I feel for my friend 'Brat' who's feeling the stress these days.
My stress levels were getting pretty high when I finally got to leave the Job From Hell and instead of just moving on into a better job, I ended up leaving altogether.
My choice? Not entirely, but I'm sure glad I did leave. See, all the stress I had to deal with exploded into nothingness in a moment.
And people are shocked to talk to me now, because the stress is gone and the relaxation is there --for the most. Kids'll drag ya down. Trust me.
Brat needs some "me time" (not me me, but her me... I mean, oh forget it). She sees the need to try something else (and timing isn't everything --there's always a reason the timing stinks, but you never can tell when the right time, right?) and I'd encourage her to try the writing thing.
Next question for Brat: Can you draw? Stay tuned for My 24 Hours....
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
My Scholastic Theory of Life
I was reading a story last night and one of the characters referred to his "French Dictation Theory of Life."
Essentially, there are 2 kinds of people: the first are history essay people, who start life with a blank sheet, no score and accumulate points with every success they achieve. Next is the French dictation people who start out with 100% and end up with a deduction from their perfect score for every mistake they make. In essence, some people are built to achieve through success and others are dragged down from every mistake.
Interesting theory, and it led me to look at other subjects I took in high school and view them as part of this theory --the Scholastic Theory of Life.
Math: Essentially, you start out with nothing and instead of being rewarded just for the successes, you can be rewarded just by showing the formula you used along the way. It may not be perfect and you may not be successful, but you've built something to help move yourself forward.
Computer Science: (This may work me only as I wasn't particularly good with programming aspect) Like Math, you start out with nothing and can achieve some success by following the formula. Although what really builds you is a successful execution of your work. Enthusiasm (in my case) can count for a lot, but it's the final outcome which builds your score.
English: You start out with a perfect score and can only maintain it as you begin to understand everything and everyone around you and see the themese they've set up for themselves in life. Misinterpretations or the inability to clarify your argument will start your decline. Mistakes can be made, but if you can turn them in your favor they won't affect you as badly.
Art: You start out with nothing, but you can build, create and score success for originality. It's not a talent everyone has but if you can envision your success and recreate it in the physical world, you're going to be successful.
Physical Education: Everyone starts out with a perfect score, but each mistake can be costly both physically and mentally. Although a lot is said about enthusiasm and sportsmanship, it pales in comparison with actual ability when it comes to success. Making friends is not nearly as important as winning the game. [Reminds me of the Nike 1996 Olympic slogan: "you don't win silver, you lose gold."]
Science: Even your mistakes can count for something for the person who starts out with nothing. Just make sure you've written down your expectations, your plan,and your conclusions --good or bad.
So, there you have it. My [expanded] theory of life. Which one am I? Well, judging from the first two, I'd say I'm more of the French dictation type. Mistakes drag me down. But from my expanded list, I think I relate most to Physical Education. Case in point: My last job. After 7 years I can say that I have a good deal of friends there, but where are they now? And how many have tried to contact me since I left?
Essentially, there are 2 kinds of people: the first are history essay people, who start life with a blank sheet, no score and accumulate points with every success they achieve. Next is the French dictation people who start out with 100% and end up with a deduction from their perfect score for every mistake they make. In essence, some people are built to achieve through success and others are dragged down from every mistake.
Interesting theory, and it led me to look at other subjects I took in high school and view them as part of this theory --the Scholastic Theory of Life.
Math: Essentially, you start out with nothing and instead of being rewarded just for the successes, you can be rewarded just by showing the formula you used along the way. It may not be perfect and you may not be successful, but you've built something to help move yourself forward.
Computer Science: (This may work me only as I wasn't particularly good with programming aspect) Like Math, you start out with nothing and can achieve some success by following the formula. Although what really builds you is a successful execution of your work. Enthusiasm (in my case) can count for a lot, but it's the final outcome which builds your score.
English: You start out with a perfect score and can only maintain it as you begin to understand everything and everyone around you and see the themese they've set up for themselves in life. Misinterpretations or the inability to clarify your argument will start your decline. Mistakes can be made, but if you can turn them in your favor they won't affect you as badly.
Art: You start out with nothing, but you can build, create and score success for originality. It's not a talent everyone has but if you can envision your success and recreate it in the physical world, you're going to be successful.
Physical Education: Everyone starts out with a perfect score, but each mistake can be costly both physically and mentally. Although a lot is said about enthusiasm and sportsmanship, it pales in comparison with actual ability when it comes to success. Making friends is not nearly as important as winning the game. [Reminds me of the Nike 1996 Olympic slogan: "you don't win silver, you lose gold."]
Science: Even your mistakes can count for something for the person who starts out with nothing. Just make sure you've written down your expectations, your plan,and your conclusions --good or bad.
So, there you have it. My [expanded] theory of life. Which one am I? Well, judging from the first two, I'd say I'm more of the French dictation type. Mistakes drag me down. But from my expanded list, I think I relate most to Physical Education. Case in point: My last job. After 7 years I can say that I have a good deal of friends there, but where are they now? And how many have tried to contact me since I left?
My Wife's LAST EVER Trip to Wal-Mart
It's been nearly a year --I think-- since I wrote about my own struggles with the monster chain and finally my wife agrees with me.
A very rare day indeed.
She'd wanted to get the kids' Christmas pictures done there (they are the cheapest in town after all) and after 4 aborted phone calls, she finally went in to book an appointment. When the day came, I was able to go with her, albeit reluctantly.
We had a 12:30 appointment and got there around 12:10 or so just to have the kids get acclimated to the studio. The last thing anyone wants is a crying child in the Christmas pictures! The 12:15 appointment was an old friend of mine and she had her 3-week old baby with her. Totally adorable. And I knew that when they went in right at 12:15 that everything was going to work out fine.
At 12:25 another 2 families came in. One had an appointment right after us and the other was complaining about some problem with their appointment time for the previous Saturday. The girl behind the counter was apologetic and booked them in right away.
Right away. Five minutes before our appointment.
In the meantime, the other family had a small terrorist in their midst. She kicked, she screamed, she ran after other kids and knocked over equipment. For anyone with small children, 5 minutes can feel like an hour, especially when there's a problem child.
12:45 rolls around and we're finally called in for our photo time. We set the kids down on the mat and the photographer asks a couple of times which backgrounds we want. We only give her one because we were told we could only choose one when we made our appointment. She huffed and said we'd have a blank background as well as the Christmas one we'd picked. It took about another 15 seconds before our son burst into tears. While my wife was on one side of the mat, I was on the other and we're both trying to get him to stop crying and to stop reaching for Mommy. That, and convince our daughter that no matter what was happening to KEEP STARING AT THE CAMERA! If not, then when our son would finally look at the camera, we knew she'd be looking at him instead. After a few minutes of my son crying, the photographer had the nerve to say 2 things which, had I strangled her right then and there, no jury would've convicted me:
So, on our way out the door, she asked us when we'd like to make our next appointment. I turned back and shouted for all to hear that we'd be getting them done somewhere else, where the 3 minutes in the studio wasn't a "burden" on everyone else there and where WE wouldn't be blamed for holdinh up other families' appointments when we didn't get in until 15 minutes after our time.
It was also right then that I noticed the sign hangin above her head with the phone numbers for the regional and district managers. And then I called, so I could explain to the regional manager what we'd just been through with their "customer service associates."
So, what was the girl's name? No idea. She didn't have a nametag on and wouldn't tell me while I was on the phone with her regional manager. So, off to the next counter I go and lo and behold "Sarita" probably had a very bad day.
Much like last Christmas, we'll be making our own cards & pictures. Coincidentally, we ordered digital picture cards from Wal-Mart in November 2003 and they arrived just after New Years.
But finally, my wife is convinced that Wal-Mart is indeed an evil place.
A very rare day indeed.
She'd wanted to get the kids' Christmas pictures done there (they are the cheapest in town after all) and after 4 aborted phone calls, she finally went in to book an appointment. When the day came, I was able to go with her, albeit reluctantly.
We had a 12:30 appointment and got there around 12:10 or so just to have the kids get acclimated to the studio. The last thing anyone wants is a crying child in the Christmas pictures! The 12:15 appointment was an old friend of mine and she had her 3-week old baby with her. Totally adorable. And I knew that when they went in right at 12:15 that everything was going to work out fine.
At 12:25 another 2 families came in. One had an appointment right after us and the other was complaining about some problem with their appointment time for the previous Saturday. The girl behind the counter was apologetic and booked them in right away.
Right away. Five minutes before our appointment.
In the meantime, the other family had a small terrorist in their midst. She kicked, she screamed, she ran after other kids and knocked over equipment. For anyone with small children, 5 minutes can feel like an hour, especially when there's a problem child.
