When I finished work last night I went into the gym to have a workout.
The place had been closed for close to 30 minutes so I knew I'd finally have a
chance to do my workout without any interruptions.
And it was true. I left just before midnight and went straight home to
bed. The big problem was I wore my sweaty shirt and shorts to the
car. It was close to zero outside and I definitely caught a chill.
I'm sick. It sucks.
My Personal Trainer uses 'Diva' in her business title and Sunnie has started
calling me Diva because of it. After Sunnie discovered I was a certified
First Aid Attendant, she asked if I'd save her life if something happened her
quote to my response:
"Divas don't leave bodies in dumpsters."
My second quote came from an email a few minutes ago:
"If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain -- do you
also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?"
Somebody needs some sleep...
Reminiscing about the past has always been something I'm good at, especially
when I'm not particularly fond of the present. Today it's because I'm
sick. My co-workers from Hell are also sick and they joked that it was
from 'making out' with me... I blamed it on a couple of the female athletes and
their trainer because they're hot. And sick too.
Whatever. I'm not feeling well and I hate feeling this way and so my brain
stops functioning on present time and focuses on the past. The past when,
apparently, I also didn't have the ability to type and this is taking forever to
type and correct. Even the spell check is coming back with the wrong
results --the computer's way of saying "I don't know what the Hell you're
trying to say!"
Anyway, to the past and to one of my favourites.
My First Love can actually be named by her first name anyway and I think of her
every time I hear of someone named Brenda. It's been at least 14 years since I
last saw her, maybe longer but 1990 sounds about right. It's been 18 years since
the first time I met her and I can still remember what she was wearing and how
she smelled that night. Calvin Klein's Obsession and it couldn't be more
appropriate.
I was 14 at the time and at a dance put on by the youth group I was in. I saw
these 2 girls look at me and one of them pointed. I was nothing to look
at, so I was a little disconcerted to see people pointing at me. My
initial reaction is to find a corner to hide in and check the fly on my
pants. It wasn't until years later (one of the last times saw the two of
them) that I discovered the reason why. Brenda's friend had used the
zipper on my pants to light a match for her cigarette a few months earlier at a
similar function. I'd been sitting out on the steps of the dance hall
feeling sorry for myself about something and she asked me if I had a lighter. I
didn't (having smoked all of 3 cigarettes in my life) so she asked to use my
zipper instead. She put the match in her mouth and leaned in to light
it. It didn't work the first time, but I wasn't complaining. A 14 year old
boy has a woman doing close to an obscene act upon you and there ain't gonna be
no whinin'!
So, that's how she knew me. I got that a lot in the early 90s. Other
people I hung out with started reminiscing about how we all met and not one of
them had made enough of an impression on me that I could remember meeting
them. One girl said that we'd met in 1989 at Cultus Lake when I was
running along the highway. My sister had driven away from the camp we were
at and within minutes traffic was backed up because of an accident. I initially
had a feeling my sister had been hurt and dashed down the highway to see if
there was anything wrong. Apparently this girl was in a van in the line-up
and someone else in the van recognized me but wasn't sure why I was running full
bore down the highway. That had always stuck in her mind and that was my
first impression to her. To me, she just phased in to the group of friends
I had at the time. My sister actually witnessed the accident and was the first
on the scene.
Back to Brenda. It was at a dance and she and her friend approached and
asked me to dance. I ended up dancing with them for the rest of the night --the
two of them hanging off me and teasing me by removing my tie and shoes and then
trying to take my shirt and pants off. I had a great time and it wasn't
until they'd left that I realized my big mistake.
I didn't know her name.
After all that it never occurred to me to ask --I was preoccupied.
I went to every function I could all summer just to see her again and every one
I went to she didn't show. I was all over the place: Richmond, Vancouver,
Maple Ridge... even went to the Okanagan one weekend just in case. But she
wasn't there.
I gave up. I was upset but it was so frustrating going to all these things
and looking for that one girl and not finding her anywhere that I just gave
up. And sure enough the one thing I didn't go to she was there.
It was about a month later that we were both together again and we hit it off
exactly as before if not better. I finally learned her name and was elated
with how well we talked and got to know each other, but then she had to leave
early. but now I knew where she lived and how often I'd get to see her. I
was almost 15 when we'd race towards one another just hold onto one another for
as long as we could. We started seeing each other off and on for the next
few years and I still regret not asking her to my prom. she'd started
seeing a much-older friend of mine just beforehand and I was too upset with her
and didn't want to talk. It would have been a great time if I'd asked
her. In reality, it was one of the worst nights of my life. But that's a
story for another day.
It was actually late in 1990 when we were last together. It was in
Victoria and I hadn't expected to see her there. She showed up at my hotel
room door on the Saturday afternoon and I was so out of it, not having slept
since Thursday. One of the rules we had in our group was that if any girls
were coming to your hotel room, the door must remain open. I remember putting something
under the door to keep it open, but it didn't matter and the door soon
shut. We stayed in my room for the rest of the afternoon and then went to
the dinner and dance afterwards. Her friend was there too and the three of
us headed back to my room afterward. That was the same night I met Brad
Roberts of the Crash
Test Dummies, but that wasn't very memorable. He just asked why there
were all these kids (we still were --I was 17 turning 42) were dressed up so
nicely in October. After we'd been at the dance for a while and
disappeared back up to my room, we talked for a few hours. Brenda's friend
wanted to go, but Brenda insisted on staying. She started crying after her
friend left and I found out they'd been fighting for quite sometime --about
me. Really strange territory for me, for sure. That's when I finally
found out why they'd approached that first night years earlier. As it was
we ended up talking until about 4 in the morning and fell asleep in each others
arms. My roommates had all snuck at some point during the night and I'm
sure they were all more than a little surprised to see me there with
Brenda. None of my roommates knew who she was before. The next
morning she snuck off to her room and I awoke to a sudden and very loud knock at
the door. It was the guy we all referred to as 'Dad' and Dad was more than
a little curious to know how long Brenda had been in my room. I could
never lie to Dad, and not just because he towered above me in height and could
most likely crush me with his bare hands if he were ever so inclined. Dad always
just epitomized trust and respect and there was no way you could look in the
face and say anything but the truth. He asked and I replied, "All
night." I hadn't even thought about the door rule and I brought it
up. He waved me off with a sweep of his hand and asked why the two girls had
been fighting that night I told him and admitted I was quite surprised when I
learned the truth too. He smiled and said thanks and that he'd see me for
breakfast in an hour. Brenda wasn't at the breakfast and it would be 2
years until I saw her again.
This time, 1992, I was getting closer and closer to wrapping up my involvement
with the youth group (although it wasn't actually until 1994 when I left for
good). She'd come out to see me because it was a special night for me and
she knew it must be getting close to the time I'd be leaving. My
girlfriend at the time refused to even come out to the event, but I was more
than happy to see Brenda again. We spent the night together, but this time
it was simply holding each other as we curled up in a big chair in my parents'
basement. It was a quiet way of saying goodbye knowing that we'd drifted
far enough apart that there was no turning back no matter how much we both felt
like giving it another try. That was the last time we were together, but I
know my father and hers still keep in touch. I hear stories every once in
a while. She was dating the brother of a friend of mine back in '92 and
apparently they're still together. No kids, but a couple of pets.
