My Breakfast - Flambé 

This has been a strange week and this morning's breakfast topped it off.

I set fire to my breakfast.  I was toasting some bread (new, healthier
bread for my diet and exercise plan) and reading the newspaper when I lost track
of time and failed to notice that the toaster hadn't popped.

"FWOOSH!"

'Fwoosh?' I thought to myself, 'what goes fwoosh at 5:30 in the morning?' 
Yeah, that would be my toast getting stuck in the toaster.

so, with flames over a foot high and tickling the underside of the cupboards I
race across the kitchen to see how I can put it out.  Water?  No, it's
still plugged in.  Cover it?  Yes! But with what? I grab a tea towel,
but that doesn't do anything.  I take off my housecoat and start beating it
over the toaster, but that doesn't work either.  I reach and pull the plug
and go for a cup of water.  By the time I get back, though, the fire is
out.  Fortunately, the kitchen doors were shut so the smoke detector
doesn't go off and wake the rest of the household.  At 5:30 in the morning,
I'd have to find a new place to live.

The toaster's fine.  It was just the bread that burst into flames.

And boy do I feel stupid.

As I left this morning, I told my wife that the kitchen was 'kinda smoky'
because I 'burnt my breakfast'.  She just said, 'oh' and went back to
sleep....