My Date with the Doctor

You know you're in for a special visit when your doctor says you're pissing him off.

I'm 31 years old now and that means annual visits to the doctor and a whole bunch o' blood tests. Gotta check the prostate, the triglycerides, the cholesterol and the ticker. I'm not the fittest, weight-conscious guy around and that's what really pisses off the doctor.

But let me go on a tangent first.

About 18 months ago I was referred to an allergist because my nose was constantly getting plugged up and I was occasionally losing my voice. After getting all the tests done, the doctor told me that I needed to stay away from certain foods: corn, celery, carrots, apples, peaches, pears, whole wheat bread... In other words, stay away from all that healthy food!

Well, that annoys the wife. "Eat your veggies" and "eat whole wheat bread it's better for you!" gets thrown out the window.

So, then it's off to the doctor's office for the first of my annual visits. And the news is not bad. My cholesterol ratio is off. My HDLs are fine, but my LDLs are too low. What's the difference? A nutritionist explained it to me this way: HDLs are the Healthy ones and LDLs are Lowsy ones. And the LDLs are the ones you want to have low. Mine are too low, though.

LDLs are best raised through alcohol. Red wine. Yep, the doctor's orders are "Drink wine. Daily." Which I try to do.

And now, a year later, my LDLs are lower... and my doctor's pissed.

So, let's move on to beer, eh?