My Sex Caffeine

So it's kind of become a running joke that I can't share with too many people
(ah, the irony --people who know me too well, that is) that the one who freaked
out about coffee meaning sex and made me think...

This picture (c) Me.  2003.  So, bleh

Around the same time, the local phone company starting running a commercial with 'Love Machine' by The Miracles and the song stuck in my head.  I started thinking, "I could be her 'sex machine'... No, no!  Her 'sex caffeine.' Jackpot!" And thus, the sex caffeine era began.  Now, don't get worried or confused --there's no actual sex involved!  I mean, good Lord, me having sex is a rare occurrence... me having an affair? Not gonna happen! It was later on I found out that there were indeed rumors about the two of us floating around the office.  It didn't help that last Christmas we disappeared behind the closed doors of my office and watched a couple of movies on the DVD player in my computer.  Think of being outside the office and a couple disappears for a few hours only to emerge after much giggling.  Yeah, not a good thing...

We also did have that tendency to go for coffee once or twice a day and for a
while we went out for lunch or to each others' office for lunch.  On one
occasion, we even went for dinner.  In essence, we had an affair in every
sense but physical.  There was no [to quote a line from
Andy Richter Controls the Universe] 'slappity, slappity, boogedy,
boogedy, boom.'  Could there have been?  I don't rightly know...

Well, I do know actually and the answer is a resounding

Quite.

Possibly.

Yep, there were feelings there for me and I subconsciously recognized them. 
Co-workers noticed we were getting closer even if we didn't.  In fact, this
past summer, one co-worker came right out with "Oh man, she's got it for you!"

I didn't see it and then a friend of hers did. 

And she freaked out.  Big time.

Are we still friends after all this?  Well, sort of.  We do still
talk.  She actually left work shortly before I moved form the department,
so it was like a quick break-up.  The irony is, once she landed a new job
the emails started coming in... 'let's go for coffee.'

It was uncomfortable at first and then she started dropping by more often. 
One of the last time she came by before I went away for my vacation (some
vacation --I stayed at home for 3 weeks...) we were having coffee on the
restaurant patio and they were doing some renovations.  This guy looks at
us and apologetically says, "Not too romantic, eh?  Ha ha."

"Yeah.  Hah ha.  Ah, shit."

To make things even more interesting, I found out she was coming back to work in
a matter of weeks.  I'd be away, but I was concerned things might go too
far again once I came back.  Once I was back, we did go for lunch for my
birthday (although she admitted to ditching me on my actual birthday --the whole
reason I came over to the office that day anyway --still on my 'vacation.') and
had coffee a few times, but then something happened.

I had the balls to confront her on the subject and she admitted to it.  The
problem was, I was admitting how I felt too.

And how it just wouldn't work.  She's too good for me and her values are
better than mine.

So now the game goes on.  We get together with other people for coffee
and/or lunch, although I put my foot down last time when a few people started
insulting her and I refused to be there another minute if they continued their
rants.  Visiting her office doesn't work anymore as my old boss (her
current boss) is suspicious that something is up.  So, I stopped doing the
email thing.  Not outright.  I test myself every week and see just how
long I can go without emailing her or her emailing me.  Some weeks I win,
but most of the time she does.

But this past week was the ultimate test and now we see if I can continue into
My Year in 2004.  She was one of the people who dissed me with the whole
gift thing.

Is it over?  Right now I'm hoping so.  I'm gonna try and be caffeine
free for a while.

We'll see if the game begins again in My Year.