In 1987 on a spring night, I saw the girl 'd fall in love with for the first
time. She wore a black dress that hugged her closely and a black top that fell
gracefully off her shoulders. She smelled like flowers even in that smoking room
and her hands always shook a little whenever I held them. Or maybe it was
mine for being so excited to have a wonderful person in my life.
And I'm sure she's still wonderful now.
I'm admittedly getting an early start on research for next degree. Have
to finish the one I'm on, but I've already talked to a prof at the university
I'm interest in going to about my research project and the potential for my
thesis. He thinks it's great, but incredibly intensive which is why I'm
getting an early start...
I've actually been able to download the journals I'm looking for and, boy, am I
glad I did. I'm nowhere near done and as every month goes by I'm about 500
or 600 pages behind. Summarizing everything (about 25 journal pages to
each paragraph still puts this project at about 11,000 pages.
Plus appendices.
Crap.
I'm in way over my head.
On my shopping list for this special half-time show at the Super Bowl:
www.lingeriebowl.com brought to you
Dodge Truck no less...
What can I say? I'm a details man.
Okay, it's weird weather time around here. The office is closing in 30
minutes because of the weather --we had freezing rain this morning, but there's
snow expected tonight. Regardless, the weatherman on the radio just said
it's going to rain and then warm up with sunny periods. Maybe should've
thrown in a 'tomorrow' into that sentence... I don't think there'll be any sunny
periods tonight.
I like days like this --especially the gruelling 2-hours at the office.
Yep, I'm the diligent dedicated employee who comes in damn the weather and sets
down to work. Well, not really work, but I'm looking busy looking up
things on eBay!
Not finding anything I particularly like, though.
Once you leave the parking lot from this office, there's a bit of a winding
driveway to go down to get to the roadway. A lot of people tend to whip
around the corner, cutting it so close that I've seen people rub the curb on the
wrong side of the road.
It happened again today as I was just coming up the drive.
Even worse, I knew the offending driver and I've bugged her about it all day.
It reminds me of an incident a few years back when I was driving in my hometown
and a van started to pull out in front of me as I went to make a left
turn. As I yanked on the wheel to straighten out again, my middle finger
was at the ready to signal my appreciation to the driver of the van. My
finger started to rise and I looked closely at the right bastard of a driver to
see his expression at me driving beside him.
He was smiling and waving. He was the church pastor. Fortunately, my
finger didn't get too high above the door frame...
My life flashed before my eyes at the thought of a poor, starving student
ramming into me in the parking lot.
My life is boring.
My website still sits stagnant after I promised to do an update around
Christmastime. I was off from December 24 to January 5 and still didn't
spend 30 seconds on the damn thing.
One of these days... it's a good thing I didn't promise any of the 'regular
visitors' to that site that I'd be a good boy and regularly update.
Too bad it's not like this blog.
[ring! ring!] "Yeah?"
"Knee? This is Brain. What the Hell's going on down there?
"Well, we're not sure what happened. How's Left Knee holding up?
Keeping balance?"
"No, I'm having trouble with both of you, what's going on?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing!"
Okay, I hate lunges. Two days of My Exercise Program list 'lunges' as
parts of my program. I do lunges with dumbbells in each hand and then I
have a really complicated weight pulley system where I stand partially erect and
pull the weight towards me (about 35 pounds right now). I bend my elbow to bring
my hand to centre-chest and then turn in the opposite direction into a lunge.
But after doing 45 lunges with the dumbbells, my knees didn't really feel like
doing anything except seeing if they could make me face the ceiling. I
was, to put it mildly, a little wobbly.
I have goals that I'm following with My Personal Trainer. The big one of
course is weight loss. I have several secondary ones as well including my
'warm-ups' of 10 minutes on the rowing machine. I want to see how far I
can on the machine. It's good to have goals.
My big goal, weight loss, is to lose 35 pounds by April and I've shed 5 in my
first week of training. Today being Sunday, I'm definitely feeling the
effects of my exercise training, but I'm still feeling good about tomorrow.
I'll be headed into the office for around Noon so that I have time to get a good
workout in and have time for a shower before starting work for the day.
My last visit with my trainer also brought up another interesting point:
Every 10 years we've shed every single skin cell on our body. In essence,
we're starting anew every decade. That had a profound effect on me.
The last time I made so many changes in my life was 1994.
I'm starting everything, body and soul, fresh in 2004.
Last night was 'fight night' at the house. I'm being a total prick
after spending nearly 12 hours at work by collapsing on the couch with my kids.
I play with my daughter until it's her bath time and then I focus on my son
until it's his turn. I went straight from holding him to reading a story
to my daughter before it got close to her bed time. We also usually get
one goofy dance to whatever MP3 pops up on my computer at the time. My son
had his bath and I held him again as my wife got his bottle ready (which is a
new addition to his breast feeding schedule at 10:30 at night). With my
daughter in bed for the night and my son getting his last feeding before he went
to sleep, I made my way back to the couch to try and catch the hockey
highlights.
And fell fast asleep.
At 11:30 I'm woken by my wife who tells me to come to bed, but I'm tired and a
little disoriented so I ask her to give me a minute. I find when I wake up
suddenly like that my body shakes for a good 15 minutes and it's not a good time
for me to try and walk anywhere so I looked towards the TV and saw how late it
was. My wife turned on the brightest light in the living room and set
about crashing and banging pots and pans and other noisy things in the kitchen.
I thought 'boy that's really loud and kinda rude,' but tried to focus on getting
up instead.
She came back out and asked if I was coming to bed and I quickly replied, "Give
me a minute okay?" Tow which she responded, 'you never make time for me!'
And walked away.
2 months ago I asked her if she was even attracted to me anymore. She said
no.
A month ago I asked her if I should even bother trying to find my wife in all
the mix and she said she was worn out by the kids.
Fine.
We each wear 3 basic hats in this house. I'm the husband, father, and
provider (the bring home the bacon guy, but right now it's more or less cottage
cheese and rye bread...). My wife is the wife, the mother and (I hate to use
this term) the housekeeper.
But she doesn't have the energy to be my wife right now and I finally accepted
that at the end of December --giving her an ultimatum to find my wife again by
June or it could be too late to recover.
But I'm not being fair. She wants me to continue to fill all 3 roles I
have in the family and I've shifted focus to the latter two to avoid wanting to
see my wife for a while. I said I was tired of doing all the husband work
when she couldn't bring herself to be my wife. If there's going to be a
kiss goodbye in the morning, I better initiate it. If there's going to be
a kiss goodnight, I better be coming down to the bedroom and give her one or
she's going to be mad in the morning. It doesn't matter if I'm finally
sitting down to study for my university course or not, I have no excuse for
being up so late at night. I need to be there for my wife.
But she insists she can't and won't be there for me.
And then she gets mad when we never talk and storms off.
Wouldn't sitting down and talking help that situation?
We argue until half past midnight and I try and point out what I've typed here.