12:45 rolls around and we're finally called in for our photo time. We set the kids down on the mat and the photographer asks a couple of times which backgrounds we want. We only give her one because we were told we could only choose one when we made our appointment. She huffed and said we'd have a blank background as well as the Christmas one we'd picked. It took about another 15 seconds before our son burst into tears. While my wife was on one side of the mat, I was on the other and we're both trying to get him to stop crying and to stop reaching for Mommy. That, and convince our daughter that no matter what was happening to KEEP STARING AT THE CAMERA! If not, then when our son would finally look at the camera, we knew she'd be looking at him instead. After a few minutes of my son crying, the photographer had the nerve to say 2 things which, had I strangled her right then and there, no jury would've convicted me:
- "This is taking way too long. We're getting backed up."
- [after taking a picture with our son still crying and leaning toward Mommy] "See? If he keeps that up, we'll never get him in focus."
"It's families like this that always get us backed up on our appointments."So, then the shouting started. We came in 15 minutes late because they took in another family. To which the photographer defended that they had a scheduled appointment just before ours. She then said that they have appointments every 10 minutes --much lik our 12:30 appointment and my friend's 12:15 appointment. Yep, that's already every 10 minutes....
So, on our way out the door, she asked us when we'd like to make our next appointment. I turned back and shouted for all to hear that we'd be getting them done somewhere else, where the 3 minutes in the studio wasn't a "burden" on everyone else there and where WE wouldn't be blamed for holdinh up other families' appointments when we didn't get in until 15 minutes after our time.
It was also right then that I noticed the sign hangin above her head with the phone numbers for the regional and district managers. And then I called, so I could explain to the regional manager what we'd just been through with their "customer service associates."
So, what was the girl's name? No idea. She didn't have a nametag on and wouldn't tell me while I was on the phone with her regional manager. So, off to the next counter I go and lo and behold "Sarita" probably had a very bad day.
Much like last Christmas, we'll be making our own cards & pictures. Coincidentally, we ordered digital picture cards from Wal-Mart in November 2003 and they arrived just after New Years.
But finally, my wife is convinced that Wal-Mart is indeed an evil place.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
My Answers for the Saturday Six
Technically, I'm Canadian and it's been like 6 weeks since we celebrated Thanksgiving, but that just means I'm adding to the '6' theme.... OK, I'm stretching there. This comes from Patrick's Place: (He asks for a link back to him, so all can play. :)
1. How long do your Thanksgiving leftovers usually last, and at what's the first non-Thanksgiving item you begin to crave when you tire of turkey?
2. Of the following, which would you most prefer to be located:
a) Interstate highway traffic jam
b) Slow-moving checkout line
c) Dentist's chair
3. What is at the top of your personal Christmas gift wish list this year?
4. What improvement would you most like to see added to AOL's Journal software?
5. What seasonal movies do you most look forward to this time of year?
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #33 from Tara: What is your favorite classic 80's video game?
Allow me....
1. How long do your Thanksgiving leftovers usually last, and at what's the first non-Thanksgiving item you begin to crave when you tire of turkey?
2. Of the following, which would you most prefer to be located:
a) Interstate highway traffic jam
b) Slow-moving checkout line
c) Dentist's chair
3. What is at the top of your personal Christmas gift wish list this year?
4. What improvement would you most like to see added to AOL's Journal software?
5. What seasonal movies do you most look forward to this time of year?
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #33 from Tara: What is your favorite classic 80's video game?
Allow me....
- We never have Thanksgiving at our house, so the leftovers are meager and usually only last a day or two. I like dark-meat, so it's usually gone that night by midnight :-) Stuffing is the ultimate craving, though...
- Slow-moving checkout line. I know one of the cashier's at our regular grocery store. I can handle staring at her for a while.
- Money. So I know I'll make it to 2005.
- Glitz and glamour. I don't use it so I don't know how else to answer.
- Any Scrooge movie will do. Well, maybe not the George C. Scott one. He'll always be Patton to me...
- Arcade game or computer game? Arcade would be 'Stocker' which was kind of like the Cannonball Run movies. Computer would be 'Starflight.'
My Profile
Geez, I think I stated in 'My Marathon' (November 5) that I had 249 posts already under my belt and that I'd be adding at least 100 by the end of 2004. This is post #20 since then, but my Blogger profile still states I have 249 posts... what gives?
So, this is post #269... I think. Who know how many have been missed in the count?
So, this is post #269... I think. Who know how many have been missed in the count?
My Creative Juices
I've been up and about for about 20 or so hours a day for the past 2 weeks. I'm starting to feel it, but I can't seem to stop.
My mind's running a creative marathon right now and it's difficult to keep pace sometimes. My multitasking is going to a new level as I'm documenting items in Adobe Acrobat, writing HTML in FrontPage for eBay stuff (will hit 300 auctions by Sunday if everything goes right), scanning and uploading images for the eBay stuff, coming up with terrific story ideas that are being quickly jotted down in Notepad --all the while I have a movie or TV show running on half or a quarter of the monitor.
And the ideas for work keep popping up too!
My mind's running a creative marathon right now and it's difficult to keep pace sometimes. My multitasking is going to a new level as I'm documenting items in Adobe Acrobat, writing HTML in FrontPage for eBay stuff (will hit 300 auctions by Sunday if everything goes right), scanning and uploading images for the eBay stuff, coming up with terrific story ideas that are being quickly jotted down in Notepad --all the while I have a movie or TV show running on half or a quarter of the monitor.
And the ideas for work keep popping up too!
Thursday, November 25, 2004
My Level of Hell...
Well, I'll be damned... Actually, I guess I won't. Thanks to Mad for getting this on her blog earlier this evening and giving me an
excuse to continue frittering away my "busy time" and take more personality
tests....
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very High |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Moderate |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
My Order of Disorder
So, this is my personality disorder, eh?
I admit to laughing a bit too long and too loud for this question:
Are you often critical of weakness in others, particularly classmates or coworkers? Honestly? Only if they're FROM HELL!!
Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: High Borderline: Low Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: High Avoidant: High Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
So, what does all this mean exactly?
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Yeah, I'd agree somewhat with that. I have been known to carry grudges for quite a while. At work, I always felt that certain people were talking about me and "making plans" for me. It may have been coincidence, but the guy who sat me down to say "that's it, you're through here" rubbed me the wrong way for a few years. I was always uncomfortable around him and my old boss (From Hell!) also fell into that category. I even said in one post that I felt I was being set up for something bad....
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behaviour, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often aggressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
Hmmm.... Well, I think this one is more a reflection of how I used to be when I was a teenager. Definitely had antisocial behaviour at times in high school. I lied and stole all the time when I was 12-14.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recognize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Again, I agree and disagree with this one. I like getting attention and appreciate praise --when it's due. I admit to getting a little miffed when, say, 5 of us are working our butts off and 4 get a big thank you. Hello? Sure, in some instances that makes me self-centered, but as the great philosopher Don Cherry once said, "God bless me." I am choosy about my friends and I'd like to say that friends stay friends for life --but that just doesn't happen. Actually, I had a plan at one point to try and get people to vote for me as the 'Greatest Canadian.' But I obviously didn't follow through on it.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarrassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
I wonder if 'create fantasy worlds' lends itself to mega-daydreaming. In college, I once wrote a play about a guy unknowingly in a coma who dreamt up a world with fantastic looking people who would sit on the grassy hills and share stories with him. I got an 'A+' for that (and I'm not
exaggerating!). I hate it when I do something stupid in front of others.
Even tonight I said something that people took offence to. We were discussing a church campground and the 'fond' memories everyone has of it. I said I didn't have any fond memories since something bad happened every time I've went there. The first year I got my first ever speeding ticket on the way there. The second year, some people joined us in our cabin at about 3 in the morning and their son used a collapsible water container as his pillow. He couldn't get to sleep and kept moving around causing the water to 'slosh' which made me have to go to the bathroom... and then never back to sleep. The third year, my daughter barfed all over me and the only 'spare shirt' I had in the car was a Chinese beer shirt that was one size too small. So, I
don't miss going there.
So there you have it. My personality disorders for all to see. Time for sleep.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
My Front 9
Another thing borrowed from a few blogs I've come across....
9 Layers
Layer 1:Name: Big Hoser --obviously not my real name, but I still prefer keeping that private.
Birth date: July 1973
Birthplace: British Columbia, Canada
Current location: British Columbia, Canada
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brownish with blonde.
Height: 5'7"
Righty or lefty: Lefty
Zodiac sign: Leo
Your heritage: 8th generation Canadian, eh. Before that a mix of Irish, Scot & Welsh.
The shoes you wore today: My favorite semi-casual black ones
Your weakness: Addictive things
Your fears: Heights, snakes (thanks to a former friend in high school), not big on crowds either.
Your perfect pizza: Meat --and lots of it. Extra cheese is also good. Used to make my own at my old old old old old old old job in high school.
Goal you'd like to achieve: An actual career and not just a dream.
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Is that the same as IM? 'Yo.'
