My Pictures are Confused

Friday was an extremely busy day at work and I honestly was unsure just when
I was finally going to get home. With just an hour's sleep in 30 hours and
progressing towards 36 hours without sleep by the time my shift was over, I was
dragging my feet something fierce.

I knew sleep wasn't in the plans for Friday night since my Mother was in town
and we were having dinner before she flew home.  It was getting close to
quitting time when I had some last-minute photocopying to do and, as a finicky
task with all sorts of odds-and-ends to do, I went to the main photocopying
room.

And you know you know someone too well when you recognize the sound of their
walk --even after all this time.

So February 6th was my first conversation of the year with Sex Caffeine.

I heard her coming down the hall and knew better than to look up as she walked
by the window.  I was hoping that maybe if I looked busy, she'd pass right
on by and ignore me.  Alas, she rapped on the glass so I had to look up and
wave.

Fortunately, just as she was walking into the copy room, so did one of the
coaches who'd been hunting me down before I left for the day.  I was
getting the copies ready for him, so I had an excuse to ignore her.  Not
that it worked, really.  She squeezed my arm as she walked by.  She
also paused as she did it.  Let's just say my investment in the personal
trainer has had results already.

But I didn't and don't want to go there.  The game starts anew... now.

My old boss, a semi-evil, old semi-hag of a woman whom I had a lot of respect
and admiration for until about July of this year walked into the room and
cornered SC while I was walking to the coach.  Fine by me.  It was
helping the avoidance.  The old boss, Big Mama, nearly pushed me out of the
way to get to SC, which is to be expected of her.

See, earlier in the day, I had a coffee with another old co-worker from that
department, let's call him 'Withnail' (get it?), and he filled me in on all the
dirt and goings-on.

It turns out Big Mama has burned a few too many bridges over the past few months
and put the entire department's existence in jeopardy.  It means that 10 of
12 people will be out of a job possibly as soon as May.  Another reason I'm
glad to be out of there.

I don't miss it and that's exactly what I told SC when we inevitably did talk a
few minutes later.  I didn't tell her what I knew, but as good as it made
me feel (to be out of there), I also felt bad for her.  Especially for her.

And that muddles things.  Again.

One of the things that caused me to come to the realization that I was a stupid
ass the first time around with SC was a scene from 'Bruce Almighty':

BRUCE:

If I could have just one thing in the world. It would be for Graceto live a
happy, joyful life. And that she finds someone...(getting emotional as he
realizes what he's saying) ...that she finds someone that will treat her with
the love and respect that she so deserves.

GOD:

Now that is a prayer.

SC deserves someone like that and deserves to be happy in her
life and it took me the longest time to realize it can't be me. Yes, I may get
confused every once in a while, but I just have to keep reminding myself that
there were really uncomfortable times and I don't want to go through that again.

Friday night, I had dinner with my mother and my family.  I came home and
sat down on the couch to continue with my life.

And slept.