It's falling on deaf ears.
When we entered this marriage we both promised to be there for each other and
when she says she can't do it anymore, she expects me to step up and support her
when she isn't able to support me anymore, not understanding that I can't do it.
I don't have the energy for it anymore.
She plays up the role of victim. What if she were dying of a terminal
illness? Would I withdraw the same way? I say yes, if she started
every conversation with my faults like she does now. She wants more
emotional support from me, but says she can't give me any and she's proven time
and again over the past few years that there can't be support for me. THAT
is the exact reason why I started asking why I'm doing this?
But it's not supposed to be about me anymore. I should be happy to help
around the house and help with the kids and go to sleep at night and get up for
work in the morning only to come home and do it all over again. I need to
focus on her needs and my kids' needs just as I've done for years now. I
shouldn't think about doing anything for me because that's not the way it's to
work.
And it never will.
www.belinda.ca
Oh yeah. I'd vote for her any day.
Hehe.
If Bill Clinton were still president of the United States, he'd be eating out of
her palm at a moment's notice.
I'm sure there's some songs that survived the last playlist, but here
goes....
That's it for now.
I finally have a nickname for another one of My Kids. I haven't
seen Latina Lady since a few weeks before Christmas. She's the oldest of
my kids and is incredibly sweet and little bit sexy. Okay, a lot sexy.
So, while I talk diet and exercise with Alberta; talk dancing and good times
with Sunnie; I talk Victoria's Secret with- and get massages from Latina Lady.
I can think of no better way to inflate that ego of mine than to continue
working with these three.
Ewww!! Okay, get your mind out of the gutter. Since I started
with My Personal Trainer and gave my wife My Ultimatum; I decided there was one
more important step to take.
I'm not letting my wife see me naked until I'm satisfied with my training
program.
Despite the fact that I lost 2 inches off my waist after working in this new
department for a few months, my weight has gone up (excluding this week when it
dropped with my diet). But if it's not hanging around my waist, it's gotta
be somewhere and it's called 'muscle.' Sweet. But it's gone ignored
by my wife.
So, she gets to see next to nothing for the next few months.
"Well, this is it This is great This is what I always
wanted Where do we go from here? That’s the question of the year I think
you’re fine I think you’re hot This is what I always dreamed of The one
thing I forgot Was to get to know you."
--Stroke 9, 'Do It Again'
Last night was the first night in long time I can remember having a dream.
I'm sure I dream most nights, but nothing usually sticks around by the time I
stumble and scratch my way to the kitchen in the early hours of the day. Last
night's dream, I'll admit, was about Sex Caffeine.
But instead of my usual dreams about her (you can imagine), I had an annoying
dream about her. And it all stemmed from yesterday after I'd just posted My
Game of Cat and Mouse.
The timing for posting couldn't have been better. I was talking to Alberta
about a healthy cookie recipe she has and glanced down towards the coffee shop.
Just coming out of the doors was SC and a co-worker of mine from 5 years ago.
She's the one who made me blush when she asked me who I'm sleeping with ('My
Bad' - December 16, 2003).
My initial reaction to seeing SC was just to look away. I could see that
she saw me after 'Blush Factor 9' pointed to me down the hallway. I looked
away before she could wave, but I could tell she was going to. I just
continued with my conversation with Alberta, though. My next reaction was,
"Wow. She didn't come down to stop by... should I be upset?" I
wasn't. A few months back? Yes. Now, no. This is
healthy. I think. The third and final reaction was 'would Blush Factor 9 share
the story of my flustered reaction to her question back in December?'
But I'm so glad I got my last post out beforehand.
So last night's dream had SC in it. It was here at work and she called me
up to her office for a meeting. I can't remember what the meeting was
about, but I didn't know who there other people were. whatever the meeting
was about --in the grand tradition of meetings-- we got off on a tangent and I
felt like I was wasting my time. I was busy and had to run across campus a
few times, but kept coming back to the meeting. At one point, the most
memorable part of the dream, the subject talked about annoying and aggravating
jobs people have had. One of the people present turned to SC and asked
"didn't you have a really bad job here for a about a year?" That
made SC blush and look to me and I responded with a semi-disgusted sneering
smile that read 'nice. Is this why I'm here?' With that I walked away.
And then I woke up.
So what do I think it means? One thing I've come to accept is that I've always
imagined a relationship with SC to be perfect. And I should know better than
that. I'm a guy, so that means I'm allowed to be a dumb-ass about these
things too, right? To me, the other people at the meeting represent SC's friends
who are unknown to me. I think this comes from seeing her with someone I've
known for years and they've obviously just come from having coffee together. I
see her associating with people who have known me for a long time and wonder if
anything's ever said about what happened between us ('us' being SC & I or
the people around here I've known for years and me). SC's friends wouldn't know
me except from what they've heard and it was one of her friends who first got
her convinced that coffee equates sex. So, if there was a relationship between
us, that would be the first knock against it. How could I ever feel
comfortable around her friends and therefore, comfortable with her? And,
obviously, after her freak out in the Spring, can I ever feel comfortable when I
talk to her? That's why I stopped with the emails. Emails are so
unemotional and impersonal that what gets lost is the first thing people react
to and the thing I need from her is another 'reaction.' And visiting her
office is out of the question. I felt comfortable there when it was my
office, but the looks from my old co-workers gets to me. So that was cut
too. And it was finally at the beginning of My Year that I had
enough balls to simply say, "that's it. Enough."
And, thus my bad dream is done. On so many levels too.
See, I needed a break from Sex Caffeine. SC wasn't annoying or anything
like that. It was just that I was starting to come to my senses and realized
that there was in no way ever going to be a healthy relationship between this
woman & I. 'Friends' doesn't cut it when there's been an obvious connection
between us on another level.
But after her big freakout in the spring that initiated this nickname, I've been
wary every time I speak to her or send an email. Our network here at work lets
you know if you're message has been received and opened, deleted and responded
to. I just looked back over my emails --being curious as to the last time I
tried sending a message to her and saw it was December 18th. So, a pat on
the back to me for going over a month with an email sent to her.
But then I noticed the red 'x' on the envelope. That means although the message
was received, she just deleted it without opening it.
Which stirs up all sorts of things for me again. Did I do something wrong?
What was the message again? Is this why there haven't been any messages from her
in the past month? I start feeling guilty about the freak out again. I
have remind myself that there was nothing wrong with the email. It was the
picture of the cats with the Chihuahua 'spy' that I thought she'd like.
Innocent email. Waste of time, but still innocent.
So, instead of feeling the least bit concerned over the guilt that would have
permeated over me the last 6-8 months, I'm looking at this as yet another
opportunity to distance myself (at least until this summer) from my past
problems and move on. She's the cat and this mouse is running away.
My game with "Sex Caffeine" enters week #3 for 2004. I've
done great avoiding her. She's said hello to me in hallway in week #1 and
waved from her car as I was out for a run in week #2. Week #3 is half over
already and I haven't sent an email or dropped by to visit or anything else that starts the roller coaster ride all over again.
Which is good because this summer isn't looking too good.
