My 'Beat-Down' Philosophy

One of my wife's cousins married a guy who's always getting hurt.  Whenever there's some event where people get to "goof off" a little, he's the one who always gets hurt.  This one time, we were at a picnic and a relay race started.  The guys put on blindfolds and raced to the other
side of the course to 'touch' a pylon and then run back.  There'd be one other person who'd call out directions for the blindfolded guy.  Well, this guy started out and his wife is giving him directions.  Another guy (a major doofus) tries to memorize how far the pylon is from him and races down to run into it.  He does and immediately turns around to race back, still with no directions from his partner.  And, in the middle of the course, he crunches hard into this husband of the cousin of my wife.  Picture two men, over 6 feet tall each and weighing a combined 500+ pounds running smack into one
another in the middle of a field.  

Kinda like rugby --when only one guy is playing.

Needless to say, the poor guy loses 2 teeth and his bottom lip is protecting his chin from sunlight.  He wasn't knocked out, but I'm sure it was close.  The next year, we're playing baseball and a foul ball goes up and lands --you know it-- right no this guy's head.  Just after my daughter was born we're playing mini golf and a ball comes out of nowhere and hits him square in the knee.

He just attracts pain.

My daughter, sadly, is the same way.  And, as a father, all I seem to be able to do is watch the train wreck happen.  In the midst of a birthday party, there are 7 kids all bunched in a crowd waiting for cake.  One boy, separate from the crowd, is playing with a ball and throws it at the unsuspecting crowd
where, right in the middle, is my daughter.  And she gets hit right in the face.  And then the tears begin to flow.  At another birthday party, the kids were struggling to bring down a piñata and an older boy finally pulled it down to gut it.  Somehow, my daughter got an elbow to the cheek from the older, despite again being in a crowd of children.

So, here's my theory.  Some people are born with a special condition that dictates in certain environments they're going to get hurt.  For the guy mentioned above, it's whenever physical activity and sports are involved. 
For my daughter, it's any celebration or party.

There is treatment for this condition though.  Stay the Hell away from the things that cause you injury.  I actually insist if anyone's taking my daughter to a party, it has to be my wife because I can't stand to see my girl suffer.  She always gets the beat-down.