My Last Day

There's been this feeling for the past few weeks (weeks! Already!) that this is all just some big joke and I'm headed back into the office any day now.

But reality set in today when I received a letter from the vice president informing me of everything coming to me as I'm now officially gone.

I'm getting the first half of my overtime on Monday: 150 hours' worth. I'm also getting paid out for my vacation days which were less than expected, but since I'd just taken a promotion, I'm geeting those paid out at the higher rate. Cool, I guess.

My old boss had --conveniently-- lost the documentation for all my overtime, but "my momma din raise no foo" and I sent in copies which I'd kept 'just in case.' The rest is being paid out at the end of the month and all together totals almost $5000.

So, there's a sigh of relief.

The next big issue is trying to talk to people who have known me for years and suddenly I'm gone. I'm getting together with one friend tomorrow night and I'm sure he's got a million-plus questions, but at the same time, he's asked me to seel stuff for him on eBay and I get a 25% finder's fee for my trouble. No trouble at all.

So, there's money coming, but that doesn't mean I'm resting. My eBay stuff is going okay and I've put on more than 100 items in the past 2 weeks and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon.

I do have a meeting on Monday afternooon to get back into work as an extra. There's still enough shows and movies being filmed around here that there's a chance for some good work. Maybe I can be some dead guy in an upcoming episode of Battlestar Galactica ;-) I've always wanted a job where I can just lie down for a while.

My Site Visits

Okay, there are a number of websites I visit on a regular occasion. Daily, weekly, monthly. Whatever.

1. The Real World Portal: Is a file sharing 'link' site that allows you to click on specific TV shows. Using eDonkey, I can download the latest TV shows if I missed them the firts time around. How quick is it? I forgot to tape 'Lost' last night and have already started
   downloading it. Current series are of a high quality, but older shows have a tendency to be poor quality. And at least you know you're getting the show in English. I downloaded 5 episodes of a cartoon I loved as a kid only to discover they're all in German.


2. Die Puny Humans: Writer Warren Ellis'.... ummmm.... list o' things. He puts links to stories that interest him, new music by groups and singers you've never heard of and
   interesting links to other websites, such as this entry:
   10x10 ('ten by ten') is an interactive
   exploration of the words and pictures that define the time.
   Every hour, 10x10 collects the 100 words and pictures that matter most on a global scale, and presents them as a single image, taken to encapsulate that moment in time. Over the course of days, months, and years, 10x10 leaves a trail of these hourly statements which, stitched together side by side, form a continuous patchwork tapestry of human life.
   
   Each hour is presented as a picture postcard window, composed of 100 different frames, each of which holds the image of a single moment in time. Clicking on a single frame allows us to peer a bit deeper into the story that lies behind the image. In this way, we can dart in and out of the news, understanding both the individual stories and the ways in which they relate to each other.
   
   10x10 runs with no human intervention, autonomously observing what a handful of leading international news sources are saying and showing... With no human editors and no regulation, 10x10 is open and free, raw and fresh, and consequently a unique way of following world events. In 10x10, we respond instinctively to patterns in the grid...


3. Daily Show With Jon Stewart: If I miss an episode or just have to see that clip again, here I am. It's probably the most trustworthy news program in North America --and it's not even supposed to be a news program.


4. Mod the Sims 2: Okay, I'll admit that I'm hooked to Sims 2. Mod the Sims is a site with
   links to various modified objects, characters, etc. for the game and seems to be annoying EA and other dedicated Sims sites. Why? They're being honest and acknowledging that sometimes people want a little bit more out of their Sims characters than just wandering around the house, eating, exercising and having a successful career. EA built in the 'whoo hoo' function [read: sex] --complete with "chicka-wa-wa" music and MTS2 has added to
   that with sexy clothes, realistic nudity and other items. I have 2 'hacked' objects in the house: A picture which maxes out the character's aspiration meter and mood (which means no more whining about playing chess, looking through the telescope, etc.) and another that maxes out their needs --stopping them from starving to death everytime they step out on the town.


5. Worth 1000: A photoshop manipulation contest site with incredibly talented artists taking part. This image is from one of the latest contests, 'Corrupt Thy Children 6':
   
   
   
   See? Now that's just funny!! The prize was Miss Piggy soliciting
   on Sesame Street.

My IQ

Every once in a while, it just feels good to delve.... of course, now I'm going to get spammed something fierce:

Congratulations, Bog Hoser! [yes, yes, I incorrectly typed in my nickname....]
Your IQ score is 165

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

My Poopie Bank

Since taking over the household as the unofficial 'househusband,' I've noticed a bit of a trend with my 15 month old son. I know he gets it from his old man, who is known to spend up to 90 minutes in the can mainly reading but allowing for a few fine bowel movements every day, but this child has an uncanny ability to save his feces for specific times of the day. He's saving it all for me.

With my wife working the odd afternoon shift, he does nothing in his diaper all morning, but once she leaves for work he does his business. With interest.

Let's take today for instance. The boy's been up since about 7 or so and has been clinging to Mommy all morning. I manage to distract him long enough for her to get in the shower, but he's quick to the bathroom door and crying --one of his favorite pasttimes, mind you. He hates it when people walk away and shut a door in front of him. Despite wanting nothing to do with me all morning, the second I step downstairs and shut the gate behind me, he's in tears.

And banging his head against the gate.

I'm downstairs for about an hour --gotta get the eBay stuff going and have 41 scanned images prepped for this evening's auctions. It's a lot of work, but I'm getting it done and getting it organized. And I'm only occasionally interrupted by the boy upstairs. I eventually "have to" head back upstairs and I'm greeted by my boy, my daughter and my father-in-law who's taking her to the airport to pick up grandma this afternoon.

Once everyone's gone from the house, it's time for the boy to have his bottle, then lunch. He slowly and methodically drinks his milk and then takes off running to chase the cats throughout the house. After a few minutes, he realizes that his pushcar is loud enough to scare them into running faster --or at least the attempt to run faster. The beauty of hardwood floors is cats can't get that grip they need to run. So imagine a cat taking off likea bat out of Hell --and only going about a foot and a half. I try to convince him it's time for lunch, but he'd rather play. Fine. He can play and work up his hunger and I'll sit down and watch the news and eat my lunch.

Once he sees someone else eating, the focus shifts from playing to mooching. While he tolerates his own meals, he loves what anyone else is eating. So, instead of his peanut butter and jam sandwich (which normally gets dissected and prodded before all the jam disappears leaving peanut on bread), he takes part in MY peanut butter and jam sandwich. Nice trade-off. The next rule is he sits right beside me in order to eat my lunch. He does and I suddenly realize why the cats are hiding.

This boy has a full diaper. And it's taking no prisoners.

Diapers for toddlers currently going through potty training have an effect where they change color (or logos appear/disappear) when the child has soiled the diaper. This is not true with all diapers, though.

Well, mostly not true. My son does have the ability to change the color of his diaper. And lunch is never the same afterward.

There are quick rules for changing a baby's diaper:

1. Do it quickly and cleanly.
2. Always keep the baby happy so there's no future 'issues' with changing and potty training.
3. Encourage the child's regular bowel movements.

The rules suck.