One of my 'new tasks' around the office is coordinating volunteers for the
upcoming BC Summer Games. We're going to be a specially-designated department
within the Games and need several volunteers to assist. Several people on
campus have volunteered already and as the Games office officially opens on
Saturday means that I have to start coordinating these people. And who's
got an application in?
Sex Caffeine.
Enter me: swearing.
This year I've been more motivated than ever to start losing weight and
getting into better shape. I'm already in a shape, it's just kind of an
eggy shape and I don't want that anymore.
I've hired a personal trainer and I think I've annoyed her already. My
newly-discovered food allergies (as of spring 2003) makes it difficult to eat
anything healthy. Which, of course, met with an initial "Aw
damn. I'm only allowed to eat white bread? No corn whatsoever? Well,
you're the doctor here! I'm not gonna argue!"
The problem is I'm supposed to stay away from whole wheat.. anything, which
really kills any diet program.
My trainer set up a menu of meal alternatives after she found out I had a
tendency to eat 3 meals a day. I should be having 3 small meals
(breakfast, lunch and dinner) and 2 snacks. I always try to stay away from
snacking, but apparently it's important. Every meal has been altered for
me. For breakfast, I've been told to stay away from Special K and eat
either bran flakes, All Bran, egg on rye toast or a favourite now --a recipe for
oatmeal that she gave me. My coffee intake has dropped by over half and
I've replaced my other 'coffee times' with a 500ml bottle of water. I'm trying
to drink up to 2 litres of water a day. Doesn't always happen. Also, I'm
not using cream in my coffee anymore which is already over $100 less a year on
our grocery bill which is good because I've replaced it in the budget with Wasa
crackers. I actually like cottage cheese, so it was an easy addition to my
diet in the form of a snack. Lunch can no longer be the traditional PB&J on
white bread and I'm now having chicken on rye with a side salad (mainly
comprised of red cabbage and romaine lettuce --my allowable vegetables are quite
limited after all). I'm not allowed to have corn, carrots or celery for
veggies. Apples, peaches, and pears are out as fruit. No wheat, no
almonds and no hazelnuts.
Dinner is no longer what my family eats (last night was sausage and perogies,
hello?). While they ate their dinner, I had brown rice mixed with some
lean beef. It was a bad dinner really, but I thought I was getting more
support at home for my new diet and exercise program.
Now, the exercise program takes a lot out of me. My trainer really doesn't
want me out running (shin splints which are really painful) and spending more
time in the weight room. The weight room, less than 30 feet from my office
cannot be avoided, so I am using it. My "warm up" is 10 minutes
of rowing. I like using the rowing machine and had been using it on a
regular basis before, so my novice abilities sees me "warm up" with
close to 1500m of rowing... I then stretch for a few minutes and she was
impressed with the ease I took that up. I guess I remember it from high
school. I follow my stretching with stomach crunches a least favourite
activity from school, but I find them much easier using an exercise ball. From
that I move onto weight training which varies over the 3-day a week
program. I also have a 4th day that I do at home, consisting mainly of
power-walking and basic lifting. I use my 20-pound son and it makes him
giggle. After the weight training is a few minutes of pilates, followed by
30 minutes of cardiovascular 'cool down'. Warm up, cool down. The
cool down is either on a bike, on the stair machine or on the treadmill.
The bad news is my weight is actually 15 pounds heavier than I thought. My
goal was to lose 35 pounds by April, which is still doable, but being heavier
doesn't help attain my goal weight. Well, 35 pounds by April means I
already have goals for beyond April.
I've already lost a few pounds too.
This has been a strange week and this morning's breakfast topped it off.
I set fire to my breakfast. I was toasting some bread (new, healthier
bread for my diet and exercise plan) and reading the newspaper when I lost track
of time and failed to notice that the toaster hadn't popped.
"FWOOSH!"
'Fwoosh?' I thought to myself, 'what goes fwoosh at 5:30 in the morning?'
Yeah, that would be my toast getting stuck in the toaster.
so, with flames over a foot high and tickling the underside of the cupboards I
race across the kitchen to see how I can put it out. Water? No, it's
still plugged in. Cover it? Yes! But with what? I grab a tea towel,
but that doesn't do anything. I take off my housecoat and start beating it
over the toaster, but that doesn't work either. I reach and pull the plug
and go for a cup of water. By the time I get back, though, the fire is
out. Fortunately, the kitchen doors were shut so the smoke detector
doesn't go off and wake the rest of the household. At 5:30 in the morning,
I'd have to find a new place to live.
The toaster's fine. It was just the bread that burst into flames.
And boy do I feel stupid.
As I left this morning, I told my wife that the kitchen was 'kinda smoky'
because I 'burnt my breakfast'. She just said, 'oh' and went back to
sleep....
Geez, must be bored today if I was actually interested in doing this crap.
This has most likely taken me the longest to write just because I don't know
what to say.
I refer to the people who work for me as 'kids' simply because, with the
exception of one, they are all younger than me. For the most part they're
between 18 and 21. I was originally going to write about each of 'My
Kids', but found I was having difficulty with 2 things:
1 - I want nicknames for everyone I talk about in these blogs and I can't think
of nicknames for each of the 'Kids.'
2 - Some of them I really have very little to say...
There's two in particular that really stand out. Alberta & Sunnie.
Now, Sunnie's nickname is spelled with an 'ie' instead of a 'y' simply because I
know a few people named 'Sunny' and she's better than all of them put together.
Oh, I guess this is as good a time as any to point out that all the kids are
female... hehe.
Sunnie is my dance partner/stylist and other such interesting things...
She had hair extensions earlier in the fall and we spent a good portion of a
morning pulling them out when they started looking really bad. Really
bad. And really smelly. She took a kinesiology "course" in
the springtime that focused on dancing and relay sports. I say
"course" because I went to university to study history and here's
these kids taking kinesiology and running in figure-8's and dancing for their
grades... WHAT THE HELL!?!?!!? I feel like I've wasted my life when
I see people getting degrees for this. For her final assignment, she need
to put together a little dance routine and she & I spent hours in the office
hallways rehearsing her dance steps. I guess I bring out enthusiasm in
these kids because they never intend to do any of these things with my
Co-Workers From Hell. (CWFH work with me whereas My 'ids' work for
me...). Sunnie is also on the rowing team and is quite enthusiastic that
I'm working on a diet and exercise program right now. She has a tendency
to sit behind me and shout whenever I'm warming up on the rowing machine
though... comes from her team experiences. I'm just warming up!
So, why Sunnie for a nickname? This morning is a foggy, dreary day and I
guarantee you the moment Sunnie walks through the door she's going to be excited
to be here and happy to see us and looking forward to another day of work.
Yes, she's alone in that, but the enthusiasm is infectious. Everything is
positive with Sunnie. She won't admit to it, but she always asks if I'm
going to be around for her shifts just because one of the CWFH is really
annoying and (I guess) brings Sunnie down when they have to work on things
together. Just before Christmas, a number of the 'Kids' were talking about
going Christmas Carolling and were trying to think of which areas they should go
and sing. Sunnie spoke up quite quickly and said, "Let's go to the trailer
park. I bet nobody ever thinks of singing carols in a trailer
park!" I was invited to come along and, as tempting as that was, I
was scheduled to be in the office until about 10 that night and couldn't go.