Your first waking thoughts: Please let me sleep...
Your best physical feature: I think it's my eyes or my smile, but I've been told I have a nice butt too.
Your most missed memory: Probably some of the things I did in my teen years...
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Classic or Diet with Lime. I'm just polishing off the remnants of a 1 liter bottle I bought in Washington State over the weekend.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's and not too often at that. Maybe a cheeseburger a month or so...
Single or group dates: Date?
Adidas or Nike: I was about to say I haven't had a big name pair of shoes in many moons, but my running shoes (and I mean RUNNING) are actually $150 Adidas trainers that I got from one of My Kids for $60.
Lipton ice tea or Nestea: Neither. I don't really like iced tea. Give me some lemonade instead, thanks.
Chocolate or vanilla: Doesn't matter.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee
Smoke: When I was a teenager I gave it a try, but my best friend resorted to peer pressure to get me to smoke. Then he goes and falls in love with this girl who can't stand smokers and he always tried to hide it from her. He always looked like such a faker that I just couldn't be bothered to try it ever again.
Cuss: When frustrated --so 75% of the time.
Sing: In the car mainly --or at church. And I only sound good on about 'Day 5' of a cold.
Take a shower everyday: Yep. Used to be first thing in the morning,
but has been getting later and later as the days go by.
Do you think you've been in love: Um, Yes. Do 12 year olds write these things or what?
Want to go to college: Okay, maybe they're 13.
Liked high school: Yes I did. Except for a few teachers and couple of 'friends' it was a memorable time.
Want to get married: Not again, so I'll stick with the first one, kid.
Believe in yourself: Somewhat, but have faith in God too and that's a big help.
Get motion sickness: Only in Imax theatres
Think you're attractive: Somewhat --but the ugly bug hits every once in a while too.
Think you're a health freak: Uh, no. Although my cholesterol is great, My triglycerides are right where they should be and I have less than a 1% chance of a heart attack in the next decade.
Get along with your parent(s): Yes, although they're a little offended that I don't follow their advice.
Like thunderstorms: Yes
Play an instrument: I've tried and can "kinda" play piano, guitar, drums, and Irish flute.
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Month? Try yesterday. A pint of beer while watching my football team lose the Grey Cup. Next year at home boys!!!
Smoked: No. Fumed? A little.
Done a drug: Does medicine count?
Made out: Yep. With my wife, but it still counts!!
Gone on a date: No
Gone to the mall?: Yes.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: don't like Oreos so, no.
Eaten sushi: Not in about 4 months
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: No...but now I wanna
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen anything: No, but I sure was accused of it!!
ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
If so, was it mixed company: Yes --and, eww for even thinking of not being in mixed company!!
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes. Once really badly in England and then several times over the past year (that job -From Hell!- was really destructive)
Been caught "doing something": If that means sex, then yes. If it means stealing something, then no.
Been called a tease: Yes.
Gotten beaten up: Not since Grade 5.
Shoplifted: Yes, about 20 years ago. And I never got caught.
Changed who you were to fit in: No. My latest change was to make myself look and feel younger.
Age you hope to be married: I had hoped to be married by 25 and was by 23.
Numbers and names of children: 2 kids, aged 16 months-and-4-and-a-half years --and I'm not revealing their names either.
Describe your dream wedding: Well, it would be like the one we had 8 years ago...
How do you want to die: Either during sex or with a number of other people --so either with a smile or kickin' ass and taking names....
Where you want to go to college: Kid, you're getting to me. I wanted to go to USC (that's Southern California, not South Carolina).
What do you want to be when you grow up: Still denying I am grown-up, so I don't know yet --although some type of writing is starting to look good!
What country would you most like to visit: Greece.
Number of drugs taken illegally: Zero. I've only inhaled.
Number of people I could trust with my life: 6.
Number of CDs that I own: 200+. But hoping to knock it down to 50 or less before Christmas.
Number of piercings: None. Ever.
Number of tattoos: None, but thought of getting one at one point.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Several. Maybe 3 dozen times?
Number of scars on my body: Five that I can easily recall. 2 on my right hand --one of those from a 'sissy test' and the other from a slip of the knife that nearly took the tip of my index finger right off (remind me later to write about "My Handyman Work"). One on my forehead from the nurse who recommended picking off the chickenpox scabs (what?!?) one on my right kneecap from kneeling on a loose carpet tack, and a 5-inch gash on my abdomen.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Only the occasional time it would've benefited me greatly to shut the Hell up. Like with my old boss (from Hell!) who took offense when I commented in an email "any idiot could find the file when it's the first one in the folder!" and I defended my comment by saying that he wouldn't've taken offense if he truly didn't feel like an idiot for not seeing the file. See? I could've shut up twice 3 days before I left work, eh?
My Musical Meme
I'm in a 'borrowing' mood right now as a site I'm (hey!) borrowing information from is having a server error at the moment. All good things to those who wait...
I got this from another Canadian blog, Queerly Canadian:
- Open up the music player on your computer.
- Set it to play your entire music collection.
- Hit the "shuffle" command.
- Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your blog or journal and then post a link in the comments.
- If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurrences. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you'd like.
- Somebody Waits - Blue Rodeo
- I Can See Clearly Now - Screeching Weasel
- Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World
- Gullinkambi - Dawn of Ragnarok
- Trouble - Coldplay
- Radio Waves - Roger Waters
- Pop Goes the World - Men Without Hats
- They Call Me Bruce - Rick Springfield (ah, there's the embarrassing one...)
- The Tracker - Peter Gabriel
- Slide - Dido
Monday, November 22, 2004
My Hike
So, Saturday afternoon we had a break in our 'couples' sessions. (did I ever explain that in the last post?) A bunch of us decided to go on one of the hiking trails up the mountain. We decided to go on the second-most steepest trail to a lookout point where you can see almost all the way to Seattle and about 60 miles north into the Coast Mountains. There were 6 of us and one of the couple is one who has annoyed since I got married. They 'forgot' to come to the wedding, then asked us 2 months later when we were getitng married and about a month after that the lady introcuded herself to me... idiot.
While we're going up the trail she was blabbing on and on about bears and turned and asked me what they ate beore hibernating. "Chatty women," I replied. That kept her quiet for a few minutes.
I learned that the other 2 guys on the hike had no idea how to read a map and made a mental note that neither one would remain a candidate for My Amazing Race Plan. We continued hiking and when we hit the steepest portion half the group got further ahead of us and around a bend we couldn't see. I saw jackets further ahead and started towards them and suddenly realized they were carrying rifles.
I found hunters less than 10 minutes from our room.
When we made it to the top of the lookout, we hung around for a while and talked about our favorite reality shows (mine are Amazing Race and Survivor) and what made them so good.
And then the gunfire started.
We made our way down the mountainside and I commented that my sweater looked a little too "bear like" with gunfire in the area. One of the ladies regretted wearing her brown leather jacket and I just encouraged her not to pretend she had antlers...
The gunshots continued and seemed to be close as we got down the mountain. We reached a fork in the trail and one of the guys seemed to think that going to the right would lead to some railway tressles. So, off we veered to the right just as the gunfire sounded from just over the crest. We're walking right into it.
The cynical Canadian in me came out and I shouted "Use your remote to change the channel!!!" And off we walked --quickly-- amidst the gunfire.
And thus another item is wiped off My Life List....
While we're going up the trail she was blabbing on and on about bears and turned and asked me what they ate beore hibernating. "Chatty women," I replied. That kept her quiet for a few minutes.
I learned that the other 2 guys on the hike had no idea how to read a map and made a mental note that neither one would remain a candidate for My Amazing Race Plan. We continued hiking and when we hit the steepest portion half the group got further ahead of us and around a bend we couldn't see. I saw jackets further ahead and started towards them and suddenly realized they were carrying rifles.
I found hunters less than 10 minutes from our room.
When we made it to the top of the lookout, we hung around for a while and talked about our favorite reality shows (mine are Amazing Race and Survivor) and what made them so good.
And then the gunfire started.
We made our way down the mountainside and I commented that my sweater looked a little too "bear like" with gunfire in the area. One of the ladies regretted wearing her brown leather jacket and I just encouraged her not to pretend she had antlers...
The gunshots continued and seemed to be close as we got down the mountain. We reached a fork in the trail and one of the guys seemed to think that going to the right would lead to some railway tressles. So, off we veered to the right just as the gunfire sounded from just over the crest. We're walking right into it.
The cynical Canadian in me came out and I shouted "Use your remote to change the channel!!!" And off we walked --quickly-- amidst the gunfire.
And thus another item is wiped off My Life List....
My Away Time
My wife and I went away to a retreat for the weekend with 11 other couples from our church. Now, I know this sounds like the Hoser's playing Opposite Day or something when you look at the past year's worth of blog entries.
Why on Earth would I got to something like this?