This is the way the baby gets his diaper changed:

1. Pull out some wipes. 2-4 is usually good and I do stress usually.
2. Unfold the wipes and drape them across the end of the change table.
3. Grab the new diaper and unfold it at the end of the table as well.
4. Give the child a toy or two. Preferrably plastic and hopefully enough of a distraction for a few fleeting moments.
5. Take off the pants.
6. Take off the socks --socks and feces are like birds of feather and he'll always have the uncanny ability to kick into his own nether regions.
7. Try not to focus on the fact you just now realize your child can literally kick their own ass.
8. Check the edge of the diaper to see if any flow-through has occurred. In which case, the pants need to be washed and a replacement pair found.
9. If replacement pants are needed, don't try and match the outfit. You're a father for God's sake, they'll never match.
10. Pull the diaper away from the child's legs. This gives you a 'sneak peek' of the horror you are about to endure.
11. Now the tricky part. In one fluid motion, grab your child by both ankles, raise his bum off the change pad, undo the diaper, pull it away and start throwing wipes toward the butt while keeping one hand arched above the winkie in case it goes off. Remember: one fluid motion. Otherwise prepare for disaster.
12. When wiping, start from the belt line above the butt crack. This is where the feces ends on one side. On the other side it surrounds the 'family jewels', but that's for another wipe.
13. At some point, one leg will get away from you --or his hands make their way down and the poop now spreads along his legs and/or arms. It's on you too, but you're the adult and know not to put your hands in your eyes, ears, mouth AND nose at this juncture. The boy doesn't and will proceed to find every spot on his body that's currently fecal free.
14. That's where wipe #3 comes into play.
15. Wipe #4 is for the change pad because at some point you've lowered the butt onto the pad and any missing poop now transfer from body to pad, doubles in size and reattaches itself to the baby.
16. Vaseline is put on the baby's bottom and spread around. I give the boy a butt paddle to make him laugh (but not too much or the peeing starts).
17. Any excess vaseline on your hands can be wiped onto the new unfolded diaper. Anything else is for later.
18. Attach the new diaper, put the socks back on and pull up the pants. The baby is now ready for their next bowel movement.

Now that the boy is changed, it's time for the rest of his lunch. And a new lesson.

No matter how quick or how how slow it takes to change that diaper, somehow it's enough time for the cats to decide they like peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Both sandwiches are missing.

And the cats are now outside.

My Anticipation

I'm hearing from my old job that the Department From Hell (which, by coincidence, is home to the Boss From Hell and the co-Workers From Hell) is in a panic as they can't find files --and are putting the blame solely on me.

I'd heard the "sabotage" bit before and rolled my eyes. Here's the story:

My last night in that department (from Hell!) I spent the ending hours of my shift sifting through 'My Documents' deleting the crap files (the personal stuff) and transferring the important documents into corresponding file folders in the departmental hard-drive (From Hell!). I moved my photoshop images and some web images onto my personal hard-drive and just continued to delte the crap. Afterwards, I sent out an email listing the items and where they could be found to the Boss and Co-Workers From Hell. An email which, apparently, no one decided was important enough to keep. I still don't think they've clued into the fact that anyone who sends a message through the network also has the ability to observe what happens to that message. If they open it --I know. If they reply --I know. If they forward it --I know. If they delete it without even bothering to read it --I know that too. And they all just deleted it.

When I moved to the new job, I knew the panicked calls would start and that would then be followed by assinine emails. I think I mentioned the panicked request on how to attach something to an email. Good lord, these people really are from Hell. Even more funny is that they were trying to attach an image file that they now can't find because I "sabotaged" the files and deleted it. Yep, a week after I moved departments and no longer had access to those files, I deleted it.

They are in such a panic now that they've requested access to my personal hard-drive. It was given to them, but only after my last boss --a good friend-- deleted any files he thought might be relevant. Gotta love it.

I'm sure no one is willing to explain to them how there are tape back-ups of all the files. That would be too much trouble especially after I had to instruct them on attaching an email message.

So, now I'm anticipating a phone call (from Hell!). How long will it take them to get the nerve to phone me --after they got me fired-- at home? Who's going to do it? And how soon will they hear back from me? And how loud will I be?

I await with eager anticipation.

My Date with the Doctor

You know you're in for a special visit when your doctor says you're pissing him off.

I'm 31 years old now and that means annual visits to the doctor and a whole bunch o' blood tests. Gotta check the prostate, the triglycerides, the cholesterol and the ticker. I'm not the fittest, weight-conscious guy around and that's what really pisses off the doctor.

But let me go on a tangent first.

About 18 months ago I was referred to an allergist because my nose was constantly getting plugged up and I was occasionally losing my voice. After getting all the tests done, the doctor told me that I needed to stay away from certain foods: corn, celery, carrots, apples, peaches, pears, whole wheat bread... In other words, stay away from all that healthy food!

Well, that annoys the wife. "Eat your veggies" and "eat whole wheat bread it's better for you!" gets thrown out the window.

So, then it's off to the doctor's office for the first of my annual visits. And the news is not bad. My cholesterol ratio is off. My HDLs are fine, but my LDLs are too low. What's the difference? A nutritionist explained it to me this way: HDLs are the Healthy ones and LDLs are Lowsy ones. And the LDLs are the ones you want to have low. Mine are too low, though.

LDLs are best raised through alcohol. Red wine. Yep, the doctor's orders are "Drink wine. Daily." Which I try to do.

And now, a year later, my LDLs are lower... and my doctor's pissed.

So, let's move on to beer, eh?

My First Day

...and thus begins the memories, eh? This marks post #250 in my blog.

The last place I worked, which shall continue to remain nameless, started back 7 years ago. I was working in a department with 7 others, although only 5 of us were in the one building. Actually, that's not true. There were about a dozen other people working there too, but none of them were in our department.

On my first day, I met my office-mate, a woman I'll simply call 'Legs.' She was very short, maybe 5'2", but she had the most amazing legs. And she always wore a skirt.

I think it was maybe 15 minutes after I got there that she insisted we go have a coffee. The nearest place was about 5 blocks away, so into her BMW we climbed and off we went. We discussed, over about 45 minutes, what she expected out of her office mate and, since I was an "assistant" to 3 of the others there (the 5th person was the front desk receptionist). We each had a coffee and she had a bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese.

Disgusting.

It just occurred to me that I was the last 'surviving' person from that office area. Most were gone by 2000 with me holding off until 2004. One of the 2 working in another building is still around and I had lunch with her on Monday.

Back to Legs --sorry. Legs was a single mother, her son was about 4 or 5 years old I think. She was constantly going on about "looking for Mr. Right" and the other 2 ladies in the office area would join in. I'd hide every once in a while as one woman was quite... boisterous. The first time I met her she had to adjust her bra and looked at me and said, "Deal with it." By the time the first year there was done, I'd actually told my office mate she needed to have sex just so she'd shut up and get back to work. Not sure what surprised her more. The fact that young-and-innocent me would say something like that (my nickname back then was 'puppy' because I was only 24 years old) or just the plain fact that I was right.

We played a ton of practical jokes on one another. There was one time with a plastic frog under some paperwork. Same thing with the spring-loaded rat that jumped out from under the phone when you picked up the receiver. The revenge joke which had one woman's desktop stuck to the ceiling (where only one guy could reach with the ladder) or the indoor/outdoor snowball fight.

Good times.

My Marathon

So, my plan now is to have at least 100 posts in place by Christmas. Yeah, you read that right: ONE HUNDRED POSTS by Christmas.. I don't really have anything else planned quite yet leading up to Christmas, so maybe this is doable.

Maybe.

So, news on the job search.... Nothing yet, but I've submitted my resume at a number of places, most of which mean a longer commute. I applied for work at JP Morgan and Chase for a training job quite similar to a job I had 7 years ago. I applied to the Credit Union Centre of British Columbia, looking for a Government Contact Liaison. Again, similar to work I've done before. The best, and closest was to Trinity Western University in their IT department in an extremely similar job to what I was just doing before my sudden departure.