So they came to see me and sing a couple of songs.
I knew another friend was working in another office on the other side of the
campus, so I called her up so she could hear the songs too. Sunnie has also
convinced me to join her 3 days a week to go for a run and now there are about a
half-dozen or so people coming along. It looks funny to see this big group
running by the campus, especially at lunchtime when many staff people leave for
lunch. And, yes, I'm the old fart running with all the young ones.
So, the other Kid is Alberta. Alberta is one of these 'ultimate athlete'
types. She plays on the soccer team, the volleyball team and is trying out for
the rowing team. she's a full-time student and she works here full-time as
well. That's, like, a triple full schedule. Alberta, coincidentally,
is from Alberta. She's another one who's gotten quite excited about my new
exercise/diet program. She's brought in several recipes for me to try
(including a great one for chocolate cookies) and checks up on me to make sure
I'm following my diet plan and eating the right foods at the right time. I
forgot to have a 'snack' the other ay and she was all over me about it. To
the point that when it came to dinnertime, she insisted on going out and getting
me my dinner to ensure I ate what I should be having. It's great.
There are more of 'My Kids' here, but none of them have been having the same
impact on me that these 2 have had. Sunnie graduates in a year and Alberta
should be around for 2 or 3 more years. That's good enough for me.
This is from one of 'My Kids'....
"For my birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team, I
decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called
the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who
identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic
clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress........
Monday: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth
it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is
something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white
smile. Whoo hoo! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. she took my
pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so
fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I
enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after
my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups,
although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she
put weight on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the
full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's
a whole new life for me.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on
the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or
stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient
with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a
little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds she gets this
nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill,
so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a
machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me
it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
Thursday: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an
hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out
with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She
sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine which I
sank.
Friday: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little
cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps.
I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand
me the *&%#(#&**!! barbells or anything that weighs more than a
sandwich. (which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and
graduated magna cum laude from). The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the
drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
shrilling voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me
want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the
bitch) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or a
vasectomy."
Okay, my personal trainer isn't like that. Her name isn't Belinda.
This is the week that I've hired a trainer to help get me into shape. It's
one of the things I've wanted to do for a while now, but haven't been
motivated. My Year is a different year and damn am I motivated now.
We met Thursday and went through a diet plan that I pretty much started
immediately. I'm stubborn as Hell already, though, as she found out when
she said 'skim milk' and I said 'NO.' She said 'yoghurt' and I said 'NO.'
But she had a good idea about oatmeal for breakfast that I'll try in the
morning... tomorrow is also the start of the physical training.
I'll get back to you on that.
Okay, this was another reason why I started thinking that maybe it was time I
made a push for ME.
I think it was in September I was at a... 'thing' (so hard to describe what it
was) with a bunch of other guys who I'm supposed to (I guess) consider
friends. It was a big breakfast thing and there was about 25-30 people
there.
What did I notice? They're all older than me....
By decades.
When I noticed this my first thought was 'If I die in 30 years, not one of these
people will be around to remember me. They'll all be dead or some of them
will be above 100 years of age, so... they wouldn't remember me anyway. My
grandfather started to lose his mind and was convinced I was some guy who stole
his wallet back in 1922.
Wasn't me.
But I kept thinking.... "what the Hell happened to all my friends???"
Now, I can't totally blame my wife for the loss of my friends. I mean, I
only held onto a few after high school and within 4 years most of us had drifted
as our educations and/or careers tugged us in different directions. I
abandoned my friends back in '94 when I went to England. When I came back,
none of them really wanted to hear about my trip or see pictures. So,
screw 'em. I even broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks after I got
back. And now I look back and see that it was 10 years ago.
Ten years!
It was almost 8 years ago I got married and I invited 3 of my high school
friends, one of whom was the Best Man. I haven't spoken to him in about 9
or 10 months now partially because of work and being generally busy and
partially because I forgot his phone number.
Whoops.
I got his phone number now and plan on calling him, but don't know when I'll get
around to it. I really should because I have no idea what he's been doing
with himself since he quit his job. I haven't even told him about my
son. Of course, it always complicates matters if his sister answers the
phone. She was the girl I broke up with back in '94. Thinking back
on her I can't help but wonder what I was thinking. She has a higher
pitched voice and can tell an extremely long story in under a minute. Kind
of reminds me of a chipmunk. On speed.
Recently, I ran into the guy I thought of as my best friend in high
school. At least he was until grade 12 in which case I really started
distancing myself from my circle of friends. It was grad year and they
could care less. I wanted in on the fun and they started to alienate
me. It's a wonder I talked to any of them after we finally
graduated. I will admit it was nice to reacquaint myself with them at our
10-year reunion. Even then, though, I was on the reunion committee and was
the MC for the dinner and dance. A feat that NO ONE, even those on the
committee, thought I'd be able to handle. I'm not the kid I was in high
school, I guess.
My best friend has been alienated somewhat just because he and my wife didn't
always get along and I know she resented his being around the first year we were
married.
The rest of my friends are part of what has to be the most mobile generation in
history. One guy's moved North to be a police officer. Another moved
to Alberta to go to school and to let his wife live closer to her family.
another guy, well, his wife hates me and the feeling's mutual so we just don't
talk anymore. At Christmas we did say hi and shake hands and admired each
other's children. both our first-borns are about a week apart, but he's up
to #4 now and I smartly stopped with #2.
Another friend keeps threatening to move away, but hasn't had the nerve.
Our friendship is really strange. We met through the police friend and I
soon discovered his girlfriend was a girl I went to high school with. The
actual conversation started with, "y'know, I mentioned you to my girlfriend
would you believe she went to high school with a guy with your exact name?"
"Really?" I replied, "and you're definitely sure it wasn't
me?"
It was me and he can be an idiot, but we still talk from time-to-time.
Another friend insisted on investing money into my failed business back in the
late '90s. Desperate for cash, I foolishly accepted and only finished
paying him off in 2003. Yes, it killed our friendship.
I think right now out of everyone I associate with outside of work, the youngest
one is in his early 50s. That sucks.
So what am I doing about it? Well, I'm looking at My Resolutions. I
said I was going to do things that make me 'better.' What that means is
that by focusing on ME in My Year, I can focus on things that will improve my
life. When I started my current job in May, I realized I had no more
excuses for avoiding exercising. I'd done a great job of it before, only
working out enough for the 'fitness challenge' here at work and then collapsing
into a literal heap for the remainder of the year. No, now I'm working
out. It started out as a way to annoy the Hell out of my first Co-Worker
From Hell. She left in June, but I noticed I was feeling better and people
had started to comment that I had changed. So, I've continued.
I refer to my workers in the office as 'the kids' (appropriate since all but one
are younger than me). No, these aren't my co-workers (from Hell --of
course), these are My Kids. I give them the tasks around the
building that they can do and can do without fail. They are, for the most
part, great and I enjoy spending time with each and every one of them.
some of them have decided to go running together a couple of times a week, which
is something I already do. They've invited me to come along with them and
I have gladly accepted. I usually only run on weeks I'm scheduled to work
late (like this week), so I won't be there all the time, but this could grow
into friendships with some of them.
