My Circle of Friends

Okay, this was another reason why I started thinking that maybe it was time I
made a push for ME.

I think it was in September I was at a... 'thing' (so hard to describe what it
was) with a bunch of other guys who I'm supposed to (I guess) consider
friends.  It was a big breakfast thing and there was about 25-30 people
there.

What did I notice?  They're all older than me....

By decades.

When I noticed this my first thought was 'If I die in 30 years, not one of these
people will be around to remember me.  They'll all be dead or some of them
will be above 100 years of age, so... they wouldn't remember me anyway.  My
grandfather started to lose his mind and was convinced I was some guy who stole
his wallet back in 1922.

Wasn't me.

But I kept thinking.... "what the Hell happened to all my friends???"

Now, I can't totally blame my wife for the loss of my friends.  I mean, I
only held onto a few after high school and within 4 years most of us had drifted
as our educations and/or careers tugged us in different directions.  I
abandoned my friends back in '94 when I went to England.  When I came back,
none of them really wanted to hear about my trip or see pictures.  So,
screw 'em.  I even broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks after I got
back.  And now I look back and see that it was 10 years ago.

Ten years!

It was almost 8 years ago I got married and I invited 3 of my high school
friends, one of whom was the Best Man.  I haven't spoken to him in about 9
or 10 months now partially because of work and being generally busy and
partially because I forgot his phone number.

Whoops.

I got his phone number now and plan on calling him, but don't know when I'll get
around to it.  I really should because I have no idea what he's been doing
with himself since he quit his job.  I haven't even told him about my
son.  Of course, it always complicates matters if his sister answers the
phone.  She was the girl I broke up with back in '94.  Thinking back
on her I can't help but wonder what I was thinking.  She has a higher
pitched voice and can tell an extremely long story in under a minute.  Kind
of reminds me of a chipmunk.  On speed.

Recently, I ran into the guy I thought of as my best friend in high
school.  At least he was until grade 12 in which case I really started
distancing myself from my circle of friends.  It was grad year and they
could care less.  I wanted in on the fun and they started to alienate
me.  It's a wonder I talked to any of them after we finally
graduated.  I will admit it was nice to reacquaint myself with them at our
10-year reunion.  Even then, though, I was on the reunion committee and was
the MC for the dinner and dance.  A feat that NO ONE, even those on the
committee, thought I'd be able to handle.  I'm not the kid I was in high
school, I guess.

My best friend has been alienated somewhat just because he and my wife didn't
always get along and I know she resented his being around the first year we were
married.

The rest of my friends are part of what has to be the most mobile generation in
history.  One guy's moved North to be a police officer.  Another moved
to Alberta to go to school and to let his wife live closer to her family. 
another guy, well, his wife hates me and the feeling's mutual so we just don't
talk anymore.  At Christmas we did say hi and shake hands and admired each
other's children.  both our first-borns are about a week apart, but he's up
to #4 now and I smartly stopped with #2.

Another friend keeps threatening to move away, but hasn't had the nerve. 
Our friendship is really strange.  We met through the police friend and I
soon discovered his girlfriend was a girl I went to high school with.  The
actual conversation started with, "y'know, I mentioned you to my girlfriend
would you believe she went to high school with a guy with your exact name?"

"Really?" I replied, "and you're definitely sure it wasn't
me?"

It was me and he can be an idiot, but we still talk from time-to-time.

Another friend insisted on investing money into my failed business back in the
late '90s.  Desperate for cash, I foolishly accepted and only finished
paying him off in 2003.  Yes, it killed our friendship.

I think right now out of everyone I associate with outside of work, the youngest
one is in his early 50s.  That sucks.

So what am I doing about it?  Well, I'm looking at My Resolutions.  I
said I was going to do things that make me 'better.'  What that means is
that by focusing on ME in My Year, I can focus on things that will improve my
life.  When I started my current job in May, I realized I had no more
excuses for avoiding exercising.  I'd done a great job of it before, only
working out enough for the 'fitness challenge' here at work and then collapsing
into a literal heap for the remainder of the year.  No, now I'm working
out.  It started out as a way to annoy the Hell out of my first Co-Worker
From Hell.  She left in June, but I noticed I was feeling better and people
had started to comment that I had changed.  So, I've continued.

I refer to my workers in the office as 'the kids' (appropriate since all but one
are younger than me).  No, these aren't my co-workers (from Hell --of
course), these are My Kids.  I give them the tasks around the
building that they can do and can do without fail.  They are, for the most
part, great and I enjoy spending time with each and every one of them. 
some of them have decided to go running together a couple of times a week, which
is something I already do.  They've invited me to come along with them and
I have gladly accepted.  I usually only run on weeks I'm scheduled to work
late (like this week), so I won't be there all the time, but this could grow
into friendships with some of them.

The next thing I'm looking at for week's I'm not working late is to join an art
class or drawing/painting club.  Yes, it's something else to take me away
from home (not that I don't consider that a bad thing these days), but I
originally left high school with a huge scholarship in fine arts that I never
used.  My parents talked me out of going (yes, it would have cost a lot of
money but it could have been well worth it).  I regret it to this day,
almost 15 years later, and regret it every time I sit down to draw and never get
further than a dot where the pencil hit the paper before I'm interrupted. 
There was one time I actually said, "I will not watch TV or touch the
computer for an entire week as long as you let me have some time to draw. 
If I get interrupted again... So help me God I'll lose it."  I was
told to stop being so selfish.  I'm getting the information for the art
club tomorrow before I come to work.