There were others as well, but those are my top 3 hopefuls. I'm dying to hear something --anything-- soon. My resume is online with 'Monster' and hopefully I hear from an employer. So far, I've gotten a call from Primerica, but I'm smart enough to know to stay away from them ;-)

Meanwhile, it's up to eBay to help me support my family. Fortunately, my wife has been more forgiving of my time on the computer since I'm putting it to good use in her eyes. I usually do useful things on the computer, but she never saw it that way before. Right now I have 28 things on eBay. Not much, I know, but I'm trying to get a bunch more ready for this weekend. I've noticed a new trend and curious to see if any other eBayers have seen it. People rarely bid early on anymore, but add the item to their "watch list" and wait until the last day to bid. I have a couple items with 10+ people "watching" them. They all end on Sunday. Some of them I was hoping to see got for $20 or more, but they don't even have bids on them yet. Frightening, but then I just look and see how many people have checked the auction out (one is currently at 164 visits which I think is the highest I've ever had) and how many have added it to their list (in the case of the 164 visitors, there are 7 'watchers').

Speaking of the other half.... she got a call last night and is officially employed on a regular basis through to New Year's now. I can breathe a little easier knowing that something's finally happening for her. She loves retail work (I hated it when I did it --and I owned my own business) and even though she has a degree, she's seriously done nothing with it. I don't have my degree yet and at the rate I'm going, I never will.

So, off to the races, eh?

My Next List of 101 Things

I've been inspired by 2 muses, so I'm compelled to do another 101 things about me and my life.

1. My 2 cats are named after characters in an obscure British comedy from the 80s.
2. Out of their entire litter, there are only 3 surviving of the 6. The mother is long dead too. My sister has the other surviving cat.
3. 'Sex Caffeine' was 15 emails away from becoming the "#1 most-referred-to" in my work email before I left.
4. The #1 person ended up being a woman I worked with off-and-on since 1998. She was laid off temporarily back in the spring of 2000 and we corresponded quite frequently as I was relaying "news" to her while she was away. We'd had 584 messages relayed between 1998 and 2004.
5. Sex Caffeine and I had 569 messages in just over 2 years.
   
6. Twice weekly, during the summer, I head over to a place called Grab-A-Java and get a mocha milkshake. If I just want a regular coffee and the owner's there --it's free. We've known each other through a network of people for over 10 years.
7. Every July 1st (Canada Day), I go out early in the morning and pick strawberries from our garden. Wash 'em up, slice them and put a maple leaf design on the breakfast pancakes for the family.
8. Apparently, I wasn't the only one called into face the music last week. 'Drama Queen' got hers too. Sweet. Only 2 people are shocked by this, though. My old boss and DQ herself.
9. For the new job opening in that department, my boss sent DQ to pick up the resumes. She read through them on the way back and talked to the various people who had applied. Dumber than I thought!
10. My favorite artist is a man named George Perez. He's an extremely talented comic book artist and has been drawing for major publishers since the mid-70s.
    
11. I have a hardcover book about his artwork and it's one of only 15 in existence.
12. I started my own 'tribe' on www.tribe.net called "Hairyhoser's Lonely Party."
13. There's only one member.
14. I once tried to get my friends to vote for me as the Greatest Canadian, but forgot to send the message. So, I'm the greatest slightly-inept Canadian, eh?
15. The wedding gift from my parents was a jumbo-sized can of Ravioli.
16. Actually, they splurged for the honeymoon, but they thought the Ravioli was good for a laugh at the gift opening.
17. The honeymoon consisted of a 10-day trip to England to visit Oxford, Stratford-Upon-Avon, and London.
18. We went to Oxford to visit Magdalene (pronounced "maud-lin") College where C.S. Lewis taught. We ate dinner that night at the same table at the Eagle and Child where Lewis would sit with J.R.R. Tolkien and others and discuss their stories. I had pizza and beer.
19. In Stratford, we saw a couple of Shakespeare plays (of course) and did a little shopping.
20. In London, we stayed at a hotel on Baker Street (of Sherlock Holmes fame) and went on daily shopping trips along Oxford street.
21. One of our last days there, the Underground was shut down on strike and the city was chaotic with traffic. My wife & I had our first big fight.
    
22. I've only been fall-down drunk twice in my life and one of those times was in England in 1994.
23. I'd just finished climbing the cathedral spire in Salisbury, the highest spire in England (maybe Europe, I can't remember).
24. I'm afraid of heights. Get it?
25. I'm also a little claustrophobic. I don't like pressing crowdsof people.
26. Although 13 is my lucky number.
27. It's the number I have on my hockey jersey.
28. My favorite hockey player of all time is Mike Gartner. He scored over 700 goals in his career and never won the Stanley Cup. I think he was the oldest player to win the All-Star MVP award, though.
29. He's Christian.
30. 'Hairyhoser' actually is 2 nicknames of mine combined. I used to be called 'Hairy' in high school and 'Dreama' started calling me 'Hoser' when I called her 'Brat.'
31. I once taught Sunday School for a year and pretty much hated it.
32. I've never smoked pot.
33. I have inhaled, though.
34. It was at a Pink Floyd concert in 1986. Yep, I was 13 and at a Pink Floyd concert.
35. Prince Charles once stepped on my sister's foot.
36. It was on her 15th birthday and the same day my father was in a TV commercial.
37. The last concert I went to was Swollen Members. There was almost a riot. I was backstage and the head of security gave me a hat form his company for helping out.
38. I watched one of the gates while the guards went to hold the fence together.
39. When I was 25 years old, I bought my first house.
40. It has 5 bedrooms and a kitchen area that can seat 10.
41. My wife and I were all alone in that house for the first 2 years.
42. When I was 26, I owned my own business.
43. I was 27 when I shut it down.
44. I owed over $2000 in rent and had less than $50 a day coming in.
45. The tax breaks were phenomenal.
46. The first pirated movie I owned was Lord of the Rings.
47. Or maybe it was Monster's Inc.
48. I once vowed never to own a dishwasher after my wife insisted anything going in the dishwasher needed to be washed off first (huh?).
49. After the year we lived in the condo, sans dishwasher, I changed my mind.
50. The entire year we lived in the condo, our street was under construction, first being widened, then being repaved.
51. The day we moved into our first home in a different city, they dug up the main street.
52. When I went to get pizza for dinner that night, it had been repaved already.
53. My very first kiss was with a girl in my grade 5 class.
54. My coldest day of school was my first day of school in Dawson Creek (no relation to the show --trust me) in January 1982. It was -44C outside (or -47.2F).
55. There was barely anyone in class as the schoolbuses were frozen solid.
56. Being the complicated guy I am, the #1 choice of anywhere to live would be in some warm, but remote (read: quiet) place. Kind of like when my family lived in the Okanagan.
57. Barring that, I'd rather live in a condo in downtown Vancouver. Go figure, eh?
58. My favorite cartoon while growing up was Starblazers.
59. My second favorite was Scooby Doo.
    
60. Until Scrappy came along.
61. A college friend & I once went on a mad hunt for Koogle. We didn't realize it had been nearly 20 years since it had been discontinued.
62. We also had an acquaintance in college who used to cry during exams and once flushed a paper down the toilet because the prof had failed him and it was "obviously shit!"
63. This guy once told my friend during a fire drill that he hoped he'd burn in Hell.
64. We used to tell stories to anyone who'd listen when we worked together at the tourist site.
65. We went on a hunt for him once too. I'd run into him (almost literally) while walking with my wife in Victoria. I took his picture (he was wearing a sandwich board for an Italian restaurant) and sent it to our favorite profs in college.
66. I once had a crush on Olivia Newton John around the time she & John Travolta starred in 'Two of a Kind.'
67. I always thought that a very cool super power would be time manipulation, much like one of the characters in... Two of a Kind. (like that transition?)
68. Olivia Newton John wore a very, very short pink housecoat in that movie.
69. This is from memory. I think I last saw that movie in 1986.
70. In high school, I was in honours French and honours English.
71. My English teacher once scored me 'x out of 20' on a short story. It was "too good" to give it a mark.
72. He eventually decided to "weigh it" to give me 100% if I ever did poorly on any other paper.
73. It didn't happen. Even during the public speaking portion of class I got more than 100%. We received a bonus if we volunteered to speak first.
74. The next year my teacher accused me of plagiarism for a children's story we were assigned to write. She didn't think any child would like a story with knights, dragons and a wizard explaining that the knight would die if he killed the last dragon.
    
