me in line.

I think about Brenda a couple of times a year and wonder what she's up to these
days.  Is she happy?  Is she finally married?  How's she looking
(hehe)? Is there anything I should know about her now?

And here she was.  My First Love standing in front of me for the first time
in over a decade.  After a quick "oh my God" from my mouth I'm holding her
close in a hug that she should've gotten 12 years ago.

And we talk for about an hour.  I learn all about her dog and her job and
her boyfriend.  She's 32 and nowhere near being married.  She's
somehow still involved with this group despite not being there when I left
and comment on my amazement of that fact.  To take another mafia-esque
point-of-view from Al Pacino's Michael Corleone in Godfather III:
"Ugh -- just when I thought I was out, they pull me
back in!"   I left in 1991 and was back again by 1992 only to
leave again in 1994.

And I think she could quite quickly pull me back in again.

Then reality hits, thankfully, and I visit with a few other people --one family
in particular.  I joked often with their oldest daughter (who happens to be
about 3 weeks older than me) about being the first girl I ever slept with (and
leave out the part of us being less than 4 months old at the time). 
There's another woman with them who seems to gain about 50 pounds every time I
see her and again I'm thankful I don't see these people that often.  I get
to play the prodigal son for a change and they're none the wiser as to what my
life is like.  They know what I tell them and nothing more. I tell them I
work at a university and one of them asks me what I teach.  I try to
quickly explain what I do, but they're stuck on the whole teaching thing so I
drop it.  I check the time and get ready to leave.  I've been good and
snacked on a strawberry or two and left the chocolate marshmallow treats
unmolested as per my diet and exercise plan.  I scan the room and see
Brenda watching me.  She's with her mother and as I wave and mouth
'good-bye' she motions me over to see her mother We talk for a few minutes again
and her mother looks me over, most likely wondering why I'm married with 2 kids
and her youngest daughter is still single.  I give Brenda one last hug
good-bye and find myself smelling her hair again, just like I did 12 years ago. 
She still smells like flowers.  I pull away from the hug but hold her hands
and look into her eyes and say the most important words I can say to her:

"I'll see you in 10 years."