Well, the truth is that I've had a lot of time lately to reflect on things and I admit that my family is important to me. And the stability of my family is even moreso. As I stated in My 101, I said that I was entering into a stage of life completely on faith. And I have done that.
I have no idea where life is taking me right now.
So, the time came to refresh and renew my relationship with my wife. It gave us an opportunity to understand where each person was coming from --and of course the recognition that I am not the same person I was 6 weeks ago.
So the relationship's on the mend. We are happy. We're a little pensive but still hopeful that something happens. And who knows, eh?
We were actually down in Washington state for the weekend and had a good hike on Saturday afternoon and even managed to cross something off My Life List.
More on that in another post. Or two.
But back to the faith thing. I've been home now for almost a month and nothing's happened for me work-wise yet. The eBay thing, as I've already said, is doing well and I initially thought it might be $1200 or so by Thanksgiving weekend (or a few days afterward). I was initially seeing the majority of my currently-ended (or ending) auctions coming to an amount of $600. I have 47 auctions ending in the next couple of days and the total so far is $571. I also have one other item which is just over $180 and ends Thanksgiving weekend.
Okay, I guess I better explain to 'Dreama' and any other Canadians reading this. Because I live so close to the U.S. border, we're inundated daily with American holidays and traditions. At the time, my father-in-law is American and we've always 'celebrated' American Thanksgiving as well as the Canadian one. While I should say that I don't get the day off or anything this year I do!!!!! ;-p
So, back to my story...
The auction at $180 I'm expecting to end around $300 (or 25% of the total for the eBay sales). I have a few more items to put on this week which will bring the total even higher. And maybe I won't stop until the first week of December.
So what else is happening? My wife has gotten extra shifts as an auxiliary worker in my old department. Both shift people are gone on medical leave until after Christmas and since I've been friends with the auxiliary supervisor for about 5 years --it was pretty easy to get those shifts for her. Of course, the difficult thing is that she has to walk by my office every shift.
So, not only that... she's been hired to do some retail work leading up to Christmas. And then, THEN, she gets a call from the place where she used to teach --for $30 an hour-- and she'll know by Friday just how much work she can expect from there.
So, Hairyhoser's an online 'entrepreneur' and now a househusband too.
Interesting.
Why on Earth would I got to something like this?
Well, the truth is that I've had a lot of time lately to reflect on things and I admit that my family is important to me. And the stability of my family is even moreso. As I stated in My 101, I said that I was entering into a stage of life completely on faith. And I have done that.
I have no idea where life is taking me right now.
So, the time came to refresh and renew my relationship with my wife. It gave us an opportunity to understand where each person was coming from --and of course the recognition that I am not the same person I was 6 weeks ago.
So the relationship's on the mend. We are happy. We're a little pensive but still hopeful that something happens. And who knows, eh?
We were actually down in Washington state for the weekend and had a good hike on Saturday afternoon and even managed to cross something off My Life List.
More on that in another post. Or two.
But back to the faith thing. I've been home now for almost a month and nothing's happened for me work-wise yet. The eBay thing, as I've already said, is doing well and I initially thought it might be $1200 or so by Thanksgiving weekend (or a few days afterward). I was initially seeing the majority of my currently-ended (or ending) auctions coming to an amount of $600. I have 47 auctions ending in the next couple of days and the total so far is $571. I also have one other item which is just over $180 and ends Thanksgiving weekend.
Okay, I guess I better explain to 'Dreama' and any other Canadians reading this. Because I live so close to the U.S. border, we're inundated daily with American holidays and traditions. At the time, my father-in-law is American and we've always 'celebrated' American Thanksgiving as well as the Canadian one. While I should say that I don't get the day off or anything this year I do!!!!! ;-p
So, back to my story...
The auction at $180 I'm expecting to end around $300 (or 25% of the total for the eBay sales). I have a few more items to put on this week which will bring the total even higher. And maybe I won't stop until the first week of December.
So what else is happening? My wife has gotten extra shifts as an auxiliary worker in my old department. Both shift people are gone on medical leave until after Christmas and since I've been friends with the auxiliary supervisor for about 5 years --it was pretty easy to get those shifts for her. Of course, the difficult thing is that she has to walk by my office every shift.
So, not only that... she's been hired to do some retail work leading up to Christmas. And then, THEN, she gets a call from the place where she used to teach --for $30 an hour-- and she'll know by Friday just how much work she can expect from there.
So, Hairyhoser's an online 'entrepreneur' and now a househusband too.
Interesting.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
My Blog Defined
Ah, I knew it would come down to this eventually....
Apparently, I've been outed as a kinda hot redhead...
|
You Are a Life Blogger! |
Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
Apparently, I've been outed as a kinda hot redhead...
My Only Sunshine
Again, something from Mad's Mad World (go girl!), she complained about being the Moon (especially since it asks: 'which planet are you from?') and I really hate one-upping her like this...
|
You Are From the Sun |
Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best! |
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
My Faith
faith (f
th) n.
I have faith that there's something out there for me. But I'm impatient. I need to know something, anything now.
And I don't. I don't know anything. I've applied for other jobs, but haven't heard a thing. Just to hear something would help. Even a 'no thanks' counts at this point. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong spot. Maybe relying on the skills I've used at work isn't the way for me to go. I have other skills and they're skills I actualy like to use.
I can write. I can draw. I can paint. But can I survive that way? Can I find something called "work" where my real skills come into play?
GRAH!! I need something!!!!
th) n. - Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
- Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief. See Synonyms at trust.
- Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.
- often Faith Christianity. The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.
I have faith that there's something out there for me. But I'm impatient. I need to know something, anything now.
And I don't. I don't know anything. I've applied for other jobs, but haven't heard a thing. Just to hear something would help. Even a 'no thanks' counts at this point. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong spot. Maybe relying on the skills I've used at work isn't the way for me to go. I have other skills and they're skills I actualy like to use.
I can write. I can draw. I can paint. But can I survive that way? Can I find something called "work" where my real skills come into play?
GRAH!! I need something!!!!
Monday, November 15, 2004
My Favorite Quote (of the week)
This is from the editor of Men's Health magazine:
"Meat, like Tara Reid, is one of those things you have to be careful about. It always looks good—but sometimes, it's not that good at all."Beautiful.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
My Incredible... Career
The eBay thing actually seems to be happening, so I've decided to make my own
infomercial and get a bunch of people to spread the news about how "you too" can make a living selling crap on eBay!! I've even hired a guy to star: 
[Edit: Thanks to Madley, I've resampled my pretty picture to make it small... What can I say? It looked fine on my honkin' huge monitor]
Okay, that's not really happening and I have no clue who this guy is. But he's really good with that megaphone. Swear to God, I don't have a sweater like that! But I am being serious about the eBay thing happening. It's been a while since I've been able to get this software working, but I have a program on my computer that constantly updates the auctions and goes "cha-ching!!" whenever someone bids on one of my items. It's cool, and you know you're being successful (there's that word again!!) whenever the computer goes "cha-ching!!" Right now I have 84 items for sale. By 5:00pm tomorrow, there will be 101. Of course, 12 end by 5:03pm, in actuality, there'll be 89 items for sale tomorrow. I just confused myself. No matter. The point is that things are moving and I'll have some cash flow very, very soon!! Cash flow is justification for what I'm doing. What I'm doing is working. Working is success!! What's that sound? SUCCESS!! Oh, yeah. I need sleep too.
Friday, November 12, 2004
My Last Day
There's been this feeling for the past few weeks (weeks! Already!) that this is all just some big joke and I'm headed back into the office any day now.
But reality set in today when I received a letter from the vice president informing me of everything coming to me as I'm now officially gone.
I'm getting the first half of my overtime on Monday: 150 hours' worth. I'm also getting paid out for my vacation days which were less than expected, but since I'd just taken a promotion, I'm geeting those paid out at the higher rate. Cool, I guess.
My old boss had --conveniently-- lost the documentation for all my overtime, but "my momma din raise no foo" and I sent in copies which I'd kept 'just in case.' The rest is being paid out at the end of the month and all together totals almost $5000.
So, there's a sigh of relief.
The next big issue is trying to talk to people who have known me for years and suddenly I'm gone. I'm getting together with one friend tomorrow night and I'm sure he's got a million-plus questions, but at the same time, he's asked me to seel stuff for him on eBay and I get a 25% finder's fee for my trouble. No trouble at all.
So, there's money coming, but that doesn't mean I'm resting. My eBay stuff is going okay and I've put on more than 100 items in the past 2 weeks and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon.
I do have a meeting on Monday afternooon to get back into work as an extra. There's still enough shows and movies being filmed around here that there's a chance for some good work. Maybe I can be some dead guy in an upcoming episode of Battlestar Galactica ;-) I've always wanted a job where I can just lie down for a while.
There's been this feeling for the past few weeks (weeks! Already!) that this is all just some big joke and I'm headed back into the office any day now.