75. I wanted to be an artist or cartoonist, but my parents spent years convincing me it was a bad idea and I should do something more productive with my life,
76. One of my close friends in high school ended up going on to animation school.
77. Not he's done much with his career.
78. Fortunately, that 'bad idea' of mine only brings home about $120K a year, but who needs money?
79. Or a job?
80. My wife has more cousins than she can count and some of them married other cousins without realizing they were related.
81. Her dad has 5 siblings.
82. Her mom has 5 as well.
83. Most had 3 or more kids, so do the math....
84. I have one aunt and uncle and 3 cousins.
    
85. All the boys in my extended family were named after Westerns... my cousins are Brett (as in Maverick) and Landon (as in Michael).
    
86. My grandparents have all passed away.
87. My wife's grandmother organized her 98th birthday party last year.
<>My grandfather on my mother's side died exactly 4 years after his wife. We figured he'd realized he'd lived long enough to see his first great-grandchild born and that was officially enough to say he'd lived a full life.
88. Originally, we were a little miffed that all we got in the will was the family pictures and family Bible.
    
<>My aunt took the car and brand new stereo. The stereo's obsolete. The car's toast as well.
89. I have pictures of family I never knew I had.
90. My mother once fainted in a bookstore.
    
91. She'd opened up a 'Country Living' magazine and there was a contest winning picture of "cottage life." It was her father and grandfather with a fish they'd just caught.
92. I have a copy of the magazine somewhere.
93. I have 2 pictures left of "My First Love." I don't know where the rest are.
94. I'm assuming they're hidden along with all the other pictures of my ex-girlfriends...
95. I was once on a bowling team where every single kid had the same first name.
<>I was the youngest bowler there and they put me on an older team just so I could play.We were the best team and I had the lowest average at 166.
96. My next best sport as a child was tennis. My tennis partner in high school went on to play women's basketball and lost her leg below the knee in a bizarre in-game accident. She returned to play with a prosthetic leg the very next season.
97. I claim my ease of spelling and writing came from endlessly reading comic books when I was a kid. 'Prosthetic' was a word I could both spell and define when I was 7 years old.
98. In the second grade, I officially mispelled one word all year. It was during the spelling bee, so I came in second.
99. I used to shoplift all the time when I was 12 years old. My best friend got jealous that I got away with it so often that he tried stealing some rubber mice.
    
100. He got caught. It was the only time my parents said I was a bad influence on someone else.
101. I was once grounded from riding my bicycle for 4 months because I'd gone riding for about 9 hours without telling my parents where I was going. I've never ridden a bike since.
     

My Replies

Wow! There's actually other people reading this!! Thanks for the comments, they are appreciated!!

I didn't lose my job because of surfing the net or even having the Blog (although either would've made it worse). Nope, I lost my job for sharing my opinion too openly with people about working with the Co-Workers From Hell in what is now officially the Department From Hell. Nothing but problems, and the beat the Hell out of me that Ileft --and that wasn't enough for them.

No, I'm completely gone now and doing the active job search. I could be bitter (and will be a little --it makes for interesting writing), but I need to move on and LOVE that I've had so much weight lifted off my shoulders.

Coincidentally, a job opened up right nearby in the exact position I was just doing. I applied the very same day I left this last job. It's looking good and I have faith it'll work out.

Time will tell, yes?

My Life Rating


My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?
Well, duhhhhhhh.....

My Top Ten Positive Thoughts

10 - I can finally have that 'Andy Richter Controls the Universe' marathon.
9 - Late night, shmate night. Nothing to get up early for right now!
8 - No more eBay excuses.
7 - Phone calls from Co-Workers from Hell? Just try it!
6 - I can kiss my children good morning and good night.
5 - No more queasy feelings whenever the big wigs have a "sit-down" with my boss.
4 - I never have to figure out if I'm going to get in trouble for surfing the net.
3 - I can shift my focus to something I like for a change.
2 - I don't have to wonder how these people got their educations anymore (although, seriously... who took 'em in?).
1 - I never have to drive to that stinkin' town again. Ever.

Her Goodbye

It took her a few hours, but she did reply:
To say this email came as a shock would be a gross understatement. I
read it earlier at work (I'm at home now) and started to cry...it has
taken me about six hours to try and sort through my emotions so I can
respond properly.

I won't ask what happened and why you're gone because that's not
important. What is important is that you're OK. We all make
mistakes and the most crucial thing is to make sure we forgive ourselves
when we do. I pray you will remember this and give yourself the grace
you deserve to get past whatever it is that took place. I think you
know me well enough to know that I'm not the kind of person who pays
much heed to gossip and rumours. I still think you're a great guy and a
friend who always stood behind me. As I would (and will) stand behind
you.

Thank you for sharing with me what is in your heart about the special
kind of love you have for me. I am honoured by this gift and want you
to know that I hold it with the utmost respect. It takes great courage
and selflessness to love somebody to the extent that you free them to
find their own joy. I want you to know that I AM happy and that
your happiness for me in this makes it that much sweeter. Your words
and the sincerity with which you've stated them mean more to me than I
could ever express...I am truly moved.

I know that you will be rewarded for the integrity and maturity you've
shown in how you've dealt with your feelings for me. You allowed God to
work through you so you could give unselfishly to me, and you will be
blessed for this.

I don't know what else to say except that when I think of you,
it is with love as well.

I'm sure somewhere along the line our paths will cross again - the
world isn't THAT big!

You'll be in my prayers. I know that wherever God is leading you next,
it is somewhere wonderful.

I won't forget you or the gift you've given me.

My Goodbye

In leaving work, there was only one person I wanted to talk to. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk if I called, so I simply emailed her:

Hey there girl....

You may find this strange that out of all the people I know there,
you're the one I'm writing to and the only one I'm writing to.

It may be because of our history together or just the plain fact that
you're the one I valued most as a friend.

And we'll never see each other again and that's why I'm compelled to
write.

You'll hear rumours as to why I'm gone and I'm hoping most of them are
false. I'll admit to making a mistake and honestly not thinking of
just how bad it could get. I've been treated fairly by the people
that count and that's all I can ask for.

But I need desperately to clear one thing with you before I say my big
goodbye.

I can say now that I love you --but it's how I love you that I want to
make clear.

I realized a long time ago --thanks to you-- that I was making another
mistake and unfortunately, didn't back away soon enough. You called
me on it and I do appreciate it. And thanks to God I know now that I
can love you in a very special way.

I can pray --and I have prayed before-- that God does whatever it
takes to makes you happy. That's what I realized is that all I want
for you and of you is that you're happy.

That's why the first time I heard you finally had someone to share
your life with I was actually happy. Because I knew that's what you
deserve.

I'd like to say you're a good person, but that's not enough. You're
great person and I thank God met you when I did. I'd like to still be
able to think of you as a friend and ask again for your forgiveness
that you've been at giving me in the past. Thank you for that too.

I'm sorry I won't be there to make you laugh. And I'm sorry I was
there to make you sad. And I'm sorry I won't be around to see you
live your happy life.

I'll miss you a lot and I'll pray that you're happy. Don't miss me
because I'm gone but remember the times we shared a laugh, shared a
story and did what we could to be friends.

Take care --I'll miss you always.

My 101 Things

This is borrowed from a few other blogs, but these are 101 things about me and my people. Good, bad, indifferent. It's THINGS. *Despite the day I've had, I decided "screw it" I'm doing this anyway.

