My Conclusions

This is My Last Post...

Where are You going? - Dave Matthews Band

Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?

Don’t hide away, like an ocean

But you can’t see, but you can smell

And the sound waves crash down



I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be



Where are you going, where do you go?

Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars?

If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me until a brighter day

It’s okay, where are you going, where do you go?



I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be



Where are you going, where do you go?

Are you looking for answers, where do you go?

Well, it's my last post with 'My' in the title anyway and I'll struggle for the next few days getting used to the next theme. Nobody did guess correctly on My Theme....

So, what was My Year like? Well, to be honest, I was following a theme for a post that was never written. Whoops. Essentially, I was looking at the fact that in 1994 my life changed drastically, work, family, life, love. It all changed. I met my future wife, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, I lost family members, changed jobs (having to suddenly grow up and acknowledge the world was a bigger place), and found myself burnt out from the group I'd associated with since my pre-teen days. Life changed for the better. And I, in My Year, wanted to focus on change again and make it again for the better.

But 2004 didn't seem to be going the same as 1994 to me. At least, it didn't seem that way. Things were getting progressively worse with work, family, life and love. I nearly split with my wife and lusted after another woman. I distanced myself from family members. I got burnt out with the church I've been attending since 1994. Things seemed so bad by Fall that I couldn't see anything getting better.

And then I left work.

And it's amazing what's happened since then. The burden is gone. The dedication to a job that I didn't like is gone (along with the feeling of doing anything ever again that I don't love doing). The handful of people who tried very hard to make my life a living Hell are gone. I've had the opportunity in the past few months to watch my son grow (after missing the first year of his life because of work). I've been spending more time with my daughter and seeing the incredible potential in the talents she shows at the age of 4. The way she looks at the world in wonder. I got to renew my relationship with my wife instead of throwing it away because of stupid meaningless things. I've learned more in the past few months than the past 7 years. I've also realized the importance of faith in life. When there's no other path you can see, faith clears the way and it's... I don't know how to describe it: open the windows, open the doors, turn the lights on and shout. That's how it feels.

And thus, 2004 comes to a conclusion as my wife and I raise a glass of Merlot to 2005 and continued excitement in our lives. 2003 closed with me alone and sad for the future. In 2005, the sky is bright (figureatively speaking --it's cloudy, cold and windy outside) and everything is ahead of me on the path of my life.

Even if I can't see it all right now.

[and very soon the new theme for 2005 begins... My Year is over].