My Anniversary

I came to the realization over the weekend that it's pretty much a year since
Sex Caffeine & I had our big blowout.  What an anniversary.  I
remembered because it was around Easter last year that my brain finally kicked into
gear for the first time in who knows how long and I could acknowledge that she
& I had gotten too close and it could've cost us dearly.  As it was,
our friendship was pretty much out the window (which hurt as well) and I wasn't
sure if I'd ever see her again.  She'd left work to go elsewhere (which as
I'd learn was partial to why she got so upset with me in the first place) and
there were no signs of her coming back.  She did come back, though. 
She was back in July --only gone for a few months as it turned out.

After that, it was nearly back to where we were before.  Not exactly the
same spot as I was much more alert to any potential problems and when it looked
like it was going that way again, I backed off.

I started a game of cat and mouse.  I tried my best to stay out of her way
and hoped she stayed out of mine.  I focused on me instead and as of
Christmas broke off any contact whatsoever.  It lasted until late February.

Yep, we're talking again.  Had 3 emails from her last week and she was
wondering why I hadn't attended a meeting we were both supposed to be at. 
I was busy elsewhere and made it in time for the pizza lunch.  We both had
another meeting to be at that afternoon and we were both at that one.  I talked
to her for a few minutes before the meeting started and she commented on sending
me an email which I hadn't replied to.  Again, busy elsewhere, but I think
there was a bit of surprise since I'm usually pretty quick to respond to
messages.

So, yeah, there's still a bit of a game happening, but not nearly the same as
before.  I'll admit to being a little worried.  My marriage is
deteriorating and I find myself thinking about SC more often than I did in
previous months. 

If something changes in my life and I find myself no longer married, I'm hoping
I can resist talking to SC for a while just to alleviate any pressure.  Of
course, my other concern is: what happens if she finds someone else?  I
feel like I'm in high school again and thinking such childish thoughts.  I
just have to keep reminding myself how I felt a year ago.  That'll bring me
down again.