1. Although I tell people that my father never really supported me, he did. He was the manager of my soccer team when I was 6. When I was involved in youth groups in my teens, he was always a part of them too. Driving, support, advising, whatever.
2. My father was 38 years old when I was born. Most of my high school friends thought he was my grandfather when they saw him at Grad. He was 56 and most other parents were in their late 30s and early 40s. He'll be 70 in July 2005.
3. I've actually found a famous person in my family tree. I'm related to Thomas Edison, the "American" inventor of the telephone.
4. My mother, father and grandfather have all worked for telephone companies. I worked in telecommunications for a few years.
5. A somewhat favorite job was at a tourist attraction where we'd fire black powder muskets. We were pretty good and could fire them twice a minute.
6. I hated my co-worker there too. He used to say, "Greetings and halogens" all the time and I hated it. Out of everyone I worked with there, he's the only one left.
7. I worked for Little Caesar's Pizza just after high school. Every once in a while I can wrangle a free pizza out of them still.
8. I only occasionally talk to one of my high school friends and we both worked at Little Caesar's.
9. I quit that job after a year because I'd been passed up for promotion twice. They seriously picked fights with me on my "review" days and each time it cost me a promotion.
10. I've never been fired from a job until today.
11. And I'm not actually upset about it.
12. I've been laid off twice.
13. One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to get fired from my job for something really stupid.
14. It's really a big fear now because I'm enjoying my new department.
15. Out of the entire building here at work, there's one other guy who has the same first name as me. He's 3 cubicles away from me. People use our last names to talk to us because otherwise we start answering the question asked of the other person.
16. Our son's were born 5 days apart.
17. My wife's 2 brothers are married and so is my sister. Despite so many couples, my sister's family is the only other one to have children.
18. My nephew had a heart defect when he was born. A valve had an opening in it and he wasn't developing as he got older.
19. At six months, he went in for open heart surgery. My entire family was devastated, but I told them that everything would be fine and he'd pull through with out any problems.
20. He did pull through and he's a great little kid. I love him to pieces and so does my daughter.
21. It was the 5th time I'd ever seen my father cry.
22. The 4th time was when my mother got mad at him for helping out a girl in trouble. She had moved out of her mom's place when she was 18 and needed money. My father hired her to help with yard work and cleaning around the house.
23. The 3rd time was when his father died.
24. The 2nd time was when my other grandfather died.
25. The 1st time was after our house fire and we'd received a care package from his friends.
26. The house fire was early on in my college education and it took me years to get out of the slump. Not one prof gave me an extension to finish term papers, despite having lost all my work and the computer.
27. The next academic year, my registration date to pick classes was the first day of the school year.
28. It was the following summer that I made my first big jump in my GPA. I took 2 summer courses and got an A and an A+.
29. Because of those classes, I decided to take a college tour to England the following summer. I took 4 courses while in England.
30. I met my wife in England on that tour.
31. We did so much walking that summer that I lost over 30 pounds.
32. My sister was in Australia at the same time and met a man and they got engaged.
33. My parents were concerned that we were both in "long distance" relationships. Mine turned out for the best, though, as she turned out to live only 20 minutes away. Sweet.
34. Nobody in the family ever met the man from Australia. They broke up the following summer. He was abusive.
    I got engaged about a week beforehand.
35. We planned on a summer wedding a year later.
36. Apparently, I had mono that summer and lost the same 30 pounds again in the month of August.
37. Mono, I was told, strikes 3 times in the year, but I've never had it again. That was 9 years ago.
38. I became a father 9 years faster than my father. I was 27.
39. My wife is 6 years older than me. Smart as anything too. She skipped 2 grades in school and was starting high school when I was in kindergarten.
40. She graduated in 1984 and I did in 1991.
41. My first pet was a runt of a cat born in mid-February of 1980 and not expected to live through winter. She died in 1997.
42. I've owned 2 other cats. They're now 10 years old. One likes crapping 'wherever' in the basement and the other beats him up all the time. They're brothers.
43. I go to church regularly. Well, at least 2 time a month. I've been burnt out over the past year because of all the "commitments" they expect of me.
44. When I was a teenager, I was involved in a group called DeMolay. It's loosely affiliated with the Masonic Lodge, but is strictly for young men between the ages of 13 and 21. I unofficially joined when I was 12 and left just a few months before my 21st birthday.
45. Relating it to the Flintstones' Loyal Order of Water Buffalo, I was elected "Grand Poobah"4 times, but only sat in office 3 times. I quit before the fourth term. Most guys get elected once around the age of 18-21 and finish off their time (whatever age their at) in the position.
46. I was 15 the first time I took office.
47. My 3rd girlfriend (also referred to as My First Love) was involved in the girls' version: Job's Daughters. She still is.
48. We met at a dance when she and her best friend started taking my clothes off. Yeah, I enjoyed it. I was 14 at the time --I think.
49. And no I wasn't a virgin. Lost that when I was 12.
50. I do have a theme for my blog posts for 2004. 'Dreama' was close to figuring it out, but she guessed 1 step too soon.
51. My wife actually forgot one time where we went for our honeymoon. So much for a memorable trip.
52. The flight to England nearly crashed going into Calgary (it was a stopover, not the destination) when we hit an air pocket descending to the airport. We dropped big time.
53. The last time I experienced a drop like that was the time I was in an elevator that fell. 4 floors.
54. I've personally known 4 outed gay men in my life --and one still in the closet. One died of AIDS in 2000.
55. He was in our wedding party and made my wife's dress, all the bridesmaids' dresses, and the vests for the men. He wore a white suit as the "Bride's Escort"
56. He was an ex-boyfriend of my wife's. Apparently, she's gone out with 3 or 4 gay men in her life. No wonder I keep trying to make our marriage work ;-)
57. If I had to say I had a favorite movie, it would have to be 'Delicatessen.'
58. My taste in music changes so much that I can't say for sure what my favorite song is.
59. I've witnessed over 100 accidents in my life and been involved in 4. 2 of which I was the driver and neither time was I at fault.
60. I was in the backseat of a friend's Mustang when we were in an accident. I didn't have my seatbelt on and only got a small scratch above my right eye. I was thrown across the car, though.
61. My grade 3 teacher had us read comic books to teach us basic story techniques like plot, themes, protagonists, antagonists, foreshadowing and irony. I've collected comics ever since.
62. In 1999 I spent close to $1000 a month on comics.
63. In 2004 I spend about $20 a month if I'm lucky.
64. The last movie I saw in the theatre was 'Hero.'
65. The last movie I saw at home was 'Fahrenheit 9/11.'
66. I don't like to miss an episode of 'Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'
67. Although 'Scrubs' is my favorite primetime show.
68. I failed Math 11 in grade 11 and got 51% the next year. One girl in my class failed with 20% but the teacher passed her on a promise that she'd never set foot in the school again or use math in her life after high school. We all respected him for that.
69. I was told I had 're-speck!' when someone asked me what the 'ES' in my car's model name stood for and I said "Extra Sexy."
70. I once had a conversation with the General Manager of the Atlanta Hawks (NBA) without knowing who he was.
71. I can honestly say I have one friend I can "most likely" hang out with on a weekend.
72. He lives 45 minutes away.
73. There's a man walking by my office. He's wearing green pants. I've seen him wear those pants for 2 weeks now.
74. I went to 5 different elementary schools in 4 different cities.
75. My best friend in grade 4 and 5 is now a professional curler.
76. My best friend in grades 6-10 is almost completely bald. I hadn't seen him in nearly 10 years when he suddenly recognized me at a gas station late on a Sunday night. I thought he was some drunk looking for a fight.
77. I've had a slice of pizza to eat today. Nothing else.
78. I just talked to the guy I consider my only true friend at work today. He's been sitting at his desk in shock for 3 hours. Don't blame him.
79. Knowing I have nothing else to lose, I told Sex Caffeine how I feel about her.
80. I'm never going to see her again anyway.
81. I have 5 autographed posters in my computer room and every one is personalized to me.
82. And every single one of the signers thought I was really weird.
83. I never planned on selling them on eBay, I guess.
84. I have plenty of time to sell everything else now though!
85. I have absolutely no reason to be happy right now.
86. And there's no logic as to why I'm not crying my eyes out.
87. When I was young and got extremely sick, my kidneys would bleed.
88. I was referred to a urologist by 3 different doctors. He said I had Lupus.
89. I was actually dehydrated --I was throwing up something fierce and too young/too stupid to rehydrate myself.
90. One of those doctors isn't allowed to practice in Canada anymore.
91. One of the others doesn't have a practice anymore.
92. I've taken language classes in French, Japanese, Mandarin,and Russian.
93. I speak poorly in all of them.
94. If I could date one celebrity, it would be Jennifer Garner. I'd just tell Ben Affleck there was another crappy movie being made around the corner. And they asked for him. By name.
95. I once was an extra in a movie. "We're no Angels" with Sean Penn and Robert DeNiro.
96. I was an altar boy or something. In the parade scene, I'm the sleeve on the right.
97. My coolest celebrity encounter was meeting Vincent Price in 1986. I was 13 at the time and talked to him about 'House of Wax' which at the time was the only movie of his I'd seen.
98. I think he was impressed by this kid talking about a movie like that.
99. I once had an art scholarship to the University of Southern California. It wouldn't've paid for a semester's tuition so I never went.
100. I'm going to start drawing again.
101. I was at a church group meeting tonight and the warm-up question was: "What was the last thing you did for the very first time?" I answered that I don't have a last thing, but tomorrow is the first time I'm going into life completely on faith.
     