But reality set in today when I received a letter from the vice president informing me of everything coming to me as I'm now officially gone.
I'm getting the first half of my overtime on Monday: 150 hours' worth. I'm also getting paid out for my vacation days which were less than expected, but since I'd just taken a promotion, I'm geeting those paid out at the higher rate. Cool, I guess.
My old boss had --conveniently-- lost the documentation for all my overtime, but "my momma din raise no foo" and I sent in copies which I'd kept 'just in case.' The rest is being paid out at the end of the month and all together totals almost $5000.
So, there's a sigh of relief.
The next big issue is trying to talk to people who have known me for years and suddenly I'm gone. I'm getting together with one friend tomorrow night and I'm sure he's got a million-plus questions, but at the same time, he's asked me to seel stuff for him on eBay and I get a 25% finder's fee for my trouble. No trouble at all.
So, there's money coming, but that doesn't mean I'm resting. My eBay stuff is going okay and I've put on more than 100 items in the past 2 weeks and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon.
I do have a meeting on Monday afternooon to get back into work as an extra. There's still enough shows and movies being filmed around here that there's a chance for some good work. Maybe I can be some dead guy in an upcoming episode of Battlestar Galactica ;-) I've always wanted a job where I can just lie down for a while.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
My Site Visits
Okay, there are a number of websites I visit on a regular occasion. Daily, weekly, monthly. Whatever.- The Real World Portal: Is a file sharing 'link' site that allows you to click on specific TV shows. Using eDonkey, I can download the latest TV shows if I missed them the firts time around. How quick is it? I forgot to tape 'Lost' last night and have already started
downloading it. Current series are of a high quality, but older shows have a tendency to be poor quality. And at least you know you're getting the show in English. I downloaded 5 episodes of a cartoon I loved as a kid only to discover they're all in German. - Die Puny Humans: Writer Warren Ellis'.... ummmm.... list o' things. He puts links to stories that interest him, new music by groups and singers you've never heard of and
interesting links to other websites, such as this entry:
10x10 ('ten by ten') is an interactive
exploration of the words and pictures that define the time.
Every hour, 10x10 collects the 100 words and pictures that matter most on a global scale, and presents them as a single image, taken to encapsulate that moment in time. Over the course of days, months, and years, 10x10 leaves a trail of these hourly statements which, stitched together side by side, form a continuous patchwork tapestry of human life.
Each hour is presented as a picture postcard window, composed of 100 different frames, each of which holds the image of a single moment in time. Clicking on a single frame allows us to peer a bit deeper into the story that lies behind the image. In this way, we can dart in and out of the news, understanding both the individual stories and the ways in which they relate to each other.
10x10 runs with no human intervention, autonomously observing what a handful of leading international news sources are saying and showing... With no human editors and no regulation, 10x10 is open and free, raw and fresh, and consequently a unique way of following world events. In 10x10, we respond instinctively to patterns in the grid... - Daily Show With Jon Stewart: If I miss an episode or just have to see that clip again, here I am. It's probably the most trustworthy news program in North America --and it's not even supposed to be a news program.
- Mod the Sims 2: Okay, I'll admit that I'm hooked to Sims 2. Mod the Sims is a site with
links to various modified objects, characters, etc. for the game and seems to be annoying EA and other dedicated Sims sites. Why? They're being honest and acknowledging that sometimes people want a little bit more out of their Sims characters than just wandering around the house, eating, exercising and having a successful career. EA built in the 'whoo hoo' function [read: sex] --complete with "chicka-wa-wa" music and MTS2 has added to
that with sexy clothes, realistic nudity and other items. I have 2 'hacked' objects in the house: A picture which maxes out the character's aspiration meter and mood (which means no more whining about playing chess, looking through the telescope, etc.) and another that maxes out their needs --stopping them from starving to death everytime they step out on the town. - Worth 1000: A photoshop manipulation contest site with incredibly talented artists taking part. This image is from one of the latest contests, 'Corrupt Thy Children 6':
See? Now that's just funny!! The prize was Miss Piggy soliciting
on Sesame Street.
My IQ
Every once in a while, it just feels good to delve.... of course, now I'm going to get spammed something fierce:
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.
Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
Every once in a while, it just feels good to delve.... of course, now I'm going to get spammed something fierce:
Congratulations, Bog Hoser! [yes, yes, I incorrectly typed in my nickname....]
Your IQ score is 165
Your IQ score is 165
Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
My Poopie Bank
Since taking over the household as the unofficial 'househusband,' I've noticed a bit of a trend with my 15 month old son. I know he gets it from his old man, who is known to spend up to 90 minutes in the can mainly reading but allowing for a few fine bowel movements every day, but this child has an uncanny ability to save his feces for specific times of the day. He's saving it all for me.
With my wife working the odd afternoon shift, he does nothing in his diaper all morning, but once she leaves for work he does his business. With interest.
Let's take today for instance. The boy's been up since about 7 or so and has been clinging to Mommy all morning. I manage to distract him long enough for her to get in the shower, but he's quick to the bathroom door and crying --one of his favorite pasttimes, mind you. He hates it when people walk away and shut a door in front of him. Despite wanting nothing to do with me all morning, the second I step downstairs and shut the gate behind me, he's in tears.
And banging his head against the gate.
I'm downstairs for about an hour --gotta get the eBay stuff going and have 41 scanned images prepped for this evening's auctions. It's a lot of work, but I'm getting it done and getting it organized. And I'm only occasionally interrupted by the boy upstairs. I eventually "have to" head back upstairs and I'm greeted by my boy, my daughter and my father-in-law who's taking her to the airport to pick up grandma this afternoon.
Once everyone's gone from the house, it's time for the boy to have his bottle, then lunch. He slowly and methodically drinks his milk and then takes off running to chase the cats throughout the house. After a few minutes, he realizes that his pushcar is loud enough to scare them into running faster --or at least the attempt to run faster. The beauty of hardwood floors is cats can't get that grip they need to run. So imagine a cat taking off likea bat out of Hell --and only going about a foot and a half. I try to convince him it's time for lunch, but he'd rather play. Fine. He can play and work up his hunger and I'll sit down and watch the news and eat my lunch.
Once he sees someone else eating, the focus shifts from playing to mooching. While he tolerates his own meals, he loves what anyone else is eating. So, instead of his peanut butter and jam sandwich (which normally gets dissected and prodded before all the jam disappears leaving peanut on bread), he takes part in MY peanut butter and jam sandwich. Nice trade-off. The next rule is he sits right beside me in order to eat my lunch. He does and I suddenly realize why the cats are hiding.
This boy has a full diaper. And it's taking no prisoners.
Diapers for toddlers currently going through potty training have an effect where they change color (or logos appear/disappear) when the child has soiled the diaper. This is not true with all diapers, though.
Well, mostly not true. My son does have the ability to change the color of his diaper. And lunch is never the same afterward.
There are quick rules for changing a baby's diaper:
This is the way the baby gets his diaper changed:
No matter how quick or how how slow it takes to change that diaper, somehow it's enough time for the cats to decide they like peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Both sandwiches are missing.
And the cats are now outside.
Since taking over the household as the unofficial 'househusband,' I've noticed a bit of a trend with my 15 month old son. I know he gets it from his old man, who is known to spend up to 90 minutes in the can mainly reading but allowing for a few fine bowel movements every day, but this child has an uncanny ability to save his feces for specific times of the day. He's saving it all for me.
With my wife working the odd afternoon shift, he does nothing in his diaper all morning, but once she leaves for work he does his business. With interest.
Let's take today for instance. The boy's been up since about 7 or so and has been clinging to Mommy all morning. I manage to distract him long enough for her to get in the shower, but he's quick to the bathroom door and crying --one of his favorite pasttimes, mind you. He hates it when people walk away and shut a door in front of him. Despite wanting nothing to do with me all morning, the second I step downstairs and shut the gate behind me, he's in tears.
And banging his head against the gate.
I'm downstairs for about an hour --gotta get the eBay stuff going and have 41 scanned images prepped for this evening's auctions. It's a lot of work, but I'm getting it done and getting it organized. And I'm only occasionally interrupted by the boy upstairs. I eventually "have to" head back upstairs and I'm greeted by my boy, my daughter and my father-in-law who's taking her to the airport to pick up grandma this afternoon.
Once everyone's gone from the house, it's time for the boy to have his bottle, then lunch. He slowly and methodically drinks his milk and then takes off running to chase the cats throughout the house. After a few minutes, he realizes that his pushcar is loud enough to scare them into running faster --or at least the attempt to run faster. The beauty of hardwood floors is cats can't get that grip they need to run. So imagine a cat taking off likea bat out of Hell --and only going about a foot and a half. I try to convince him it's time for lunch, but he'd rather play. Fine. He can play and work up his hunger and I'll sit down and watch the news and eat my lunch.