The next thing I'm looking at for week's I'm not working late is to join an art
class or drawing/painting club. Yes, it's something else to take me away
from home (not that I don't consider that a bad thing these days), but I
originally left high school with a huge scholarship in fine arts that I never
used. My parents talked me out of going (yes, it would have cost a lot of
money but it could have been well worth it). I regret it to this day,
almost 15 years later, and regret it every time I sit down to draw and never get
further than a dot where the pencil hit the paper before I'm interrupted.
There was one time I actually said, "I will not watch TV or touch the
computer for an entire week as long as you let me have some time to draw.
If I get interrupted again... So help me God I'll lose it." I was
told to stop being so selfish. I'm getting the information for the art
club tomorrow before I come to work.
I believe that new resolutions don't start immediately after New Year's
because that just sucks.
Nope, for me resolutions should officially begin at the end of the 'Christmas
season.' January 6th.
People still have treats and leftovers and other things so you're killing
yourself over breaking resolutions if you eat too much or dip into the chocolate
again immediately after January 1st.
My big resolution, being a selfish prick, started in mid-December and I'm
still going strong. I am a prick right now and I'm loving it! That's
what My Year is all about. Thinking about me for once instead of everyone
else. How do others feel about me? WHO CARES!
My second resolution was to cut down on Coca Cola. I stopped
calling it 'Coke' after I bought some at store in Washington state one time.
When I came back across the border, the customs office asked me what I'd bought
and I said, "Just some Coke." The look on his face... Anyway, to
'cut down' is better than to 'cut' it out completely. That way, when I
have a Coca Cola, I can think to myself "whoops. When was the last time
you had a can?" Which is much better than thinking 'GAH! I blew my
resolution!" Now I see how much time has passed between cans to see if I'm
actually cutting down. I got to the point where I was having a can day
until I ran out (in which case I usually rushed to get to the store to buy
more), but now I'm cutting back and have had 5 cans since Christmas. I
eased into my resolution.
My third resolution involves friends. I don't have friends to speak of
anymore. I have people I associate with, but I honestly don't have anyone
who'd call me on a Saturday to watch a hockey game or drop by for a cup of
coffee. Oddly enough, the last person I considered a friend joined the
RCMP and moved away last Spring. He actually came down last week and I
almost literally walked into him at Starbucks. We had coffee then.
So, I need new friends. Along with this is trying to get a hold of
old friends and I managed to get the phone number for the guy who was my best
man. I haven't spoken to him since at least last February and I do feel
bad about it. I'm working on this one now and it's looking hopeful. It's
going hand in hand with my last resolution: Do things that make me better.
Doesn't seem to fit with my big resolution, but I think once I start feeling
more confident in myself, then I'll start doing things that do make me better.
We'll see.
I've mentioned Sex Caffeine (SC for short) before.
I'm avoiding her.
Last Christmas my thought was 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and use that
to justify any feelings there were between us. It happened again over the
spring & summer. This time, however, I'm pretty much just ignoring her and
letting the game begin.
It's childish, sure, but it's the only way I can get over the feeling of
discomfort I have around her. We both admit there were feelings and that
neither one of us could do anything about it, but I'm nervous around her after
she freaked out over the whole 'coffee' thing.
What's next, I ask myself.
So, avoidance is good. She'll hear stories I'm sure every once in a while
about what I'm doing, but I'm leaving it up to her to make any moves. If
she wants to be friends, then she's gotta do something about it. If she
wants to be more than that --then she's really going to have to work at it.
It's good for me in other ways too as I don't have to associate with anyone in
my old department now. It's the break I've been waiting for and it's
finally here.
Yes, she has said hello to me in the hallway once already since we got back and
that usually prompted numerous emails back and forth. But my response this
time was a quick 'hi' without even slowing my pace. I cringed on Wednesday
morning when I realized they were in a meeting and I had to walk by the meeting
room with its (now in my mind) too many windows. I managed to slow my pace
and stop in to 'visit' with people to avoid the meeting area. Phew.
So, the game is on now. She initiated the first talk and I've avoided
everything else.
That's one week down. Only 51 more to go.
I mentioned before that the best gifts for me for Christmas is cash/money/moolah/bucks/dineros...
etc.
Since no one knows what to get for me because I'm "so hard to shop for" I wanted
money so I could get things I wanted and needed rather than spend another
Christmas saying, "Oh. A green sweater. Thanks." Or "oh, you
bought me a Canadian Tire toy truck. I wasn't expecting that."
Enough.
This Christmas was a little different. Yes, I got some money, but
otherwise I got some gifts that I most likely won't find a use for. So,
a-shopping I did go.
I wanted to get a leather jacket and Sears had some before Christmas that had
caught my eye (and out of all my gift-givers.. ONLY my eye).
Unfortunately, they were all sold out and they only had ones left that were
around $300. $300 for a jacket is $300 worth of misery from my wife that I
could do without, so no jacket for me. Fortunately, while I was in Sears I
did find a pair of shoes that were a big improvement on the last new pair I
bought for work back in 1998. Those ones were, obviously, falling apart
now and as this is My Year, I felt obligated to buy them.
So I did.
My next stop was the bookstore where I bought the next couple of books in the
series I'm reading. I'd noticed them for sale (they can be hard to find at
times) at the store in November and was quick to add them to my wish list.
So, now that Christmas was over. I bought them. At the counter, I
ended up shelling out another $30 for a signed first edition book that is the
beginning of a second series I enjoyed reading a few years back. It's a
500+ page hardcover book, so I'm sure to catch Hell for buying it.
And I did.
My third stop was the electronics store where I bought the CDs and DVDs I'd
asked for. Well, not all of them (that would be the store's inventory) but
the ones that really caught my eye. I picked up the new Peter Gabriel 2-CD
set and his newest DVD concert 'Growing Up.' Also, I saw that one of my
favorite TV series from the early 1990s had been released on DVD, so I had to
get it. The Ben Stiller show only lasted 12 episodes and the DVD has
the13th unaired show. I first saw the series with episode #12 and then saw
the repeats of earlier ones. The cast included Stiller, Janeane Garofalo,
Andy Dick, and Bob Odenkirk and was co-written by Judd Apatow (who went on to
create 2 other shows I liked Freaks and Geeks & Undeclared).
The show's hilarious and I'd watched the first episode and started the second
when my wife started to complain about it. "Ah," I said, "So the reason I
don't get gifts I like is so that you don't have to tolerate them?"
Nice. My Year is not going to be a tactful year...
Amazingly, my last stop was not as expensive as I thought it was going to be and
I only bought about $30 worth of collectibles. I usually spend a couple
hundred, so I'm sure the owner knew something's changed.
So, the complaining has continued with my Christmas gifts. I only watch my
DVDs on the computer now and have the headphones on. This is an issue too
as I'm ignoring everyone else. I tried to share my gifts, but couldn't
stand the comments. Now with new books to read I'm sneaking into the staff
lounge at lunch instead of going to a restaurant to eat. I'm saving money
and taking a sandwich with me, but the money I spent on the books is a major
issue. It's "a waste." Thanks.