     

My Weird Day Revisited

Okay, click here and read what I wrote.

They got me.

They really got me.

I'm done.

My Good Laugh

Oh, bullshit!: http://sympaticomsn.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1098797162736_94206362?hub=topstories

Happy marriage eases work stress, study finds
CTV.ca News Staff

Being happily married could go a long way to mitigating the unhealthy effects of stress and strain at work, a new study says.

In a study of 248 full-time Toronto hospital workers, all of whom are married or have partners, Dr. Sheldon Tobe found those who said they were in the most supportive relationships also had the lowest blood pressure.

In his study, the Heart and Stroke Foundation researcher discovered the inverse was also true -- that a stressful relationship at home could make their blood pressure worse.

"Our research is telling us that people who have high job stress should seek more support at home to balance out their life," Tobe told The Canadian Press. "And perhaps people who have stressful relationships at home should seek a work life that is more supportive and less stressful to balance their life as well."

High blood pressure increases the risk of more serious medical conditions such as heart attacks, strokes or kidney disease. As many as one-in-five adult Canadians are believed to have high blood pressure, rising to one-half of those aged 65 and older.

For his study, Dr. Tobe strapped blood pressure monitors on 135 women and 113 men between the ages of 40 and 65. After wearing the monitors for 24 hours, they then answered questionnaires on stress at work and the state of domestic affairs.

According to Tobe, who sits on the board of the Canadian Hypertension Society, the findings should raise alarm bells in offices across the country.

"Most employers are happy that they're putting high job demands on employees to be as efficient and productive as possible," Tobe said.

"But where people don't have the ability to make decisions on their own, for example, an air traffic controller who has to put up his hand to go to the bathroom, employers can help."

In light of recent trends toward giving fewer employees bigger workloads, Tobe says easing up on workplace pressures can go a long way to keeping them healthy.

His study is being officially released Tuesday at the Canadian Cardiovascular Congress in Calgary.

My Plans

So, we're coming up on Christmas. Naturally as a man I wouldn't think of Christmas until at least December 24th, despite constant reminders from my wife. This year shouldn't be any different except that I noticed stores are already sneaking in little Christmas displays hiding behind the Halloween ones... waiting to pounce on unsuspecting prey.

Regardless, Christmas means we're getting close to the end of 2004 and the end of My Year, which also means I only have a few weeks left to try and fulfill some of the items I said I'd be working on this year.

It also means that I have to think up a new theme for 2005. I think I have one, but it essentially means I have to post 3 times a day in order to complete it in time. 365 days in a year and 3 posts a day is 1,095 posts. That's a lot. But I'm also looking at, well, "digressions" on a theme, but not really revealing what that theme is... Well, not easily anyway. It could be interesitng 'cuz I'd have to come up with some interesting posts to fulfill that promise....

Maybe I need to make other plans instead.

My Telephone

Granted there's nothing special about my telephone, but it's worth writing about since 'dreama' (dreamazone2.blogspot.com) insists I write something --you got it.

It's been 9 days since I switched to the new department and the... people (oh! The terms I could use) I used to work with are still at it with the emails and phone calls.

Incessantly.

The great thing about the phone systems here is that I know when it's a call from inside or outside. It rings differently. Sweet.

It also means I know when my old boss, or one of the co-workers from Hell is calling. Actually, they're esy to pick off because not a one of them has figured out my new phone extension (it's only posted on the network directory and automatically in any email response I send them...), so they have to contact the front reception desk and have them put through to my phone.

Which means I don't pick up the phone when they call. They have to leave a message.

I've also set up my email so that their messages are automatically moved into a special subfolder dedicated to their messages. I found out this morning that I can't tell through our email system when messages are put in that subfolder. I have to manually check it to see if anything's there.

And I'm totally motivated to do that.

And checking this morning, there was a flurry of messages about some work that needed doing, oh, back in June that hasn't been done yet. My old boss asks "What have we done about this?" And my response was "I did what you asked me and got the work quote and filed the request. You needed to sign off on it. Have you?"

It's apparently, still sitting in his mailbox.

I do hate being mean to them now, but I'm still disgruntled over the crap I went through just for a goodbye lunch.

So, now I'm talking to the front reception desk (and guess who hired them 'lo those many years ago?) and they're just going to put the calls straight through to my voicemail. I never have to talk with them again.

I love my phone.

My Damned eBay Thing Again!!

What’s the deal now, eh? Alright, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve put anything on eBay again. Most days, as soon as I sit down at the computer to start getting things ready, my wife starts in with the “you’re not going to be on there all day?” routine. Very annoying, so I just stopped with the eBay stuff all over again.

And again.

But lo and behold, my unemployed wife suddenly notices that we have more money going out than coming in (really?) and that we’re sliding on the slippery way more than she thought. Yup. But I’m abandoning my family if I try and do anything about it. Geez!!

But, finally, I explain why I “haven’t been doing my share” (of all the workload) and she succumbs and lets me get to work on the eBay stuff again.

I use a program created by eBay called ‘Turbo Lister’ which greatly speeds up the process by recognizing your previous entries and mass listing once you’re ready to do so. I once had 50+ auctions end within a minute of each other and bidders were trying to get multiple items and bid higher than normal to try and get them all. Sweet.

Friday night, after baths for the kids, I plopped myself in front of the computer and started my ‘originally-intended-for-Thanksgiving’ “scan-a-thon” and eBay entries. All night Friday and into early Saturday morning I scanned. Later on Saturday and late into Sunday morning I wrote up HTML and uploaded jpeg files to my website. Sunday afternoon, I entered the HTML into separate entries in Turbo Lister. Essentially, each item takes (from scanning, research, HTML, FTP transfer, and Turbo Lister listings) about 10 minutes. Early Sunday evening, I’m set. I have close to 100 items ready to go immediately.

All files uploaded in Turbo Lister.

All information is correct.

All systems go!

GO!!

Failed.

What?

User not known.

WHAT?!?

Into my eBay email account I go to find a message dated a week earlier stating that my account has been suspended –get this-- because auction# so-and-so has an outstanding dispute on it and until it’s cleared, there’s nothing I can do on eBay. If it’s a dispute that has been resolved, I can get in touch with the complainant and have them email eBay to settle the problem.

But I only have a number to go on.

So, a couple hours of searching brings up the item number. It wasn’t even listed on eBay anymore (guh!) as it’s incredibly old. Even worse was that it was with my old account with the now-defunct email address.