Once he sees someone else eating, the focus shifts from playing to mooching. While he tolerates his own meals, he loves what anyone else is eating. So, instead of his peanut butter and jam sandwich (which normally gets dissected and prodded before all the jam disappears leaving peanut on bread), he takes part in MY peanut butter and jam sandwich. Nice trade-off. The next rule is he sits right beside me in order to eat my lunch. He does and I suddenly realize why the cats are hiding.
This boy has a full diaper. And it's taking no prisoners.
Diapers for toddlers currently going through potty training have an effect where they change color (or logos appear/disappear) when the child has soiled the diaper. This is not true with all diapers, though.
Well, mostly not true. My son does have the ability to change the color of his diaper. And lunch is never the same afterward.
There are quick rules for changing a baby's diaper:
- Do it quickly and cleanly.
- Always keep the baby happy so there's no future 'issues' with changing and potty training.
- Encourage the child's regular bowel movements.
This is the way the baby gets his diaper changed:
- Pull out some wipes. 2-4 is usually good and I do stress usually.
- Unfold the wipes and drape them across the end of the change table.
- Grab the new diaper and unfold it at the end of the table as well.
- Give the child a toy or two. Preferrably plastic and hopefully enough of a distraction for a few fleeting moments.
- Take off the pants.
- Take off the socks --socks and feces are like birds of feather and he'll always have the uncanny ability to kick into his own nether regions.
- Try not to focus on the fact you just now realize your child can literally kick their own ass.
- Check the edge of the diaper to see if any flow-through has occurred. In which case, the pants need to be washed and a replacement pair found.
- If replacement pants are needed, don't try and match the outfit. You're a father for God's sake, they'll never match.
- Pull the diaper away from the child's legs. This gives you a 'sneak peek' of the horror you are about to endure.
- Now the tricky part. In one fluid motion, grab your child by both ankles, raise his bum off the change pad, undo the diaper, pull it away and start throwing wipes toward the butt while keeping one hand arched above the winkie in case it goes off. Remember: one fluid motion. Otherwise prepare for disaster.
- When wiping, start from the belt line above the butt crack. This is where the feces ends on one side. On the other side it surrounds the 'family jewels', but that's for another wipe.
- At some point, one leg will get away from you --or his hands make their way down and the poop now spreads along his legs and/or arms. It's on you too, but you're the adult and know not to put your hands in your eyes, ears, mouth AND nose at this juncture. The boy doesn't and will proceed to find every spot on his body that's currently fecal free.
- That's where wipe #3 comes into play.
- Wipe #4 is for the change pad because at some point you've lowered the butt onto the pad and any missing poop now transfer from body to pad, doubles in size and reattaches itself to the baby.
- Vaseline is put on the baby's bottom and spread around. I give the boy a butt paddle to make him laugh (but not too much or the peeing starts).
- Any excess vaseline on your hands can be wiped onto the new unfolded diaper. Anything else is for later.
- Attach the new diaper, put the socks back on and pull up the pants. The baby is now ready for their next bowel movement.
No matter how quick or how how slow it takes to change that diaper, somehow it's enough time for the cats to decide they like peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Both sandwiches are missing.
And the cats are now outside.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
My Anticipation
I'm hearing from my old job that the Department From Hell (which, by coincidence, is home to the Boss From Hell and the co-Workers From Hell) is in a panic as they can't find files --and are putting the blame solely on me.
I'd heard the "sabotage" bit before and rolled my eyes. Here's the story:
My last night in that department (from Hell!) I spent the ending hours of my shift sifting through 'My Documents' deleting the crap files (the personal stuff) and transferring the important documents into corresponding file folders in the departmental hard-drive (From Hell!). I moved my photoshop images and some web images onto my personal hard-drive and just continued to delte the crap. Afterwards, I sent out an email listing the items and where they could be found to the Boss and Co-Workers From Hell. An email which, apparently, no one decided was important enough to keep. I still don't think they've clued into the fact that anyone who sends a message through the network also has the ability to observe what happens to that message. If they open it --I know. If they reply --I know. If they forward it --I know. If they delete it without even bothering to read it --I know that too. And they all just deleted it.
When I moved to the new job, I knew the panicked calls would start and that would then be followed by assinine emails. I think I mentioned the panicked request on how to attach something to an email. Good lord, these people really are from Hell. Even more funny is that they were trying to attach an image file that they now can't find because I "sabotaged" the files and deleted it. Yep, a week after I moved departments and no longer had access to those files, I deleted it.
They are in such a panic now that they've requested access to my personal hard-drive. It was given to them, but only after my last boss --a good friend-- deleted any files he thought might be relevant. Gotta love it.
I'm sure no one is willing to explain to them how there are tape back-ups of all the files. That would be too much trouble especially after I had to instruct them on attaching an email message.
So, now I'm anticipating a phone call (from Hell!). How long will it take them to get the nerve to phone me --after they got me fired-- at home? Who's going to do it? And how soon will they hear back from me? And how loud will I be?
I await with eager anticipation.
I'm hearing from my old job that the Department From Hell (which, by coincidence, is home to the Boss From Hell and the co-Workers From Hell) is in a panic as they can't find files --and are putting the blame solely on me.
I'd heard the "sabotage" bit before and rolled my eyes. Here's the story:
My last night in that department (from Hell!) I spent the ending hours of my shift sifting through 'My Documents' deleting the crap files (the personal stuff) and transferring the important documents into corresponding file folders in the departmental hard-drive (From Hell!). I moved my photoshop images and some web images onto my personal hard-drive and just continued to delte the crap. Afterwards, I sent out an email listing the items and where they could be found to the Boss and Co-Workers From Hell. An email which, apparently, no one decided was important enough to keep. I still don't think they've clued into the fact that anyone who sends a message through the network also has the ability to observe what happens to that message. If they open it --I know. If they reply --I know. If they forward it --I know. If they delete it without even bothering to read it --I know that too. And they all just deleted it.
When I moved to the new job, I knew the panicked calls would start and that would then be followed by assinine emails. I think I mentioned the panicked request on how to attach something to an email. Good lord, these people really are from Hell. Even more funny is that they were trying to attach an image file that they now can't find because I "sabotaged" the files and deleted it. Yep, a week after I moved departments and no longer had access to those files, I deleted it.
They are in such a panic now that they've requested access to my personal hard-drive. It was given to them, but only after my last boss --a good friend-- deleted any files he thought might be relevant. Gotta love it.
I'm sure no one is willing to explain to them how there are tape back-ups of all the files. That would be too much trouble especially after I had to instruct them on attaching an email message.
So, now I'm anticipating a phone call (from Hell!). How long will it take them to get the nerve to phone me --after they got me fired-- at home? Who's going to do it? And how soon will they hear back from me? And how loud will I be?
I await with eager anticipation.
My Date with the Doctor
You know you're in for a special visit when your doctor says you're pissing him off.
I'm 31 years old now and that means annual visits to the doctor and a whole bunch o' blood tests. Gotta check the prostate, the triglycerides, the cholesterol and the ticker. I'm not the fittest, weight-conscious guy around and that's what really pisses off the doctor.
But let me go on a tangent first.
About 18 months ago I was referred to an allergist because my nose was constantly getting plugged up and I was occasionally losing my voice. After getting all the tests done, the doctor told me that I needed to stay away from certain foods: corn, celery, carrots, apples, peaches, pears, whole wheat bread... In other words, stay away from all that healthy food!
Well, that annoys the wife. "Eat your veggies" and "eat whole wheat bread it's better for you!" gets thrown out the window.
So, then it's off to the doctor's office for the first of my annual visits. And the news is not bad. My cholesterol ratio is off. My HDLs are fine, but my LDLs are too low. What's the difference? A nutritionist explained it to me this way: HDLs are the Healthy ones and LDLs are Lowsy ones. And the LDLs are the ones you want to have low. Mine are too low, though.
LDLs are best raised through alcohol. Red wine. Yep, the doctor's orders are "Drink wine. Daily." Which I try to do.
And now, a year later, my LDLs are lower... and my doctor's pissed.
So, let's move on to beer, eh?
You know you're in for a special visit when your doctor says you're pissing him off.
I'm 31 years old now and that means annual visits to the doctor and a whole bunch o' blood tests. Gotta check the prostate, the triglycerides, the cholesterol and the ticker. I'm not the fittest, weight-conscious guy around and that's what really pisses off the doctor.
But let me go on a tangent first.
About 18 months ago I was referred to an allergist because my nose was constantly getting plugged up and I was occasionally losing my voice. After getting all the tests done, the doctor told me that I needed to stay away from certain foods: corn, celery, carrots, apples, peaches, pears, whole wheat bread... In other words, stay away from all that healthy food!
Well, that annoys the wife. "Eat your veggies" and "eat whole wheat bread it's better for you!" gets thrown out the window.
