As much of a FAIL as blogging from the train has been (seriously, for every post published, there's 3 or 4 that vanish completely!), my phone has at least given me the opportunity to quickly jot down notes when some idea gets stuck in my head.
In fact, I just looked into printing everything out to try and physically organize my thoughts and to print it out would be 30 pages of notes at a 10-point font.
Crazy.
So crazy that some people give me odd looks when I'll suddenly stop whatever I'm doing and quickly jot down a note or two on something that's struck me as interesting. I don't want to lose the thought, but keep it in the moment. I like inspiration like that.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Twelve
Twelve weeks. I have twelve weeks where there's no need for me to drive to work. There's no deadlines, no overtime, and nothing stopping me from using the train.
Thank God.
The weeks leading up to our deadline were obviously getting longer and longer. I was putting in 12-15 hour days and then finding every day longer at the office also had a longer commute to the office. By deadline day, my normally 75-minute commute was over 2 hours. I was only spending 6 hours at home. Oh, the stress...
But now, it's a simple train ride to work and a train ride back. I'm leaving the office earlier as well which means I get to see my kids for hours instead of an hour.
Sadly, those twelve weeks will go by fast.
Thank God.
The weeks leading up to our deadline were obviously getting longer and longer. I was putting in 12-15 hour days and then finding every day longer at the office also had a longer commute to the office. By deadline day, my normally 75-minute commute was over 2 hours. I was only spending 6 hours at home. Oh, the stress...
But now, it's a simple train ride to work and a train ride back. I'm leaving the office earlier as well which means I get to see my kids for hours instead of an hour.
Sadly, those twelve weeks will go by fast.
Bruised
No, this one isn't a follow-up to the last one. I've gotten myself motivated to get back into the gym and have hired a personal trainer to get me up to speed.
I started with a metabolic typing test, which told me which foods will help with getting me back into shape.
Shapes.
Shapes. I'll be getting more physically fit and be trimming off the fat as well. Ironically, by eating more fatty foods. Good fatty foods, though.
After the test, came the measurements, form testing (there is such a thing), and then an actual fitness test. The form testing was to check on my body's flexibility (which was laughable) and he tested my body symmetry as well. Not surprised to find out I'm asymmetrical, but he showed me some minor tweaking which improved some of the physical tests immediately.
The measurements actually did a number on me. When he started measuring the body fat --in all sorts of places I normally wouldn't someone venture!-- he'd pinch some skin and measure away. I have bruises on my right arm and right leg from the measurements. Crazy, eh?
And, ah, the fitness test. I haven't had a fitness test since high school and knew some the results would be laughable. At least in this case, I wasn't being told I was failing if I couldn't do something. It's the whole point of the testing: find out where I'm at and then how to improve. So what if I could only do 19 sit-ups and a single push-up (eep), the point was I did them and now I can work on improving the results and myself at the same time.
I had big, big fears about my weight. My motivation and lack of self-esteem after school really did a number on me. I was depressed for a long time and felt that almost everything I did had been a waste. So, I wasted away. When I left the job from Hell, I weighed about 185 pounds. In school, I weighed in just shy of 220 pounds. After school... I was too scared to check. Checking my weight isn't a motivator to lose it. It just adds to the depression. My fear was that I was headed north of 250 pounds and that was very frightening. 250 pounds is morbidly obese, even more than where I was after leaving work. I'm 229 pounds now. I'm 21 pounds less than my fears, but it's still a 70-pound track I need to run.
So, from here on out, it's a series of goals. I have milestones to hit and I have motivation. It's a long and winding road and the bruises will heal along the way.
I started with a metabolic typing test, which told me which foods will help with getting me back into shape.
Shapes.
Shapes. I'll be getting more physically fit and be trimming off the fat as well. Ironically, by eating more fatty foods. Good fatty foods, though.
After the test, came the measurements, form testing (there is such a thing), and then an actual fitness test. The form testing was to check on my body's flexibility (which was laughable) and he tested my body symmetry as well. Not surprised to find out I'm asymmetrical, but he showed me some minor tweaking which improved some of the physical tests immediately.
The measurements actually did a number on me. When he started measuring the body fat --in all sorts of places I normally wouldn't someone venture!-- he'd pinch some skin and measure away. I have bruises on my right arm and right leg from the measurements. Crazy, eh?
And, ah, the fitness test. I haven't had a fitness test since high school and knew some the results would be laughable. At least in this case, I wasn't being told I was failing if I couldn't do something. It's the whole point of the testing: find out where I'm at and then how to improve. So what if I could only do 19 sit-ups and a single push-up (eep), the point was I did them and now I can work on improving the results and myself at the same time.
I had big, big fears about my weight. My motivation and lack of self-esteem after school really did a number on me. I was depressed for a long time and felt that almost everything I did had been a waste. So, I wasted away. When I left the job from Hell, I weighed about 185 pounds. In school, I weighed in just shy of 220 pounds. After school... I was too scared to check. Checking my weight isn't a motivator to lose it. It just adds to the depression. My fear was that I was headed north of 250 pounds and that was very frightening. 250 pounds is morbidly obese, even more than where I was after leaving work. I'm 229 pounds now. I'm 21 pounds less than my fears, but it's still a 70-pound track I need to run.
So, from here on out, it's a series of goals. I have milestones to hit and I have motivation. It's a long and winding road and the bruises will heal along the way.
Unloved
Gah, 2 weeks go by again without a post.
Yeah, I was brooding in my last post and it has led to several questions. Honestly, I'm at a loss as to why the sudden blow up from my wife. She definitely has trust issues with me these days and who knows... it could be a myriad of things causing it. I won't go into details, but I can only assume she's been compounding issues and laid it all out on the table that day.
Or at least I hope she's laid it all out on the table!!
It's been frustrating, to be sure. There's been a roller coaster of emotions over the past 2 weeks and I much prefer the highs over the lows. The one thing that continues to nag at me, though, is the permeating thought that my wife no longer loves me and doesn't want to admit it.
Yeah, I was brooding in my last post and it has led to several questions. Honestly, I'm at a loss as to why the sudden blow up from my wife. She definitely has trust issues with me these days and who knows... it could be a myriad of things causing it. I won't go into details, but I can only assume she's been compounding issues and laid it all out on the table that day.
Or at least I hope she's laid it all out on the table!!
It's been frustrating, to be sure. There's been a roller coaster of emotions over the past 2 weeks and I much prefer the highs over the lows. The one thing that continues to nag at me, though, is the permeating thought that my wife no longer loves me and doesn't want to admit it.
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