It's taken me all weekend to recover from the past week. It was time to
get back to work, but also time for school to start again --for me and for
practically everyone around me.
Monday started with warnings of a heavy snowfall coming to our region.
Now, in most areas, a big snowfall induces panic. Here, a couple of
centimetres induces panic and with the expected 20-30cm they were calling for it
was time for martial law and for the military to come in. Actually, now
that I think about it, the last time we had a snowfall like the one expected,
people throughout the valley walked to the train tracks because the army
engineers had cleared them for people to board a train bringing people into the
town centre. It looked quite pitiful that people were riding on a slow
moving train because the road crews hadn't cleared any (and I mean any)
roads. Nothing happened around here for days. At least it happened
over Christmas, so most people just stayed at home and didn't bother trying to
get anywhere. This year, however, it looked like it was hitting the first
week back at school. So, on Monday, preparation were being made.
On Tuesday, we started to hear that Vancouver was hit hard by the snow during
the morning commute. I spent the day looking East towards the mountains.
In the space of an hour, they disappeared behind the clouds. It was
looking bad. It was about 9:30 that the snow started falling and it was
fairly light. It got heavier and started to accumulate on the ground and
we got word just after 10 that we'd be shutting down at Noon because of the
weather. We were expecting up to 30cm.
We got almost 8...
The guy responsible for making the decision to stay open or to close will be
gun-shy for the rest of the year now as it wasn't as bad as everyone planned
for. In fact, the next 2 days were worse. We had freezing rain and
our parking lot was a skating rink. Roads looked like they could serve
professional hockey teams better than some of the stadium ice you see these
days. It was bad. But we didn't close.
Even stranger than the snow and ice that accumulated on Tuesday and Wednesday
was the realization I had about 2 in the afternoon on Friday. It was all
gone. The campus 'green' was green again and not a field of snow lined
with shoveled walkways.
Having the afternoon off (all of 2 hours for my shift) and coming in late on
Wednesday (about 90 minutes there...) threw my whole week off, though, and I'm
hoping that I can start fresh tomorrow....
I hate Wal-Mart. There, I said it.
I hate everything about it. It stinks. The customers are
annoying. The customer service stinks worse than the air.
My commute to work has a new traffic light thanks to Wal-Mart. It's one
more red light to sit through while I'm in a rush to get to the office.
The signal is activated seemingly when someone stomps on it hard enough.
AND, it's right before train tracks, so sometimes it finally turns green for the
major route just as a train shows up. Even worse, if I go the other
direction, then Wal-Mart shoppers stop for their red light IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NEXT INTERSECTION. Traffic is snarled everywhere because of Wal-Mart.
The parking lot is horrible. The secondary entrance has a twist in it to
get to the parking spots and people (typical in this town) get confused once
they enter the lot. They're not sure where they should be driving, so they
do it as slowly as possible. Even worse is the main entrance to the
store. The entire crosswalk becomes a parking area for people picking up
large packages/people or dropping off someone (or like Sunday night, entire
families of 7). Because the crosswalk gets clogged with vehicles, people
cross anywhere and everywhere, never bothering to look and see if there's one of
those "big things with 4 wheels" headed straight for them. And
I'm still convinced that the employees park in the front half of the lot.
No one ever leaves those spots --no matter how long you've been in the store.
It stinks! There's a McDonald's Express (contradiction in terms --Express
means there's less staff there to take your orders and "make" the
food, so it takes twice as long to get a cheeseburger) just inside the
doors. The smell of grease permeates the entire store and frankly gets
quite nauseating.
There was one time a few months back I was looking for CD/DVD carriers (those
nylon ones that hold 100-200+ discs) and they were tucked into a corner of the
electronics department, behind a huge cardboard display for the Daredevil
DVD. It was an old display and was falling apart. One wrong move
around this thing and I was looking at being buried under an avalanche of
unwanted DVDs. I can't think of worse ways to go, but there'd be a slight
chance that Jennifer Garner's image would be the last thing I saw before
everything goes dark. But I digress...
No I don't. I've struggled in behind this display to try and see what the
prices are like for the nylon cases. All of a sudden, I have a striking
pain in my ankle. A lady has run into me with her shopping cart. I
was in her way (I was in a corner) and she kept pushing me until I moved.
I got away from her and went down another aisle to check on the price of CD-RWs.
I'm standing beside a group of teenagers complaining about not finding any of
the music they like. I'm hoping it was just incidental they were talking
about in an aisle filled with nothing but blank CDs... I heard one of them
say, "Whoa! Look out!" and suddenly, WHAM! My ankle's sore
again. Same bloody woman just hit me with her cart. I fled the
store.
So Sunday night I arrive to get a DVD for my brother-in-law. Should be a
quick 10 minutes once I navigate my way through the parking lot. I find a
good DVD right away (he's easy to shop for as well) and get into line in the
electronics department. The lone clerk is overwhelmed with people coming
up behind him (they're behind a desk and people still push their way in).
Another employee walks by and a woman behind me asks him if everything in this
area needs to be paid for at this one desk. He says no and half the line
vanishes and heads towards the main checkout area. The express lines are
25+ deep, so I make my way further down the conglomeration hoping to find a
short line a one of the cashiers. No such luck until I get to the 3rd last
till. There's 3 people in line.
5 minutes goes by and the first person is done. I think to myself,
"another 2 people at 5 minutes each and I won't pay for this DVD for
another 10 minutes..." A cashier opens up on the last aisle and I'm
tempted to move over, but close to a dozen people beat me to it. I
should've gone anyway. I see the line get longer and think I made a wise
choice staying where I did. Unfortunately, the lady being served now is
arguing over the clearance prices on every item she's picked up. Even
worse, half the items aren't tagged and the cashier keeps calling for price
checks. Another 5 minutes goes by and I'm ready to throw the DVD at the
lady and tell my brother-in-law we forgot his gift at home in our rush to get to
the restaurant. It is a rush to the restaurant as this has taken nearly 20
minutes longer than anticipated. "Screw it!" I shout which gets
a bit of a chuckle from the guy in front of me in line (he's thinking it, but
trying to be a good example for his small boy --although he was letting the kid
rummage through the lady's stuff on the conveyor while they waited for her to
continue arguing over prices). I stormed off still carrying the DVD and
saw that there was 2 people in line at the cosmetics counter. It turns out
they were together and I paid for my item quickly. But that was
enough. I was going to stop in at the photo lab to see if our Christmas
cards were ready yet (we ordered photo-cards of the kids and it's taken over a
month to develop them), but I could care less about standing in another line in
Wal-Mart.
Never again, he says. It's 20 minutes of my life gone.
My Ultimatum
A few months back I approached my wife with a major concern. About
us. I honestly didn't think we were going to make it to Christmas at the
rate we were going. She admitted that she wasn't feeling the same way
about me anymore. Better put: She's no longer attracted to me.
Ouch.