So, then it's off to the doctor's office for the first of my annual visits. And the news is not bad. My cholesterol ratio is off. My HDLs are fine, but my LDLs are too low. What's the difference? A nutritionist explained it to me this way: HDLs are the Healthy ones and LDLs are Lowsy ones. And the LDLs are the ones you want to have low. Mine are too low, though.
LDLs are best raised through alcohol. Red wine. Yep, the doctor's orders are "Drink wine. Daily." Which I try to do.
And now, a year later, my LDLs are lower... and my doctor's pissed.
So, let's move on to beer, eh?
Saturday, November 06, 2004
My First Day
...and thus begins the memories, eh? This marks post #250 in my blog.
The last place I worked, which shall continue to remain nameless, started back 7 years ago. I was working in a department with 7 others, although only 5 of us were in the one building. Actually, that's not true. There were about a dozen other people working there too, but none of them were in our department.
On my first day, I met my office-mate, a woman I'll simply call 'Legs.' She was very short, maybe 5'2", but she had the most amazing legs. And she always wore a skirt.
I think it was maybe 15 minutes after I got there that she insisted we go have a coffee. The nearest place was about 5 blocks away, so into her BMW we climbed and off we went. We discussed, over about 45 minutes, what she expected out of her office mate and, since I was an "assistant" to 3 of the others there (the 5th person was the front desk receptionist). We each had a coffee and she had a bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese.
Disgusting.
It just occurred to me that I was the last 'surviving' person from that office area. Most were gone by 2000 with me holding off until 2004. One of the 2 working in another building is still around and I had lunch with her on Monday.
Back to Legs --sorry. Legs was a single mother, her son was about 4 or 5 years old I think. She was constantly going on about "looking for Mr. Right" and the other 2 ladies in the office area would join in. I'd hide every once in a while as one woman was quite... boisterous. The first time I met her she had to adjust her bra and looked at me and said, "Deal with it." By the time the first year there was done, I'd actually told my office mate she needed to have sex just so she'd shut up and get back to work. Not sure what surprised her more. The fact that young-and-innocent me would say something like that (my nickname back then was 'puppy' because I was only 24 years old) or just the plain fact that I was right.
We played a ton of practical jokes on one another. There was one time with a plastic frog under some paperwork. Same thing with the spring-loaded rat that jumped out from under the phone when you picked up the receiver. The revenge joke which had one woman's desktop stuck to the ceiling (where only one guy could reach with the ladder) or the indoor/outdoor snowball fight.
Good times.
...and thus begins the memories, eh? This marks post #250 in my blog.
The last place I worked, which shall continue to remain nameless, started back 7 years ago. I was working in a department with 7 others, although only 5 of us were in the one building. Actually, that's not true. There were about a dozen other people working there too, but none of them were in our department.
On my first day, I met my office-mate, a woman I'll simply call 'Legs.' She was very short, maybe 5'2", but she had the most amazing legs. And she always wore a skirt.
I think it was maybe 15 minutes after I got there that she insisted we go have a coffee. The nearest place was about 5 blocks away, so into her BMW we climbed and off we went. We discussed, over about 45 minutes, what she expected out of her office mate and, since I was an "assistant" to 3 of the others there (the 5th person was the front desk receptionist). We each had a coffee and she had a bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese.
Disgusting.
It just occurred to me that I was the last 'surviving' person from that office area. Most were gone by 2000 with me holding off until 2004. One of the 2 working in another building is still around and I had lunch with her on Monday.
Back to Legs --sorry. Legs was a single mother, her son was about 4 or 5 years old I think. She was constantly going on about "looking for Mr. Right" and the other 2 ladies in the office area would join in. I'd hide every once in a while as one woman was quite... boisterous. The first time I met her she had to adjust her bra and looked at me and said, "Deal with it." By the time the first year there was done, I'd actually told my office mate she needed to have sex just so she'd shut up and get back to work. Not sure what surprised her more. The fact that young-and-innocent me would say something like that (my nickname back then was 'puppy' because I was only 24 years old) or just the plain fact that I was right.
We played a ton of practical jokes on one another. There was one time with a plastic frog under some paperwork. Same thing with the spring-loaded rat that jumped out from under the phone when you picked up the receiver. The revenge joke which had one woman's desktop stuck to the ceiling (where only one guy could reach with the ladder) or the indoor/outdoor snowball fight.
Good times.
Friday, November 05, 2004
My Marathon
So, my plan now is to have at least 100 posts in place by Christmas. Yeah, you read that right: ONE HUNDRED POSTS by Christmas.. I don't really have anything else planned quite yet leading up to Christmas, so maybe this is doable.
Maybe.
So, news on the job search.... Nothing yet, but I've submitted my resume at a number of places, most of which mean a longer commute. I applied for work at JP Morgan and Chase for a training job quite similar to a job I had 7 years ago. I applied to the Credit Union Centre of British Columbia, looking for a Government Contact Liaison. Again, similar to work I've done before. The best, and closest was to Trinity Western University in their IT department in an extremely similar job to what I was just doing before my sudden departure.
There were others as well, but those are my top 3 hopefuls. I'm dying to hear something --anything-- soon. My resume is online with 'Monster' and hopefully I hear from an employer. So far, I've gotten a call from Primerica, but I'm smart enough to know to stay away from them ;-)
Meanwhile, it's up to eBay to help me support my family. Fortunately, my wife has been more forgiving of my time on the computer since I'm putting it to good use in her eyes. I usually do useful things on the computer, but she never saw it that way before. Right now I have 28 things on eBay. Not much, I know, but I'm trying to get a bunch more ready for this weekend. I've noticed a new trend and curious to see if any other eBayers have seen it. People rarely bid early on anymore, but add the item to their "watch list" and wait until the last day to bid. I have a couple items with 10+ people "watching" them. They all end on Sunday. Some of them I was hoping to see got for $20 or more, but they don't even have bids on them yet. Frightening, but then I just look and see how many people have checked the auction out (one is currently at 164 visits which I think is the highest I've ever had) and how many have added it to their list (in the case of the 164 visitors, there are 7 'watchers').
Speaking of the other half.... she got a call last night and is officially employed on a regular basis through to New Year's now. I can breathe a little easier knowing that something's finally happening for her. She loves retail work (I hated it when I did it --and I owned my own business) and even though she has a degree, she's seriously done nothing with it. I don't have my degree yet and at the rate I'm going, I never will.
So, off to the races, eh?
So, my plan now is to have at least 100 posts in place by Christmas. Yeah, you read that right: ONE HUNDRED POSTS by Christmas.. I don't really have anything else planned quite yet leading up to Christmas, so maybe this is doable.
Maybe.
So, news on the job search.... Nothing yet, but I've submitted my resume at a number of places, most of which mean a longer commute. I applied for work at JP Morgan and Chase for a training job quite similar to a job I had 7 years ago. I applied to the Credit Union Centre of British Columbia, looking for a Government Contact Liaison. Again, similar to work I've done before. The best, and closest was to Trinity Western University in their IT department in an extremely similar job to what I was just doing before my sudden departure.
There were others as well, but those are my top 3 hopefuls. I'm dying to hear something --anything-- soon. My resume is online with 'Monster' and hopefully I hear from an employer. So far, I've gotten a call from Primerica, but I'm smart enough to know to stay away from them ;-)
Meanwhile, it's up to eBay to help me support my family. Fortunately, my wife has been more forgiving of my time on the computer since I'm putting it to good use in her eyes. I usually do useful things on the computer, but she never saw it that way before. Right now I have 28 things on eBay. Not much, I know, but I'm trying to get a bunch more ready for this weekend. I've noticed a new trend and curious to see if any other eBayers have seen it. People rarely bid early on anymore, but add the item to their "watch list" and wait until the last day to bid. I have a couple items with 10+ people "watching" them. They all end on Sunday. Some of them I was hoping to see got for $20 or more, but they don't even have bids on them yet. Frightening, but then I just look and see how many people have checked the auction out (one is currently at 164 visits which I think is the highest I've ever had) and how many have added it to their list (in the case of the 164 visitors, there are 7 'watchers').
Speaking of the other half.... she got a call last night and is officially employed on a regular basis through to New Year's now. I can breathe a little easier knowing that something's finally happening for her. She loves retail work (I hated it when I did it --and I owned my own business) and even though she has a degree, she's seriously done nothing with it. I don't have my degree yet and at the rate I'm going, I never will.
So, off to the races, eh?
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
My Next List of 101 Things
I've been inspired by 2 muses, so I'm compelled to do another 101 things about me and my life.
I've been inspired by 2 muses, so I'm compelled to do another 101 things about me and my life.
- My 2 cats are named after characters in an obscure British comedy from the 80s.
- Out of their entire litter, there are only 3 surviving of the 6. The mother is long dead too. My sister has the other surviving cat.
- 'Sex Caffeine' was 15 emails away from becoming the "#1 most-referred-to" in my work email before I left.