Oh, and the user is no longer registered with eBay…

The worst bit of all, though, was that it was the same user I had the big fight with last Christmas when the post office took 4 weeks longer than expected to deliver the item. It was going to New York, not some Podunk town where it may be more inconvenient to get to. No, no. They just took their bloody time and got both the user & I severely pissed at (each other, them, and me with eBay).

Lo and behold it’s come back to bite me in the ass almost a year later.

So the defunct eBay account is suspended. My current eBay account is suspended and I decide it’s time to open up eBay account #3. But wait! There’s more! Both accounts have been suspended because my credit card on file is the same for each!

I go to use my wife’s credit card and set up another new account, this time using a new Gmail email address. Unfortunately, THAT credit card was also on file and I’m screwed again. They won’t open the new account for me.

And then I begin to think: Did I just commit fraud?

Well, since I’m on a roll, I decide to use that last, best bastion of hope. I called my Mom.

Mom permits me to open an eBay account in her name, with her credit card, and her home address. But by the time I get this all sorted out, it’s getting to be very late at night. I missed my window of opportunity.

Going to go bald soon if I keep tearing my hair out….

My Stress Relief

Sent by a dear friend who was enjoying my stories from work...

The following picture was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. Both dolphins are identical.

The researchers concluded that a person is under stress if he/she finds that both dolphins look different. The greater the number of differences found between both dolphins, the greater the amount of stress a person is experiencing. So if you see too many differences between both dolphins, you are advised to pack your bag, go home, and take a rest.

<>Good Luck

Image

My Copy and Paste

I'm not one to normally just grab something from another blog and paste it into my own, but this was one item that I really enjoyed and found myself moving on too quickly to another blog (that 'next blog' search item in the corner can be a little adenturous on occasion).

Anyway, I'm sharing even though I'm sure it's on numerous journals, blogs and what-have-you by now:

A girl asked a boy if he thought she was pretty- he said no.
A girl asked a boy if he liked her- he said no. A girl asked a boy if she were to walk away, would he cry- he said no.
So the girl began to walk away, and the boy grabbed her by the arm and said...
"I don't think you're pretty, I think you are beautiful-
I don't like you- I love you-
and if you were to walk away, I wouldn't cry- I would die"

My Eerie Prediction

So, I'm doing the finishing touches on a job evaluation on Friday. It's not looking good. Too many mistakes for a fairly routine job. Not considered a dependable person and doesn't seem to have the ability to handle the details. So, yeah, doesn't look good.

I tell 'The Boy' before I leave that department for the final time that there could be another opening in the near future if he's serious about transferring soon.

I come into the office today to submit my report to find this email waiting for me:

Died of a heart attack on Saturday.

I feel really creeped out now. Oh, and do I really need to say I'm not submitting the job evaluation?

My Hutch to His Starsky

After a continual parade of Co-Workers From Hell, I really didn't think I'd ever have the chance to work with someone I actually liked. But 'The Boy' came through.

We have very similar tastes in music and jokes. We also used to bug each other about "talent scouting."

If you're not aware of what "talent scouting" is, it's basically a new term for scoping (ogling) women. We were both quite good at it, I'll admit it.

Oh, and we both wanted to throttle Drama Queen on a number of occasions.

"The Boy" and I shared an office and we usually only worked in there at the same time for about 5 hours a week. despite it all, we had great communication and constantly shared stories. In fact, people started referring to us as "Starsky & Hutch." And, yes, we're both old enough to have watched the TV series. It all started with a little "Yeah... do it. DO IT" conversation...

Lulls in any day usually ended with a conversation starter like: "You know who's hot?" And off we'd go on a tangent. Drama Queen actually announced during one meeting that she felt as though she was being shut out of our work because we were constantly ignoring her and not talking around her. Well, first, she always tattle to the boss when we'd be joking about things, so we stopped talking around her. And second, we did shut her out. While we both agreed on an "open door" policy, closing the door on purpose became a new hobby. One day, she offered to share some food (I think it was a curried something or other) and I just laughed and leaned over to close the door. "If you close that door," she shouted, "I'm not going to share this with you!!" I gasped, smiled and shut the door. Not a fan of curry, but closing the door in her face was more fun than having to talk to her. And good ol' Starsky enjoyed that immensely.

Over the past 18 months, I've gotten to know a lot of 'My Kids' friends and they even came up with a new nickname (a tolerable one even) for me. I'm not sharing it here, though. Too close to home. Regardless, when it came time for me to leave the department, Starsky was quick to organize a little something for my second-to-last-night. Starsky has a pub band that he got to come down to the pub in the building.

And close to 200 people came. But Starsky "forgot" to mention it to my boss and Drama Queen until the very last minute (and neither wanted to come).

I walked in at 8:30pm with $45 in my pocket. I left at 12:45 am with $45 still in my pocket. All my food and drinks (and there were plenty) were paid for. By friends, My Kids, their friends... Hell, even the wait staff bought me a few.

Living up to our tradition of "talent scouting," just before a bunch of us headed down to the pub, this girl walked past. Now, I'm not sure who she was or where exaclt she came from, but I'm sure the snap of every man's neck was heard as we all whipped our heads to watch her walk past. One of the Kids grabbed me and pushed me forward towards her and shouted out, "This man right here! That's what the whole thing's about in the pub tonight!" She turned and smiled (gorgeous!!) and continued walking towards the pub. She was wearing a short grey skirt, a white shirt and black sweater. HOT!

She came back twice. And seriously, she looked better every time.

So, we all walk down and as I enter the pub, 'Starsky' stops the music on stage to announce that this is now officially a party for me. And the crowd goes wild.

With everything going on, songs dedicated to me (seriously, it was a very strange night for me), I just kept staring at this hot girl who's suddenly appeared. All night.

And then I got busted in the worst possible way.

As Starsky goes to sing one final song, Tupelo Honey, he cuts into the lyrics with, "We'll dedicate this one to the girl in the black sweater who [Hoser]'s been eyeing all night." Oh man, I'm under the table. He got me.

It wasn't the only time under the table. I went there again when she stepped outside for moment and took a puff from a cigar. That did me in too.

One the road to Recovery the following day, Starsky asked how much I remembered. I looked at him and smiled.

"Man, that girl was HOT!"

I'm going to miss my Starsky.

My Finale

It's finally over for good. Today marked my last day working in the dreaded department and Tuesday everything starts anew in my new department in my old, old, old, old, old job.

But before I actually left, there was of course a few final fuck ups (sorry, I can't call them any less) by my final Co-Worker From Hell, Drama Queen.

First one:
DQ drops the bomb on another project and I'm left to pick up the slack. I coordinate and manage to get everything done just over the project deadline. It was about 10% done 2 days prior. But because it wasn't done on time, my boss is down my throat about it (hello? Not my project in the first place!) and then DQ sends out an email to the higher-ups waiting for the project that I'm behind on it. Wha?

Second one:
My goodbye lunch. Here's how difficult it is to organize a goodbye lunch:

1. Pick a restaurant.
   
2. Call restaurant and make a reservation based on everyone you plan on inviting.
   
3. Email or call everyone you plan on inviting.
4. Tell them the place.
5. Tell them the time.
6. Get them to RSVP a day or two beforehand to give you an idea how many people are actually coming.
7. Call the restaurant again to confirm once you have the RSVPs.
8. (this is my trick) Add two seats. Just in case.
9. Call and remind everyone the morning of the lunch.

Easy. Except for DQ. No, no. She calls and tells people two freakin' different restaurants! So, some people went to one and some people went to the other. Way to go. Fucking loser.

The other way you organize a goodbye is how my (now) good friend 'The Boy' did it. But that's a tale for another post.

Let's get back to my pissed off rant, here.

