My Argument

Last night was 'fight night' at the house.  I'm being a total prick
after spending nearly 12 hours at work by collapsing on the couch with my kids. 
I play with my daughter until it's her bath time and then I focus on my son
until it's his turn.  I went straight from holding him to reading a story
to my daughter before it got close to her bed time.  We also usually get
one goofy dance to whatever MP3 pops up on my computer at the time.  My son
had his bath and I held him again as my wife got his bottle ready (which is a
new addition to his breast feeding schedule at 10:30 at night).  With my
daughter in bed for the night and my son getting his last feeding before he went
to sleep, I made my way back to the couch to try and catch the hockey
highlights.

And fell fast asleep.

At 11:30 I'm woken by my wife who tells me to come to bed, but I'm tired and a
little disoriented so I ask her to give me a minute.  I find when I wake up
suddenly like that my body shakes for a good 15 minutes and it's not a good time
for me to try and walk anywhere so I looked towards the TV and saw how late it
was.  My wife turned on the brightest light in the living room and set
about crashing and banging pots and pans and other noisy things in the kitchen. 
I thought 'boy that's really loud and kinda rude,' but tried to focus on getting
up instead.

She came back out and asked if I was coming to bed and I quickly replied, "Give
me a minute okay?" Tow which she responded, 'you never make time for me!'

And walked away.

2 months ago I asked her if she was even attracted to me anymore.  She said
no.

A month ago I asked her if I should even bother trying to find my wife in all
the mix and she said she was worn out by the kids.

Fine.

We each wear 3 basic hats in this house.  I'm the husband, father, and
provider (the bring home the bacon guy, but right now it's more or less cottage
cheese and rye bread...). My wife is the wife, the mother and (I hate to use
this term) the housekeeper.

But she doesn't have the energy to be my wife right now and I finally accepted
that at the end of December --giving her an ultimatum to find my wife again by
June or it could be too late to recover.

But I'm not being fair.  She wants me to continue to fill all 3 roles I
have in the family and I've shifted focus to the latter two to avoid wanting to
see my wife for a while.  I said I was tired of doing all the husband work
when she couldn't bring herself to be my wife.  If there's going to be a
kiss goodbye in the morning, I better initiate it.  If there's going to be
a kiss goodnight, I better be coming down to the bedroom and give her one or
she's going to be mad in the morning.  It doesn't matter if I'm finally
sitting down to study for my university course or not, I have no excuse for
being up so late at night.  I need to be there for my wife.

But she insists she can't and won't be there for me.

And then she gets mad when we never talk and storms off.

Wouldn't sitting down and talking help that situation?

We argue until half past midnight and I try and point out what I've typed here. 
It's falling on deaf ears.

When we entered this marriage we both promised to be there for each other and
when she says she can't do it anymore, she expects me to step up and support her
when she isn't able to support me anymore, not understanding that I can't do it. 
I don't have the energy for it anymore.

She plays up the role of victim.  What if she were dying of a terminal
illness?  Would I withdraw the same way?  I say yes, if she started
every conversation with my faults like she does now.  She wants more
emotional support from me, but says she can't give me any and she's proven time
and again over the past few years that there can't be support for me.  THAT
is the exact reason why I started asking why I'm doing this?

But it's not supposed to be about me anymore.  I should be happy to help
around the house and help with the kids and go to sleep at night and get up for
work in the morning only to come home and do it all over again.  I need to
focus on her needs and my kids' needs just as I've done for years now.  I
shouldn't think about doing anything for me because that's not the way it's to
work.

And it never will.