I've felt like a persona-non-grata for quite a while now. It's all pretty
much little things, but they add up after so many years. And they continue
everyday to this day. Case-in-point: Last Sunday. We're going
for lunch (my decision where to go again) and I'm struggling to get the
baby-carrier out of the car. It's windy like crazy and icy
everywhere. The windchill right now drops the temperature to about
-15. Cold. Really cold for this area where a 'cold winter' hovers
around +5 --not -15... I'm trying to get a blanket over the carrier to
protect my son, stand firm on the icy pavement, and gather up his toys all at
the same time. My daughter's latched onto my father-in-law to get into the
restaurant before she gets too cold. I turn around to comment to my wife
that she could try and help (take the diaper bag or something), but she's
gone. I look and she's inside the restaurant, which is over 100 yards away
from the parking spot. I think to myself 'if I were to slip on the ice and
crack my skull open... how long would it take for someone to
notice?'
When we left the restaurant, I struggled to get my son back into the car and
moved to the other side to help strap my daughter in. My wife had climbed
in the car and leaned over to unlock my daughter's door, leaving it to me to get
both kids in the car. After struggling to get the kids in the car, I'm
quite cold and shivering. My hands (no gloves) are shaking something
fierce and I'm struggling with the keys. Why? My door's still
locked. My wife can't lean over and unlock the door.
I'm nobody.
Dinner Sunday night was also at a restaurant. My mother's down for the
weekend and wanted to see us. It was also an opportunity to give my
brother in-law his birthday present which I'd picked up earlier in My Last
Visit to Wal-Mart. Ever.
On the 45-minute drive to the restaurant, my wife kept complaining that I was
driving too fast. I was speeding, but the number of cars passing me should
have been a good indication that I was the slow-poke on the road. She
complained the entire drive in. She complained at the restaurant.
She complained on the way home. So I finally pulled over and told her to
drive. If she waned to bitch about my driving the entire time because she
has no confidence in my abilities to drive, then she could do it. I didn't
talk to her for the rest of the night.
Dinner Monday night was another story. She tells me dinner's ready and I
come into the kitchen and sit down. Our daughter says grace (she's 3
and it's really cute when she does it) and she and my wife begin to eat. I
don't. I don't have anything to eat. My plate is still in the
cupboard. I'll have to get it, my cutlery and food on my own.
A few years back, when others noted the poor way my wife treats me with 'the
little things,' we were watching a video series on 'loving families.' One
of the best examples of love we can show to our kids is how we love our spouses,
especially with 'the little things.' Opening a car door. A quick
kiss for no reason.
So, I wonder... what does my daughter think when everyone else is served dinner
but me? What does she think if I'm left out in the cold while everyone
else is in the car trying to warm up?
So the ultimatum has been given.
My wife has the next six months to make a decision (that's why it's six
months...) as to whether or not she still sees me as her husband and best friend
or if I'm just the father of her children. If I'm not wanted there for
anything else, then there's no reason for me to be there. And thus My Year
begins...
Is this the beginning of My Year? Tonight to celebrate the beginning of
2004, I drank alone. I had a glass (my one glass a day) of Mission Hill
Merlot and toasted to no one in particular when midnight finally hit the West
Coast.
So here's to My Year --may it be a damn sight better than last year.
So, here's the thing with my in-laws. They're great people, they really
are. They just have a son-in-law they can't or don't understand.
He's a foreign concept to their world.
So much so that I can barely stand them and our trip to the U.S. East Coast in
1999 was testament to how I feel about them.
The entire family is incredibly indecisive and it's difficult for me (who rarely
waffles on anything) to comprehend how they can debate (poorly) anything they
need to do.
Case in point - Sunday lunch: It's a semi-regular thing to go for lunch on
Sunday and they discuss which restaurant they'd like to go to. There are 2
that they usually prefer going to, but they discuss and wonder which one suits
them that day. I'll walk up and they'll ask me how I feel about lunch and
I'll simply say, "We're going here." And that's good by them. Of
course, it means I come off as incredibly bossy, but someone's gotta do it.
When we traveled to the East Coast (Maryland, Washington D.C., Pennsylvania
(with a side-trip by a few of us to New York) in 1999, I learned first-hand just
how indecisive the family was. No, no. It's not just the parents,
but both brothers and my wife. Indecisive to a fault. There were a
number of little things that kept the family busy, such as walking through
Washington DC and not being able to decide whether to visit the Smithsonian or
not. "When are you going to see it again?" I asked. Or the walk from
the Capitol building to the Lincoln Memorial. "Why do that?" they'd ask
and I'd respond, "Because it's good to see both." And while we were
walking to the Lincoln memorial, the Japanese Prime Minister left in the
presidential helicopter. Everyone left the memorial to see and I managed
to take the video camera into the memorial and look around with no one else
inside. Beautiful.
The worst was in Baltimore, though, on the last day of the trip. We were
going down to the pier (which if you haven't been to Baltimore is quite touristy
and has several cool stores located along the promenade including a Hard Rock
Cafe and a Discovery Channel store). We walked out of the car park and I
saw the pier to the right. I started walking towards the pier and when I
got to the crosswalk, I looked back and realized none of them had moved an inch.
So... I walked back and asked them what they were doing. "We need to get
our bearings to get to the pier." My father-in-law said. "It's that way."
I said, pointing behind me --where I had been going not a minute earlier.
"Well, let's get our bearings first" said my mother-in-law. They proceeded
to walk the opposite way towards downtown Baltimore. "But it's right
there!" I said. They wanted to find an information centre to get
information on the pier. I commented, "Maybe there's one right there... AT
THE PIER!" Nothing. They continued walking. My wife stopped
when she realized I wasn't walking with them and asked me what I was doing.
I told her, "I'm going to the pier --RIGHT THERE-- and I'll wait for you in that
mall ON THE PIER. Once you and your family figure out where the pier
--THAT PIER RIGHT THERE-- is, you come and get me. Two and a half hours
later I discovered that they'd walked around the car-park, made 2 lefts and
entered the pier a block south of where I was sitting. They never bothered
to come get me, had lunch, and shopped while I decided I go on my own and visit
the places I wanted to see. They hated me the rest of the day. They
couldn't understand how I'd managed to find my way around so easily.
Guh!
My younger brother-in-law is also indecisive and asks me for help on a number of
occasions. I still whack him on the head every once in a while after he
suddenly got married in Vegas one year and followed that with a quick 3-month
separation and divorce.
My older brother-in-law married a woman just as indecisive as he is to the point
that if you call them, they can't decide whether to answer the phone. They
have caller-ID and when I called to tell them they had a nephew, they didn't
answer. I left a message and proceeded to my next call. When I
finished that call, there was a message from them: "Call us back." I never
did. They knew I was calling but couldn't bear to pick up the phone.
Screw 'em.
These days, after doctor's orders to have a glass of wine a day, my in-laws'
biggest concern about me is my rampant alcoholism.
One.
Glass.
Of wine.
A day.
Rampant Alcoholism.
I try to talk to them as little as possible these days.
To make matters even more.... interesting, they hate my parents because they do
some foolish things every once in a while (well, okay... often). Good or
bad, at least they're making decisions about things!!