So, I get to the restaurant --fashionably late by 5 minutes-- only to find that only 3 others have arrived. 3 of 'My Kids' are there, but not my boss, the man "treating" for lunch. DQ is not there. 'The Boy' is not there. The other 'Kids'? Nowhere to be seen. It's a crowded restaurant and My Kids are all standing in the entry way. I check with a waitress and discover that there isn't a reservation. So, within 5 minutes I'm on my cell phone calling people to see where they are. My boss is on the highway (why, I don't know) , 'The Boy' is making his way over from the office and arrives within 2 minutes. DQ had left 30 minutes before him and finally made it to the restaurant twenty minutes after 'The Boy.' Still no sign of my boss and we've now been standing in the entry way for half an hour.

We finally get a table a little after 1pm. Why? Most people are headed back to the office, that's why. Still no sign of 'My Boss' and it's looking more and more like I'm going to be paying for everyone's lunch because DQ (the uber-organizer) has disappeared once again to try and figure out where the boss has gotten himself to. I finally insist that everyone order as it's getting late. We order, we talk for a bit. The food arrives and 5 minutes later, so does my boss. He apologizes. He was at the other restaurant. He orders a snack (he's already eaten, get it?), turns to me and asks:
"Well, you're coming up on your last day. Are you excited to be going?"

Now, the intelligent thing here would be to say something along the lines of: "Oh well, you know... I'm excited for the new opportunities ahead of me." Or maybe "I'm leaving with mixed emotions to be honest." Nope. I actually answer before he'd even finished asking the question.

"Yes," I answer, "I'm really excited."

The rest of lunch is finished in silence. The only other comment from my boss is somethng about how hard it is to believe I've only been there for 18 months when it's like I've been there forever.

Forever. It truly has felt that way.

I don't get a card. Not even a little gift (I once did a quick "fill in" in one department when one person was suddenly hospitalized and they spent over $100 on a gift for me). Even some token of gratitude would be nice.

But all I got was a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

The Boy.... and My Kids. Now they know how to throw a goodbye party. But, as I said earlier, that's a post for another day.

My Weird Goes Away...

Phew.

got called into my boss' office a few times today and each time I weirded out a little again. But it was just to have me put out "fires" started by my other co-workers.

At this rate, he's really gonna miss me on Tuesday. I can't wait.

My Weird for the Day

The countdown to the end of this job is at 4 days now. Tuesday to Friday and then I'm outta here.

I've been sick off and on since last Wednesday though and missed work on Thursday and Monday. Had to go in on Friday as there was a problem that apparently only I could take care of and I needed to wait for an important phone call. I did spend the day in the office and suffered greatly because of it.

But now I'm feeling really weird about going into work today. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's almost like I have 4 days left to figure out all the puzzle pieces this job has thrown at me and the mess isn't going to be cleaned up. And I'm the one stuck with the mess.

Or the blame.

I'm hoping I'm being extremely paranoid right now but part of me doesn't want to go back to that office. Ever.

I think it partly has to do with the fact that my boss isn't very happy with my departure. I admit it comes at a bad time for the department (we're extremely busy), but it was the right time for me. I haven't said it to anyone at work, but I actually regret giving more than 2 weeks' notice. Had I just given the 2 weeks, then today would be my last day. Not Friday.

And I'm thinking it was a mistake to wait so long.

We'll see what happens by the end of the day.

My Lessons

I can't believe it's frickin' October already. Man, I swear I was just looking forward to my holidays in July and now suddenly is freakin October.

Crap.

But this is probably as good a time as any to reflect on what I've learned in the past year.

Why now? Because by December, you'll be sick of seeing these lists.

1. My Work Ethic has altered slightly. For the first time in 8 years I feel like skipping work. It's not that my work ethics have actually gotten that bad as I'm already looking forward to my new start on October 12, it's that I'm regretting having to wait that long after dealing with the primo-bozos in my current department.
2. I'll admit I love Sex Caffeine. But what I've discovered is that I love her as a friend. I'm very happy that she's found a good man, but at the same time I hope she doesn't get hurt. I just want her to be happy and I think I'm in a good spot feeling that way. So there.
3. I still love my first love too. Now that she's pregnant (not mine), I find I'm emailing her quite regularly just to see how she's doing. It's a caring love, not a passionate one.
4. I still love my wife. Probably gets the biggest sigh of relief, but it's true. I've been in a bad place for over a year now (more like 2 or 3 years, really) and have kept a "work comes first" attitude as it's what pays the bills. It still is "what pays the bills," but the raise and steady schedule make me realize more and more that my bad place turned out to be my office. We haven't argued about anything major in a few weeks now.
5. I hate my current job. I'm the "old man" in the department because I've been working there for 7 years. The others all don't add up to my experience and my "lessons" have fallen on deaf ears. I understand policies, they just don't care and I'm the one that hear about it from on high. I'm outta here.
6. I love my new job. October 12 baby! I sat down today to see if I could remember everyone in the department. Yep. Got 'em all and only mispelled one guy's name. They're getting impatient waiting for me to start. So am I.
7. I have a new addiction. Actually, 2. Maybe even 3. Recently got copies of both City of Heroes and Sims 2. Having a blast with both. #3 might be NHL 2005 which I haven't gotten around to installing quite yet.
8. I'm a bit of a pervert. I'll admit to downloading the censor-patch remover for Sims 2 and then almost immediately donwloading nude skins. Just makes the game that much more interesting...
9. I hate being sick. Can't tell if it's stress related or just a plain common cold, but I'm sniffling, coughing and hacking all through the night right now. May have to miss a few days of work next week.
10. Alcohol is my friend. I'm drinking regularly all of sudden (well, at least before this stupid cold hit). I've gone out with co-workers on 3 occasions in the past 2 weeks. And I've had a little something nearly every night too. The 2nd & 3rd times were back-to-back Friday and Saturday as part of a good-bye thing for a friend of mine in a different department. She's off to explore the world for the next year or so. She propositioned me the 2nd night and I stayed away (but oh so tempting!!) and on the 3rd night she did it again and it was really difficult to stay away. Managed to do it, though and almost literally crawled off to sleep in my car.
11. I have one week left with my Co-Workers From Hell. I'll have to get 'The Boy" to send me updates on what the CFHs are doing. The Boy's quite sad I'm leaving and I feel (a little, but very little) bad for him too. Apparently, Drama Queen has also gotten a transfer out of the department, but she's going to an even busier one where perfection is key. I hope she can step up to the plate and deliver, but something tells me she's done by Christmas. The Boy is basically left alone with the boss now and that won't be a good thing.

What do I do for stories now?

My Escape

The countdown's on for real now.

I have 5 days and 6 hours to go. Sadly, that's still not fast enough. Fortunately, today I'm sans boss and Drama Queen which should make for an easier day. They can't cause problems if they're not here.

If the plan is to make me want to leave the office that much faster, it's working. I dread every day I come in right now.

Hard to believe that a year ago when I was asked to rate my job on a scale of 1 to 10, I actually said 10. It's difficult to hit a 1 right now. Maybe it's all the years I've been here and therefore know/understand why policies are in place, but that doesn't phase anyone else from not following them. Bugs me.

What stresses me out is that my boss keeps handing assignments to DQ and she passes them on to me. I've decided to ignore most of them and then pass them back to her next Friday when I leave.

I've got the bonus call display in my new office, so even if they call, they won't actually talk to me....

On that note, I have to think up a new voicemail message for the new office. I'm thinking of relating it to people down here, so my 2 choices so far are:

"Talk to the tape, girlfriend, 'cuz the man ain't gonna listen to ya."

~or~

"I'm not in right now and therefore not answering the phone. Please leave a message and I'll prioritize it and get back to you later."

My current joke around the office is that anything my boss lists as a "#1 top Priority" is currently on my list as Priority #1-A, or Priority #1-CC.

Not that that's stopped him from giving me top #1 priorities...