- The #1 person ended up being a woman I worked with off-and-on since 1998. She was laid off temporarily back in the spring of 2000 and we corresponded quite frequently as I was relaying "news" to her while she was away. We'd had 584 messages relayed between 1998 and 2004.
- Sex Caffeine and I had 569 messages in just over 2 years.
- Twice weekly, during the summer, I head over to a place called Grab-A-Java and get a mocha milkshake. If I just want a regular coffee and the owner's there --it's free. We've known each other through a network of people for over 10 years.
- Every July 1st (Canada Day), I go out early in the morning and pick strawberries from our garden. Wash 'em up, slice them and put a maple leaf design on the breakfast pancakes for the family.
- Apparently, I wasn't the only one called into face the music last week. 'Drama Queen' got hers too. Sweet. Only 2 people are shocked by this, though. My old boss and DQ herself.
- For the new job opening in that department, my boss sent DQ to pick up the resumes. She read through them on the way back and talked to the various people who had applied. Dumber than I thought!
- My favorite artist is a man named George Perez. He's an extremely talented comic book artist and has been drawing for major publishers since the mid-70s.
- I have a hardcover book about his artwork and it's one of only 15 in existence.
- I started my own 'tribe' on www.tribe.net called "Hairyhoser's Lonely Party."
- There's only one member.
- I once tried to get my friends to vote for me as the Greatest Canadian, but forgot to send the message. So, I'm the greatest slightly-inept Canadian, eh?
- The wedding gift from my parents was a jumbo-sized can of Ravioli.
- Actually, they splurged for the honeymoon, but they thought the Ravioli was good for a laugh at the gift opening.
- The honeymoon consisted of a 10-day trip to England to visit Oxford, Stratford-Upon-Avon, and London.
- We went to Oxford to visit Magdalene (pronounced "maud-lin") College where C.S. Lewis taught. We ate dinner that night at the same table at the Eagle and Child where Lewis would sit with J.R.R. Tolkien and others and discuss their stories. I had pizza and beer.
- In Stratford, we saw a couple of Shakespeare plays (of course) and did a little shopping.
- In London, we stayed at a hotel on Baker Street (of Sherlock Holmes fame) and went on daily shopping trips along Oxford street.
- One of our last days there, the Underground was shut down on strike and the city was chaotic with traffic. My wife & I had our first big fight.
- I've only been fall-down drunk twice in my life and one of those times was in England in 1994.
- I'd just finished climbing the cathedral spire in Salisbury, the highest spire in England (maybe Europe, I can't remember).
- I'm afraid of heights. Get it?
- I'm also a little claustrophobic. I don't like pressing crowdsof people.
- Although 13 is my lucky number.
- It's the number I have on my hockey jersey.
- My favorite hockey player of all time is Mike Gartner. He scored over 700 goals in his career and never won the Stanley Cup. I think he was the oldest player to win the All-Star MVP award, though.
- He's Christian.
- 'Hairyhoser' actually is 2 nicknames of mine combined. I used to be called 'Hairy' in high school and 'Dreama' started calling me 'Hoser' when I called her 'Brat.'
- I once taught Sunday School for a year and pretty much hated it.
- I've never smoked pot.
- I have inhaled, though.
- It was at a Pink Floyd concert in 1986. Yep, I was 13 and at a Pink Floyd concert.
- Prince Charles once stepped on my sister's foot.
- It was on her 15th birthday and the same day my father was in a TV commercial.
- The last concert I went to was Swollen Members. There was almost a riot. I was backstage and the head of security gave me a hat form his company for helping out.
- I watched one of the gates while the guards went to hold the fence together.
- When I was 25 years old, I bought my first house.
- It has 5 bedrooms and a kitchen area that can seat 10.
- My wife and I were all alone in that house for the first 2 years.
- When I was 26, I owned my own business.
- I was 27 when I shut it down.
- I owed over $2000 in rent and had less than $50 a day coming in.
- The tax breaks were phenomenal.
- The first pirated movie I owned was Lord of the Rings.
- Or maybe it was Monster's Inc.
- I once vowed never to own a dishwasher after my wife insisted anything going in the dishwasher needed to be washed off first (huh?).
- After the year we lived in the condo, sans dishwasher, I changed my mind.
- The entire year we lived in the condo, our street was under construction, first being widened, then being repaved.
- The day we moved into our first home in a different city, they dug up the main street.
- When I went to get pizza for dinner that night, it had been repaved already.
- My very first kiss was with a girl in my grade 5 class.
- My coldest day of school was my first day of school in Dawson Creek (no relation to the show --trust me) in January 1982. It was -44C outside (or -47.2F).
- There was barely anyone in class as the schoolbuses were frozen solid.
- Being the complicated guy I am, the #1 choice of anywhere to live would be in some warm, but remote (read: quiet) place. Kind of like when my family lived in the Okanagan.
- Barring that, I'd rather live in a condo in downtown Vancouver. Go figure, eh?
- My favorite cartoon while growing up was Starblazers.
- My second favorite was Scooby Doo.
- Until Scrappy came along.
- A college friend & I once went on a mad hunt for Koogle. We didn't realize it had been nearly 20 years since it had been discontinued.
- We also had an acquaintance in college who used to cry during exams and once flushed a paper down the toilet because the prof had failed him and it was "obviously shit!"
- This guy once told my friend during a fire drill that he hoped he'd burn in Hell.
- We used to tell stories to anyone who'd listen when we worked together at the tourist site.
- We went on a hunt for him once too. I'd run into him (almost literally) while walking with my wife in Victoria. I took his picture (he was wearing a sandwich board for an Italian restaurant) and sent it to our favorite profs in college.
- I once had a crush on Olivia Newton John around the time she & John Travolta starred in 'Two of a Kind.'
- I always thought that a very cool super power would be time manipulation, much like one of the characters in... Two of a Kind. (like that transition?)
- Olivia Newton John wore a very, very short pink housecoat in that movie.
- This is from memory. I think I last saw that movie in 1986.
- In high school, I was in honours French and honours English.
- My English teacher once scored me 'x out of 20' on a short story. It was "too good" to give it a mark.
- He eventually decided to "weigh it" to give me 100% if I ever did poorly on any other paper.
- It didn't happen. Even during the public speaking portion of class I got more than 100%. We received a bonus if we volunteered to speak first.
- The next year my teacher accused me of plagiarism for a children's story we were assigned to write. She didn't think any child would like a story with knights, dragons and a wizard explaining that the knight would die if he killed the last dragon.
- I wanted to be an artist or cartoonist, but my parents spent years convincing me it was a bad idea and I should do something more productive with my life,
- One of my close friends in high school ended up going on to animation school.
- Not he's done much with his career.
- Fortunately, that 'bad idea' of mine only brings home about $120K a year, but who needs money?
- Or a job?
- My wife has more cousins than she can count and some of them married other cousins without realizing they were related.
- Her dad has 5 siblings.
- Her mom has 5 as well.
- Most had 3 or more kids, so do the math....
- I have one aunt and uncle and 3 cousins.
- All the boys in my extended family were named after Westerns... my cousins are Brett (as in Maverick) and Landon (as in Michael).
- My grandparents have all passed away.
- My wife's grandmother organized her 98th birthday party last year. <>My grandfather on my mother's side died exactly 4 years after his wife. We figured he'd realized he'd lived long enough to see his first great-grandchild born and that was officially enough to say he'd lived a full life.
- Originally, we were a little miffed that all we got in the will was the family pictures and family Bible.
<>My aunt took the car and brand new stereo. The stereo's obsolete. The car's toast as well. - I have pictures of family I never knew I had.
- My mother once fainted in a bookstore.
- She'd opened up a 'Country Living' magazine and there was a contest winning picture of "cottage life." It was her father and grandfather with a fish they'd just caught.
- I have a copy of the magazine somewhere.
- I have 2 pictures left of "My First Love." I don't know where the rest are.
- I'm assuming they're hidden along with all the other pictures of my ex-girlfriends...
- I was once on a bowling team where every single kid had the same first name. <>I was the youngest bowler there and they put me on an older team just so I could play.We were the best team and I had the lowest average at 166.
- My next best sport as a child was tennis. My tennis partner in high school went on to play women's basketball and lost her leg below the knee in a bizarre in-game accident. She returned to play with a prosthetic leg the very next season.
- I claim my ease of spelling and writing came from endlessly reading comic books when I was a kid. 'Prosthetic' was a word I could both spell and define when I was 7 years old.
- In the second grade, I officially mispelled one word all year. It was during the spelling bee, so I came in second.
- I used to shoplift all the time when I was 12 years old. My best friend got jealous that I got away with it so often that he tried stealing some rubber mice.
- He got caught. It was the only time my parents said I was a bad influence on someone else.
- I was once grounded from riding my bicycle for 4 months because I'd gone riding for about 9 hours without telling my parents where I was going. I've never ridden a bike since.
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