Runnin' Down a Dream

I've been feeling ill as of late and have been heading to bed earlier --and sleeping an extra 3-4 hours during the day. I have a "tickle" in my throat that makes me choke and attempt to clear my throat pretty much non-stop throughout the day.

But the annoying thing lately has actually been my dreams. Seriously, I don't think for the majority of my life I've been one to recall dreams --or just dream in general. But for the past few weeks I've been inundated with dreams....

About my old workplace.

This totally sucks. I never want to think about that place again, yet I keep dreaming about it and not one dream has been a positive one. One dream had me asked to come back after being away for 5+ years just because something had gone wrong and someone assumed it was my fault (after 5 years?). Another dream just has my old boss "showing up" all of a sudden (who know where or when) and accussing me of all sorts of B.S. and -again- things that have gone wrong.

So what the Hell am I feeling or thinking that my old job keeps coming back to haunt me? Is it guilt? Is it the fact that I'm not feeling very "forgivable" about the way things ended with that department? Or is it just that I'm worried that my past is going to continue to haunt me for some time?

Last night -I think- was the first night in a long while it hasn't happened. Instead, I dreamt about my daughter going missing on a school field trip and the last anyone saw of her were footprints in the snow and disappearing into tire tracks on a roadway. It was totally devastating and when I woke up in the morning, I'd only slept for a few hours and could not get back to sleep again. I did eventually fall asleep again and my daughter woke me up as I'd fallen asleep in the living room.

I gave her a big hug and held onto her for a really long time. I didn't want to let go.